All Comments on 'Powerball Ch. 01'

I really have enjoyed reading this chapter, I can't wait to see what happens next.

This story is very well written and very easy to read. Of course it's shaping up to be a variation on Cinderella but unique enough to keep my interest. Looking forward to more.

I like happy stories and this one combines all the elements. Look forward to the next part

While shaping up to be a typical happy story, which is just fine, this has been a well flowing story. I really wish you weren't waiting a day, but at least its a finished piece!

From an editorial standpoint, knowing you are trying but it isn't your background, I'd say just watch your possessives (year's, man's, etc.) and watch for awkward POV changes (from Mike to Beth in the same paragraph,) and you inadvertently changed Mary's name to Lisa at the end of the airport scene. These are truly minor errors, overall the story was great in pacing and depth.

I look forward to the second half!

Metheus in Me

I really enjoyed the 1st part of a really heart felt story. How Mike was devestated by his wifes divorce and now how he is handling Beth and so determined not to be hurt again. I love it.

Excellent stury so far. Can;t wait fur the next part. With your writing skills, the next chapter should be great.

For the next chapter. I loved this....please keep writing stories like these. Thanks!

...write some more.

What an emotional piece!

This story is up there with the best I have read here! I cannot wait to read the next part!

Thanks for writing!

I really like the story so far (I've yet to start reading Chapter 2), but I do have a minor complaint: the speech is too formal at times. Aside from that, there aren't any other peeves worth commenting on and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Hoping there's some closure with the ex and Poweball Protagonist gets to twist knife in wound repaying her abrupt and ill timed departure .

It's edited nicely.

I was going to comment on how slow paced it was, but it's a romance and I suppose should be. It is also missing a conflict, but again, maybe that is part and parcel of a romance.

This is GOOD. Especially with the big lotto last night. Timely read for me.

Thanks for writing it.

They will scare each other to death if they keep going this way lol

He went to bed at 7pm ROFL - what an avoidance mechanism - she could not possibly think it strange that an adult male who has been living the hours they have for multiple days would suddenly run away to his bedroom in the early evening heh -

Just the right amount of details and pace for a solid read.

I did almost stop reading when I read "carbon footprint" though. Fuck I'm sick of bad science being politicized and engrained into popular culture.

very nice

gooood ***********************************

be in the top 5 of all romantic stories.

best of the best.

5 stars are not enough stars for this one.

best of best, also no ballot stuffing like a couple other writers stories.

note the high number of favorite this story

five (5) ***********. ok so I got carried away with the stars. every one is justified

I noticed that Mary morphed into Lisa as soon as she got off the plane.

Great story! I especially liked the 'powderball' comment!

Sometimes, even being a feller, I like a good romantic feel-good story!

The ex doesn't need to be drawn and quarter, or even flayed alive. Just to have her know he is living with millions and she left him is revenge enough.

Now to see how him and Beth start doing together!

Except for mixing Lisa and Mary up at the Austin airport, and a few misspellings or contexts , I thought it was an excellent job. This is my fourth time for reading this story and enjoy it as much as ever. I enjoyed all of your stories and look forward to some more soon.

There is a famous big time western writer who said one time that when he was writing that he never looked back at what he had written. In him doing that I saw him make some rather big gaffs. such as changing the horse the person was riding from a stallion to a mare and back again.as well as some story line mistakes. If some one who was a professional writer with over 100 books and short stories could do that and get away with it maybe people should allow the non pros here be human and make mistakes as well.Just my opinion for what its worth.I just get tired of seeing all the nit pickers that seem to look for mistakes in the stories so that they have something to gripe about instead of reading them to enjoy them.

Rainwater collection for his water supply?

Texas is in over three years of drought so far with predictions that it could last fifteen more years.

Still think you don't want a well?

Political feel-good BS meets the real world.

The saying in the West is "Whiskey's for drinkin', water's for fightin' over"

He had a financial adviser and a business lawyer both working for him and still didn't set up a trust to "win" the lottery for him?

Dumbass incompetents.

That would have let him stay anonymous (his ex-wife would have no idea) and also if he should die his sister and her family could have been given the trust.

As is if he dies before the later checks are paid to him the Powerball keeps the rest.

Him collecting rain water for drinking in addition to being an unreliable sourse would also be unclean and unsafe to drink.Also pumping lake water that distance would not be very viable either,you are talking about pumping this about an 1/8 of a mile uphill to the center of the property,if that's the only hill to get over this would require a large powerful pump to accomplish.If he had enough collected rain water he could use that to water his lawn,or just use drought resistant plants and grass for his yard instead.As a former landscaper he would know this.As much as I like the story this part bothered me

My god, the comments left by some readers really piss me off. Hello people this story is FICTION believe it or not so read the bloody story and treat it as such. For me it's a great story and I can't wait to read powerball 2. 5 stars

Somebody wrote him a letter that told him the truth and this was his response,

I have turned off all feedback, it simply isn't worth the trouble.

Does anyone still wonder why so many stay anonymous?

Maybe Literotica is only for writers and the rest of us should just go away, then they can have a nice little private mutual admiration society.

Of course they might need to charge the writers so they can keep the lights on.

Private clubs always cost the members to be in them.

Come on people this a JUST A STORY for goodness sakes. And it's FICTIONAL story at that. I salute those of you who criticized this and had enough guts to leave your names. Still though, some of you are just as bad as the Anonymous critics that are all over this site like a bunch of parasites...lol! I should know I have to deal with it too.

However, Web_Spinner is one of the best writers here and I think a little praise is in order as opposed to all the garbage from those who think they know-it-all. Great Job Web_Spinner, I look forward to the 2nd part of this well crafted tale.

MP

How brave of you to stand up for fuckyou at yahoo.com for his message, seeing as you don't leave any way to contact you with similar messages.

This series is an enjoyable read so far, glitches that others have noted aside.

I have left comments here a couple of times before I joined so was one of the anonymous ones. I have always liked this story and most of his others, but still felt ,at the time, the need to say some thing about his water system. Yes I know very well that this is fiction. Nor do I wish to be a critic as I know that he has done something that I can not. I don't know it all, nor do I wish to be. I have noticed that some in their comments, both here and else where tend to be rather rude and harsher then needed to be. I, for one would rather support a writer than tear him/her down ,and the nasty comments don't help anyone or anything. I have said several time in other places that if you don't like what someone writes ,don't read it and find something that you do.

I am looking forward to seeing where this journey takes them, and us.

I am enjoying this story very much. Please write more.

Ed Grocott

What an amazing start to this story. Can't wait to see in which direction this story goes. Already a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Story.

Another winner. Can't wait to read chapter 2. BK

You don't setup a trust. You incorporate a business to accept the winnings. So it only gets hit by corporate taxes not personal income taxes! Also you always take the lump sum, not the yearly income. What happens if in ten years the American dollar losses value against foreign currencies. With the yearly income you lose big time. With the lump sum you will have had the money invested around the world so currency fluctuations will have minimal affect on your investments.

C or S corp? Exactly how do you avoid the personal taxes? What's the highest marginal rate personally vs a corporate rate? If it's a C corp how do you avoid double taxation?

For this site to have such a warm kind story.5

I've read this story a few times and it's a good one always 5 stars, but a head scratcher for me is why he never offered any money to his sister's family? Is he that selfish? I do like level headed use of the money, but there is zero excuse for being that selfish.

He inspected him “with his eyes?” What else, sniff him?

Narrative is deadly. “He inspected him with his eyes.” What else was he going to do, sniff him?

You're telling a very nice story and I love that you're taking your time to develop the characters.

Laid out the basics nicely and starting to move on.

Makings of a decent story.He called Mary ,Lisa when he was talking after getting off the plane and Mel and George never seem to be at work.

Makings of a decent story.Just a couple of things,when he got off the plane he called Mary Lisa,also when do Mel and George go to work,they are always at home when he rings.?

It was really enjoyable, I hope the second part doesn't disappoint. I have got to say there were more holes in the story than a sieve, but I refused to let it spoil it for me. I was generous giving it 5 stars.

I liked most of this story but, you could have either left out Antonio or not called your friend or given him more money. Calling him your friend through thick and, thin ups and downs then giving him a damn truck and $100,000 out of your $265 million is kind shit. Yeah that was more than nothing or what he had but, once he found out, I personally would be pissed but, that’s me. Leaveing how good a friend he should have been left out.

Helping a lady in distress with a child is always a good start. Don't know about his reaction to Beth being all made up, maybe reminds him of his ex? keep writin

What are my thoughts...So far I vote 5 stars part 1. Mike is dumber than a box of rocks according to the author. Web Spinner be kinder to your Characters. Mind blower...why is there ZERO mention of a bit of sharing of bros good fortune with sister??? That can ONLY mean bro is a selfish creep. How does this fit in your story??? Because left out it's true. Huge fail there Author. It's still a 5 star story even with idiot leanings.

Second time reading. Still worth reading

Thanks for a good story.

Good story my second time around, Mikes afraid of woman as much as Beth is afraid of men. Mikes a good guy though, once burned twice shy.

But confusing from the start. He didn't offer even one thin dime of his winnings to his sister and her family??? What kind of jerk was he???

Not sure why other readers are focusing on him not offering money to his sister. They have a nice home and a boat. They are clearly doing just fine for themselves. And if my brother won the lottery, I wouldn’t assume that he would give me anything. I’m sure that Mel and George know that should they ever fall on hard times, he would 100% help them out, but some people are not comfortable being given money like that.

Fantastic story so far though!

Mike: A man hurt, but his trepidation now is is just pathetic!

It doesn't matter when he cashed the ticket. It was purchased while he was still married, so would be viewed as community property. Any lawyer worth a spit would get Jenny half.

He said he didn't know how to thank his sister and her family for their help and hospitality. How bout giving them some of your money, ya tight fisted bastard! If I ever won the lottery, my first order of business wouldn't be a new car or house, it would be making certain my baby sister and her daughter were set for life!

Damn, I Get Tired

Of ignorant people claiming 'Community Property' so once again, there are only nine (read that 9) community property states, with Alaska being a kinda, sorta number ten. Not only that but She is the one that started the divorce providing him with a signed petition giving up any rights to Any and Everything except the things she took with her when she left. So bottom line, fuck her, the horse she road in on and the dog that walked beside her. Sue him and watch him stall that one forever if needed in a Texas court or where ever the suit was filed. There's an old saying, 'Them that's got the gold makes the rules.' Another version is, 'Them that makes the rules got the gold.' Believe me that holds very true in Texas, but some of us are planning on a few changes soon.

Didn't seem to me his sister and her family needed, nor would probably accept a wad of money from him. However it also seemed obvious that if ever there was a need he would be first in line with help.

Great story!!! 5 Stars or more!!!

What a beautifully written story so far. Two people scarred by their ex partners. I can understand why they’re afraid to trust and to love again. Little Lisa has stolen my heart and I think Mikes as well. Can’t wait to see which direction this storyline goes. A well deserved ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A great story so far. Love it AAAAAA++++++

who the fuck is lisa ? you call the girl mary but then it sounds like u changed her name to lisa halfway through…

Anony from three months ago needs to go back and read the story. Mary is the little girl from the plane. Y'know, the one Mike takes to fly to Austin? However, W_S did eff-up once and called *Mary*, Lisa. But not the other way around.

Very good story so far. And yes, the little girl on ythe plane was first called Mary, which she introduced herself as, and then Web Spinner forgot and began calling her Lisa for the rest of her time in the story. Disconcerting but just indicative of the need for an editor, and the reason why there are editors. Web Spinner spins a great story but he's not an editor. And few good editors can spin a really good story. 5 stars for real for a really good story so far, and two out of five mentally for not being a good editor. I'm not either, so I'm nor going to count off the real score for that. If Web Spinner ever comes back we can take it up with him. But after 12 years I don't have much hope of that. Sure would like to see him back, though. He showed real talent as well as compassion.

Ummmm I'm just going to say it picking up a random woman on the street as in literally off the street is the stupidest premise ever to find his romantic interest.

The whole plane trip where the author purposely points out that the Guy he is riding with is the multi-million dollar owner of whatever company and he's with his Grand Daughters only for them to disappear completely was stupid and confusing?!

So as far as I'm concerned story is ok writing is ok but that's it just OK.

Nice story. Probably my third or fourth time through. Yes, Mary morphed into Lisa once she landed in Austin, then vanished from story, even though she was friends somehow with MC's nieces. Maybe you were so anxious to get to Beth/ Lisa's introduction that you got mixed up. Editing always helps. Note: when changing POV characters, you remained in third person: ie Mike says (or thinks) "I wonder what Beth is doing?" ********* Beth. Beth thought, "I wonder what Mike is doing?" It should read I, not Beth. Then there's the common Lit error of the vanishing comma. 'She had trust issues with men because of her long history of betrayal.' VS 'Because of her long history of betrayal, she had trust issues with men.' Why aren't they seen? Because they're comma chameleons- they come; they go. five stars for story, three for the edit.

Anon56

What cracks me up with this guy Mr Nouveau Riche is his whole financial plan regarding his money? He met with a financial planner and his strategy is pay 'cash' for 50 acres of land and building a house? And the cost of that as stated by the protagonist was 1 years worth of his winnings? Like WTF DUDE I don't know their payout cycle is it 10 years or 20 years whatever but either way 256 million even if at the 20 year means he blew 5-6million on a 3 bedroom house?

Who the fuck is this guys fucking financial manager his Barber🤣🤣🤣 Interest rates are historically low oh no thank you let's blow some cash 🤣🤣🤣

Having read both parts, the first is somewhat solid though drawn out. The second could have been added to the first with meaningless waffling and filler discarded.

This is sloppy and unnecessarily lengthy

Abused animals? You kidding right? Perhaps Abused CHILDREN or WOMEN or even Abused MEN might be a worthier cause. But Alas people do spend big dollars on "rescuing" animals - Look at PETA. They save sooooo many animals just so they can euthanise 98% of all the animals. They spend more money on Monster Salaries and Advertising for Donors than they do actually finding HOMES for the pets.

"What I understood was I had mistakenly married a mercenary cunt that was more interested in material things than the comforts one gets from emotional bonding." This is succinct and presents things best I've seen. One indication of the author's skill.

I’m kind of with some of the other comments, what’s the point of the little girl Mary and her grandfather Tom Laughlin? I’ve read both parts and they just seem to disappear after their chartered flight.

Powerball has never had a game of 7 numbers to match. Just 5 and the power ball.

When I read a clever story like this, the first thing I have t do is remind myself that the author creates the world, the people and the story.

This is a very well put together story, with clear characters. If the rest of the story is as good as this it is a five and I would expect an average score in the 4.8 range; not quite Hall of Fame, but close, maybe just squeaking in though the number for entrance just keeps rising.

Anonymous, whose comment proceeded mine, stated that Powerball has never had a game of 7 numbers!

Well here are the rules from the web site:

The first barrel has 35 balls of which seven are chosen at random.

The Powerball comes from a barrel of 20 numbers.

The Hoary Cleric

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

It takes a second even third reading for most of us to pick up all the fine nuances of this delightful story.

It is near the top of the Must Read category.

The Hoary Cleric