Prank Consequences

PRANK CONSQUENCES

Herb was standing with a group of his neighbors at a backyard party when his friend Chris joined them. The group finally broke up and the men moved on to talk with others. Chris stayed with Herb. "Herb, I really admire you."

Herb replied, "I know I have a lot of admirable qualities, but which one impresses you most?" Herb was smiling.

"I just found out that you and Melissa have an open marriage. Man, I would not have the guts to even bring up the subject to Jane, much less actually have sex with someone I'm not married to."

"Melissa and I have an open marriage? Where did you hear that nonsense?"

"From Melissa of course. You think I would believe any other source?"

Herb's face flushed as his blood pressure went up. "Tell me details."

"I saw Melissa by herself in by the fireplace. She looked sad, so I asked her if anything was the matter. I guess she had too much to drink because she just came out and said, 'I'm sad because my latest boyfriend broke up with me.'

"I asked, 'Boyfriend, what boyfriend? You're still married, aren't you?"

"'Of course, you don't think I would have a boyfriend without Herb's approval, would you? We have an open marriage. We just don't advertise it for appearance's sake. Don't worry about Herb. Hell, he's had a couple of girlfriends already too. I was hoping to find someone new here tonight to hook up with. Don't worry. I know Jane wouldn't let you even if you were interested. I've got to go. Nice to talk to you, Chris'.

"She walked away, and I stood there stunned. That's why I came to you. I was hoping you could give me some pointers on how to bring up the subject to my wife."

Herb had a hair trigger. He was pissed, so pissed he had to get away from Chris to keep from screaming at him or causing physical harm to someone, i.e., his wife. He decided to go looking for her. Melissa was surrounded by a group of men. She was standing close to Jerry, our newest neighbor. There was a lot of joking and laughing and touching being exchanged among all of them, but Jerry especially. Herb knew she would call what she was doing as innocent flirting. Herb called it foreplay. He turned around and went out to their car and drove home. Within 30 minutes he had packed, thrown his wedding album into a roaring fireplace, and left his wedding ring on the kitchen table.

His cell phone started ringing as he headed out away from the house. It was Melissa. When he didn't answer, it went to voice mail. "Herb, where the hell are you? Someone said you left in a huff. Is there something wrong with your parents? Call me back ASAP."

Herb was contemplating how to respond when the Fourth and Vine Street intersection was coming up. It was a corner known for hookers plying their trade. He stopped. One scantily glad woman came over to his car. "Want to party, big guy?"

"Yeah, how much?"

"You a cop?"

"No, are you a nun?"

"Hey, I got to make sure. To answer your question, it depends on what you want and how long you want it to last."

"I think I just want a blowjob to calm me down."

"My specialty. $50."

"Get in." She got in and asked if he knew where to go. He didn't. She directed him to a narrow alley nearby.

Once there, he handed her $50. Soon his dick was out, and her mouth was going to work. It was obvious from the beginning she was wanting to get over as soon as possible. Suddenly, he became worried about leaving a mess in the car. "Do you swallow?"

"$25 bucks more."

"Deal." In less than five minutes, the deed was done.

"Thanks. I needed that."

"Any time. You know where my office is."

Herb took her back to the corner and gave her the extra money.

He took the next call from his furious wife. "Where are you? You just can't leave me at the party without me knowing what's going on. Are you okay?"

"Oh, I feel fine. You see, I just exercised my option in our 'open' marriage. The young lady had a very talented mouth."

"Open marriage? What are you talking about? We don't have an open marriage."

"That's not what Chris said you told him. Sorry, I need to go." Herb hung up. Subsequent calls from her were unanswered. After reaching his room at the motel, he started crying. "Why? How could she do that to me, to us?"

*****

MELISSA

"Chris! Get your ass over here, right now!"

Chris was grinning widely as he went to Melissa. "Yes, ma'am, how can I help you?"

"What did you tell Herb about me being in an open marriage?"

Chris was laughing. "I told him that you said you had an open marriage. I wish I could have been there when he told you. I bet he almost pissed in his pants when he found out he had been pranked."

"You asshole! He told me over the phone that he found out from you that I said we had an open marriage. He was calling from just having had sex with a hooker to get revenge. You bastard! You may have cost me my marriage." She slapped his face.

Chris's wife saw the slap and came running over. "Melissa, what was that for? Was he harassing you?"

"Ask him." Melissa stalked off to find a ride back to her house.

*****

HERB

Herb stopped crying and started drinking the bottle of bourbon he had bought on the way in. He mixed in a little Sprite to make a mixed drink - a very little Sprite. It took a while to achieve a semblance of relief from the pain he felt in his heart. He drank more to slow down the need to plan the rest of his life, without the woman he had trusted but who had betrayed him.

He was glad it was a Saturday. Calling into work was a task he didn't want to do. At least, he now had a couple of days before he had to tell others what had happened. The thought of people finding out was humiliating. He went back to crying.

Melissa stayed up all night in hopes Herb would realize that he had been pranked and he would come back and apologize. As the night went on, however, she got mad that Herb didn't come to her first to check out what Chris, a known prankster, had told him. She remembered how quick to anger he was. That he would believe a rumor like that so easily, was disturbing. His trust and respect for her were at a lower level than she had assumed. Then for his first reaction to be to get revenge by fucking some street whore. She went to bed in hopes of going on the offensive tomorrow. "That bastard."

The weekend went slowly and miserably for both Herb and Melissa. Neither tried to message each other. On Sunday night, Melissa emailed him at his office email address. "Chris was pranking you about me saying we had an open marriage. You must have wanted to believe him to not even bothering to check with me. You showed that was the case because you immediately went out to fuck some whore. Well, I not only can assure you we don't have an open marriage, in fact, I am going to a lawyer today to make sure we won't have any marriage at all as soon as possible."

Monday morning Herb came to work. The first thing he saw on his email was the missive from Melissa. His heart almost exploded. He immediately called Chris. "Chris, tell me the truth about what Melissa told you about an open marriage."

"It was a joke, Herb. Lighten up. I didn't even talk to her until later that night. By then you had already taken off. I was just hoping to get a rise from you. I guess it worked too well."

"Oh yes, it worked. I just got an email from Melissa. She is going to file for divorce because of the way I reacted to your 'news.' I just wanted to thank you for ruining my life. I will get revenge on you, 'Good Buddy.'" Herb hung up.

Herb wrote an email reply to Melissa. "I just confirmed with Chris that what he told me was a prank. Yes, I should have checked with you before I reacted, but you know how quickly I can get out of control. I saw you flirting with the other men, and I thought it just confirmed what Chris had said. It fed my insecurity about us. I have always felt that I wasn't good enough for you. Hearing that you might want other men was, therefore, not a surprise to me. You could have picked a much better man than me. You should have picked a better man than me. I felt humble that you married me, and I have kept a little doubt during our marriage that you would come to your senses and find someone better.

"I will apologize as many times as you want. I will accept any punishments you may wish if you don't divorce me. I don't know what to do. Melissa, you are my life. I will die without you."

Melissa was still furious at Herb. Soon after she received his message, Melissa sent a short reply, "Keep your word asshole. Die."

*****

AFTERMATH

A man came to Chris's door and asked if he were Chris Proctor. Chris showed his ID to the man who was now getting excited. "I've never done one of these before - serving a man for Interference in a Marriage by both spouses." Chris's wife grabbed the petitions out of his hands and asked what it was all about. Once he explained, she was packing to go visit her folks for an indefinite period of time.

Herb and Melissa started talking more and more over the phone. They missed each other. Melissa had calmed down somewhat but was business-like and resolute in her pursuit of the divorce. Herb said he would agree to her terms if she would help him expense-wise with his bills. Motel bills, especially were creating a problem in his cash flow. He asked if he could move back in the spare bedroom, pay rent, and do the chores he normally did. Melissa told him it was sa little chilly but not enough to snow in Hell. At the last minute, he was able to get a garage apartment from a neighbor friend of theirs.

Without opposition from Herb, the divorce went through quickly. The split of assets was even and there was no alimony. Herb did have to pay a household allowance for five years. He didn't try to talk to Melissa until he saw if they were going to get anything from their suits against Chris.

*****

IN COURT

"Now, I see that we have two plaintiffs who are suing one individual for Interference. Will there be two presentations or one?"

Herb's attorney spoke. "If it pleases the court, both sides have asked me to head the case against Mr. Proctor."

"Counsel for Mr. Proctor?"

"No objection, your honor."

Herb's lawyer stated the case about Chris's statement to the message about his wife having an open marriage, Herb's subsequent actions, and Melissa's decision for a divorce. Both parties asked for $50,000 in penalties.

Chris's attorney made the case that it was a prank gone bad. Chris then testified that he assumed Herb would go to Melissa and find out it was a prank. His lawyer stated that Herb's reaction was not normal and, therefore, should be considered an extenuating factor along with Melissa's over- reaction in calling for a divorce once she knew the truth. He also mentioned that if Chris wanted to, he could have claimed he said not such thing to Herb, and Herb cooked up the scheme by himself to have an excuse to have sex with another woman. Instead, he readily admits he said what he did about the open marriage and accept the punishment. He apologizes to both parties and begs them to consider reconciling."

The judge ruled quickly. "Mr. Proctor, you say you are willing to accept responsibility. I'm glad. Too few do that these days. You did, however, cause harm to both parties, therefore, I am awarding each party $10,000 and a reimbursement of the attorney's fees from their divorce. This court is adjourned."

Herb and Melissa individually continued going for counseling. They had started seeing the shrink they had gone to in the divorce process. Melissa slowly mellowed as she observed Herb's acts of contrition and heard his sincere apologies. The image of him getting a blowjob from a hooker faded in her memory. Melissa had not invited Herb to come back to the house and Herb never brought up the subject because he didn't want to hear her answer. One day, Melissa brought it up.

"Herb, we're divorced but I think I've got my hatred level under control. It's time we move on. We've either got to go our separate ways or reconcile."

"You would consider reconciliation?"

"The saying, 'You're better off with the devil you do know than the one you don't' comes to mind."

"I was thinking more along the lines of, 'Better off with me than without me.'"

"That works too." She started crying and went over and hugged him. "You lunkhead. Why didn't you come and ask me what Chris said?"

"Lunkhead describes it right. I should have. But I didn't. I was wrong. I failed an important marriage test. I have been punished. I would like to make it up to you."

"How can you do that? Let another man fuck me?"

"I only got a blowjob."

"Okay, I can have another man munch my carpet."

"I wouldn't like it, but if that's what it takes for us to be together, go for it. Just please don't tell me about it, especially if he does a better job than me."

"Are you saying you would let me have oral sex with another man so we could be even?"

"As long as that would be it for you."

"I wouldn't do anything like that if I really want to reconcile. If I did that, we would both be worried about the other fooling around with others the rest of our lives."

"Melissa, what if we just tried co-habitation for the time being. We could pool our resources as if we were married."

"What if one of us finds someone else they are interested in? How would we handle the other one dating?"

"Mel, I would prefer we be exclusive, but that would be up to you."

"I might agree but for one thing, Herb - I have missed having sex with you on a regular basis. If I saw you around here in various stages of undress, it would make my panties wet."

"You mean, I can stay, AND we can have sex?"

"That's exactly what I'm proposing. Instead of an open marriage, we could have a closed close relationship."

"Do I get to move into the master bedroom again?"

"Not completely, I've gotten used to the extra closet and drawer space. You can sleep there though."

"Okay."

"One more thing, do not fall for any other pranks unless you want to be neutered."

In a high-pitched voice he replied, "Yes, dear."