Predominantly Concerned with Sex

"Depends how you feel about them I guess."

"One of them I don't like. The others I'm happy about."

I just watch the sunset and sip at my beer.

"How old are you?" She eventually asks.

"Twenty-six."

"Twenty-two."

"Bullshit."

"Nope. Twenty-two years old."

"Oh... I thought maybe third year nursing and well I guess that math works. You just look-"

"Like a boy?"

"No Janey. Young. You look younger than that. Sorry. A boy?"

"My hair cut."

"It's very pretty. Suits you." I reach out to push the curls back over her ear. "Playful and business-like at the same time."

"Bullshit." She smiles and blushes. "But I got it when I left Kerry."

"Why, what did he do?"

"She."

"Okay."

"She raped me. One night we'd been out drinking and she was flirting with this other girl and I called her on it and then we got home and I was like, 'no' and she just didn't listen and told me I was too pretty not to fuck and she just... Well, after that... She was just pushy, not violent. Just I didn't..."

"Can I hug you?"

"Please."

So, I watched the sunset and pulled a crying Jane into my chest and tried to work out how to drink a beer at the same time as she settled down.

"So today when I spoke at church, that kind of triggered you? I'm really sorry. I don't even know why I got up and spoke. I'm a bit embarrassed now and I hate that I've messed with your feelings, Janey."

"I'm okay. It's not your fault. It's just stuff I've been trying to ignore. I actually thought you were very brave. I'd be too embarrassed to stand up and talk about myself. I've not got much of a story to tell anyone anyway. Life's been pretty simple for me. I'm sorry about your friend and I'm sorry for the silent treatment."

"You're forgiven."

"Oh. Dad said to tell you to take a week off. We knock off for Christmas next week anyway and he said you never take holidays. Will you go away?"

"I should visit Dad and my brother, but Andrew is a teacher and he's down the North Coast on holidays with his family and Dad's a bit funny at this time of year. I don't know what I'll do really. I don't like time sitting around. I don't like thinking much. Rather keep busy."

The sunset has faded to a faint blush on the horizon and the first stars twinkle above us. Janey yawns where she's snuggled into my side. Looking down from the stars I see her pretty bow-tie lips open and her tongue dart to wet them. Her eyes burn darkly into mine then they close as she pulls me to her. She tastes like beer and heat. Her hair smells like frangipanni flowers then she is quickly gone.

"So... keeping busy." She tells me quietly from beside her quad bike. "Fishing? Tomorrow, I'll show you my secret spot."

In my defence, the boss's gorgeous daughter just landed a lovely kiss on me, so my brain is still catching up.

"Robert?"

"Oh yeah. Wow." I touch my lips in disbelief and earn a giggle.

"Have you worked it out yet?"

"What?"

"It's you. The boy mum said I had a crush on. So be kind and be honest. That's all I expect. It's okay if you just want to be mates too."

"Fishing sounds great. J aney, tell me though..."

"Tell you what?"

"Does your Dad own many guns?"

"Haha. Yes, and if he's mean to you, I'll use one on him. I know a cute scraper driver who can bury him even. Fishing is at sunrise."

As I watch her ride off back to the big house my mind is a mess of thoughts and emotions.

"Bobby?"

"Charlie?"

"You ever get tested? This slurry from Cunnamulla give me fucking crabs once the dirty cunt."

"Yes Charlie. I did. Do you listen to fucking everything?"

"Better than fucking television."

"Fuck off, Charlie."

~* *~

"The boss's daughter?" Dad chortles on the phone.

"Yeah. So..."

"So what? You're not sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well do you like her or not, boy?"

"She's sweet Dad. Just..."

"You're worried about your job? You don't think you deserve her? This is that different that you should be trying, idiot."

"I'm a little bit afraid of hurting her."

"Good lord boy. Then it's done."

"What's done?"

"That's how I felt with your Mum. I think it's how you're supposed to feel when you love someone. Like their feelings are more important to you than your own."

"Oh. How are you doing, Dad? Christmas is pretty rough. Are you going to visit Andy or..."

"Yeah well... It is what it is. I'm not going to inflict myself on his family. I'll just have a whiskey with her like I do every year."

"Just look after yourself, okay."

"Boy, I'm not like your friend Nelly. You don't need to worry about me."

"I know. Just it's the first Christmas I won't have been home to distract you."

"You just worry about yourself, Bobby. Forget about all that for a little while and focus on the nice things that are happening in that new world you've made for yourself. You deserve them. I'm proud of you buddy."

"Love you too, old man."

"Talk to you boxing day."

"See ya."

Our family do a big ring around traditionally on boxing day rather than on Christmas day. We let each enjoy Christmas with their respective families then catch up with one another after the fact. My nerves about meeting Glen and Mary's other kids and where this thing with Jane is heading keep me awake much later than usual and my dreams when they come are scrawled walls and a screaming zombie bride.

"You look like shit, Robert." She smirks when I open the donger door.

"Good morning to you, too."

She laughs at me and pours me a coffee from her thermos.

"You're not one of those morning people are you, Janey?" I sit on the steps of my donger and sip at the hot wake up juice. It's better than the instant dirt-water-povorhea that I keep in the donger .

"Guilty." She giggles and sips from her mug. "I was a bit excited. Had a hot date with this nice guy that I've been making friends with for the last six weeks."

"Fishing is your idea of a hot date?"

"I'm a simple girl, Robert. Not some kind of princess. And I love fishing. Dad and Tom used to take me fishing all the time when I was little. Then I turned into a girl one day and they kind of forgot I liked fishing and chasing pigs and shooting and all that. Now get some gear on and jump in. You're holding us up. Sun will be up shortly."

"Oh, shit." I'm suddenly aware that I'm just wearing boxers. That's usually what I sleep in. "Sorry. One sec."

"Don't be sorry on my account, spunky." She giggles as I pull the door behind me.

Moments later we trundle quietly along in the side by side. She picks a careful path along a fence line and down towards the irrigation pumps that line the river. There are six of them on cement pads that pump Glen's water allocation up to the ring tanks for irrigation. They're big turbo diesel motors that cost as much as some of the earthmoving equipment.

"Almost there, mate. The pump hole is pretty deep but just down along the bank a bit is a real deep spot where the flood water carves the bank out a bit. It's good for a swim and the fish hold up there where the gum's fall in. Especially when it's hot."

The coffee is starting to kick in and the first light is driving the restless night from the sky. She parks on a grassy bank under some overhanging Eucalypts that stretch great grey branches out over the muddy brown river.

"Grab those chairs, Robert."

"You're all set up." She has bait, rods and a tackle box that she wrestles down to the water's edge and assembles.

"Oh, it speaks."

"Coffee's kicking in."

"Didn't sleep well?"

"Not particularly. When did you get time to get bait?"

"Threw a couple of pots in the house dam last night before bed. Dad helped. You know how to fish?"

"I go fishing with Dad now and then. Not freshwater though."

"Well, nothing to it really. It's mostly sitting and daydreaming. Come on I'll show you how to put one of these nippy little fuckers on." I watch intently as she wrangles a small crayfish from the bucket and puts a hook through its tail. Then it's her turn to watch and giggle at my attempts to avoid nippers and hook one.

She has these contraptions made out of sticks that she leans her rod against after setting the drag, so I follow suit and sit back down beside her.

"See... mostly sitting." She smiles and flashes those honey brown eyes at me. "Do you want another coffee, before you tell me what kept you from sleeping well."

"I mightn't be going to tell you."

"You will. You're probably just a bit embarrassed. I didn't sleep well either but that's because I was nervous. I don't even know why. When I'm around you I actually feel calmer than when I'm not."

"How do you even make sentences at this time of morning?"

"More coffee it is then." She laughs and gets up to fetch the thermos and our mugs. "Here you go, grumpy head."

"I was talking with Dad before bed. Christmas is difficult for us."

"Why?" She watches me gently and sips her coffee. There is only empathy in her eyes. Not curiosity. Care... Gently frowned care like she wants to know me.

"Mum died on Christmas morning a few years ago."

"Oh my god! That's terrible! I'm so sorry for pressing you now."

Before I can tell her it's okay, she's launched herself into my lap and pulled my head to her neck in a warm cuddle.

"It's okay to talk about, Janey. Just early morning and I worry about Dad. He's always in a bit of a funk and-"

"And your friend who took her life. If you're worried, why don't you go stay with him."

"Ha. He's a proud bloke. I've got brothers he could visit but he doesn't like to fuck anyone else's day up."

"What happened to her? Is it okay to ask?"

"Yeah. Just a stupid accident. She was out of something or other and ducked into town to grab it before the other boys turned up for a big Christmas lunch. When she didn't come back on time, Dad went looking for her and found the car upside down in a table drain. No-one's fault. We think she swerved to miss a kangaroo or something."

"That's dreadful. On Christmas day and everything. It's just fucked up. I'm really sorry I asked and really sorry for your family, Robert." Her warm lips press against my forehead and as she sits back in her own chair, she wipes at her eyes. "And you'd go home except Mum asked you to stay?"

"Ha. Well, that and there's a chick I'm getting to know."

"Well, Mum's a busy-body and she's been conniving since I got home, 'Jane, be a dear and go ask that nice young Bobby fellow if he'd like to join us for dinner. I don't like the idea of the boys being lonely on the weekends.' 'Jane, have you checked Bobby's stitches? If they get infected...'"

Jane rolls her eyes and blushes before something startles her. " Hey, gently... Don't spook it. But somethings nibbling on yours. Just take the slack out of the line... That's it! You've got one."

The fish fights like a freight train for a few moments then just makes a dead weight of itself. Just as it gets to the bank it rolls wildly before Janey dips the net under it. I don't know who's happier about me catching the fish. Jane dances on the spot as she deftly reaches down to grab the fish by its lip and pull the hook out.

"Woohoo! There's dinner! Mum's going to love you. That's a nice little cod. Her fucking fave." I watch the seriousness creep over her smiling face as she pulls out her pocketknife and bleeds the fish. Then it's placed in a hessian chaff bag and put back in the water to keep it cool.

"Come here." She looks up from washing her hands. Standing before me she hooks her fishy smelling hands behind my neck and pulls me down to her lips. There's a hint of tongue in the brief exchange. Enough to let me taste the coffee in her mouth and then she giggles and pushes me away. "That's for catching a fish."

"Oh... Not cause you like kissing me or something?"

"Definitely not." She blushes and busies herself with her line.

By about ten, the heat and the flies had found us. We had three more lovely kisses that got progressively more passionate. One was when she pulled in a fish that she called a jewfish. One was when she caught a fish she called a 'dirty stinking carp', and the last one was, "Just because I really like kissing you, Robert. And it's time to head back and clean these fish."

"Oh. Well, thanks for a lovely morning. This is actually, probably the first real date I've ever been on."

"It's not over yet, you womble. You're staying for lunch. Mum will want to smirk at me and tease. Dad's going to help you fillet these and burn that ugly tentacle faced arsehole, then we'll have them for dinner. After dinner, I'm not going to throw myself at you and you can go home to your donger then." Jane tells me quite seriously as she drags gear to the UTV and loads it. "What?"

"Why me, Janey? You... I've seen when we have Sunday lunch. The blokes just hover around you like flies. Why some dumb scraper driver?"

"Why not?" She snaps. "Give me one fucking good reason, why not! Besides, those boys don't deserve me."

"Neither do I."

"But you want to. And you're not them. Not just looking for a root. Not going to big-note yourself all through town because you got with me. And because I trust you. Because you make me feel safe and because you're gentle. Because my parents see the same man in you that I do. Because you're honest when you don't have to be and damn it! Just because... Do you have any other dumb questions, dickhead?"

"Nope."

"Good. Now drive. I didn't sleep very well and I get cranky when I'm hungry."

"Noted." I get the smallest smirk from her as she opens a muesli bar and hands me the keys.

"Gidday kids." Glen calls from deeper in the machinery shed when I turn off the UTV.

"Hey Dad. Have a look at this beauty cod that Robert caught."

"Bit hot for cod."

"I thought so too." Jane is glowing as she holds it up for him.

"Geez, that's gotta be seventy-"

"Seventy-three."

"Be good eating. You gonna let me cook it for dinner, Bobby?"

"Yes Sir. I've been told so."

"Haha. That's how it goes around here. Just like her mother."

"Don't be a pig, Dad. Where is mum?"

"Doing books. She'll be as cranky as a cut snake. You know how she hates it."

"So..." Glen raises an eyebrow at me as we watch Jane wander over the lawns into the house. "Did you enjoy fishing? Little lady has always loved it."

"Yeah. Not really a morning person but..." I'm smiling as I remember the quiet and the kisses and the joy on her face.

"Yup." He pats me on the back. "That's why I always took her fishing too. Just to watch her little face light up. Do you still get kisses for catching a fish?"

"Haha. Apparently, it's a thing." I mumble and can feel the heat in my neck and face.

"It always was. Just, maybe the ones you get might be a bit different to mine. Come on... I'm just yanking your chain. It feels good. We'll clean these and get them in the fridge then it will be lunch bells for sure."

Cleaning the fish was done silently like Dad and I when we do things together. Nods and pointing take the place of words and things get done efficiently. We both look back toward the house when we hear a cow bell and Glen nods at the hand scrub in the corner of the little laundry.

Lunch is quiet. Glen and Mary share knowing looks as we talk about fishing and it's the first time that I've actually seen Jane wearing a dress at home and no baseball cap. Usually, that's reserved for Sundays.

Jane blushes furiously when Mary asks about the kissing rule. "Why break a good tradition, Mum?"

When the cold cuts and salad is finished, Mary takes our plates and Jane follows her into the kitchen. "I'll just wash up and then back to the grindstone. If I don't finish them this week, it'll be a mess."

"She likes to get the books up to date before Christmas so that she can relax and enjoy family. I'm no help to her. When it comes to numbers, I'm good with a spanner."

"What is she working on, Glen?" I sip my beer. Apparently, beer at lunch time on the weekend is another good tradition not to be broken.

"Business Activity Statement. But that means first getting the ledgers all up to date with expenses and incomes. There's the agri and earth sides both to balance and then wages. Wages just about do her head in. But she won't let me pay an accountant."

"Haha oh hahhaha." I can't help laughing. It sort of rises in my chest until I'm wiping my eyes.

Glen is looking at me like I've lost my marbles when I settle enough to finish my beer.

"Boss, before I got in my car one day and headed west, I worked sixty-hour weeks in an accounting firm. We looked after books for all manner of business. My section looked after three mining companies. I'm not familiar with agri-business but I'm sure if Mary ran me through things, I could lend a hand."

He looked sternly at me for a long moment before standing and getting two more beers for us.

"All this time, I've had you playing with big yellow toys and you tell me now that you have a brain?" I can't work out if he's angry or amused.

"Jane!" There's a definite 'tone' to his raised voice.

"Dad?" She pops her head around the doorway.

"Send the old chook in here. I'll help with the damn dishes."

"You okay?" Jane asks nervously and I smile.

Much later Mary and I follow the smell of fresh fish frying on the grill outside and find Jane and Glen listening to some quiet country music. Jane stands and claims me with a hug.

"It's supposed to be my date, and you spent it all with my Mum." She pouts.

"Boy is a damn genius, Glen. It's all done. Finished. The whole lot. I've got nothing to do for a month until the first pay run after the men start back. I could kiss him myself if I wasn't worried little miss would belt me."

Jane releases me long enough for me to sit at the wooden outdoor setting then plonks herself on my lap while we talk. Mary tries to explain some of the accounting to Glen who just shakes his head and throws his hands up. There were a lot of small things that she was missing and I was able to help minimise their tax quite a bit just by following the rules a little more closely.

We eat fish and drink beer and I swell with a feeling of belonging and family.

"...going to call Wendy and see how she's doing. She really could use help but only if you don't mind, Bobby. She's a dear woman and panics when it comes to the books."

"She can pay the boy." Glen warns.

"Of course, dear. As will you. What Bobby did in three hours this afternoon would have cost us the best part of fifteen hundred dollars in town."

"No... please no. I just wanted to help. You owe me nothing."

"Bullshit lad. Mary is a right cow until she's got it sorted. You did us all a giant favour."

"Nope. No charge."

"I insist."

"Glen..." It angers me that he can extend kindness to me because he's the boss and cannot accept it in return. "No! No charge for family. And you've been family to me, both of you, since that day you took a chance on a stranger. Since you invited me along to church. Since... Just hell no."

The table is silent for a while. It's only broken when Jane starts laughing.

"Bobby, you must be family." Mary joined in laughing. "There's been no-one tell that grumpy old bugger 'no' to his face for years."

"Except my dear wife and my children." Glen laughs. "Let me think about all this for a week or two, Bobby. It's criminal not to use your abilities to their best."

"Hiding your light in a bushel, Bobby. Tell me, do you hate that work? Was it something you were escaping too?"

"Not really the work. Just the lifestyle and the business of it."

When people started yawning, I wondered if I had outstayed my welcome. Jane rescued me by saying, "Come on, Robert. I'll drop you home and we can have a few beers and let these oldies get to bed."

"If you're drinking you can stay over there. I don't want you driving that bloody quad on the piss."