Project - Prometheus Ch. 36

Oh yeah, I'll say that the game is afoot, and the plot thickens, ... With Pirates, the Confederacy (spies) and drug dealers too, ... this portion of the tale is really shaping up, ... and I am looking forward to seeing more on Captain Dagan Min and Vincent too, ... a quite good chapter, and I eagerly look forward to seeing the next, ... thank you, ... ;-) ttfn

Sneaky Pirates, the Confederacy, and local scum, ... the Darkstrider crew has idiots crawling out of the woodwork to bother them, ... and Alex is closing in on finding his 20 generation down the road, Aether powered grand kids, .... that should be a colorful reunion, .... (Over 6 centuries, you do the math), ... and that scoundrel Captain Dagan Min, is in for a rough night, but maybe a wonderful one, ... And overall, the Crew is busy making friends and influencing people, ... a pretty good story you have going on here, ... ;-) ttfn

Oh, C.H. Darkstrider is neurodivergent and writing 3 to 7 stories at a time, ... who would have thunk it? Keep up the good work, no matter how you get to the final product, ... and this series really is spectacular, about the only thing that would make it a lot better for me, would be if it was published weekly or so, ... and you grab that beer and cuddle that wife, ... see ya next month, .... ;-) TTFN

Darkstrider, firstly thank you. I have thoroughly enjoyed your tale (this is the second complete read through), I realise I rushed it last time and missed a number of plot points.

I am sure that I will sign up to a Patreon account for you to write full time after posting this .

charlie4858

@C.H. Darkstrider

Thank you for taking the time to write a comprehensive reply. Best wishes.

@firehorseuk

All of these suggestions are all well and good, and many of them I have already started to implement in other stories and successive chapters. A few things I feel I should point out though

Many of the things you have pointed out were already in the process of being rectified. The only catch being that I lack the time to put them into play. Unlike Tefler, I am not writing just one story, but anywhere between 3-7 seperate stories at any given time. While I could drop the other stories and focus on just one, that screws with my thought process, as being a neurodivergent, I see, think and do things differently. Besides, I'm not going to leave all the fans of my other works hanging like that. That would just be bad manners.

On top of which, I am holding down a full time job, which eats up 10.5 hours out of my day, in time spent at the job and driving to and from it. Managing this classifies me as a 'working writer'. Tefler has been writing full time for years, while I've been a working writer for the last 5+ years. I steal what time I can to craft and create the stories I write, which isn't much, but thankfully, it's enough.

Aa far as getting an editor goes, I have issues with trusting people with my work. Especially since the last few times I did this, they tried to change the arc and spirit of the story I am trying to tell. As a creative who has an overarching vision of the story I want to tell, I cannot in good conscience allow that. Hiring a professional editor? Not with what I make. Besides, I have a program that handles that. It's not perfect, but it is always changing and evolving, as it catches nearly everything.

Beta readers might be an idea, but that'll have to wait until I can straighten things out in other aspects of my life first. I won't go into what I'm dealing with, as such matters I like to keep private. Just know that they are quite serious matters that demand my attention.

I thank you for the time you spent in critiquing my work and appreciate the insight you have given me. Some of which are intriguing to think about. I do hope you understand the points I have made here. Cheers!

Hi Darkstrider,

Finally up to date with Prometheus. A few of my personal amateur pointers towards what in my opinion would begin to elevate you towards Tefler and co.

1. You have to up your story telling. You need an editor/beta readers to take the story apart so that you can make it better. Maybe beta readers from your Patreon?

2. You need to account for all your characters at all times. Where are they and what are they doing? Even better what are they thinking and why are they thinking that? Especially in fights. Tefler described writing out a timeline for all the action so he knew where everyone was and making sure it all fitted and made sense. Even think about speech patterns and vocabularies for each character.

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What's Luminia been doing in this chapter?

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3. An early comment on Tefler was to be mindful the internal emotional/mental world description of the characters as well as the external world description. He took that to heart and his stories have flourished.

4. Name each person exactly the same in the text and only vary their naming in speech.

5. No real focus. Telfer - John Blake, Annabelle - Mike, Prometheus - Alex? Inari?, Shazza, quest? It's kind of just drifting around.

6. I've written previously, to describe scenes as though to an incompetent set arranger. There's a lot missing detail to level you up to RASalvatore/Tefler (consistently). I've been leaving comments on the ones most important to me.

7. Repeat physical characteristics of character. e.g. What's the colour of Alyssa's eyes? How many times has Tefler described it? It sticks and becomes concrete and real. You've got different heights, eye colours, skin colours, number of eyes, ears (Talon ... make them twitch and move around) - how long are her claws 1 inch / 5 inches? hair colour, hair lengths. Keep describing them Keep describing the characteristics that makes them stand out. It been 2 months since your last chapter so people will have forgotten unless you remind them, unlike you who eat, lives and breathes their world every time you write.

8. Make your characters alive, not just existing to hit plot points (Luminia might as well have been dead in this chapter). There are good points (eg Inari's backstory) but they all need to have that level of emotional motivation to drive each and every action in the story for every single character.

9. I don't remember a clear detailed explanation of why Alex, Kasumi and Shazza are in cryo while all the other Xuul'khan & marines died simultaneously with no survivors. And all the colonists were unharmed? A plot point with no driving force behind why this is what happened because despite everyone's best effort.

Lots of good stuff in your writing, I'm just picking at all the ones that would improve the story. You have the talent and the ideas. It's up to you whether you write more stories at the same level (plot is fine) or if you want to level up your story telling to draw more people into your world and be more successful.

Good luck.

I really hope this continues. It's a great read. Sex scenes are way too long though.

I have taken 4 days to read 36 chapters. 5 ✨ be story through and through. Keep up the good work.

I liked the flow of this chapter a lot. Also, it is “another think coming”, not “thing”. Still, five stars.