Promise

Promise

By Michael Fitzgerald

(Years ago, I wrote this for a friend who was going through hard times. He called me just now and asked me to post it here to celebrate the Supreme Court's ruling. Hope you like it.)

Alone upstairs, Belinda adjusted her veil. The quiet noise of family and friends drifted up the steps. The ceremony would be in the garden behind the house and simple. The priest was making his arrangements before asking everyone to join him.

She needed to do something about her eyes, all that crying. She would calm herself and settle, only to well up again. Emily, the love of her life, was gone. Truly and forever gone and Belinda didn't know what to do. Have some dignity, she told herself. Put a brave face on it. Emily would admire that. And show a sense of humor too. Everyone will be so depressed so give them a smile. If she fell apart, so would the all the rest and it would be terrible if that happened.

Damn it, Emily should be here. She always knew exactly how to handle the most awful moments. And of course, there was that one amazing time.

"Can you tell me what you are doing in my clothes?"

Emily stood in the doorway. Jason looked back in shock. What was she doing here?

Emily was supposed to be away until Saturday visiting her sister, and it was only Friday. Jason tried to run but Emily was blocking the only way out. He was trapped in the room, in her clothes. He couldn't catch his breath. There were no words. He couldn't move. Emily calmly walked across the room to him and took his hands in hers.

"You look like a deer in the headlights. Why don't you sit down with me and tell me what's going on?"

Jason began a rambling lie about Halloween parties and costumes - babbling, stammering, lost, bereft. Nothing could fix this. Everything was over. Emily would leave him, and his life would be ruined. She would divorce him. The story would get out and he'd be ruined. No one would hire him when they heard the scandalous story. No, they'd snicker. He kept trying to start again as if there were some version of what had just happened that was not a disaster.

Emily put her arm around him. "Let's try again, dear and this time just tell the truth."

Slowly, Jason confessed that he was a cross-dresser, at least that's what they called it then. He had a small wardrobe of his own but enjoyed trying on Emily's things for variety. Naturally slim, they were the same height and that made things easier. Jason could fit into Emily's clothes quite well. He would put an outfit together and dress, add a wig and makeup and then move about the house. He never got close to windows or answered the door. He never answered his phone. No one would ever know. Then carefully, everything would go back. The traces would be tidied. Life would go on.

Emily had been impressed at how well Jason carried off his impersonation. She paused a moment, not speaking and gave a small nod, mostly to herself. Without warning to her husband, Emily handed him a purse and walked him out the door.

Twice, Jason turned to go back. Emily had to work his hand free from the car door so that it could close. Sitting in a restaurant a few minutes later, Emily ordered two glasses of wine and insisted that Jason get something to eat. They would chat, she said, and after more than twenty years of marriage get to know each other in this new way. Under her gentle but firm prodding, Jason admitted that he liked being called Belinda. He dreamed of going out but was afraid. They were there for hours.

"We'll make a regular thing of it, just you and me, "Emily said. "No one else need know. It will be something only we will share."

That was Emily, facing an awkward reality, finding the good in it and making things better.

Belinda fussed at the mirror. Emily had made Belinda promise. Promises had become so important to their relationship after that. It was part of being honest and faithful to each other. Over time, they grew closer in their special way. More than once, Emily and Belinda were mistaken for sisters. Perhaps that's what they became, happily married husband and wife to the world, secret sisters sharing a special secret.

Father Walsh was calling everyone to begin. It was time; Belinda had to go. Emily had asked Belinda to do this and she said she would. She put on Emily's diamond tennis bracelet, the one Jason gave her. She gave a quick glance in the mirror to make sure there wasn't a stray bit of lint on her black dress. One step in front of the other, time to go, people would stare but what did that matter.

One last time, Emily and Belinda went out.