Protector

The sun touches my face, it's warmth consuming me. Reminding me of you. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. Little reminders of you fill my mind. The sound of your voice, your laugh. Always so calming and peaceful. Strong and protecting, yet gentle.

Staring out the window I caught a glimpse of the place where we first met. Feelings of excitement, nervousness, confusion and doubt. Memories fill me from that day. I wondered why you were talking to me. The lessons of the several months prior caused me to doubt your kindness. To question all of your words and actions. Believing, I was not worthy of your kindness. Yet, somehow I trusted you, feelings of safety consumed me. Trusting you enough to get me home safely. Accepting that I may never see or hear from you again. The pain and heartache that had led me to that moment still reminded me of my worthlessness.

Months would pass, and a friendship began to grow. Living in a world that has taught us that no one can be trusted and love always comes with conditions and sometimes at a greater cost. Lessons learned through repeated pain and heartache. Respect and friendship continued to grow. Finding safety and peace in one another. As others would come, give up and leave. You always stayed. When lies and accusations of unspeakable things began to circle about me, you stayed. Never wavering, always confident in who you knew I was, never leaving.

I found comfort and safety in our friendship.You began to feel safe allowing your protective instincts to show through. Swearing that no one would ever hurt me again. Protecting me when past heartbreaks would try to reenter my life and regain their control over me. Never in all my years on this earth had anyone ever done anything like it. Things I was hearing from others or seeing with my own eyes. Protecting me all without asking. The foundation being laid, that would help guide us through future hard times. Times we had no idea what was coming or just how heartbroken we would be. Then the moment was upon us, when an angel was taken way too young. Pulling us back, reminding us just how raw and evil this world can be.

As we tried to make sense of it, as we tried to heal. Our friendship grew stronger, moving into love without either of us realizing it. As the years passed, I grew confident that I would never know a day without you. Gone were the days of feeling unsafe. Gone were the days of feeling alone. My own strength would return. My own worth. Your actions remind me that I am deserving of being loved and spoiled. Day by day, month by month, year by year you rebuilt what others had torn down.

Each night I thanked G-d for bringing you into my life. I was so thankful. I prayed that you knew how much I loved you and wanted you in my life. I watched women come into your life, I prayed that you would find happiness with them. As you watched men come into my life,I saw the hope that I would find happiness with them. It took me years to find the correct word for what you were. Then one day it came to me.....Protector.

In a softly lit room an air conditioner cycles on and off. Cool air filling the room. Knees pressing into the hardwood, greeting the floor welcoming as an old friend. My body never moves from its statue-like pose. Legs shoulder width apart, back straight, shoulders back. Eyes fixed forward, my entire body exposed and open. No shame, nothing to hide full of pride. Eyes looking into myself through the mirror. Seeing strength that wasn't there before. Pride that has returned to me. When we met you waited for me to find my strength. Your guidance as I found my voice again. Your protection and safety while I found myself again. I wait, I kneel. Your ever protecting eye is always watching over me.I Kneeling in wait for my Dominant to come and release me.

In the beginning I would beg and plead with you to help me, pick me up, need me, want me, or just love me. Never once did you. No matter how often or hard I would plead and cry for you to save me. You never moved, remaining at my side hand held out waiting. Waiting for the day when I stood myself up. For the moment I saw what you had seen from day one.

Every inch of my beautiful mind is strong and silent. Every inch of my body, still and strong. From only minutes the first time. To now a healthy strong body capable of kneeling for hours. I can't find the words to describe the gift given to me from my Protector.

A submissive and her Protector. His watchful eye is always there. His strong arms are always there supporting and guiding me. A harsh word never escaping his lips. Always a patient, kind, and gentle hand and heart. Firm when needed, never waiving, pushing for me to see the strength he always saw in me.

When we found each other, I was a shell. Finally free from the harsh forced submission of abuse. That by definition was not submission at all. There wasn't a single moment I was safe or free to be submissive. Free from daily degrading and humiliation. Throwing me aside the moment he became bored with me. A submissive never feeling needed, or wanted.

As I relearned how to stand, kneel, walk and run. You were there hand on my back, hand to hold. As I kneel in waiting for my Dominate to come and release me.