All Comments on 'Prototype Ch. 05'

Glad to see your still working on this and it's not just been left unfinished. Great work and can't wait for more

It is too bad what happened with Maggie; but, all things considered, it was what Benjamin deserved at that moment. The friendship that has existed between the two of them had changed--time has that effect--and where it was going during the celebration at the club was only due to the influence Benjamin had gained through the machine. His feelings may have seemed real to him because he had always wanted Maggie to respond this way; but, deep down, he will regret this, eventually, if their true friendship means anything to him at all.

What he did to Rachel was even worse. I understand that Rachel seems less than a person because she is a prostitute, but she is still a human being. And what he did to her, through his anger and hurt feelings, is downright unforgiveable. She will never know this. And Benjamin could care less, which brings him to actually becoming the self-proclaimed asshole that he admitted earlier.

I know this is just a story, but I find myself truly disliking the main character for his lack of a moral compass at this juncture. Hopefully he will learn from what he has done. He needs to realize that all actions have consequences and he has to take responsibility. Unfortunately this is Literotica and I don't see that happening any time soon. Oh well.

Roger.

Hello everyone- especially those few of you who have been waiting and asking on the progress of this story. Though I admit I was silent through the voices of interest, they did a lot to help keep me going.

Unfortunately as is frequently the case for people who do this type of thing as a hobby- life sometimes gets in the way. For the past few months I simply haven't had the free energy to devote to being creative.

I have recently received hope that that will soon change. That notice spurred me to return to this story and polish/edit the next chapter, which you see here.

I can appreciate that some of you may read this chapter with no small amount of trepidation. Yes, this is an erotica site and the story revolves around mind control- so high expectations of a morally centered character are a bit unreasonable given what we already know about Benjamin. Regardless of how he deals with the outcome of this chapter, it is most certainly a gut-check for him. The milk is spilled, though. Now its just a matter of how to clean it up... and maybe spill a bit more, of course.

I hope that the thread of the story will keep your interest as we move forward.

~FB

Love the story, and I look forward to seeing where it takes us!

I have to agree with Roger.

You aren't making your main character very likeable.

Oddly enough Rachel was the main reason I was reading this story, you did a very good job of fleshing her out as a character and developing the relationship between her and the main character as she succumbed to the programming and yet remained herself. The relationship between her and the MC actually seemed more "real" then the one between the MC and Maggie. Which is rather ironic considering she was his brainwashed submissive toy.

And yes I know you aren't expecting a paragon of moral virtue in a MC story on Literotica. But it was kind of heart breaking seeing him take his anger and rage out on Rachel in such a way.

It would of been so much more powerful and shown that there was at least some true affection and empathy there, if he had been able to overcome his rage enough to not use the machine on her in the heat of the moment.

But I guess we will have to see where it goes from here.

I was expecting maybe a beating or an act of humiliation as revenge, but for him to turn Rachel into his slave was not something I saw coming with the thought process you have so eloquently laid out in detail. Not a bad twist, but I definitely hope that this story has at least another 10-20 chapters and could get to the size of a short novel. You have all of the substance in materials that were laid out earlier, now is the time to really flesh everyone out to the point of near real life familiarity and possibly introduce new characters having to do with the origins of the device as well as improvements to it (mobile version, spycraft, etc.) Keep it up, you really have a lot of unbridled talent.

I must admit I had all but given up hope that this story would be continued. Figured it would be yet another great unfinished work, something that has become more frequent here. Glad to say it was worth the wait. Really liked it and hope we don't have to wait as long for the next chapter. It's all been really good.

Glad this is back. Keep up the gold work.

...was when after a moment of perceived rejection the MC's immediate reaction is to punish and enslave his lifelong friend who he is also supposedly in love with. The later rash decision to do what amounts to destroying Rachel was just cementing this bizarre change. This is upsetting because it takes a character who is mostly sympathetic and likable in the first four chapters and out of the blue makes him sort of a monster. I'm okay with a character who is fundamentally evil. I'm less interested in a character who half way into a story just massively changes without good reason.

Glad it is back. Great story

I am very glad to have the story going again. Also Rachel is easily the most likable character in this series. So I don't mind him using her a little, but is was fun when she was still kind of her but "in on it". Of course a part of her was a little jealous, he should have seen that coming. But with him getting angry making her a slave and sort of taking away the rest of what she had left of her own personality really makes him unlikable so I get with the other commenters are saying or trying to say.

I really enjoy the mind control stories it always seems to be the mind controller wants to be liked or loved for who he is or to foster a relationship that would be natural but the pickle is always it is impossible once you've change somebody else's thought process through the main control .

Unlike other commentators, I like seeing the main character succumb to the corruption of power. I think his fall in ethics is a natural one and also provides the conflict.

I enjoyed him wanting to keep Maggie true, but already second guessing what effects his efforts are causing.

I loved his angry treatment of Rachel. It was hot and showing his corruption winning out. I wish it was longer.

Looking forward to more.

Great series! Can't wait for the next chapters!

Yes!! I'm tired of seeing people get people get powers like these and want to save the world instead of just not giving a fuck anymore and doing what they want. This is awesome!!

Please keep this going!!

I am absolutely loving this story. I must also say your quite the talented writer.

My problem with the mc ain't his lack of morals. It's all the self destroying lies he tells himself and his inability to control any part of his own mind. Truly one of the main chars i dislike the most from what I have read on this site. On the other hand I really liked the whore, very interesting to see their relationship. A bit unsure how she will be interesting now, is there even anything left?

I fully well understand and expected the fit of anger, and a slave had to be made, but I hoped, for a moment too short, that it would be Desirae who will be dragged and put on the machine with force if necessary. Rachel... was up for behavior correction, sure. Well, let's see how for it's got, and how she will twist out of it.

I really like mind control stories and your is very good. I wish you were still writing. I have no idea if you stil log in the site here anymore. But if you do, thank you for the good read and the nice fantasy.