All Comments on 'Pedernales Rising Ch. 01: Pull Over'

Great and hot…but meeting at Hippie Hollow as a cover story? Unlikely for 20 year olds as its mostly shriveled retirees….;)

Well done.

Short, sweet and totally believable in today's world. Where there's smoke, there's fire and there must have been some fire started long before these two went on that fateful third date. Great story, very well written.

This is pretty good. I hope it turns into a series of some sort. I look forward to more of your writing!

Nice writing. Good images. Keep writing, I'll read them all.

Well written. The buildup of sexual tension was very hot. I hope to see more from you.

great stuff! It flows well, and the buildup is sensational.

Looking forward to more!

I felt like I was there. Nice work.

It reminds me of how that any time we came back fron a date and started playing on the hood of the car, my room mate would open the door, turn on the proch light and call out "what are you two doing out there"! If we didn't stop, he was sure to head out way to try and get a look. It didn't take too many times before I gave him notice to find another place to live.

Trifecta indeed! Funny, sexy, and smart. Very well done. The teasing banter between the two characters and the teasing monologue that the MC has with herself as she fleshes out the parameters of the evening were just delicious. A real pleasure to read.

One thing that stood out was your use of the second person for referring to the other main character (Travis, the "deuteragonist"). I kept thinking that if you are writing this to him, then you must both already know the main facts of the evening. I kept expecting you the author to address the him you now know so much better directly. But you never do, you just tell the story. It was almost as if you'd originally written the story using third person and then replaced all occurrences of "he" and "him" with "you." Well, not all. There are a couple places where you do use third person to report your thoughts at the time: "He does have an edge . . . "

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not sure what's added by the use of the second person. It would have been more conventional to refer your date in the third person, and I think the story would have been just as funny, just as sexy, and just as smart if you had.

I like it much . To bad she was not nude when the kids drove by . ( smile )

Maybe the patio after all ?

Enjoyed it! Wonderful first story, although I am still trying to figure out where this deserted 2 lane road is between Westlake and East Austin. :) Maybe he took a roundabout route? :) Just Kidding. The only other nit I have is why there was no boob fondling/groping since she was seemingly well endowed going from the dress description and the party host's ogling...but hey, I'm a tit guy what can I say. Looking forward to more stories from you!

Love this story. Feels like I'm right in the middle of it!

Fabulously hot..... I can feel the passion in you. Would love to see more. Joy.

FML if this guy is real he’s a keeper! I read your other story first and I’ve got to say I’m 100% with you on that intelligent design comment. In porn women always finger fuck themselves to orgasm but it’s just not that straightforward!?

Thanks for a very sexy story, you found the balance between intelligence, eroticism and humour.

Tess (uk)

wow

Wonderful story teller! Love your perspective and cleverness is compelling! Please, please write more! Can't get enough!

Wow. Just wow. Believable, wonderful dialogue and so well written. Thank you and puleeeez keep the stories coming.

Amazing. I don't have to read 3 long pages to get to the most erotic parts of the story. Suggestion: When writing erotica, the word come is spelled, "cum". I'll watch for more!

Oh so hot! 5

Breathless is the right word; this is awesome, terrific sex scenes. Hey, I have a Beemer; heed a ride? Please?