by HungryGuy
You've got some hot stories overall, but I'm curious and a bit disturbed by the language you have the black girl using.
"Ah though' ah's neva'h gon' see m' honey 'gain."
Really? This isn't the antebellum south dude. We can talk in complete sentences, even the ones from the hood. And from a writer's standpoint, good dialogue is hard enough to write, especially one you're not familiar with. No need to add the phonetic exaggerations.
Keep doing your thing, just please nix the racist caricatures.
-D
I really enjoyed reading this story. It kept me wondering what was next all the way to the end. There is the OH GROSS !! factor but a man has to do what a man has to do.
It was like Saw (I II & III) only w/ out the dark gore and omnipresent maniac...she was just in the background, but just as powerful & ingenious...as was this very creative, very original very amazing run of spacioal relation-based super hot and depraved story. I gave it a 100 and would have given it more, because it was a true 'page turner' and in fact, even the style chosen of third person with POV of both main characters throughout...not to mention the the brilliant way in which you added voyeurism to the completly intriguing mix, I loved this:)
This was awesome and amazingly creative. You had me going all the way through. The puzzles were simply ingenious. Well done indeed!