All Comments on 'Quaranteam - 808 State Ch. 02-04'

You’re absolutely right that those long explanations interrupt the narrative flow, and I love all the cultural elements you add. In fact, the interplay of cultures is fascinating and my personally favorite aspect of your work. Let me propose a compromise solution. Just adding an occasional translation of a word or phrase within parentheses is fine, adds comprehension and stretches the mind to learn something new. For your longer historical and cultural notes, I suggest either submitting them separately or possibly placing them in your bio, thus accessible for those who desire more background or a deeper understanding. I certainly would be thrilled to have more to read. You have created a marvelous addition to the QT Universe! Thank you so much for sharing your talents with us. Hopefully, your submissions will grow longer as you write since I’m sensing major cultural conflicts approaching quickly.

I love this story... as the person above said.. the Glossary can wait until the end of the chapters you are submitting. By the way ALL of the services refer to the Air Force as the "CHAIR FORCE"... I am an ex squid... just saying

Enjoying the story, characterization especially. Like the additional language. Prefer definitions closer to usage, think this post was about right.

Keep up with YOUR story. BTW, as a retired Army soldier, we are "loving" called GRUNTS. Stay safe.

Maybe a separate chapter with translation and history that a reader can reference. Most of the inference is carried by your characters dialogue, the translations add context. After reviewing the story carries a better depth when reread. Enjoying your plot line development, please continue

Looking forward to more.

While I appreciate the language lessons, I tend to skip the foreign terms.

I do not mind if they are explained in the next line between [square brackets]

I am very much enjoying the start of this look at the QT world, and am very interested in how Eve deals with the loss of her fully native dreams moving forward. As for the glossary, I think you could place the smaller definitions in line or like RU (anything 5 words or less), but the significant stuff like Lili'uo or Nightingale should be at the end of the chapter like you have been doing it. It does also break immersion if the reader has to swap tabs to grab a definition to be sure they fully understand what is being said, and I Love the use of Hawaiian in the story.

My suggestion is to have the glossary at the end of a submission - not each chapter. An explanation of necessary context presented as a character's thought process or recollection (like you did with haole) is fine. A very short parathentical definition insert for a critical item is OK, too. The vast majority of the lingo is generally evident (at least in a categorical or emotional way) from context - and this from an totally uninitiated mainlander.

I really like the additional cultural education provided in your glossaries. Hopefully if I ever get to visit the islands it wil help me appreciate things more as well as keeping my feet well away from my mouth :-).

I like the glossary at the chapter ends, but would recommend not repeating terms from one glossary to the next within a single submission. If there is a long wait between submissions please feel free to repeat some of the more frequently used terms.

Another suggestion which probably won't work well: put the word/phrase explanations at the start of the chapters instead of at the end. That way, technically, the reader is already familiar with the concepts used when they are first encountered.

Lots of options, and whichever one you pick, some readers won't like it.

I know that in some cases, Covid was spread from humans to animals. Reading about the cows, I wondered whether Duo Halo too could infect any animals. Based on all the other stories I've read, I suspect the answer is "no", but your protagonists won't know that. So if you want, you can have them worry about the possibility.

I like the glossary at the end of each chapter. I can usually infer what is meant in the flow of the story. I think you are off to a great start, and the insights into the 808 culture are fascinating. Thanks for writing.

The glossary, if included at all, really needs to be at the end of the submitted story, not each chapter. It breaks the flow too much otherwise and takes the reader out of the narrative.

While I enjoyed this offering, and the story as a whole so far, it definitely feels too short, especially with all the glossary bloat. I think you could've combined the first submission with this one and it would be about the right length. If you intend a quick turnaround on submissions, like a week or two, then this could be fine, but if its a month or more between releases, you definitely want to give your readers more than a net-two pages of material (subtracting the glossaries).

I was today years old when I learned that Dragonball Z named an attack move after an actual person. I suppose I've seen teriyaki shortened to teri sometimes here in the Midwest, but pretty rare. I am looking forward to the dynamic of a couple that started married in QT-universe.

Great entry in the Quaranteam universe. Love the story and humor. The glossary format in this entry works well I think. At the end of chapter is close enough. It’s better if we can scroll to it rather than having to go to a different page (last or first).

Keep writing! Awaiting next fix (ehr … next instalment) impatiently.

Air Farce = presidential flight attendants. I was aviation squid. I agree with “nthusiastic” in how to handle the language “barrier”. Your story is fascinating in both its use of Hawaiian historical culture and modern day Hawaiian culture. There is a Russian QT story that uses Russian phrasing. Perhaps check out how they handle the language barrier. You are definitely a must read. 5⭐️’s

5 of 5. By the last chapter many of the words were stuck in my mind. The word for whore sure threw me. I would prefer the glossary at the end for the same reason you do. And it makes it easier to skip over the ones I already know.

Loved Gemman's comments. We learned to call airborne Rangers chairborne Rangers in basic. And learned a little marching song that made them out as practitioners of onanism.

Keep it up!! Love this! I personally prefer the meaning at the end. You will probably be fine doing a dictionary at the end after this, or maybe the next, chapter... I LIKE the detailed explainations and context... knowing the strict 'meaning' is one thing, knowing its contextual meaning is better... like 'fuck' has hundreds of 'meanings' depending on context.

OK. The plot thickens. We all see where this is going. Mal ends up with Gwen, Evelyn and the other two women. Team Rawhide... 😉 Even if it's looking predictable, I'm curious to find out how you'll weave their personalities together. // As for feedback on the glossary. Don't do it at the end of each chapter. It breaks the flow even more than doing it inline. Don't repeat words. You explained grammar the previous chapter publication. You explained haole, kanaka etc. 3 or 4 times this publication. And in the previous publication. I'd suggest doing them at the end of a publication. So if the next one is chapter 5-6-7, do one glossary at the end of chapter 7. Only include the new words. This is a continuing story. Not a bad-guy-of-the-week Magnum P.I. season. Or skip them entirely and have a google doc link on your main bio page where we can go and find a living glossary that you can expand as the story progresses.

I see you;re getting a mixed bag of responses, but I'd rather the terms were all at the end of the story instead of the chapter. Just seems too instrusive into the flow.

Pretty good story so far, but please, oh please....no more glossary. One was enough and even that wasn't needed. Most stories with non-English words skip it all together because their readers have brains

I enjoying this story keep up the good work. I am going to agree with Kahunabob, put the goods auto the end of the post and there is no need to repeat the same terms over.

Please stop putting the glossary after every chapter maybe just add at end

great story tho

I sent you a note about possibly using popup windows when hovering over marked words before, as being an improvement, but it needs some support that you may not have, wherever you're posting; I thought of another way to do it, which is probably MUCH easier to do, and works well for other writers: put together a glossary of all the words you've used, so far, into a separate entry that the reader can open as a separate window; that way, a reader can just switch to the other window to look things up, them back to continue reading. CorruptingPower (whom I hear you're met) has taken an occasional chapter to give nothing but a cast of characters, perhaps with some additional commentary. What you could use could be something like that, only shorter, and in a different chapter that could be open and accessible simultaneously. You might need to expand upong it from time to time, as you add new words and phrases, but it would improve the flow. You and 32inch (United Ruins) could probably benefit from that, especially in chapters that are split across different pages on Lit.

Please just relax, and write what seems most easily readable. I suggest you start by omitting translations, and then add when needed as you rwad through. Sometimes we can just guess from context and not know. Its okay. Just write your story.

Wow! You must be doing something right. So many comments, so quickly.

My take on the subject of including so many definitions is that I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, as readers of fiction, we want to suspend disbelief and submerge ourselves in the stories. The writer's inclusion of explanatory comments breaks the plane and we are drawn out of the story for a language lesson. On the other hand, being adicted to the QTU stories, we are ready for variety and open to new approaches. So, my vote is for you to continue with the lessons at the end of each chapter, with additional remarks about the intentions of the speakers given in the text (growl, smirk, raised eyebrow, body language, whatever) to help us understand. My feeling is that repetitions should be minimized and that, over time, the number of new words should be reduced. Please continue!!!!!

Great story so far. Just do a stand alone glossary and keep the story rolling along (rolling, rolling, rolling, keep those doggies rolling, Rawhide). Sorry, couldn't help myself on that one and there I go dating myself. I love the direction your story seems to be going but then I'm a complete fan of everyone of the QT story universe. Looking forward to more.

Great story, keep writing it how you want. Glossary at the end a chapter or the end of what you're submitting to the site would, I think be better for the flow e.g. Ch 1, Ch 4 etc. as I found at the end of each chapter a bit jarring, and the context gave me most of what I needed. Links / pop ups are also bad for the flow and emersion in my view. I've stopped reading several good stories for that reason. I also think the glossary should only include the words in that chapter / submission rather than across the entire story so far, unless there's a (hopefully not!) big gap in submissions and even then, just do it as a '.5-glossary' insert to refresh our minds. Please continue to write your story, how you want.

Thesaurus would not be neccesary for me, context does most of the explanation, but I understand other people apreciating one. At the end of a chapter works with the extra information you have been providing. In cases where a short translation suffices, that could be done in the scentence.

Ps. I truly enjoyed the setup for this story-ark. I hope to see the next release soon.

I am with dropshot67 plus I can highlight and search any words that are not cleared up by context. Now on to the story.

Having seen it done both ways in RU, I definitely prefer the inline explanations. I can understand that some feel it interrupts the flow of the story, but I would respectfully disagree. I personally find the inline explanations to be minimally disruptive. My own feelings are that navigating away from where I am in the story, possibly to a different page entirely, locating the explanation, and then returning to where I left off is far more disruptive than lightweight inline definitions.

This is admirably written and thought through.

I appreciate the way different characters are being brought out, and particularly how female characters have their own objectives and contexts quite apart from vaccine families.

The context, of having to manage livestock under the pandemic, and of Evelyn's character and background, really resonates. I am eager for more parts of this thread of Quaranteam.

I would suggest an inline equivalent ...pua(done). And an expanded definition in a separate glossary file to be updated every 5 or so chapters, but I don't know how the Literotica submission system works.

I'm liking this way of showing the definition of words a bit better instead of waiting until the very end. I'm actually learning a little of your language (very little so far) with the repeated use of words. As far as having the definition in parentheses immediately breaking the flow of the reading, trying to figure out what it means solely by context breaks it worse, to me anyway. If you don't mind, the first time using a native word go ahead and give us a short quick definition immediately. Maybe just a similar word in English.

Ok, enough of all that. Overall I'm really enjoying your story. I have enjoyed most Quarenteam stories. Please keep up the good work.

Thank you.

Ok, I'm in

After reading this installment I vote for you to keep it just as it is. And I agree with not repeating the words too much. Thank you for sharing your imagination with us and the efforts you have put in to help us understand this particular branch of the American language. 5 stars for a great tale .....

I echo what Slofred said. I prefer the glossary as opposed to "parenthesized in the sentence" definitions. Don't change nuttin'! as they say here. :)

I jumped to the end to comment - wrong can figure out the non-english from context. Our understanding doesn't have to be perfect, and the entries are short enough to correct in the glossary at the end of the chapters. Note the first chapter of Ruin United vs the second or third where the in-line explanations started. I'd argue the flow was better without them, even with zero knowledge of the Russian language or slang.

Personal opinion: I can track the meaning with your writing… leave the glossary at the end.

Also, really great setup for the story.

Love this series so far. I like the explanations the way you have them. Please keep this story going.

I am really excited to read what you write. This story is going to fit in with the quaranteam universe but be all on its own, as are the other stories in the genre.

I have said this before but I feel that your glossary as you have it is appropriate… may not understand the exact connation of a word at the time but you can kinda get the context from surrounding words with the created situation and the glossary at the end just adds to the beauty of the story as the word meaning subtly changes the picture made by the ‘whole’ word message.

Just for clarification, *I* don't have "an Instagram or even a Pinterest these days". I only use one social media platform, and that's good ole Facebook. The rest of them can rot. I have no interest in them, or use for them.

As for the dictionary, I'd much prefer them to be at the end of the ENTIRE submission, rather than in the story itself, or like this one, where you put it in-between chapters. Most novels I've read that have a glossary, have it at the end of the book, not at the end of a chapter.

Glossary At the end please.

Interesting story. Well written.

Okay haven't read chapter yet, just commenting on you notes on words but at the intro. I think whichever way you do it your going to please and piss off some. More experienced readers are going to be better at picking up from context, and notes in place are going to piss them off. The reverse for those who generally don't read as much. If you want to split the difference keep the notes at end, and the first time you use a new word put a one word translation in brackets after it, and leave it at that. It'll help those not as fluid in their reading get a translation of sorts to make context easier, and then better description at the end. Just my off the cuff thoughts.

Great addition to the QT universe. For reference: 48yr old male Australin, I have an Instagram just to follow some authors and webcomics, my Facebook exists to follow what extended family does. And that's it. I know several people who are now keeping any kids under 18 off social media because "that shit is toxic as hell" (their words).

you left us hanging here, I hope the next chapter is up soon

Hi folks, thank you all so much for the feedback.

When I started writing, I was figuring I'd maybe get a few people who were like, "Oh, Hawai'i, that's cute, but it's not on that main island? I dunno about that. Well, I guess I'll check it out." Never figured I'd have people metaphorically shaking me down for more. On that topic, I'm trying to make sure my submissions are at least 5K words of actual narrative. (Again, that's at least 5k words of story, NOT counting any Notes, or the Glossary, those are extra, and I'm trying to be at least a little engaging in the latter - although I may regret it after the next submission *ROLLS EYES*. You'll see why.)

Regarding the Glossary, I need to start formatting the next submission's file for review and Lit submission, so I will only be counting comments that appear prior to the posting of this comment in determining the future handling of the Glossary. I don't know how long Lit takes to post comments, sometimes it seems quick, sometimes it takes a while. There will be a Note at the head of the next submission saying what the outcome is.

Mahalo nui loa to all of you. Truly.

Excellent start to the story! I’m enjoying the slow burn and character development to this point. Look forward to the next installment.

Great story, I really enjoy the new additions to the QTverse.

Don't sweat the translations, it's usually decipherable in context. I'd much rather you spent time developing the story arc. I agree with earlier posters that a separate document on your profile with a dictionary would work well.

I might start using 'haole' IRL.. love it!

Count me in the "can largely figure out or guess at the meaning from context and are happy with the in-depth Glossary at the end" group. As a haole unfamiliar with Hawaiian language or idioms, the repetition in the glossary is not a problem. If I recognize a word I've internalized I just skip it and go on to the next one... it's easier to skip over than to search previous glossaries. Great job on storytelling while introducing us to Hawaiian culture. Well done you!

First off, thanks for and congratulations on this story. I rate it as one of (if not the) best of the QT spinoffs.

Regarding glossary issues, personally I can live with any of the options. In most cases I find the meaning of Hawaiian (Tagalog, etc.) words fairly clear from context. Some, though, do need clarification and in general, I believe the glossary option works well. The difficulty with that though is that those are the cases where lack of understanding can trip the reader up as much as (or more than) a parenthetical translation. Maybe there could be a combination of the two approaches? parenthetical for more complex concepts and glossary for the rest? Of course, that assumes all readers trip over the same words or phrases. Chances are we don't. Also, a one word translation in the body of the story might need expansion and clarification in a glossary.

I would prefer that words we have heard a number of times (such as haole and kanaka) be left out of the glossary after a few repeats. However I can understand the opposite view and do not feel strongly.

Spam ! Sapm ! Spam ! Spam ! Spam! eggs and Spam ! Loving this . The glossary is great , I don't see any issues with the way you use it. Keep rocking this story , its gripping !

Love your view of the QT world. I feel like the glossary at the end is plenty. I can Google but I do like the context you add. I prefer it at the end of the story but I don't mind the mini glossary break either. Thank you!!!!

As far as the translations go, there isn't a great way to handle it. In line definitions do break the narrative flow, true. But so does scrolling down or switching to a new tab to check what the heck someone just said. Sometimes it's obvious from context, and for that reason I'd favor having the definitions are the end, but sometimes it isn't and there just isn't a choice in that case that doesn't break flow. Just gotta do what you can do and let the reader get over it.

Top line story, it is really good.

You write the way you want, your suggestion re the glossary works for me.

Just keep the story coming please

Scores 5/5