All Comments on 'Queen of the Forest Ch. 01'

Pros

Hot

Builds nicely even if predictable.

Nice action scenes.

I wanna map to that place.

Cons

Sometimes you TELL when you should SHOW

Cardboard characters except for the protagonist.

Some use of Tom Swifties.

Language problem. Since Tolkien every one wants to invent language in their fantasy world. However Tolkien was a linguistic – most people who try that, embarrass themselves.

The Amazon language is inconsistent – sometimes they sound like they suffer from Down Syndrome (Zog wants boom boom fuck woman) Sometimes they sound like a 21st century girl – You are being childish.

To sum it up I read the whole thing through without skipping paragraphs – meaning I was interested, and that’s the ultimate test for a story.

I enjoyed the storyline. Look forward to future stories from you.

I liked the story a lot.

is there going to be a part 2?

simple characters not much going on,ugg ugg me jane you tarzan,? but hey thats does leave alot of room for improvement or a plot or something