All Comments on 'Queen Sarah Ch. 02: The Revelation'

This is my second attempt at writing fiction. I would love to hear your feedback.

I am also pondering Chapter 3. Would people be interested in reading about Sarah going to Tae Kwon Do camp and meeting an equally dominant and powerful girl?

You have a nice story started here. Hope to see you continue it. Would like to see more of Sarah dominating other women. Don’t bother with the guys .

Read the first two chapters. You are a storyteller. It has been quite entertaining to read your story. Your portrait of Sarah as a unsuspecting lesbian is beleivable. This is a discovery tale. Could have been longer. And yes indeed, I will like to read more stories of Queen Sarah (The lesbian angle is better in my oppinion than the straight or bi focus). But your endings are not my cup of tea, they are about kicking the fallen in the gut, but that aside good job.

Liked it but the narrative is a bit flat. Do mind your grammar and please care more for the details and finishing touches.

I think that would be a good idea to mix in a tough girl every so often. A female rival will really spice up the series even if at first it is just combat rivalry before becoming lovers with Sarah.

It was a really good story, but please get yourself an editor or proof reader

Idea for another chapter: John, Daisy, and Sarah get into a threesome with each other.