All Comments on 'Rachel's Cold'

A weak story and poor grammar.

Strunk & White -> look into it. It really would help.

Very good story for the first time. Keep it up and don't let comments like the first one get to you. Some people think they are another T. Clancy

VERY NICE AND HOT

MORE please

Very nice slow build up. Great story, wish I was Brian :)

THIS WAS SO INNOCENT THAT IT MADE THE STORY REAL .

NICE WORK ; PLEASE CONTINUE.

This is not a bad effort. My advice would be to keep your verb tenses consistent. Sometimes you used past tense, and sometime you used present tense. The story should be in one tense or the other.

Also, I was a bit confused on one minor point. If Rachel made herself cum in a boring class, why would she be so hesitant to do it when her brother was asleep in the room?

1. How did inocent sister who has never seen any cock let alone her brothers know at the instant that she felt it that it was SEVEN inches and thick?

2. Where did the author study sex anatomy--He needs to learn where the hymen is located.

Alright, so I completely enjoy stories about a brother and a sister.... I was so into this story, I absolutely loved it. I get the the comments others have left and I became disgusted. Good lord, do people really browse this site to pick on people for grammatical errors. I'm sorry but when one hand is intently busy rubbing my clit, the other scrolling down the page as needed, and my brain and eyes taking in the words, I'm not thinking about grammar. I don't stop and say, "Gosh, they spelled that wrong." or "That wasn't the correct tense." Good Lord. Don't let those comments get to you, they simply are jealous. *giggle* Thank you for a great time *wink*

Keep up the good work

I couldn't read more than a few paragraphs. You seem to have good story concepts, but your grammar is horrendous. In particular, pick a tense and perspective and stick with it. In general the third-person limited perspective is the best for erotica, but that's just my opinion. Take a grammar and comp class and come back to writing.

That was awesome i loved it so much your great you described it all with such detail some stories i read went straight to sex i liked how you had a bit of family feud before they started to even get to the sleeping part

How could they see the blood if the power was out?

not bad, not bad at all. please continue

to answer the person who asked 'if the power was out how could u see the blood' if u paid attention to the story u would have noticed that their was light shining into the room as they were finishing which in most cases would help people to see o and screw u grammar correcting nerds go be an english teacher somewhere else and stop makin this person feel like they didnt write a good story cuz they did...IT WAS GREAT, I WANT A SECOND

loved the last line : )

I enjoyed that story. It didn't jump straight to sex, and it ended where it should. As others have said, 'more please'.

But then, as always there is a problem with readers comments. I'd like to point out to 'DUH' that not all comments are made with the same intent. Some people like to nit pick and some will give helpful criticism, don't lump them all together. Advice is always welcome - or should be. After all, you don't have to take it, but I'll be the first to admit that constructive criticism has helped my writing. Yes, spelling and tenses do matter, it helps the flow of the story not to have to go back and check to see what the writer really meant. But is it really important to wonder how come an inexperienced girl could estimate size and thickness? That is nit picking.

Read the story for entertainment's sake, and if you want to leave a comment, then at least make it helpful. This is a story that deserves a sequel, but the author might easily be put off by too many silly complaints.

Because the grammar was so poor. A little course in 8th Grade English might be really helpful.

Should begin their criticism by giving their pertinent resume.

Secondly I love it when a virgin girl know exactly how long the cock that is about to penetrate her is.

Meanwhile I wish that these male writers would study the female anatomy so as to learn the location of the hymen.

pretty nice story

it was really good, fuck im horny i need to cum now, but first, was i the only one who was turned off at the mention of blood? that wasnt too sexy

Total Crap

I iked it it even got me off

Not bad at all thank you

You keep changing tenses in the middle of sentences, from present tense to past tense and back again, making a cumbersome read; as narrator, you're supposed to hold the reader's interest, not make them concentrate on how you want to tell the story, and look for the next change from present to past tense and back again, which is what happened to me. A very distracting read.

...but unfortunately, the "sequel" was worse than the holocaust, and gave me cancer. Leave it to weeaboos to fuck nice things over.

The constantly varying tense was annoying, but when Brian suddenly changed from being a college student to a high school senior, I lost all sense of consistency. Please edit your stories.

You constantly change tense, which is confusing. Get yourself a good editor, it'll make the world of difference.

Also, do some research on female sexual development. The simple fact is that a girl's hymen gets thinner as she gets older. By the time she's 15 or 16, she could break it by sneezing. By 18, it would be non-existent, and if it did exist, it would tear like wet tissue paper. There certainly wouldn't be any blood.

another idiot author that knows absolutely ZERO about female anatomy...