All Comments on 'Range Cold'

Excellent! 5 stars.

Way to come out of the gate. Great story, great writing.

More twists and turns than a roller-coaster. I absolutely loved it.

I have to give it five stars because that’s all they let me have. Very fine piece of writing indeed. Thank you.

Hmmm. An interesting twist, or three! 5*.

5/5

Original & Rivetting !

Keep Writing

Excellent story. A very satisfying BTB, with a hint of violence but no real damage done except to the relationship between the cheaters. 5 shiny stars!

Wow! Great story and well written. Keep them coming.

Good job! Thanks

Very well done. 5 Stars & followed.

Whew! Do NOT write a part 2 for this story. Let a readers imagination go wild. I know mine is. Great job on a first story. Hope you write some more. Thanks. 5 stars +++++.

You tell us your stories are a bit . Yes, but very entertaining. Suspense and intrigue at a nice pace. Nice character development, especially Elizabeth. Hope you continue to share.

Clever story! Hell indeed has no fury like a woman scorned. Sweet nonviolent clever revenge. Excellent story!

Ice cold!

So sick -- sick enoiugh to warrant 5*

Something new. Liked it. 5

A very impressive first step into the LW pool. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to seeing more from you.

Imhapless - I was going to say mean and ugly, but sick works too. And I agree, 5*

Excellent! Keep up the good work.

One of the very best first-time LW stories ever. Well done!

Masterpiece! I did not see any of it coming. Great writing. 5.0*

What an awesome story! Great first time effort. Heck, great 1,000th time effort!

Very good! Kudos on knowing your firearms.

Now, let's see a variation where Faye loads the clip into the magazine upside down, with a real round on top. For those that don't know, the en bloc can go into the magazine with either end up.

A little fumble with the fingers and the blank is on the bottom. What mayhem would follow!

Excellent story

Thanks for sharing...

Bravo! Perfectly executed, very well written tale. Thanks again.5*

I was sure I knew what would happen early on in the story, and in part I was right. Where I was wrong is in HOW what I knew would happen happened. This is a very worthy story and I congratulate you! *****

5***** Very well written story! Write on!

Excellent story, very well crafted and written, with a fitting punishment for the cheaters. Thanks for sharing! One minor note - if Liz has "already taken care of the legal side" (which can of course be contested by Jason; it's not final) then any mayhem at the range is going to ultimately point at her. Despite her inner wishes, though, she almost certainly never planned on anyone getting shot regardless of the choice Jason made so it doesn't matter.

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@versatek - good point, but Liz would have realized the clip was inverted when Jason's first shot (now the blank) missed the target. Only Constories would know what follows at that point.

5***** Very well written story! Write on!

Beyond original. 5* from me.

A great first Literotica story! TYVM.

Nice

5 stars

Excellent. TC Ireland

Please write more!!!

This concept has promise as a 750-word tale, but as it is the story is far too long for the amount of story here.

Also, uses the term “mansplain” incorrectly - to the extent that term has any actual definition, Jason’s statement doesn’t fit it.

Decent story but way too long.

I love it!

@VeracityHeterodyne: Thank you!

That was certainly far from the LW norm! Very well written and interesting. What else ya got?

A very good yarn! 5 stars. Truly enjoyable

@Mattblack, Highpike, BestOfAllWorlds, secretsalabout: Thank you all, very much! All of these twists kept popping into my mind as I wrote, and I couldn't help but add them! I appreciate the praise, and I hope to have more great stories to come!

Good story! +5

PS: Thanks god you didn't start with a cuck shit.

One of the best pieces I have read in some time. The flow, the dynamic, expression of feelings and grip to read further was insane.

Great BTB.

Stupid husband. The wife will clean him out in the divorce.

He deserves it. Good story @Constories.

WOW!!!! Great story I gave it 5 stars. A real good way to treat a cheating spouse. And funny as hell to.

Really enjoyed this one

A really different kind of BTB, when the MC is the cheated wife and is the avenger. Too bad for her endless interior whining, making her behaviour somehow incoherent. Besides, the two cheaters could always decide to stay together, since he had no chance to refuse and he could even tell her lover he aimed to hit her to put her down, but without serious wounds, just a little scratch to her head. So, the wife couldn't be sure her plan worked as she wanted.

But, for par condicio, and since the (hoped) Justice was served, the avenger wife earns her full 5 stars.

Wow nothing like an intelligent revenge ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Nothing worse than when family or close friends do a Benedict Arnold.

Thank all of you for your support! I'm a new author with a brand new Lit account, so I think my comments are talking longer to post. Haha... But I really appreciate the praise.

M1 carbine is different from the M1 Garand.

Carbine takes magazines

Garand takes clips

totally different ammo for each

What a BOOMER!! Pardon the pun! Beautifully done for your first post here! 5 stars all the way!

As a certified NoTalentHack, I have to say this wasn’t mediocre at all! Great, tense storytelling and wonderful characterizations. I look forward to seeing more!

Superb!

I awarded four stars, and the reconsidered. Five well earned stars. I usually don't like stories from the female POV, but I soldiered on. This was worth it.

JPB

Great story.

Best LW story this month. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

wrong category

Great story. Well crafted and kept the reader wondering right until the end. I couldn't work out how she could get away with it and her solution was a surprise. Thanks again. Cheers.

Writing in the present tense doesn’t work well.

Excellent writing.

Perfect

I usually enjoy the cheating wife getting burned, but the bastard and the bitch he cheated with had it coming. Nicely done!

Perfect .

5 stars

Fuck the gun mistakes. Poe would be impressed

Wow, great! A nail biter with a great twist.

Not one of the normal plots. Who goes to a firming range on a snowed day?

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Can't wait to see the new productions on the upcoming event:

https://www.literotica.com/s/hammered-an-ode-to-mickey-spillane-2023-coming-soon

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"What's the theme, you need to ask? Well, it's an Ode to Mickey Spillane, so think gritty, dark, and overflowing with violence and sex in the best traditions of Spillane's Mike Hammer. Spillane knew he was writing pulp, and his guiding principle serves as the theme for this event "violence will outsell sex every time," but, "combined, they will outsell everything." Spillane's books were a huge commercial success, but their plain style and often violent content didn't tend to sit well with critics. His works were variously referred to as "atrocious" and "nauseating," while his most famous creation was called a "homicidal paranoiac" by Malcolm Cowley, who called Spillane himself "a dangerous paranoid, sadist, and masochist."

Kids- don't try this at home. People in her state of mind should NOT be using guns. Obviously distraught, seemingly at the end of her rope, nothing but vengeance on her mind.... she could have so easily wound up in jail for the rest of her life. But a good story nonetheless.

Wonderfully unique. Excellent revenge.

@Verstek, I considered that! If that has happened, Elizabeth would have noticed through the range scope that there were only 6 holes in the paper at the 150 yards.

What would she have done? Plan A, perhaps? Who knows? Hahah

Very interesting and very well done. Thanks.

Excellent story

Brilliantly told. Excellent! Truly a 5 star effort.

Please keep writing! Excellent story!

And of course I think you should write more.

I tend to try to make potentially critical comments in my comments, since I assume my regard is not something you would take personally, and you want comments more for feedback than validation. If that is not true, then ignore the rest of this.

The focus on gun culture is to me a bit unfortunate - while there are many here who think the difference between a clip and a magazine is important, there are many who find it a bit OCD. Admittedly the plot centers on gun stuff, and so forth, but just my gut feeling on it is that it got a bit overboard.

However, the "blank instead of a full load" substitution is something I think is not a robust construction. The two cartridges would have strongly differing recoil characteristics. Would Jacob notice? Likely, if he taught the protagonist how to shoot.

The emotional descriptions were strong - the twist was clever and bit dark ("noir", don't you know), I found the transition from weepy cheated on woman to "get the cheaters to shoot each other" demoness a bit jarring - I suppose a sideways testament to your portrayal of the first.

I have not read much Spillane - so, unfortunately I would not be able to connect dots driven by the implied references. It's one of the reasons that the invitationals and events are not my favorite reasons to find a story.

Again, I think you have serious chops and am looking forward to your offerings in the future.

Green-something

OutFUCKINGstanding story!

I guess at the end revenge is sweet and somehow equals the scale of justice, especially when it destroys the relationship and the trust between the cheaters. Thanks for the story.

Freaking outstanding, bravo!!!!

@Unassigned: That's a valid point! Although, if she merely prepped all of her legal stuff with her lawyer (whom she has on retainer at this point), perhaps attorney/client privilege would help IF she had tried to make it look like an accident? I'm no lawyer, so I don't know exactly how that works. I'm glad her plan worked though. Haha

Nice story and nicely written.

But, I don't think any guy would go to a remote gun range alone with his wife & lover.

Part 2 would be they knew she was psychopathic killer/assassin, set her up and were being recorded by authorities... As he is such a good shot and purposefully missed. - Makes as about much sense as the story presented.

5 stars for an excellent tale. Your beta readers were correct. DMW aka Sumnut

Very nice first story, and a good LW story to boot. Unique. Cheaters did deserve much worse though. No chapter 2 needed. Looking forward to your next story, thanks.

IIRC, the M1 Garand the firing of blank ammunition wasn’t a consideration in the rifle’s design. So lacking a BFA, the action was unlikely to cycle correctly to load the following round in the magazine.

Wow! Five supernovas with knobs on.

Brilliant!!

Excellent story with great tension buildup. Only thing missing for me was if she had to shoot them both, what would her story be, or would she care? Keep up the good work! Gold star!

I really liked it. Yes, some of you are correct a blank has less recoil, somewhat, but do you think anyone who was just forced to take a shot at the bimbo he has been having an affair with would be thinking clearly. I think not. He did ask for another round. 4-stars for an outstanding story. Maybe I will change my score to 5-stars even though the ending was telegraphed, shooting out the heater was added gravy for the close.

Tight Story

A very nicely constructed story, where Sweetie covers killing her prime Vixen target, or her Asshole Hubby or both of them, and is ready for either (or both) betrayer to preempt her plans. Ends up with an optimum result of not committing a chargeable crime and breaking up the cheating couple (certainly permanently.)

RE: Anon … On M1 rifle not cycling properly.

Good point, but making a blank with increased pressure by more and faster powder, plus heavier/tighter wadding is easier, although no one in the triad sounds like a reloader.

5*

Great story... You have set a very high bar for yourself. Hope you continue. All five stars turned golden and yes, I remember those M1 Garands and that loud snap. TY

this should be in the non-erotic category

Outstanding story. Kept me guessing right to the end. Would she kill one or both, would she set one up to take the blame. Loved it, thanks.

I really enjoyed this . . . imaginative with some nice little options tied in here-and-there. Husband and best friend were not merely exposed to one another, but each had her/his cruelties and hypocrisies exposed to herself/hisself. Nicely done!

My heart was beating so fast! Excellent story!

If this was truly your first story, I hope you have a long relationship with this site. Thanks for the story.

Wow! It's really hard to buy that as a first story! I thought it was going to be murder, which we've had a little too much of lately on the site. The rush of relief and admiration when her plan was revealed was great! Really good story.

Simply beautiful, and cathartic. No, NO sexual session the assholes shared will impart the memory, and long term effect, that the cheated wife contrived. Please give us all the reasons why the plot is faulty, violent, what the fuck ever. It is a work of art. Thank you for your time and talent. And thank you for demonstrating that the true adult artists in the room Always allow anonymous comments. Why not? What have you got to lose? Got you, dead to rights. Just like the cheaters in this story. Schweet.

Thanks everyone for all the feedback and praise!

I was trying to respond to each person individually, but I can't so, sorry, you're mostly getting lumped together!

Thank you so much for all the 5 stars and positive comments!

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A few critiques I'll try to address:

Too long? I disagree. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Wrong Category and non-erotic? Maybe. I'm new here.

Gun mistakes? I'm not perfect, but read the story very carefully before you claim I messed up. Some of the mistakes I'm being accused, of I know I didn't do. (I know M1 Garand ammo 30.06 ≠ M1 Carbine. 30 cal)

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So about the blank vs real round recoil difference. I already realized blanks don't recoil like real rounds when I wrote the story; however, I figured that being distraught Jason might not notice. ALSO I considered the idea that Elizabeth could have used a wooden bullet blank (which some older blanks use--very weird), along with a custom cartridge loaded with an abnormally heavy powder charge to make the recoil CLOSER to normal.

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Just the same, I HUGELY appreciate the comments and the compliments! I have another LW tale that I'm planning. Stay tuned!

Good story, nice twist at the end. Jason and Faye likely wet themselves, not good when it’s cold out. hypothermia will set in and they will take their clothes off and the cold will take them. That’s a happy ending.

Thanks for writing. Hopefully there are more stories from you.

"IIRC, the M1 Garand the firing of blank ammunition wasn’t a consideration in the rifle’s design. So lacking a BFA, the action was unlikely to cycle correctly to load the following round in the magazine."

Yeah, but they stated there were seven live rounds in the clip followed by one blank. He fired the 7 live rounds at the target, and one blank at at his GF at which time they heard the "ping" of the clip being ejected.

Now I know that a blank round won't cycle a Garand's action enough to feed another round, but would it be enough to eject the clip? I frankly don't know, but my Garand and I are going to find out LOL.

Not much of a gun person, but a clever story. Could not have predicted the end. No blood shed, thank God.