All Comments on 'Raven and Sky Ch. 03'

Story is really taking off just one problem. Wrong place to end a chapter.

Good concept spoiled by poor spelling and incorrect words, e.g. mussel when you meant muscle. Keep going, I'd like to see how you develop this.

The high elves are rich in human virtual money while not knowing what a mall is? This is fucking bullshit, but why not.

But man, what was that nonsense with the thugs? Does your protagonist live in downtown Chicago that three dudes can come out of nowhere and just assault them with a knife in a public place in motherfucking PLAIN DAYLIGHT??!

Get your story straight and try not doing too much. And as said above, proofread a bit more: you don’t seem to know the difference between “two” and “to”. Such mixes are extremely confusing for nonnative readers.

The story is definitely starting to become very interesting, but the inconsistency in the two female elves knowledge is distracting. Hopefully, this will be corrected or better yet at least explained. The incorrect word usage is an annoyance. Don't rely on spell check to catch the mistakes. Read what you write. And last, but most certainly not least, that was a terrible place to end the chapter.

A good fun story hopefully lot's more to come.

I've been trying to follow along with the story since you started it. Now with only 3 chapters I have literally lost interest. You seem not to put in a lot of effort or anything else in your story. Sorry to say that I don't plan to read the next chapter of the story.

This is really good. More please! Especially the sex scenes, those are really good.

I'm torn between wanting you to write more, and get it to us quickly or to take the time to rewrite and pass by an editor.

You have good ideas, and I don't really have criticisms except for spelling and word usage, such as 'waist' should be 'waste' in chapter 1.

I think your ending in chapter 3 was fine in setting the suspense.

Please, more!

This story is only getting better! Much better!

Thank you!

I hope you haven't given up on this story! While it is rife with mechanical errors, it's very imaginative.

The word is "damn' not dam. There is no such word as 'mear' - I think you mean 'mere'. People generally have 'no idea' not 'know idea'...

more, more, and more

I wish it continued V7

Based on your three chapters to date . . . The two sweet cute good elves will live happy thereafter. Thanks for sharing your fairy tale with me.