All Comments on 'Raw Ch. 03'

now i need to go and do something about the state it's left me in... ;-)

Love the fact you have taken the story in such a different direction. At first I was dissapointed that Becca and Brian were not going to be together and I must admit to wanting more dialogue in the restaurant as it seemed a bit rushed. As the story went on however it was every bit as good as the previous two, but maybe Brian just had that extra spark even if he was an ass........hmmmmm. Thank you.

Enjoyed your story, and gave it a 5. But, let the other guy "haul Brian out and beat him to a pulp" and I will give you a 10.

Thought that she would try w/brian and then "walk out" during a scene or just b/4. Did not see a no go coming....good for you not sticking to the basic handbook formula. (Not that there really is one) Like the malcolm thing might be a bit fast but she did spend a week w/him which speed up the connection process. Would have like a bit of a verbal response that he was into her calming her inner voice of "just a friend" issues.

Please continue this amazing journey. It did not end in a cliffhanger, but there is so much more to explore for her sexual, and I would love to read it.

Thank you for a great three chapters...

I am filled with joyous wonderment at the respect which pervades this story. That he calls her Lady Becca when in scene makes me smile each time. To honor the sub is to honor the submission. To care for the sub is to care for that gift. And then you go and make it all smoking hot on top of that... . I am verklempt.

This has been a fantastic tale so far. Hot, and passionate, and respectful. Most of the sub/dom stories I've read use a lot of degrading language, and use humiliation to emphasize and enforce the power structure, and this is so much better. The respect and positive reinforcement that Malcolm uses to build Becca's trust is rewarding to me as a reader, makes me LIKE both characters so much. The trust combined with the sex makes a really enjoyable and non-shameful story.

This has scored 4.88 at present, which would rate it higher than anything on the toplist- what is the process for getting it there? Time to wake up, Literotica team!

First off the person to ask is MickeyMouse113.

I believe that you must have X amount of views with Y votes in order to Z rank in the hall of fame.

WIA9 was 4.91 and did not get there for a while...then of course the low rates 1 or 2 stars were cast, at lowest 4.81 but around 4.82 or 4.84 usually. Now DLynn's Amazing Grace had really high scores but not enough X & Y. Other stories made the HoF board quicker b/c of the number of viewers and I think comments might play a part in the equation. So as unbelievable as Raw is it will never make the HoF top list unless it gets many more viewers.

Hope it helps.

Love love love this story so far. What struck me in particular was Becca's strength. So many BDSM stories (Literotica, novels, etc.) make it seem like submissives inherently like everything that doms do. I like that you let Becca feel uncomfortable and confused at certain parts. Much more believable and relatable.

You also give Malcolm substance. His personality extends far beyond the fact that he is a dom. This depth is hard to find in many other stories that I have read (and failed to enjoy), so bravo!

Basically, keep writing ASAP. I need more!

Just wanted to commend you for and incredible and complex story. Your writing was a pleasure to read, and the storyline engrossing. Like everyone else I'm hoping for more of this story, but if not, I hope to see more from you soon. Oh, and of course the stories got me very, very wet...

Damn formulae- it should be easier to pick. Thanks for the insight, redyellowgo. I may have to go and look up 'WIA9' - is it shorthand?

Just had the earth move for me here-only tectonically, unfortunately.

Wanting It All Ch9= WIA1-10 ...We were talking about the bottom group of stories in the Hall of Fame=HoF...As long as this story continues to get hits there is no doubt that it should be in the HoF just not sure where it will land and were it will stay. As you can see Culture Shock has been there for years and goes in an out of the top spot and Yours has just taken over again. Bliss is still there as well. But soon, oh very soon Raw will hit, its just too damn good of a story...just needs the viewer and votes. So tell all to check this story out!

Very much looking forward to additional chapters. Have now read 1-3 three X's each...not kidding!

I have been wanting to read this story as it is getting such raving reviews and now that I've read it, I TOTALLY see why. What a fabulous story with interesting, real characters. I will be waiting for chapter 4 with the rest of your fans. I see you have some other stories too that look interesting to check out.

RYG and parawa- the only part I know for sure is you need 100 votes to be eligible to slide into the Hall of Fame(HOF). Without a doubt this chapter will slide to the HOF as soon as it hits 100 votes. The part where the formula and other factors (that I'm still trying to figure out honestly) is if there is a tie. For example if there are a pack at 4.82 I think Lit uses view hits and comments to decide the order displayed of the tied stories. Wish I had more definitive then that.

~LB

God I think even I'd submit to Malcolm.So well written ,hot,sexy scenes but completely believable .Get writing that trilogy ...puts fifty to shame .

Really enjoyed this story! Well done, well told, well paced. It feels like this could be the end, but the fact that Brian keeps being mentioned suggests there is more to this story.

I guess every family is different, but I can't imagine a scene, even wearing bra and panties, in front of my brother...YUCK!

You guys are a riot! I love you all! I will take your suggestions into consideration as I write the next chapter. Another of my "it's just going to be a one chapter short story" works that has evolved (see "I Kissed A Girl")...will have to see where this one goes.

Wow...you tell a wonderful story highlighting the need to connect and trust. I hope this isn't the end. I would love to hear how their story progresses. I also love how you wove the family dynamics into the story.

The "normal" family comes in more than just vanilla and the relationship between siblings is wonderful. I would go to the end of the earth to protect my siblings and you did a nice job of creating the diversity of their needs and how they support each other.

Please don't let this be the end of their story. Well done!

Woo hoo! May not be on the list for "all time" (although my ratings are highest) but I made the top spot for the past 30 days...thanks parawa and redyellowgo!

I am really loving this. The story is portraying a healthy bdsm relationship. I like that. The one thing I didn't like about this chapter is thatyou make a big deal about her not having a cell phone, but the Drake asks her to call him when she gets to his town and then you say that she has to listen to him while she is trying to find the turns. So it makes it seem like she has one. Maybe she could just buy a temporary one while she stops for food? If you decide to revisit this to try to publish it, that might be an easy fix. Then later, maybe Malcom could give her a good onelike a smart phone or something

Thank you Ellienora35. I will get that corrected! :)

I really enjoyed the overall story and getting to know Becca. As others have said, I was very impressed by how much work you put into making your characters behave like real people (even your "villain" Brian). As a guy, I sometimes find myself somewhat bemused, bored, or rolling my eyes at scenarios & sex scenes narrated entirely from the female perspective, but you kept it uniformly hot and interesting. Very nice.

One minor quibble: I found Becca's moments of doubt about her appeal to Malcolm very puzzling. You portrayed her as a beautiful & accomplished woman with a courageous willingness to explore her fantasies with Brian. She then has a weekend of amazing and soul-healing sex with Malcolm. She knows Malcolm got as much out of it as she did. So her moments of "I'm not worthy of Master Malcolm!" struck me as inconsistent. I can see her wondering whether she's ready for his kind of relationship, but not putting him on a pedestal. Just one hopefully constructive bit of feedback.

Yes. I join the rest of the commentors in hoping you have a few more chapters of this story in you!

Not a missed note, but spot on. Even the most beautiful, accomplished woman (let alone us mere mortal females) will often still be a seething ball of insecurity and doubt when faced with such an intense and new situation, a man who seems to have it all together when she is flailing, and possibilities that seem too good to be true. We all know about those... . We will pick it all apart.

(But other readers' mileage may vary...) :D

Love this story. Great to go on this journey with her as she finds out what she wants

Absolutely brilliant. I stayed up much later than I'd planned reading, simply because I couldn't stop! I'd love to read more from you, it's been a true delight!

~shysubmissivegirl~

Are you doing another chapter or is this the end? Hard to tell because I feel like this story has come to a natural end, but I so so so badly want to read more?

Fear not! This is not the end! Chapter 4 is written but needs to be edited, and Chapter 5 is being developed as we speak. Sometimes the muse decides to go on vacation...especially when I'm trying to think of something new and original for my characters. So please hang in there and keep checking back!

awesome thanks for the update :-)

I'm greatly enjoying Malcolm's loving dominance and am looking forward to following Becca's journey as she discovers more about herself.

As a side note, I love the interaction she has with her brother. I hope Drake continues to be part of the story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

I love this one. It his home with me. Her standing up to Brian and trusting Malcom like that. I totally imagined myself in her situation

Loving it so far. Can't wait to see how their realationship develops over time and how Becca develops as his Sub. Was so hoping Malcom would become her Dom. It's Hot !!! Glad Brian is gone ! On to ch.4 for me.

The only part of this site I surf are the stories and I had been lurking hoping to find one that was convincing and artistic. I finally found it with this story and decided to register so there were be more views thus leading to a higher rating.

THANK YOU

That is all.

with where this story is and has been heading. Can't wait to read more!

Thank you for writing and sharing this story. I love to find well written stories among the not so well written ones on this site. I mean, there are a number of good ones but there are far more bad ones. My comment would be, if you ever do a rewrite of this story, I think you need to spend a little more time on the Brian part of the story. Malcolm is so well written, I understand how she feels about him and why she would be interested in him. But when she goes to lunch with Brian, I couldn't tell if they even ate lunch or why she would want to leave with him. I get that small gestures like stroking and trapping her hand could be a turn on but I think I need more description of how he was making her feel and maybe more debate from her about weather to leave with him or not. She's written as a sensual woman but not a slut so it makes sense to me that she would hesitant going home with him. Also, I know there are many stories about sex between relatives on this site but that is not something I personally am interested in. I think an explanation by Malcolm the first time she meet him that what he would do with her that day would be sensual but not sexual would have been helpful and in character because he is someone who communicates with her. It would also relieve the reader concern that she was going to have sex in front of her brother, lol.

I am loving this series, my words are few as I wish to get back to the story.