All Comments on 'Re-defining Relationships Ch. 01'
by Atomvav
- 7 Comments
Anonymousover 14 years agoAuthor needes to go buy another keyboard as the last one the period key has become worn out with all the frequent use of "..." throughout the story. 99.9999% of all such could easily be removed and the story then would become far better reading.
floaturboatover 14 years agoEnjoyed the first part. You chose to take your time and hopefully will get the incest later, fine with me. Please continue and pace the story. So far it is realistic and believable. I look forward to more of the same. Thanks for writing this story which promises to be hot with possibilities.
Anonymousover 14 years agoCould be a long running series as he gets mom and then brings in wife. The form an exclusive triad and live togather for a long and happy life wife mom sleeping on his one side and wifey sleeping on his other. It could have been longer but hopefully you'll get there with additional chapters.
Anonymousover 14 years agoThere are certainly far worse submissions than this. There are two specific criticisms I'll level at this: 1) the conversations are generally stilted and don't flow naturally; and 2) there's almost no tension whatsoever. I realize you're setting the stage, and that's fine, but the mother and son really need some tension between them. That should help make the story more immersive. Also, try reading the dialogue aloud.
Anonymousover 14 years ago*Fine story and this could be 3 or 4 Ch* long* and be a *3* and *100* all the way.!* Really enjoyed the way this was laid out and makes room for more surprises as you go for the works.!* *Guy with the *keyboard issue is just mad that his is worn out.!* *Mine is not though.!**** *Works great.!** See.******************** *Don't be mad at him though** because he is jealous he can't write a story like this.!***
