Real Men Don't Dust

"Second of all, how did he know to come take the stuff away?"

"He must have had another camera that was live streaming."

"I forgive you for your planting a camera without me knowing. Paul, if you can help me find out who the man is, I'll not only take you out to eat, I'll include flowers and a kiss."

"Flowers are nice but, I hope you mean a Hershey's kiss. Anyway, I thought you would know who that was."

"I don't recognize him. It might be someone she works with, but I don't know how to check. I certainly can't talk to Cynthia about it."

"Why not? I would think she would want to tell you who it is if she is truly innocent. But then I guess she would lie if she was really behind it. Is there someone else who works with her that you know?"

I thought: Busybody Harriet. Snitch Harriet. "Yeah, I know someone, but I might get killed in the process of asking her. It's someone who doesn't think too highly of me."

At the office, I approached Harriet from an angle where she couldn't see me until I was up on her. She jumped in her chair when she saw I was upon her. With a look to kill, she said "I have security on direct dial. Make one move and there will be several strong men here to take you away and they won't be gentle. Now go back to your office."

As her hand moved towards the phone, I leaned in and said, "Listen bitch, someone is trying to sabotage my marriage. If you give a shit about Cynthia, you will answer one question and then I will leave you alone."

"Cynthia is my best friend. Of course, I care about her. I hope she dumps your ass and . . . "

"Look at this picture. This is the man who I think is trying to break us up. Do you recognize him from where you used to work with Cynthia."

"I don't see why I should help you. It's your prob. . . Oh shit. It's the Watercooler Warrior."

"The what?"

"We called him the Watercooler Warrior because if he caught anyone on break or at lunch, he would tell war stories about Desert Storm or conquest stories from his latest seduction. His real name is Thomas Bell. We thought it was funny when we found out from HR that he was just a supply clerk in the army. He never saw any combat. We couldn't let him know that we knew because that would get the person in HR in trouble. He was always trying to impress the ladies, especially Cynthia."

"Did she fall for his bullshit?"

"Well, she seemed to think more highly of him than most of us. I know she thought he was cute and she certainly liked the compliments he gave her. . . . . since the husband she had never did."

"Thank you anyway. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell Cynthia about our conversation."

"And I owe you why?"

I knew I had to move fast. I took the rest of the day off and went to Cynthia's place of work. I waited in the parking lot and tried to match faces with the photo Paul had made me. I saw him first. He seemed to be scanning the parking lot for someone. I ducked down. He approached a car about two rows from where I was. I ran over and pushed him down.

Looking up at me from the ground, he said, "Don't hit me. Don't hit me. I didn't do anything. Nothing happened between us."

What a wimp! "Tell me why you put the camera in our bedroom, or I'll pull your dick and testicles off with my bare hands."

"I love Cynthia. I wanted her for myself. I thought she was close to divorcing you. I was hoping to catch you having an affair. That way she would move on getting a divorce. So, I borrowed her office keys one day and made an impression of her house key. When I knew both of you were not at home, I put the equipment in. I was only able to check the recordings every couple of weeks."

"How long did you film us?"

"About three months."

"Didn't you see there was nothing going on? Why did you keep it up?"

"I don't want to say."

"I guess you don't want to fuck a woman again." I moved toward him.

"Okay. Okay. I was about to take it out, but I decided that if I had to, I could make an embarrassing video and blackmail Cynthia into having sex with me. I was waiting because I almost had her convinced without blackmail."

I fumed. My previous statement about removing his genitals was a bluff until now. While I was seriously considering making him a member of the neutral gender, Cynthia came upon the scene.

"Get away from him Ryan. I can't believe you would assault Tom. He hasn't done anything to you. Leave him alone or I will call the cops and have them arrest you for assault."

"But he confessed to . . . "

"Shut up! I don't want to hear anymore lies from you. By the way, all your stuff has been sitting in the driveway for the last two days. You might want to think about moving it before it rains."

Shit! There were storm clouds on the horizon, and I wanted several of my things. I ran to my car and headed for my old home. I was able to get the most important things before the rains hit. I scattered the rest of my stuff over the front yard as part of my temper tantrum.

I decided not to try to make Cynthia aware of what her would-be lover confessed to me. She would believe what she wanted to. I concluded I needed to prepare for the divorce hearing. To get info on Thomas, I hired a private investigator on recommendation from Paul. I made charges against Thomas Bell for breaking and entering and burglary. The charges didn't go anywhere because Cynthia told the police that she had given him permission to come in the house and put a camera in our bedroom. I still wanted to know more about my wife's suitor.

I had my divorce attorney file a counter-proposal that would be far more favorable to me. Cynthia's attorney filed an amended petition that was far more favorable to her than her first petition. The war was on.

Paul called. "I want to be treated to supper once a week at the restaurant."

"That better mean you have something awfully good. Spill it."

"The PI firm found out that Thomas Bell has a wife and kid. Evidently, she is of low intellect and high gullibility. On the other hand, she has a body that causes accidents when she walks down the street. In high school, she evidently believed every boy who said they loved her. Of course, they just wanted to get into her panties. Thomas was one of those and he got her pregnant. They got married. He is ashamed to take her out in public. They either go out as family or go visit his or her family in another state."

"I'm sorry, Paul. What does this have to do with my divorce?"

"Well, the PI figured that if he had videos showing him and your wife, he may not have destroyed them. He went to an awful lot of trouble to install and check the videos. He was afraid of being identified locally so he took a chance and sent another PI from another city to Thomas' house. Thomas' wife opened the door and invited him in. He said he worked with Thomas and was sent to the house to retrieve some videos he needed for a presentation. He asked her where Thomas kept his videos. She said she knew where they were, but she was not allowed to touch them. The man said, 'You won't have to. I'll just take the ones he wanted and take them to him.'

"Thomas's wife said 'Okay' and showed him where they were. Thomas had them labeled. Several said, 'Cynthia.' He took those and thanked her. I scanned them. A couple of the videos show him and Cynthia in your bed besides ones that show you and Cynthia. It was weird. They hugged, fondled and kissed a lot. The most risqué they got was to have mutual masturbation sessions a couple of times. No blowjobs and no sex per se. Never any total nudity. I think he wanted more but there was no sound. She definitely was turning him down on whatever he was asking for."

"Did the PI say whether or not the videos can be used in court?"

"No way. Even though they don't really show them having sex, they show enough that I doubt Cynthia would want anyone else to know about them."

"Are you saying I could blackmail her?"

"Such a nasty word. You only need to tell her you have them. You might have to show her one to let you know you're not bluffing. Do not. I repeat. Do not say anything about how you got them and how you might use them. The PI and you could get in trouble. Let HER draw the conclusion on her own."

I watched the videos. I felt angry at her betrayal even though it was hard to call what they were doing was any more than soft pornography. In one way I felt sad. If Cynthia was willing to risk her marriage over such a sorry sex partner, that must mean her opinion of me in bed is the pits. What to do? She hadn't had 'real sex' but that may have just been a matter of time. Once I remembered how Cynthia had played hardball with her divorce petition, I made a copy of one video and sent it to her without any reference (or fingerprints) to me being the sender.

Several days later, I heard from Cynthia for the first time since she kicked me out. "Ryan, this thing has gotten out of hand. Please answer me honestly a question first. Have you sent the video to anyone else?"

"I've always been honest with you. I wish I could say the same about you."

"I deserve that. I just wanted to know because if you had sent that video to others, I don't think we would have a chance to repair our marriage. I am hoping we can do that."

Silence.

"Ryan, I won't insult your intelligence by saying something like 'We really didn't have sex.' I don't know if we would have if we had kept going. I am glad we didn't though. I could blame my behavior on the pity I felt for him having a mentally challenged wife and daughter, but that's not completely true. It was exciting for me to receive the admiration of another man. Yes, you have always been complimentary of me and my appearance, but you were supposed to. You are my husband, but the repetition of your appreciation year after year discounted the value of what you were saying.

"Some of this, however, is your responsibility. When that man at the reunion made such a big deal out of you not getting the woman you really wanted, how do you think that made me feel? I was at least your second choice if not worse. No wife wants to feel like she was a concession prize. It really hurt me that you did not say anything. You should have stood up for me or at least made sure he knew you did not feel like a loser by marrying me. When you didn't, I began to believe you actually thought I was the loser. I think part of the reason I agreed to see Thomas was to prove to myself that I was someone's winner.

"Ryan, I said some angry things to you when you played your trick on me with that Terri girl. In fact, I was angry with myself for what I had done. Since I did not know there were tapes of me and Thomas at the time, I was able to keep believing I had not been found out. You could use a variety of adjectives towards me and they would all apply: stupid, arrogant, selfish, deceitful, and a little cheating.

"Initially, I only filed for divorce to shock you. I was hoping that you would be afraid enough of losing me that you would come running back. Of course, the tapes blew that out of the water. I had no idea until later that Thomas had done that.

"I need to be punished. I am not a masochist, but I will punish myself a lot. What I hope is that of the wonderful love you have shown me for over 10 years, there is at least a little bit of love left we can build on. I did not lose the love I have for you, but for a while I was able to put it in a box out of the way so I could justify what I was doing.

"The Bible says we should be willing to forgive 70 times 7. That's at least 490 times. I am only asking for one of those 490 times. If you give me a second chance and I fail, I would be willing to leave our marriage with just the clothes on my back. If you would put that in a post-nuptial agreement, I would sign it.

"Please give me another chance." She was crying.

Again silence.

"Ryan? Are you still there?"

"Yes. I'm trying to not say something I might regret later. I can't believe I can hate someone I love so much. What about you and Thomas? Evidently, he wants to marry you as well as have sex."

"Thomas is no longer welcome in my life. I don't know why I was so flattered by his attention. He has been fired. Evidently, he beat his wife after he found out she had let some man take his videos. I assume the man was working for you. Anyway, Thomas was fired after our boss found out he had been arrested for assault and battery on his wife."

"Great, now I have her beating on my conscience."

"Ryan, maybe you could consider that we both messed up and maybe we could start over. I know we can't forget what has happened, but we could move forward - together. Maybe help each other forgive and forget."

"Cynthia, I don't know if I can erase the memory of what you said and what Thomas and you did in that video."

"Well, I can't deny what I did. Ryan, please believe I never stopped loving you. They were just times where I was upset at your lack of defense of me at the reunion as well as doubting my own self-worth. I sought affirmation from others rather than talking to you. Punish me, but if nothing else, please don't hate me."

"Cynthia, right now I won't promise anything. I had no idea how badly you felt about the reunion incident. I was totally concentrating on not starting a physical fight instead of how you might feel hearing what he said about me. I'm sorry you felt like I did not defend you. After Gina dumped me, I was very wary of having a rebound relationship. I challenged my motives many times before I let myself believe I found another wonderful woman so quickly. Cynthia, I have always felt like I was a winner by marrying you. I'm sorry I didn't pay better attention."

"Ryan, with that recording, you have me over a barrel. I don't want a divorce, but I'm in no place to bargain. Can't we go for counseling or do you not have any love left for me?"

"The problem is that I still love you despite you breaking my heart. I will need time to come to grips with any level of forgiveness. Counseling might be a good idea, but not now. I will agree to put off a hearing on our divorce if you want."

"Thanks. That takes some of the pressure off. Will you come home during that time?"

"No. I'm afraid I'm too upset at you right now."

"Ryan, how can we afford to maintain two households?"

"I think we can do it if we are very frugal. We may have to dip into our retirement funds a bit."

"I hate to do that. I was really looking forward to traveling with you in retirement."

"Not enough, evidently." Crying was again heard in the background.

A couple of months went by. Cynthia went to counseling on her own. She said she borrowed money from her 401K to pay for it. Every once in a while, she would ask me for a face-to-face meeting. She wanted to meet at our house. I offered to meet at Starbucks. Our conversations were just mutual updates on what had been happening in our lives. She told me of the insights she had gotten from counseling. I told her of my bout with plantar fasciitis and the worst pain in the world I felt from the shot to my right heel. Occasionally, one of us would mention a good or funny memory from earlier in our marriage. Some smiles and laughter began to creep back into our conversations.

Cynthia was the one to acknowledge the elephant in the room. "Ryan, as much as I don't want to push you towards divorce, I think we have to make a decision soon. We need to get on with repairing our marriage or let each other move on. I hope you know what my choice would be. I have a better idea of why I betrayed you and I think that will help me make sure I will never do anything like that again. What do you think?"

"I think I have mellowed considerably during our separation. I think I would be willing for us to try to live together again, starting with separate bedrooms. I have to admit, though, a big part of my motive is financial."

"Oh Ryan, you don't know how happy that makes me. I promise to take things as slow as you want. I will do my best to show you made the right decision."

After some hesitation, I started preparing to move back in. During my packing, I received a phone call.

"Hello, Ryan here."

"Hello, Ryan." Oh my God, not that voice!

"Hello, Gina."

"It is very comforting to know you still recognize my voice after all these years. How are you and Cynthia?"

"I told you I would never forget you. I guess that includes your voice. Cynthia and I are still married . . . kind of . . . we're sort of in between . . It's a long story. Where are you anyway?"

"I'm here in town for a few days at least. I thought I'd get in touch with a few old friends. We are still friends, aren't we?"

"I would hope so. Where is Dale?"

"Dale passed away over six months ago. I've had to deal with probating his will, settling his estate, getting rid of his . . . I guess I've got a long story too. Is there any chance we could meet for dinner or maybe coffee?"

My heart had started racing since I first heard her voice. The voice of my first 'true' love. I found out that there was a little flicker of love left. It had never been completely extinguished. Right now, it was flaming up. I counseled myself to calm down and not jump to conclusions. "I'd love to get together. Where do you suggest?"

"They have a nice dining room at my hotel, the Hyatt Regency. Would you mind meeting there? Say 6:00?"

"That works nicely with my plans. See you then for two long stories."

I forgot about packing. I behaved like I had when I had my first car date in high school. Actually, Gina had been my first date. Unfortunately for me, I was not the only boy who sought her affection. My friend, Dale, was the athletic, attractive BMOC and dated pretty much any girl he wanted. Usually, he wanted Gina. I only got her attention when Gina and Dale were at odds. The several times it was my turn at bat always got my hopes up because she seemed to enjoy herself so much. Our senior year, I even got to make love to her after one of their worst break ups, but Dale had already taken her virginity before that.

Gina and Dale were on the way to becoming engaged when Dale got drafted into the military. He told Gina that he didn't want to get married until he got back, just in case something happened to him. Frequent letters became occasional letters and then dried up all together. Dale re-enlisted without consulting her or offering her to come join him in his stateside base assignment. Gina took that to mean the engagement was off. She had a back-up plan. Me.

Gina and I started dating again. She explained to me why Dale was finally out of the picture. She wanted to move faster than I did regarding our marriage. I was still afraid Dale would come back and sweep Gina away. Regretfully, my prediction was accurate. It happened three days after Gina and I became engaged. Gina and Dale got married and they left all within one week. I got a "I'm sorry" note a few weeks after along with the engagement ring I had bought her. I have kept that ring hidden away ever since.

I arrived at the hotel 20 minutes early. I sat in my car until 6:00 as I didn't want to appear over-anxious, which I definitely was. Various possible outcomes were imagined. My emotions swung with each imagined outcome. I decided to listen more than talk. That would be hard.

At 6:00, I walked into the dining room hopeful my jacket would keep hidden the waterfall under my arm pits. I recognized Gina even with over 10 years more age on her. Her hair was now highlighted, there were wrinkles where glowing, smooth skin once was, and she had a few more pounds. Still, she was gorgeous to me. My legs threatened to give way as I went to her table.

"Ryan, you look great. The years have been kind to you." She stood up and hugged me. We kissed on the lips for a few seconds and then sat down across from each other."