Reclaiming Sofia

"But you  know." Sofia sipped her drink.

"Yeah, that's the hard part. I mean, I know why witness protection exists. I have to agree with it, in theory at least. If there's somebody whose testimony can bring down somebody much bigger, it makes sense to give the little guy a get-out-of-jail-free card and a chance to start over. The program works. We get solid convictions, break up stuff we would never have otherwise..." He paused, as if deep in thought.

"But?" she prompted.

"They're still hoods and, however much I can justify the program intellectually, it still bothers me -- a lot -- that I'm helping to give what amounts to free housing, free money and all kinds of support to creeps when there are so many decent people out there who can't afford their next meal. And they get to walk around in public; nobody knows them. It isn't entirely right."

"It bothers you," she said. It was less than a statement, more than a question.

"Yeah. It keeps me awake sometimes. The recidivism rate is actually pretty good -- less than 20 percent, but it happens."

Ryan sighed.

"There's never a perfect answer and you have to follow orders, but I don't want to be the one to see it go south on my watch."

Sofia felt his concern, thought of the consequences of following orders. Her eyes closed and she bit her lower lip for a moment as a particularly loud tune opened up.

"Are you OK?" Ryan asked. "You look sort of pale."

She shook herself a little. "I'm OK. Just a bad memory. Really."

"Something I said? I'm sorry."

She reached over, put her hand lightly on his arm. "It's OK, Ryan. You didn't know - couldn't know -- and I have some issues of my own." She gave his arm a squeeze, settled back in her chair.

"You said you were a pilot. What do you fly?" He'd had to raise his voice to be heard.

"Remotely Piloted Aircraft. Reapers of late -- upgraded Predators. Almost a desk job."

"Uh-uh," Ryan retorted. "I don't know much about flying, but that strikes me as a bit off. Flying is flying - either you is or you ain't."

"I drive to work, sit in an air-conditioned room all day, drive home. All the flying is actually done by remote control and I never even see the bird. Safe as houses."

The man opposite raised one eyebrow. "There's a 'but' in there somewhere."

"Yeah, well, it's just about as tiring as flying inside an airplane." She grinned. "But I get coffee and potty breaks, so it could be worse."

"Sounds not too bad, A welcome change from what it might be. Peaceful, maybe?"

That word lingered, almost fading in her ears, before Sofia's memory reeled, began dragging her down the always-lurking endless dark corridors. Her head sagged, just a little. She closed her eyes, blinked. A tear oozed from one eye.

Ryan's hand instantly reached out. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide. Suddenly, she couldn't help it. The flashback came down like a tsunami, as horrifying as the nightmare. It was more than merely a memory of a long-ago incident -- she was still there.   Right now. On the Day. 

The day it started.

The club patrons around her, Ryan, the music, all of it vanished and she was again inside her GCS.

Sgt Hooper's professional recital cut off with a shocked, "Oh, shit!"

Sitting in the club, Sofia could smell his -- their -- stale perspiration. She could feel the chafing from the underwire of a bra she'd long since discarded, see with perfect clarity the circular coffee stain on the clipboard file placed between them. Images on mercilessly detailed screens flickering in front of them, she and Hooper stared horrified at the smoking crater, the shredded car.

And the headless little corpse, blood still pulsing in defiance of obvious death.

The target was supposed to be alone! Just him, his driver and his bodyguards! Where did she come from?

Sofia shut down, unaware of anything outside the crushing hallucination. Unable to turn away from the consequences of her launch, from the corner of her eye she saw the formerly-solid NCO beside her, himself in tears of horrified grief.

She felt a shimmering tingling over every inch of her skin, had to force herself to breathe.

Sofia could smell  the child's blood. Impossible, she knew in quiet times --- the cameras may have visually brought her to within a few dozen meters, but the Reaper had been thousands of meters above ground level and she on the other side of the world. A bloodhound next to her could not have scented anything.

It didn't matter. Her frantic reptilian brain was still smelling blood.

Still.

Sofia collapsed over the table, sobbing. Frantically, Ryan looked for her roommate. Fortunately, Maria had seen what was happening from the dance floor and was there in a few seconds.

"What the hell? Is she having a fit?"

"No," Maria said. "PTSD. Just help me get her out of here. Now!"

Ryan scooped the almost catatonic young woman up in his arms; the two pushed through staring onlookers as they made their way towards the entrance.

A bouncer loomed in front of them. Carrying a semiconscious woman out of the club was a definite red flag. Maria grabbed his head, spoke into his ear. He looked back and forth between them, shook his head. Eventually, Ryan dropped Sofia's feet and held her upright with one arm. He found his badge with the other and held it out. The massive man looked at it, backed away, moved to open the doors himself.

Outside, despite the hour, neon lights kept the city at almost daylight brightness. The 24/7 traffic noise was only somewhat quieter than inside. It was however rather cooler than it had been, a minor mercy.

"Where to?" Ryan asked.

"I need to get her home," Maria said. "We came in an Über. Where's your car?"

"Wait a minute -- what's going on?"

"I told you! She's having a PTSD flashback, damn it! Where's your car?"

He looked down at the sobbing, shivering figure in his arms. "Keys are in my right pocket."

Maria's hands dug into them, fumbled, emerged already thumbing the fob. From a row over, there was a beep and Maria headed in that direction.

When Ryan went to put her into the back seat, Sofia clung to him, would not let go. He looked at Maria in appeal. What now?  

"Just hold her," she decided. "I'll drive. Is that OK?"

He nodded and folded himself into the passenger seat, cradling Sofia in his arms. Maria adjusted the seat and headed off, driving on the fast side of legal.

"She's an Air Force pilot," Maria explained on the way. "Something happened on a mission, she's never said what, but she keeps getting flashbacks."

Ryan's training had included lectures on PTSD. He nodded in the back seat, tried to comfort Sofia.

It wasn't far to the apartment building and she parked the vehicle expertly. "Can you help me get her inside?" she asked, fumbling for her keys.

In reply, Ryan eased out of the car and stood up, Sofia still in his arms.

Once in the apartment, Ryan settled down to wait on one end of the couch as Maria led the almost catatonic Sofia into her bedroom.

The living room was neat, clean. Two shelves of books flanked a large-screen TV. Local artwork hung on the walls. A framed photo of Maria and Sofia as children on a playground stood on the coffee table.

The apartment smelled good, the man realized -- some cooking smells, some soap or shampoo, something else he couldn't identify.

Ryan considered pulling a book off the shelf but the gentle murmur of Maria's voice in the bedroom shortly lulled him into sleep.

He awoke to a soft poke on his shoulder. Opening his eyes, he saw Maria looking down at him.

He shook his head. "Sorry. I must have dozed off. How is she?"

Maria shook her head. "Not so good, to tell the truth. I haven't seen her this bad in months." She looked him up and down, her eyes finally locking onto his.

"Look, this is going to seem kind of weird, but, well, you're a cop."

"Federal marshal," he replied automatically.

"Whatever. Can I trust you?"

"Um, I guess so."

"Can I?" she insisted.

"Sure. Yes."

"She needs somebody with her, just being there, but I have to be at work at six-thirty tomorrow or get fired and I'm too tired to breathe right now. If I brought her out here, could you just be with her? I figure she'll be OK in a couple of hours and will see herself to bed. Then you either go or crash on the sofa."

"Um, I guess so. Yes."

"No funny business?"

Ryan thought Maria too looked close to tears. He shook his head, raised his right hand in a Boy Scout salute.

"Thanks," she said, gratefully. "I really appreciate it." She bent down, kissed his forehead lightly and went into the bedroom, reappearing in a moment leading the red-eyed Sofia.

"Here, hon," Maria said softly. "Ryan's here. You'll be OK."

Sofia looked blankly at Ryan, but sat down on the sofa beside him. Maria squeezed his forearm and smiled in thanks. She brought a blanket before vanishing.

Sofia slumped a little. Her head came down to rest on his shoulder. Feeling a little shudder or sob, he gently stroked her hair in a comforting manner and she seemed to relax a little.

Sleep came for him, eventually, but Sofia kept waking up and Ryan found himself petting her head over and over to lull her back to sleep.

.

Sofia woke on their couch, uncomfortable. She realized she was still dressed and had her head on somebody's knees. There was a light throw over her. A distinct snore came from close above her. Her head hurt; her neck was stiff.

Opening her eyes -- a struggle -- she realized she was lying on the sofa in her own apartment, her head on a chinos-clad pair of knees.

Startled, she jumped to her feet, whirling away from the sofa before coming to rest on the other side of the room.

Ryan jerked awake, rubbed his eyes. From the light outside, it was early morning.

"Mornin', Princess," he said, sleepily. "Feeling any better?"

Sofia, clearly not recognizing him, hissed through thin lips, "Who the hell are you?"

"Ryan," he replied. "I helped Maria get you home from the club last night, remember?"

The young woman sagged a little. "Oh, crap! I flipped out again, didn't I?"

The man nodded, careful not to move.

"Where's Maria?"

"She left for work an hour ago."

"Well, thank you, I guess, but I need you to leave. Like right now."

He looked at her, his eyebrows raised.

"Now!"

Ryan shrugged, got off the sofa. He stretched, went to the door. Leaving, he turned around to face Sofia.

"You're welcome," he said simply, then closed the door.

+

"Manx!" Ryan's supervisor called to him across the room. "Phone call, line 3. Some woman."

He picked up the phone on his desk. "Deputy Marshal Manx," he said automatically.

There was a pause before a hesitant female voice asked, "Is this Ryan? From the club?"

"Uh, yes. Sofia?"

"No, it's Maria, her roommate. It's taken me a while to track you down. Look, Sofia is here and she has something to say to you."

Ryan could hear a short, muffled but clearly pointed discussion at the other end. A timorous voice then came on the line.

"Ryan? It's Sofia." The voice sounding both shy and pressured. "Look, I'm really sorry. Maria told me how great you were to me and I'm sorry to have been such a bitch and..."

Ryan cut her off. "Not sure who you are, lady, but I don't remember any bitches that night." He smiled to himself. "I do remember a young lady named Sofia, who did nothing to apologize for. Maybe you know her?"

"But you... I mean, I had the grand meltdown and you helped save me and held me all night."

"Still wondering why you need to apologize..."

"And then I bitched out and told you to leave."

"True. I'd sort of written it off as a bad hair day on your part, tell the truth."

"Well, I'm really sorry."

"s'OK, Sofia. Really. It's not every day I get to spend the night with a beautiful girl's head on my shoulder."

Ryan thought he could hear the blush over the phone.

"Well, anyway. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Look, I have a meeting. Can we talk later?"

There was more muffled muttering, louder this time.

"Wait! Um, can Maria and I say thanks by making dinner on Saturday? Say, at six-thirty?"

"You don't have to do that."

"Please?"

"I'd love to. What may I bring?"

"Just you."

.

There were fresh flowers on the table when Ryan arrived and the smell of good cooking. Despite fresh slacks and a nice shirt, he felt underdressed when Maria answered the door. She was wearing a simple but elegant black thigh-length halter neck dress set off with a simple gold bracelet. She smiled brightly.

Before she could speak, Sofia emerged, her eyes shyly downcast. She wore no jewelry but, after much pressure from Maria, had donned a colorful, almost iridescent strapless dress, exposing a great deal of very shapely leg. Elsewhere, what it didn't show, it clung to.

It had, truth be told, been a long time since Sofia had worn anything but jeans, sweats or a uniform.

"Sofia!" Maria had argued, physically backing her into a corner with an outstretched finger. "You're super-cute. And there's a gorgeous guy coming for dinner. You are not going to wear anything but the best!"

Sofia had given in and, from the back of her closet, had retrieved the almost-forgotten outfit and a simple pair of black pumps.

Ryan found himself swallowing in admiration.

The young woman's initial timidity faded as she saw the clear look of delighted approval in the man's eyes.

He complimented the two on their appearances. Sofia blushed again and it was Maria who replied.

"My shy cousin, A-K-A Darth Vaderess, owes you at least a dinner, sport. I figured you merited some dress-up as well."

Sofia's soft brown eyes came up and met his. "I really am grateful, Ryan. Thank you for helping me and thank you for coming tonight."

The look on her face was vulnerable, pleading. Ryan was entranced by her looks, but conscious of more than just her bad memories, of some deeper shyness.

"It's a delight to spend an evening in such stunning company," he smiled.

Maria was pretty - very pretty. Sofia took that up a notch or three. Try as he might, the man couldn't stop his eyes off her form. He tried to be discrete about it and Maria grinned at his efforts.

Maria gave her cousin a slight shove from behind. "So, give him a hug, dummy. I'm going to see to dinner; you get us all a drink."

Sofia's eyes dropped again and her blush deepened, but she dutifully stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the man's waist. "Thank you again, Ryan," she said softly.

Sensing her shyness, he merely stood still. On impulse, he ran one hand lightly over her hair.

Sofia stiffened at his touch, pushed away from him. Her wide-open eyes stared up at him. "You... I remember now! You did that all night!"

"Did I?" he smiled.

Just like that, Sofia's entire demeanor changed; she smiled back with brilliant white teeth. Her second hug was much stronger, more confident now. This time, Ryan hugged back with one hand; his other resumed stroking her hair. To his amazement, he felt her head come down on his shoulder. Unsure, he looked to Maria standing in the kitchen door, only to see her hands clasped together over her head in triumph like a victorious athlete. Beaming, she mouthed a silent 'thank you' to him.

Sofia eventually broke the hug. "Thank you, Ryan," she said softly. "I needed it then and I needed it now."

Her lips on his cheek felt very soft.

.

The meal was Tex-Mex and exceptionally good, but Ryan could hardly remember the details, such was Sofia's sudden animation. Maria was beaming with grateful smiles, obviously thrilled at her cousin's positive reactions.

Ryan decided to press his advantage.

"Do you by any chance like basketball?" he asked. "I have a pair of tickets to the Aces games next week."

She thought for a second. "I love women's basketball. I'd..." She then paused.

"Is it in the Michelob?" She closed her eyes for a moment, shook her head, sagged a little. "I'm sorry, Ryan, I'd love to go, but... OK, look, you know my problem. That many screaming people in a confined space... I'm sorry..."

Her pauses grew longer. She looked about ready to cry.

Maria and Ryan both reached out, each taking a hand to comfort her.

"It's OK," he reassured her, squeezing her hand gently. "No big deal. Do you like hiking? How about the area by the lake? Lots of quiet places there, right? Not many people if you know where to go. we could always go swimming if it gets too hot." Ryan's words began to run together in his anxiety.

Sofia took a deep breath, caught herself and nodded.

"Yes. Thank you, Ryan. Yes, please." She dabbed at her eyes with her napkin before turning in her chair and leaning into him for a long, gentle hug. Over her shoulder, Ryan could see Maria smiling at how well he was doing.

"Maria," he said. "Would you like to join us?"

Maria shook her head. "No, thanks. You guys have a good time."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

+

It was Sofia who took Ryan's hand.

They had walked for 15 minutes from the parking lot, making small talk, remarking on the scenery.

Sofia was enjoying the walk, but was conflicted. Being alone was painful, but being open to somebody else meant being vulnerable and that was terrifying. She was afraid to trust, afraid of being more than herself, afraid of letting down her guard. Deliberately, cautiously, her hand reached out, felt for his. Once she had found it, the way his strong hand felt in hers was comforting. She'd needed the human contact, she realized. He squeezed hers gently and she knew it had not been a mistake.

There was one problem however. Sofia was now reluctant to let go of the burly man's hand, but the trail became narrower, too narrow for two people to walk comfortably side by side. It became a small joke between them, but it was inevitable that Ryan would pull his hand away.

Sofia felt disappointed, then Ryan turned and the smile on his face was the reassurance she needed.

"I like the hands thing," he smiled. "Thank you."

Standing facing her, he reached out his hand, palm upwards. "I'd be happy to continue," he smiled, "but maybe we should find another path." His head dropped a little to one side.

Sofia felt comforted by the kind expression on his face. She took his hand, squeezed it.

"Thank you, Ryan. I'd like to finish the walk, I think."

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze in return, started to let go. Sofia surprised him by holding on.

"Maybe," she said softly, "I could hold your hand later?"

Ryan's laugh was contagious and she joined him before they set off again.

+

His hand did feel good, she thought as they neared the parking lot several hours later. It had been too long, she realized, too long since she'd allowed herself the relief of friendship.

"Thank you again, Ryan. This has been fun." She paused by her car. "But right now, I need a shower and something to drink."

"How about a pool and a drink?" His smile was entrancing, she thought. "I think my place is closer than yours."

Sofia thought for a moment. It was a nice idea, but...

She realized that she had pushed her boundaries a fair bit today. She looked at Ryan, tried her most tender smile, put her hand on his arm.

"Thank you, Ryan, but I think I will pass. Just for now. Ask me again. Please."

She leaned up, kissed his cheek and did not turn away when his head turned, his lips came to hers.

It was a gentle kiss, a soft kiss, no demands, no pressure, no agenda but Sofia felt her heart beat faster at its promise. She shifted a hand to behind his head, pulled him in closer, let the tip of his tongue trace his lips before pulling away.

"That was fun, too, Ryan. Thank you. I needed that. But I do need to go."