Reggie 01

Reggie 01

"Well, you seem to have a cozy spot for the concert in the river park tonight, right?"

"Oh, Brewster, I have found a cozy spot for the music concert tonight, but only if being shunned is the same as being cozy, so."

"Oh, well, so, what's all in your small cooler then, hmm, Reggie?"

"The same ole, same ole. A few ice teas, a few snacks, a flashlight, a couple of glow sticks, black nail polish, phone charger, ice packs, spare shoe laces, lip gloss, a butane lighter, picnic salt and pepper shakers, pepper spray, a screwdriver, my key fob, my wristband from the last concert, an ink pen, an eyeliner pencil, a small band aid, a regular size band aid, mad money, spur of the moment money, concert t-shirt money, a small fresh fruit bowl, a couple of plastic forks, knives and spoons, a cross for vampires, fake vampire fangs, a compact mirror, a blunt and two regular cigarettes in a small plastic baggie, white mint chewing gum, pink bubble gum, but only because I thought I'd good decent in bubble pink undies and then I didn't, four paper napkins, a winning lotto scratcher, a loser lotto scratcher, so, you know, Brewster, the same ole, same ole, so?"

"Reggie, you have all that packed into a six-pack sized soft side cooler?"

"Well, Brewster, since I don't have many friends, I have a lot of time on my hands to carefully pack and keep inventory, so?"

Well, nobody seems to want to make friends with me much, so that's why I just stuck with my real name of Reggie for my fem name. I mean, who cares, right? For all the friends I have, I mean, I could have chosen George as my name and my life would be the same. Well, except for there is a George in my story later, so I wouldn't choose George. I mean, the name, not the actual George.

Anyways, hey there, I'm Reggie and I have the super power of invisibility and my chosen path in life is more of a Regina, than a Reggie and SOB, I just now thought about the name Regina, so snap! But it's too late now. I mean, I have so many people who give me the cold shoulder as it is today and it would be rude of me to make them start all over again by going with a name change and I'm not rude, so, I'm sticking with Reggie and sticking with shopping on the other side of the store. Well, sometimes I might seem and sound bitter, but I'm not trying to be rude. Unless being rude is the same as being bitter. Well, OMG, I'm getting tongue tied with my words, so I'm moving on!

Well, if nothing else, I'm nice enough to appreciate those who have said that they would appreciate having sex with me over those who just come out and say it or ask for it, but that's not my vision of how to make friends.

Not that Brewster has ever said one single word about sex one way or the other, so I also appreciate those who stay neutral about things. That's my vision of how to make friends.

"Well, those are a nice shade of red yoga thingamajigs, Reggie, so I'll see you around then, okay?"

"I mean, they're just normal thin leggings, but thanks for noticing the neutral and unassuming shade. Also, the highlights are the pronounced rolled cuffs of my shorts, but thanks for saying something nice to me anyways, Brewster."

[Upbeat music playing in the background as Brewster turns to walk away to keep the shunning track record in place, but is soon replaced by another visitor at the cozy blanket spot in the grassy area]

"The word is that you might have an extra ice tea and some black nail polish, so? Also, Reggie, if you get up from your cozy blanket and leave right now, the geometric angles might just work out that you and Brewster meet up at the vortex of the portable potties at just about the same time and nobody should ever turn down a watchful eye at the park's restroom facilities, so?"

"Oh, Eve am I supposed to..."

"Ahem!"

"Oh, sorry, Eve Vill, am I supposed to know what that all means? Oh. Um, so?"

[Carefully packed inventory contents of the emergency cooler start getting flung (swish) and flayed (swoosh) all about]

"Get going! [Twist, fizz.] Ooh, pink bubble gum! Just like the undies I'm wearing tonight! Which will never be repeated, since I live for darker clothing, so, go and see where geometry takes you, Reggie Reg!"

Well, since nobody really likes me, I mean, I just never had to read between the lines before, so I didn't understand how that geometry worked and I must have missed a geometric line to form the triangle that Eve Vill spoke of because I just ended up in a weird situation where I ended up standing in the grass near the restroom building all alone and probably looking like a desperate dork!

And I probably looked like a total lonely dork walking back to my cozy blanket all by myself!

[Dramatic music playing in the background]

LOL, fooled you! There was no drama, no tensions, no nervous conversations, no flirting, no exchanges of phone numbers, no quick kiss, no fumbling of the fingers, no escort to my truck, no schmoozing, no complicated geometry problems to solve, no nothing. But it was a nice concert and a nice evening, so. And then I carefully repacked my emergency cooler while listening to the rest of the free concert since Eve Vill absolutely tore it up!

[Mellow dramatic music playing in the background]

But, two weeks later, I ventured out to the Middleton Strip, but it was more of a mysterious musical background than mellow dramatic musical background, but it had its moments or high notes, I suppose. Not that much had changed, but I saw a few things posted on Chang the night before and it seemed like with a little planning and prep, I could have a Friday night out and be invisible, but with a few choices of where to be ignored and shunned, other than on the Strip, so, that's what I set out to do.

"So, where are you going to right now, huh, Reggie? I mean, what's the plan?"

"Oh, Eve Vill, um, since I don't have many real friends on the Strip itself, I came up with like six things to do tonight to complete my Friday night out and parking along the Strip, like I just did was my first thing, so I have five things left to go, so?"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I only used six of my boot lace eyelets tonight and the knot is over the sixth eyelet, so, technically, I'm only using five boot lace eyelets tonight, so what's next with you then, hmm?"

"Oh, I mean, Eve Vill, before I leave the Strip, I'm going to zig and then zag and then zip across the Strip and then I'm going to head out and investigate a happening that I saw on Chang last night, so."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I zigged, zagged and then zipped my boot laces tonight and I did that on both of my boots, so, that's two, so, what exactly are your zigging, zagging, zipping and then your happening investigation event, hmm?"

"Well, Eve Vill, I think I have everything in reverse, but I was going to zip across the Strip to the Hoodie Shop for a new charcoal grey hoodie because I might have to "fit in" like that a little later, so, that's my zip across the Strip, so."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I put a rip in my old hoodie just this morning, so I also need a new charcoal ash grey hoodie, so."

"Wow, that's a crazy coincidence, Eve Vill, but then I was going to zag back the Strip and window shop for a new maroon leather wrist band, possibly with small flat studs, for an improved "fitting in" look, so, that's my planned zag and all, so."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I'm also in the market for a new black leather wrist band, possibly with stud spikes, so, wow, it's like a crazy coincidence, which makes me wonder about your planned zig then, so?"

"Oh, Eve Vill, after a zip and a zag for an outfit upgrade, I was going to zig, yet again, back across the Strip and grab a chocolate malted for the road. And possibly one extra just in case I run into to someone that I know later and they have a thirst for a malted, especially since I have my second other emergency, emergency cooler in my truck tonight and it's empty except for ice packs, so?"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I'm in the mood for a strawberry malted and maybe one extra just in case that I meet someone tonight who is in the mood for a malted, so then where were you going for your "happening" investigation, Reggie, hmm?"

"I mean, Eve Vill, that's where things get a little weird, but I saw on Chang last night that because of the new dark moon tonight, that things would be hopping and popping over at the Cracked Castle along the river, but that seven arch stone bridge scares the bejesus out of me, so I thought I would scope things out from Passion Point on the south side of the river from the safety of the large boulders that are all around Passion Point and make for good seating places. I mean, it said on Chang that every new dark moon that the nerdy Spooky crew and the geeky Lady Hawks crew and the Night Owls crew and then the Pure Blood crews actually come together in harmony and crisscross mingle under the dark moon, so?"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I just had a dream last night that I was up at Passion Point and sitting on one of the big boulders and giggling as I watched the weird stand-off between the nerdy Spooky crew and the geeky Lady Hawks crew from across the river, but then I woke up when everyone started to crisscross mingle. Also, that seven arch stone bridge kind of scares the bejesus out of me too, but there are ways to deal with that, so, do you know someone from one of the crews then, hmm?"

"Oh, Eve Vill, I should know a couple of Spooky crew nerds form school, like George and I've heard that they have all changed a lot, which I wouldn't mind investigating for myself, but only from the safe distance of Passion Point and while sitting on the large boulders because of the rickety seven stone arch bridge, which I am not comfortable driving across. And maybe I'm a little bit interested in how crisscross mingling works and that doesn't mean that I don't know how the birds and the bees work, so."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I know sexual curiosity when I hear it, especially when you might know a guy named George from school, who has probably changed a lot and may have facial hair now as a member of the nerdy Spooky crew and it's a coincidence that I probably know a few of the Lady Hawks crew from life and for how the Pure Bloods and the Night Owls are my kind of people and for how the Cracked Castle is more of my turf than Passion Point, but after you're hit in the face with disappointment from being left alone sitting on one of the large boulders all by yourself, while everyone else across the river at Cracked Castle are crisscross mingling and all under the new dark moon, I mean and then what, hmm?"

"Well, Eve Vill, that would complete my complete failure of a Friday night, so then I would just go home. And before you say anything about the legend of the seven arch stone bridge..."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since the legend of the seven arch stone bridge that states that no virgin who ever crossed the bridge, never crossed back as a virgin is more of a challenge than a legend, so just ignore that for now, so?"

"OMG, Eve Vill, I was just going to say that I technically, technically, technically, I have that part covered! Well, I think I do, it's hard to say since the definitions that were chipped into the bridges head stones way back in 1787 have faded over time. However, I'm still not comfortable driving across it, so getting my crisscross mingling lessons on how the birds and the bees work from a viewing spot at Passion Point will do for tonight, so."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I know of the perfect person to take care of the rickety bridge driving tonight because she is out for several hours tonight to let her fem boy roomie say his goodbyes to J. Junior before he ships out for boot camp, so [tap, tap, tap, text, text, tap, tap, text] you have a thing for crisscross mingling then, Reggie? Or is it just a coincidence that you've said that phrase like nine times already, so?"

"Oh, I mean, Eve Vill, maybe it's stuck in my head tonight, but only because the new dark moon is out tonight and it's a Friday and since it's the only time of the month that the Spooky crew, the Lady Hawks crew, the Pure Blood crew and the Night Owls crews come together for such crisscross mingling, so?"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since you're obviously interested in figuring out just how much this George may have changed since back in the day and my proof would be if you snuck in a pair of binoculars into your other, other emergency cooler for eye spy of the goings on with the crisscross mingling, so, just when and how did this George guy come about seeing you naked before then, hmm?"

"Oh, like almost a year ago, but it was only almost naked, wait, what, Eve Vill? That's pure nonsense! I'm Reggie and I'm skittish and I just learned that the birds and bees can crisscross mingle! Anyways, all of this is for not because I'm not going any closer to the Cracked Castle than across the river at the very safe Passion Point! Otherwise, my Friday night might not be a complete failure and that's never ever happened before, so!"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since the Cracked Castle is my kind of turf and the Night Owls are my kind of people and since you're dying to see if this George nerd has a thin line beard or a full beard, I mean, is all of this just a bunch of coincidences then, Reggie or have you been basically begging me to tag along with you tonight and find a bridge driver, hmm?"

Well, I didn't exactly remember asking or begging for anything, but since Eve Vill took the time to point out so many coincidences and since it was the night of the new dark moon, I mean, I would have been a fool to just ignore all that.

"Well, I suppose it's just a coincidence that I have some free time tonight since my roomie needs a little privacy to send his boot camp boyfriend, J. Junior, off to boot camp properly, but what's the problem here then, hmm? You back up the road, you point your truck at the entrance of the seven arch stone bridge, you smash the gas pedal to floor and you hope like hell that you make it across before too many of the stones collapse into the river, so?"

"Peacock Penny, is it just a coincidence that everything you just said is why I wanted to watch George, I mean the crisscross mingling from the safety of Passion Point on this side of the river, hmm? Eve Vill, are you going to back me up here and chime in? I'm going to pass out!"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since you would probably pass out anyways when Peacock Penny has to pull over and stop on the rickety stone arched bridge at the halfway point so we can perform a new dark moon ritual, so, tighten up your ponytail and prepare for a passed-out nap! Especially since you're having a problem telling me the whole story about when this George guy saw you naked!"

[Vroom, vroom, treacherous swerving across the ancient seven arch stone bridge, vroom]

Well, you see, folks, about a year ago, it was just a coincidence that I was at home alone while trying on some nude flesh tone shapewear, just to see what the difference between them and female exercise shorts was like, which there was a lot of difference, but that's when George unexpectantly stopped by, which wasn't the end of the world, but he did catch me in the middle of trial dressing, but I had a pair of thin sports shorts handy, so I slipped those on over the shapewear, the very nice fitting shapewear and figured I could get away with things for a few minutes, which a quick check in the mirror confirmed for coverage, so that's how I answered the door for George. And everything was fine until I realized that the coverage changed when I sat down on the couch because thin sports shorts move all over the place in the legs and ride up, but shapewear doesn't move at all, so it was not a coincidence that when George got up and switched on the game console that he wasn't going anywhere soon, which told me that I had to do something different to maintain my secret, which I tried to do just as soon as I knew he would be lost in thought for a few minutes as he scrolled through the menu of video games, so that's when I snuck off to my bedroom for a quick change.

And trust me, it's no coincidence that shapewear doesn't just slip and whip off like thin sports shorts! And I would like to think that it was just a coincidence that George popped his head into my bedroom just as I was lost in thought on how to proceed going forward then. My back was to him as I fumbled around for a better pair of shorts to wear for the rest of the afternoon, but that search came to an end just as soon as he cleared his throat!

And it was certainly no coincidence that when I turned around that we both froze in place and then we both froze in place some more and I wish to the stars above that I could say that George made a "twirl around" motion with his fingers, but I'm pretty sure I did that on my own, but then, whew, I made a mad leap towards my bedroom door and slammed it shut and then I didn't come out of my bedroom for two days! And I lived alone!

"There, are you happy now, Eve Vill? It was just a harmless accident between two friends from school and the world kept spinning around, so?"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since it sounds like you gave this George guy a spin, but thanks for telling us the whole story since it's also a coincidence that how you rambled on and on about how you lured this George guy into seeing you in a state of undress basically took long enough for Peacock Penny to reach the center point of the bridge for our new dark moon ritual without you passing out, so."

Well, it did do that. And I did not lure George into anything! I mean, I may have left my bedroom door open and all, but I lived alone and closing doors wasn't my normal and that's legit.

[Snap, snap, fiddle, fiddle, fumble, fumble, fidget, fidget, pull, pull, tug, tug, yank, yank, pull, pull, whoosh, whoosh]

"Bah, bah, bah..."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since all guys get excited when women remove their bras without removing their shirts, but by coincidence, you might want to hang on because Peacock Penny is about the finish crossing this rickety bridge!"

[Vroom, vroom, squealing the wheels during the treacherous swerving across the ancient seven arch stone bridge, vroom]

"OMFG! We're taking the long way back!"

[Smokes billows up from the tires]

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since I might actually agree with you! But I suppose it's not a coincidence that you just lowered your hoodie hood so that guy over there with the thin cut beard won't recognize you, who I'm assuming is your old friend George, right, Reggie? Also, holy bejesus Peacock Penny!"

"Tee he."

"Well, that is George and he has changed a lot, I think, so, okay, we made it, we're here and we can leave now!"

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since no matter what, I have to switch around Peacock Penny's hair extensions because her crew isn't here and a crisscross of red, pink, blue and green is required to assert her dominance, so by coincidence, you have some time to reconnect with that George guy, who doesn't look all that bad! I mean, the hooded robe is a bit much, but it's the night of the new dark moon and all, so?"

"Eve Vill, now you're just saying "crisscross" and all, so just stop! Besides, well, there is a "besides" in there somewhere and he'll never even look over this way since, SOB, they are all crisscross mingling already! But it's cool how the castle has a perfect crack in the middle, so."

"Oh, what a coincidence then, Reggie since this is all it takes! Yoo-hoo, Mr. George nerd guy! Yoo-hoo, over here! Anyways, Reggie, Peacock Penny and I will be just over there after I finish crisscrossing her hair extensions and crisscross mingling is a thing here at the Cracked Castle, especially under the new dark moon, so, get with it then!"