Rehabilition of Margaret Jenkins

Prologue: a note to readers and a writer's perspective on past and present

Dear reader, I first wish to thank you for reading this story. I should warn that my stories contain scenes that involve bodily functions such as defecation and are not to everyone's taste.

If you have read, liked, and commented on my previous stories, those involving myself as the main character, then I wish to thank you for your support. To those who have waited a long time in vain for further such stories, I also thank you for your patience. The twenty years that have ensued since my stories were originally conceived and written have seen me mature into late middle age, with all its usual benefits and counter-benefits, I have become older, wiser, more patient, less demanding. On the other hand, I have become less spontaneous, more hesitant, less optimistic, less daring, and have seen a reduction in my stamina and libido. In many ways more staid, but less "alive". I accept the fact that some of my own writings, including references to them in this one, are nowadays even embarrassing to me.

The account that follows is entirely a work of fiction, but one that fits the person I am now. All characters are over eighteen.

Finally, I wish to thank my fellow collaborators, Arsenique and Jackobin, for their close reading and invaluable editorial suggestions. As their stories share many elements in common with mine, readers might well enjoy them.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I suppose it was getting to know Jim, my widowed next-door neighbour - what we shared in our conversations, our flirting which quickly led to some light but affectionate petting. We soon succeeded in developing a genuine rapport and a friendship, which I hoped would become lasting and involve an intense sexual intimacy. However, we stopped short of anything at a deeper physical level, because of something that I regarded as, and probably was, a serious impediment. Just once we tried mutual masturbation, but I felt too anxious and inhibited to gain any real satisfaction.

I am therefore compelled to explain the reason for my problem, which remains a cause of acute embarrassment. After a while I realised that for our relationship to develop as we both wished, I would need to rehabilitate my sphincter to a normal level of function, in particular to recover my anal continence. I confess that for years I have lived with and been forced to conceal the legacy of excesses perpetrated on me by my mischievous daughter, Lauren, and her like-minded friends.

I didn't at the time have any complaint, indeed I was an active, willing, even enthusiastic participant as they indulged my fetish for poop games and anal intrusion. In the course of our perverted activities, I was repeatedly subjected to forced dilations by means of large and larger plugs, until the muscle had become too weak for me to retain my stool. In Lauren's and her friends' presence, I would suffer the humiliation of having to remove my plug from my overstretched hole, causing me to relieve my bowels of the faecal mass therein, either into my diaper or a plastic bucket whose contents I would have to display to them. The regime she imposed on me naturally required me to wear a butt-plug whenever I went out. When not thus plugged at home, she would sometimes put me in a diaper and force me to defecate into it. I couldn't free myself of her imposed regime, I was addicted to it.

Even long afterwards, when Lauren had matured, graduated from school, her fetishes had ended, and she moved away to make her way in life, it was still necessary for me to plug my anus in order to avoid messy and humiliating accidents while outside. Adult diapers were a possible alternative but were not a feasible solution while wearing light summer clothes or exercise gear. When jogging or at the gym I had to cope with the encumbrance of a wearing a buttplug. Trouble was that I still sometimes yearned for the days when I lived out my fetish of being made to soil myself, followed by her cleaning me up, ordering me to masturbate in front of her before she fitted me with a fresh diaper. I took care not to show it but I remained a both a physical and emotional captive to my past.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Meeting Jim had freed me from the emotional hold the past had on me, and in that respect I felt differently. I realised that I physically needed to retrain my sphincter so I could rid myself of the dependence on plugs and diapers, and I also wanted to. I researched the ways to do this and found it would be more effective with some help from a specialist clinic. I fixed on the one run by Dr. Newton.

My first consultation was at his surgery and mostly a long interview in which I revealed my past history of ..... let's face the reality, anal abuse. It took me quite a while for me to recount the incidents, and with much embarrassment. It was easier for me that he presented an empathic, non-judgemental manner, helped also that he was wearing ordinary informal day clothes - white cotton shirt without tie and grey trousers, perhaps deliberately avoiding the traditional white coat which often causes anxiety. He explained that rehab was almost always possible if done with the right guidance, provided there was no serious muscle damage. Regular pelvic floor exercises, squeezing and clenching were the bedrock of the rehab, but some additional help was needed.

"The problem is that habitual wearing of the plug had made your sphincter lazy, and its strength has not recovered. When you aren't wearing it, you just let your stool emerge into your diaper instead of practising the retention. So, we have to take away your plug so that you'll have to hold it in. At first you won't be able to retain for very long, but if you keep practising and doing the exercises than you'll get stronger, and eventually be able to spend time outside more or less normally."

He asked about my diet, which I admitted was perhaps overdoing the health thing - I was eating a lot of fibre.

"OK that is very good from a normal health point of view but it means your stool will be very soft and harder to retain a first. I don't advise you to radically alter it, but perhaps just to moderate the quantity of fibre intake. Muesli for breakfast, wholemeal bread, fresh fruit at lunch time, Soya products, lentils, root vegetables, it's rather a lot. So I suggest you replace one of the items with something low fibre, like egg, cheese, pasta. Have the occasional piece of cake for dessert instead of fresh fruit.

I'll also prescribe something to stiffen your stool. Only take the recommended daily dose or you'll risk getting constipated. And only take it for the next few weeks as it not a good habit to develop. We will review it next visit and decide if you can come off or need to continue.

But before I can proceed, I need to examine you to confirm there are no adverse health issues, and to check the condition of your sphincter. Are you OK with that Ms. Jenkins?"

The thought of being examined by a male doctor was rather daunting. I suppose that was because the setting was rather formal, unlike the way I imagined on that first day I met Jim. The drain from his toilet had been blocked, leaving him desperate for the bathroom, and he asked if I would let him use my bathroom. Afterwards we had a relaxed conversion on such matters over a coffee together in my living room.

I know it was silly of me now, but I felt rather self-conscious about the doctor seeing me down there, my bottom and of course my vulva. He would be looking closely at my anus with its loose ring. It wasn't only the exam itself, also his seeing. I was embarrassed about him seeing my cleft, and especially around my anus were not completely clean. Normal wiping is difficult because I am rather hirsute and my ass is no exception. He'd be seeing and smelling the residual traces of stool. I was terrified I'd let out some gas, possible wet too. It would be so humiliating.

He sensed my unease and apologised about having to do it himself. I hadn't mentioned anything about a possible relationship with a man, and it was natural for him to suppose I was anxious about being examined by a male doctor.

"Normally I have a young nurse to assist me, she is very gentle and sympathetic. She doesn't mind at all and isn't offended in any way. But she is doing a training course and is away this week. Would you prefer to come back another day, Ms. Jenkins, or shall I examine you now?"

I mentally steeled myself for the ordeal.

"It's OK doctor, you can examine me now."

"Good. Oh, before I do that have you voided your bowel?"

"Yes doctor, I went less than an hour ago. But I might not be as clean as I should be."

"That's no problem, you don't need to be spotless for an anal exam. I guarantee not to freak out if you are a bit dirty or if you let some gas. It happens all the time with these exams."

He led me into the treatment room and showed me the gyno chair. Before I doing anything else he had me remove my shoes and measured my height.

"I'll leave you to disrobe completely and stand on the scale to record your weight. Then get into the chair with your feet in the stirrups. I'll do some routine checks before the anal exam. I expect you'll be glad to know that I won't need to fix you into the chair today."

He left the room while I undressed and weighed myself, noticing that it was automatically recorded, and then sat in the chair. After a minute he knocked and came back in. He hadn't changed but had put on a disposal apron over his regular clothes. He first took all my vital signs, including temperature both orally and rectally with the same thermometer. After the oral, he cleaned and wiped it before smearing some gel onto it.

"I don't expect you to feel any discomfort, but you'll notice the gel feeling quite cool. But please tell me if it hurt at all."

He slowly pushed it through my outer and inner rings and in as far as it would go without meeting any resistance. He twisted and twirled it, creating remarkably pleasant sensations which made me want to put a hand onto my vulva and stroke myself. Despite the growing arousal I wasn't tempted, but I felt some moisture oozing out and a drop of juice glistened between my outer lips. I was thankful when the thermometer in my backside eased out. How disgraceful if I had orgasmed right there while he was taking my temperature - I had a vision of him being horrified and terminating the consultation right then, and refusing to see me again.

"Good, 36.2 orally and 37.2 rectally. The rectal should always be slightly higher so that's perfect."

After pause, he continued, "I'm going to penetrate you rectally now with my finger, and I'll try to make it as easy and comfortable as possible. Some patients it pleasurable and even arousing so don't feel awkward if you do, it's a perfectly normal, healthy response."

He then pulled onto his right hand a white latex glove and flexed his fingers to get it fitting snug and smooth, before smearing a generous amount of gel onto his middle finger, plus some more around my anal opening. I automatically relaxed as I felt the soothing gel on my sensitive membrane.

"Great that you can relax, the exam goes best that way. I'm going in now, as gently as I can, but please say if it hurts or is uncomfortable."

I felt his finger enter me through my outer ring. It was smooth and comfortable and I instinctively clamped as it passed. Again, I felt a tingle of arousal as it pushed further, the inner ring opening passively to admit its passage.

"OK, the tip my finger is inside your rectum, somewhere in the middle. I'm going to wiggle it around and I want you to tell me if you feel anything. Be honest, if all is well you will find yourself becoming sexually aroused, so please do not hide it. You might want to touch yourself, but for now resist the temptation. I wouldn't be offended or mind at all, but please don't as it would compromise the test."

The tingling increased deep within my womanly core and my breathing quickened, but I kept my hands on the sides of the chair. I felt the humiliation would be intolerable if he saw me pleasure myself during the exam.

"Ms. Jenkins, you are doing great. I want you now to squeeze as hard as you can onto my finger and hold it like that for ten seconds when I'll say you can relax."

I squeezed as hard as I could, holding my breath at the same time until he said the word.

"OK Ms. Jenkins. Now again."

I repeated three more times, feeling the muscle was losing strength at the end.

"Oooh, that was hard work, Doctor. I don't know if I could do much more."

"No need to, that was enough. I'm pleased to tell you that your sphincter is in good shape, just that it's become detrained. That's why it was hard work and you weren't able to maintain the pressure for long. But that will come good after some weeks of daily practice."

I admit to feeling relieved, I'd have hated it if he said there was permanent weakness and I'd never be free of the plug and diaper.

"Ms. Jenkins, there's just one more test I'd like to perform if you do not mind doing something. Please don't be afraid to decline if you feel it will be too embarrassing. Is that OK? .... Good. Then I'm going to wiggle my finger inside you some more and I want you to tell me if it makes you aroused. There's no shame if it does. Please remember I am a doctor and I like to know my client has a good healthy response."

I felt my cheeks burning. Yes, I was already aroused and all my instincts were to masturbate with the doctor's finger up my bum. But my ladylike inhibitions were stronger. I compromised. I wouldn't feel ashamed to say I was turned on, but I couldn't actively bring myself off.

"OK doctor, I do feel aroused when you wiggle your finger around inside my rectum. I like it when you do, but I don't think I'll climax ..... Mmmm, that's nice, I getting quite we...eettt! .... Aaahhh......."

I couldn't stop my hips from gyrating and squirming as I sat in the seat. I wondered if the exposure, my legs spread wide and my hairy snatch on display had something to do with it. His finger worked in more and I suddenly bucked. My cunt juice was visibly bubbling out of my slit and the sensation as it trickled down over my perineum set me off even more.

"Mmmmmm ....... Doctor, I'm think I'm ........ going to ... no, noooo .... I mustn't, .... I mu....... Oh, Oooh ....I feel so dirty, I wanna ......"

"Ms. Jenkins, it's OK if you want to touch yourself. Go ahead, finger fuck your vagina if you want. Do it for me ....."

The doctor's words released my inhibitions and I jammed all four fingers of my right hand hard up my fuck hole. I no longer cared how disgusting a spectacle I was making of myself, the only thing I wanted was to cum.

"YESSSSSS!!!! ....... I'm cumming ..... IM CUUUMMMMMIINNNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..... AAArrggghhhhh!! ......................"

Juice squirted up and arced between my legs onto the floor. The doctor s other hand was pressed on my abdomen to keep me from falling off the chair, which was just as well as I bucked and twisted, still with the doctor's finger buried deep in my shit box.

I was covered in sweat. It was several minutes before my breathing and pulsed had stabilised.

I finally got my voice again.

"Doctor, I'm so sorry I lost control. You must think terribly of me to let myself go during the exam. But it was wonderful what your finger was doing inside me and I couldn't help myself.

"Not at all, Ms. Jenkins. That was a most healthy response and I wish more of my clients would respond so well. And it's me who must apologise for putting you through that, and hope you're not feeling too embarrassed at your display of sexual surrender. Anyway, I can see it was very pleasurable for you, and I'm pleased about that. And I'll admit I greatly enjoyed watching you. And I'm delighted to say that the pressure on my finger was really high when you orgasmed. It proves there is nothing physically the matter with your anus and sphincter. You just need to do the exercises to rehab it."

"Oh, that's a relief, Doctor. I feared you'd be disgusted at my behaviour. I'm still embarrassed about it."

"No need to be embarrassed at all, Ms. Jenkins. In fact I want to see you again in a couple of weeks. Do the exercises several times daily, try to keep squeezing while you are doing housework or walking outside. Don't use a plug or wear a diaper, I want you to have the motivation to retain your stool by working your sphincter. The last two days before I see you again, I want you to take a double dose of the prescription and see if it makes you constipated and you cannot defecate. It won't matter if that happens just occasionally, but please tell me if it does and I'll give you an enema to clear it."

We made the appointment and I left, happier about my body than I'd been for a long time. I still felt guilty about my wanton behaviour during the exam, and the fact I was wondering what it would feel like to have his cock inside my vagina. Or up my ass.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The first thing I did when I got home was to practice the pelvic and bum exercises Dr. Newton had told me about. He gave me a pamphlet with diagrams to help show how to work the right muscles and what it felt like to do them. It felt weird to do them, psychologically, because of the connotations with anal incontinence, and also physically. One of the diagrams showed how someone doing them should occasionally penetrate their ass hole with a finger in order to gauge if the sphincter was squeezing harder. There were other variations suggested, like holding a clean plastic tube and trying to stop it from dropping out, or pulling gently on it. I just hoped it was going to do some good.

I hated to imagine what any of my acquaintances would think if they saw me with my panties down and a finger or other object up my ass. But oddly, I did get a bit of a thrill performing this degrading ritual in the privacy of my own home, unbeknownst to anyone else. It would be amusingly naughty to do it while on the phone to my daughter, my mom, or anybody else. I read the instructions for taking the medication to firm up my stool. I was directed to take 2 sachets a day, right after breakfast and the main meal, but reduce it to just the main meal if I became constipated. I would have to wait until later before taking it.

Jim was away with work for the week or so I wasn't able to see him, but I messaged to let him know how the first consultation went and what he said I needed to do. A bit later I got a reply.

"Sound like it went fine, and you got on well with the doctor. Have you done those exercises yet? You know, Margaret, I'm really looking forward to seeing you again. Right now I'm imagining you doing them, and with your finger up there as well. I hope you won't be offended if I tell you that I'm wondering what my cock would feel like up your ass and being gripped like that."

We continued a bit more of the online flirtation, which left me feeling wet and wanting to masturbate.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The days passed and I definitely had the feeling I was making progress. I wasn't wearing a plug now, but I put a pad in my panties whenever I went out. Gym wasn't too bad; I was never far from the restroom and the exercises didn't disturb my bowels much. But jogging was the big problem, each step, each ground contact loosened up my stool and the continual movement helped it worked its way down and sometimes out. A couple of times I got back home with a mushy brown mass in my panties, and a discernible bulge. Nevertheless, I was pleased to have been able to make it all of the way home at all, or if not then at least most of the way.

As the time of the next visit approached, I began to feel I'll really made progress. I was also fantasising a lot about being ass-fucked. Jim was the man who came to mind, but I'd have been more than happy with it being fingered by Dr. Newton. I also was hoping he would decide it necessary to administer an enema. The last couple of days I cut right back on the fibre as well as upping the medication. Sure enough, I really did have to push somewhat in order to defecate, and my stool was reassuringly firm. I had no difficulty holding it in the evening before and found I couldn't go after breakfast on the day of the late afternoon appointment. I was certain to be in need of an enema. The prospect excited me.