Release of Guilt

Janet and I had been married for 10 years. Unfortunately, our relationship had become very contentious. She wanted more and more without helping to earn the money. She Is great at spending money but not earning it. As a result, I became indebted for things she wanted. This included a second house in Ohio that was in fact a money pit. After many discussions she maintained it was my responsibility to earn the money and that we should decide how to spend it. This one-sided relationship continued and over time her demands exceeded both my patience and ability to earn the money she demanded.

One November evening the financial pressure on me and her unwillingness to help share the financial responsibilities boiled over. After being told how selfish and mean spirited I was for not giving her more money, we had an argument that lasted for over two hours. At the end of that time Janet, packed a suitcase and left our house. She was going to Ohio. I was left with the bills and the responsibility of making things right with our creditors.

About an hour after she left, I decided to go out and have a beer. "What the hell. There is no reason to sit around the house." I am not much of a bar person but tonight it seemed the right thing to do. I started driving and ended-up at a bar called The Pro Shop in Clearwater. For reasons not clear, I stopped there and decided I needed a beer.

Entering the place, I took a seat at the end of the bar and ordered a beer. This was a very nice place and had a friendly atmosphere. The bartender was especially nice and spent a few minutes chatting with me. During that time, I mentioned that my wife had left and I was just trying to relax after a tense couple of weeks.

Brent, the bartender smiled, "I understand. You won't be the first guy who came in here after a dust-up with a woman. It happens all too often. Sit back and relax, there's no pressure here."

The friendly atmosphere and small crowd made it a very comfortable place to be. About 15 minutes after I arrived a tall, man in is late 40's or early 50's sat down at the bar a few seats away from me. He smiled at me after ordering his drink. As we both sat staring into the bar, the man introduced himself.

"Hi, my name is Sean. I live here in Clearwater."

Without hesitation I responded, "Hi, my name is Jim. I live in Tampa but took a drive tonight and ended up here. Never been here before."

Sean replied, "Welcome to the Pro Shop. While I am not what you would call a regular, this is one of my favorite bars. What brings you to Clearwater?"

I started, "This is probably a story that has been told many times here, but my wife and I are having a rough time. In fact, she packed her bag and left for Ohio. I decided just to get out of the house and drive. I actually found this place because I was tired of driving and wanted to take a break."

Over-hearing the conversation Brent said, "Yes, you aren't the first man to come in here because a woman had driven him to find some peace."

Both Sean and I laughed. I said, "I suspect you have heard many a story." The smile on his face said it all.

As Sean and I chatted, he moved to the seat next to mine. We continued to talk about sports, his work as a clinical psychologist, and our family backgrounds. This went on for almost an hour. During that time Sean got closer to me and several times touched my shoulder. I didn't think anything about that. It didn't seem out of place. As I shared my frustrations about my relationship with Janet, he seemed to understand and provided some encouragement that everything would work out.

At one point he put his hand on my thigh. It seemed to be assuring to me. I didn't object. It gave me a sense of calm and reassurance.

Sean finally said, "This bar stool is not very comfortable. There's a table over in the corner, why don't we move over there. It will make our conversation more private and easier on our rear ends."

I agreed and we moved to the table. It was relatively dark in that corner so there was a sense of privacy as we talked. As the conversation continued, I had an increasing sense of peace and confidence with Sean that seemed strange since we had only met and hour or so before.

Sean again put his hand on my thigh as we talked, I did not back away or try to remove it. The conversation became more personal.

Sean asked, "How is the relationship between you and your wife?"

I shared, "We have had a rough time and in fact tonight she argued and wanted out of our marriage. Packing her bags, she drove off to Ohio. I think this is the end of our 10 years together."

Sean replied, "I am sorry to hear that. It must be a very sad day for you."

"Yes and no." I replied. "The past couple of years have been very rough and we only fought about anything and everything. Not what I wanted in a marriage."

With a sympathetic voice Sean said, "I can see that it was rough on you." At that same time he started to stroke my leg. I started to feel a tingle of excitement.

He continued, "It must have made your sex life difficult."

With a half-smile I responded, "I haven't had sex in at least 3 years. My wife kept complaining about my ability in the bedroom and my small cock. She said if I were a real man, I would have a big cock. She claimed the last time we had sex, it was the worst she had ever had."

Sean replied, "That must have hurt you. So, what did you do?"

"I just remained frustrated and looked at porn." I hesitated for a moment then said, "Masturbation became my release. Not very satisfying but it was something."

At that point I realized I had shared something very personal with a person I barely knew. That was embarrassing and what did Sean think of me?

"What type of porn do you enjoy?"

Embarrassed I hesitated to say anything. After an awkward minute of silence, I gave a nondescript answer, "Oh the usual stuff."

Sean not satisfied with that answer gently continued. "One of my favorite movies is the 'Story of O' have you seen that movie?"

This gave me a sense that it would be ok to talk about that movie since it had been a commercial success, a number of years ago. "Yes, it is a classic. I found that it was both exciting and could create fantasies."

Nodding Sean continued, "Yes, it is a classic and captures the fantasies of both men and women. 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is another one that can stimulate our imagination. Have you seen that one?"

"No, my wife would have killed me. She thinks any movie like that must be evil and promotes unnatural sex."

"That is too bad. It also is an honest portrayal of human sexual desires of both the person dominating and the person being dominated. Have you ever had a desire to dominant or be dominated in a sexual way?"

This got personal so I did not reply but simply stared into the room.

Sean said, "You know most people have these desires. Some want to be dominant and others would prefer the freedom of being dominated. Have you ever thought about either of these possibilities?"

At this moment my cock became erect and noticeably so. I tried to hide the reaction but Sean was a professional and saw my excitement.

"Jim, your 'truth detector' is telling me that you have thought about this and in fact a fair amount of time. Which to you want to be the dominant or the dominated? In other words when you watch porn to you wish you were the Master or the sub?"

I still did not want to say anything but there was a growing urge to tell him I liked the role of sub when I watched porn.

"Don't be embarrassed to share those feelings with me. I am a professional and must keep any information a client shares with me secret. In fact, if you buy me a beer, that will serve as payment and make you my client. Do you like that idea?"

I slightly nodded my head yes. That was all it took.

Sean motioned to Brent at the bar for two more beers. When he brought them to us, Sean said, "Jim, is buying me a beer and I agreed to be his psychologist." With a wink Brent put the new beers in front of us and removed the old ones.

"Now that you are my client you can tell me everything and I can't legally share that information with anyone. Tell me do you identify as a Master or sub?"

"Sean, I don't really know but I seem to relate to the person being dominated in the porn I watch."

"Tell a bit more about that. When did you first notice you related to subs?"

It seemed like a flood gate had been opened and I started to tell him things no one had ever been told about my inner feelings.

"My fantasies have always involved being forced to submit to a dominant person. They usually involve an older woman who forces me to strip and masturbate for her because she caught me looking at pictures of her naked daughter. In recent years it has been being forced by either a man or woman to do whatever they demanded of me. Each time I become excited and then masturbate."

Sean said, "These are not unnatural fantasies. Sometime an single event in our past, usually during childhood, sets the tone for all our adult fantasies. Can you think of anything that might have triggered this interest? Buy the way these are normal fantasies."

I could only shake my head no.

Sean said, "Perhaps some repressed abuse at the hands of a relative or stranger. Or maybe you saw something that made you think obeying others was the right thing to do."

"Sean took on the role of a professional and said, "Perhaps you have repressed memory about something that happened in your past. Can you think of anything that you want to forget but it keeps coming to you in a fantasy?"

"No, I do not" After a moment Jim said, "There was a time in college when I was in a local bar. One of my instructors happened to be there. After a couple of beers I became dizzy and wanted to leave for home. He insisted that I was in no condition to drive. He insisted I go to his apartment which was close to the bar. While I am not certain what happened that night, in the morning I was laying naked in a bed with an girl I had never met. She and I had been used for sex by some of the instructor's friends. It was a terrible feeling to be helpless as others used me for their pleasure.. I haven't thought about that forever."

Sean said, "I can only guess but I suspect you were masturbated and fucked. That night excited and made you feel good but also may have created a great sense of guilt because you could not resist and enjoyed being helpless and used sexually. At that point your natural defense was to bury the entire evening in the far reaches of your mind."

"Is that the reason why I have fantasized about being the person submitting to another?" At this point all of my reluctance to talk had disappeared.

"In all probability that is what has driven you all these years. I suspect you enjoyed the sexual release and the fact that someone was responsible for allowing you that feeling. Let me ask you one other question. What was your family's attitude towards sex?"

"We never talked about it. Sex was something treated as an uncomfortable and dirty. I developed a sense of guilt about wanting it but not being open about it."

"Okay, that is the answer. As a submissive you 'surrender to a strong person and cannot refuse their sexual demands'. This releases all the feelings of repressed guilt. You in effect became a submissive at the night because of your college experience. Does that make sense?"

Shaking my head yes, "I have not thought about that night until now. How did you bring that out of me. That has never happened before."

"Jim, just consider that the events in your life today, our meeting, and your willingness to talk freely with me allowed a repressed memory to surface. It explains why you see yourself as a submissive. Now let me ask another question. What do you feel about your sexual orientation?"

I again hesitated. "What is your sexual orientation?"

"Do you see yourself, as a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, transgender, or something else."

With hesitation I said, " I am straight and like women."

Sean nodding his head then said, "Are you sure. You may like women but have you ever thought about relationships with men or transgender people?"

I responded, "No."

Sean continued to press me. "What type of porn do you enjoy most and which ones provide you the uncontrollable urge to masturbate?"

I hesitated again.

"Ok, what type of porn to you watch most: men on women, men on men, BDSM, Femdom, transgender?"

I slowly started to respond. "Well, since this is private, I originally enjoyed porn where women took control and spanked naked men. Then one day I found a video where a dominant man completely took control of a sub male and after totally humiliating him, fucked him in the ass. That started me on a string of porn which featured anal sex. The idea of someone penetrating my ass and having complete control made me excited. I remember a line from one of those videos, 'I control your ass and that gives me control of you. You will do whatever I want.'. For some reason I can't get that out of my head. "

Sean asked, "Have you ever had anal sex?"

"No, I have not. Every time I masturbate after watching one of those movies, I feel guilty. But I watch another one."

"Do you see yourself as gay?"

"Absolutely not. I love women. I am ashamed that I have a small cock and that does not satisfy them like a big one would."

"Ok, it sounds like you are more oriented to being bisexual. Is there anything else that seems to turn you on when you watch porn?"

After another moment of silence. "Well, I have recently become interested in watching cross dressing and shemale porn. The thought of dressing up in women's clothes and having sex has triggered a number of fantasies."

"Can you tell me about those fantasies?"

"I can't explain it but seeing a man dressed in women's clothes and submitting to either a woman or male really is exciting to me. Perhaps it makes the reality of having sex unreal so therefore it's ok. I once tried wearing some of my wife's clothes just to see what it felt like."

Sean looked at me, "How did that make you feel?'

At this point, I felt totally free to share my feelings about something very personal and which I would have never thought I would tell anyone. "On one of her trips I tried on some of my wife's clothes. I enjoyed wearing her bra, panties and nylons. Looking in the bedroom mirror I fantasized about kneeling before a master as he ordered me to remove my panties and put my head down and ass up. He would then play with my ass before fucking me. That was crazy."

Looking like a true professional Sean said, "Not at all that is not an uncommon desire. Have you ever really wanted to act on it?'

I immediately said, "NO, of course not."

At that moment Sean moved his had to my crotch. "Your truth detector is telling me a different story. Now tell me the truth!"

It was funny when Sean moved his hand to my crotch, I made no attempt to pull away or protest.

After a moment of silence, Sean whispered. "Jim, undo your belt and unbutton your pants."

His firm voice commanded my respect and without resisting I unbuckled my belt and unzipped. I did what he said but was uncertain what would happen.

In a few seconds I found out. Sean's right hand slipped under the waist band of my underwear and my cock and balls felt his touch as he rubbed them. Although our table was dimly lighted, I saw a smile on Sean's face as he pulled his hand back.

"Jim, if you are willing to trust me and spend a few hours with me tonight I can liberate you from your repressed feelings and fears. All you need to do is follow my instructions. I can make you a new person able to find peace and satisfaction with your life. Are you willing?"

At this point my emotions were swirling. My logical mind kept say "no don't go" but my emotional self-kept saying, "You have suffered this guilt and frustration long enough go!" This internal debate went on for several minutes as we finished our beer in almost silence.

"Jim, are you coming with me or staying with your fantasies and frustrations?"

"Sean, I don't know what this means but I am going with you. I only hope this won't be the biggest mistake of my life."

He smiled, "It will be one of the best decisions. It is time for you to pay for my professional services so pay Brent and let's go"

After I paid the $35.00 bar tab and left another $10 tip for Brent, we walked out to the parking lot. Sean said, "I live only about 5 minutes from here."

As I started to move towards my car, I said, "I will follow you." "No, I want you to ride with me. Your car will be safe here. "

Sean drives a black Mercedes with tinted windows. "Get in Jim. I will get us there quickly and you can relax. Let me ask you. Of all your fantasies does being dressed as a woman submitting to a dominant man or woman or being a naked sub submitting to humiliation to either of both have the strongest appeal?"

This time I was more forth coming. "Dressing as a woman and being dominated by a woman probably is the strongest desire."

"Ok, are you will do whatever I order regardless of any reservations you might think you have and do it without hesitation?"

"Yes, whatever you order.." I immediately wondered where and how that thought came out.

Sean nodded, "Ok, now we have clearly identified what has caused you to be a submissive. You're an older male took control, ordered you to take off your clothes and probably masturbated you. That was a pleasant feeling but one that created a sense of guilt. You want to relive that moment of pleasure every time you fantasize."

As we turned onto a residential street Sean slowed the car. "Jim, take off your shoes and socks, then take off your pants and underwear. Put them in the back seat."

His firm voice commanded my attention and I slowly obeyed. Soon I was naked from the waist down. At that same time Sean made a call on his cellphone.

"Ana, get ready we are about 3 minutes from the house."

Turning to me, "Jim, your fantasies are about to become reality. You passed your first test by stripping everything off below the waist. I can see your 'truth detector' responding that you feel excited. Now take the rest of your clothes off. Your nakedness indicates that you are submitting to me like you did to your babysitter years ago."

I obeyed without hesitation and within a minute sat naked in the car. "Now you are my submissive."

Within another minute the Mercedes pulled into a driveway and a garage door opened. The car stopped 20 feet from the opening. "Jim, open your door and walk into the garage and wait for me."

"But Sean I am naked and someone might see me."

"As a good sub that should not be a problem you do what you are told, when you are told, without consideration for other things. Now get out and walk into the garage."

Thinking to myself, "This is crazy, and I should just put my clothes on and get back to my car to drive home." My emotions again over came logic and I got out of the car and walked into the garage. What normally would have been extreme embarrassment became a sense of excitement.

Sean pulled the car into the garage and closed the door. He got out and motioned to me to join him at the door which lead into the house. As we entered into the house we were greeted by a naked woman. She was 40 something; had shoulder length brunette hair, small but firm breasts, and slightly over- weight. She had a pleasant personality.

"Jim, this is Ana, my assistant. She is going to help you. Follow her instructions and I will see you in a few minutes." At that point Sean left the room and Ana took control.

"Jim, my name is Ana. I became Sean's assistant after he saved me from a lifetime of repressed feelings and guilt. I joined his group and have never had a minute of regret since. Trust me and I will help you achieve the same freedom."