All Comments on 'Remember... Ch. 02'

very good story please keep it up! hope you have more soon ! dutch513

Thanks Dutch :) I'm glad you're enjoying it. Chapter 3 is coming, probably in a few days to a week, but I'm really not sure about chapter 4's ETA >_> <_< >_>

Awesome story! loved it, i still remember reading ch1 but it was so long ago i had to re-read it before i could enjoy this one :)

A delicious tale! Looking forward to the next chapter! <3

Anon: I find it kinda funny that you would have remembered this from so long ago, haha, but i'm glad you liked it enough to do so :)

MiaoMiao: Thanks ;P

Fine follow up for chapter 1. I am hoping chapter 3 is in the works and that it doesn't take as long. I really want to know who put that spell on him. My money is on Amanda.

ResidentWeavil: Thanks for your comment on here and on ch 1 :) The answer you seek shall be revealed... but not any time soon ;P

You are a good storyteller and I'm enjoying the adventure, but you have some real problems with the technical parts of the writing.

First, the setting: the horses, swords and manner of dress suggest that they are in medieval times, yet they have running tap water and showers? They also speak in a very modern day way.

Second, the inconsistencies: At the beginning of the chapter, when Mark wakes up after being unconscious, he asks, "Did anyone else make it?" and the reply is, "Only Wilson." But soon after he is talking about "his men" and allowing them a night to play, and goes to see Magus Keith, who is also still very much alive.

Finally, and most annoying to a grammar freak like me, are the tense changes--often in the same sentence! For example:

"As Andrew entertained (past tense) the thought of a long relaxing trip to somewhere where he can get (present tense) some peace and quiet..."

"The hostess, a woman with short black hair and tastefully tailored black dress, led (past tense) them upstairs to the balcony, where they can overlook (present tense) the street below."

Little mistakes like these will bite you in the ass every time, and make readers like me less likely to read your stories, which would be a shame. It appears this story might be finished, but as you work on future stories, you might want to consider getting an editor to help you out. And keep writing!

Oh, one more thing: it's "anyway," not "anyways," and "toward," not "towards."

P.S. I love your name. :-D