All Comments on 'Repercussion'

Good story about the value of trust in a good marriage. Without trust you have nothing.

Finish the damned story!!

Good idea for a story, but the real drama would've been Tom's confrontation with Emily and telling her he wanted a divorce. She would've fallen to pieces, then blamed her friend for the destruction of her marriage. It's a shame you ended it there, because the aftermath would've been interesting.

As above...

but its nowhere near finished

of the type "Head Hurts - Cut Head"! Ugh!

The only problem is you ended too soon. Chapter 2, please.

How old are they? How long has tom and emily married? How long was the cover up?

A very good story...and I think is complete...One cheat two divorces...His decision was final, so why would we need to know about the confrontation? 4*

so thats about 1/5 of a story

The main premise of this story was good.

It's execution, though... not so much!

The final confrontation between Tom and Emily not be included is a huge omission; this story also could have definitely benefit from a second view of an editor.

Still, not bad... and, most likely, THE BEST STORY WE'RE GOING TO GET TODAY. Not at a a fun thought, that's the reality of LW lately, so !ight as well accept it.

Another good flash story. I enjoy these but wish you would continue with the fall out from the events in your flash stories. I find the fall out and aftermath as enjoyable to read as it cheating and confrontation itself. Thanks for a good read that is becoming fewer and far between on Lit.

I think sticking with the focus on Tom was great. It would have been interesting to read about the confrontation with his soon to be exwife, but not essential. Great story.

Editing, editing, editing.

You could've made this a much better story by putting in some detail, some background of the participants.

I'm not one that believes every single detail or consequence must be spelled out, but you set up some interesting conflicts and did nothing with them. If Emily knew Tom would never forgive her helping her friend cheat, why'd she do it? Assisting infidelity is condoning it. What did she think would happen when it was discovered? She thought, correctly, that divorce would happen. Seems like all risk and no reward for Emily. Emily seems just as likely to steal a car for no reason if we don't know why she'd be so self-destructive; so, it ends up being a bit random.

You repeatedly mentioned Tom when you meant John. Kind of ruined the flow. Also, an earlier comment was correct, to flesh this story out there needed to be closure with Emily.

The ending was perfect. Tom didn't hate his wife, he hated what she did and continued to do....lie. That ship has sailed. Trust is VERY important to a marriage.

I understand some people WANT to believe it's not a big deal because the real world is scary. There, I said it. It's not easy starting over in a new relationship. Some people prefer the pain and suffering of what is familiar to something new.

But their relationship is already at a breaking point. Without ever cheating, his wife has broken nearly every other wedding vow. My humble opinion is his wife NEEDED to confess IMMEDIATELY to have a snowball's chance in hell of saving their marriage. But her last act of disrespect was to default to lying to her husband, treating someone else in higher confidence, aiding in the continued strain of his friendship towards his best male friend, and ultimately not being by his side. She had picked her slutty friend over their marriage. And realistically, that black mark on their relationship would NEVER go away. It'd be there, constantly tarnishing their interactions.

We need MORE stories where the characters value themselves enough to start over again. Forgiveness and penance are EARNED. Too many people want it to come cheap, because they either subconsciously fear a new relationship or fear that they might not measure up in a relationship personally if they fall like this wife did. And no one is perfect. This soon to be ex-wife of Tom's will probably split with him on good terms, and learn a very valuable lesson moving forward in her next relationship.

This story began on a high-flying premise but crashed and burned after John and Tom met! VERY DISAPPOINTING AND UNLIKELY TO BE WELL RECEIVED! 2*

She did virtually nothing wrong (in comparison to the vast scope of possible offenses).

But in the real world...yup, Tom speaks truth.

These angsty melodramatic stories are truly boring. Are you aware this is an erotic story site? Please find a “stories about whiny losers” site for this stuff.

Learn English then learn to spell

Then put them together and you get English grammar

Try it before you try writing anything else

0/10

...unfinished...

She clearly recognizes what she did and how damaging they were. She was already weary before the fight. It would take a lot of crow eating but I could move past it

You brought the curtain down a bit too soon..... epilogue?

Can't give more than 2* to a story that just stops so abruptly and without indication of any further chapters.

Definitely needed another proofread for spelling and grammar but all in all not bad as far as it went. Should have gone on with some type of closure. Maybe His wife’s POV and the aftermath of her cheating. Felt it needed more. Thanks

I thought it was a bit tough on Emily. He knows she loves him and from what he heard she would never cheat. Her friend put her in a very difficult position that he also knows would never happen again. Yes let her know he is really pissed and that she should cut all contact with the cheater. However, he loved her enough to marry her so should certainly think about forgiving her.

It's certainly reason for some serious soul searching and some very heavy conversation, but is it final? I don't think so.

Not a bad story line, and I can forgive the technical flaws, but to spell a Scotch Whisky with an E! And such an expensive malt as well. Oh dear!

It felt unfininshed.

Not just the confrontation between Tom and his wife.

That wife was just too much of a mistery.

It's one thing to look away,

when a friend commits a crime.

Quite another to take part in that crime.

"I was stupid" is a poor answer

to a big question.

I like your thinking AOT

and hope you give us more stories.

And more solid ones.

4 out of 5 from me.

Ut, lover boy walks away free and clear?? Boooo!

Chpt. 2 please

But you make a lot of silly mistakes, mixing up Tom and John several times and simple literals. Having introduced the characters and established their viewpoints, it is a shame that you halted it where you did. You seem to accept that Emily knows when you find out her role in her friend’s whoring, that her marriage is done. I would’ve thought she would fight for her marriage if it was that important to her. Worth revisiting for another episode at least.

I sit here wondering, why if they both (Tom and John) were so hurt over John's wife (no name) parting her thighs that they both are going to throw away both marriages, why did the Jodie get off Scott free? If John's thoughts were about selling her to a Mexican whorehouse, what fate would Jodie have.

Please post another Tale clearing all this up.

Divorce over that? Must not have loved her very much to begin with.

It's like when producers run out of money and just have to end the movie but worse. You could have at least finished with the confrontations. That's the whole point.

More would be fun but it’s really a better story like this. Well, assuming imagination and intelligence in the reader.

Ended too soon.myou need to develop the story more. First half was great.. Maybe instead of posting bail, Tom refuses to press charges... Go with a second chapter and add some detail in form of back story.. I still gave it a 4.

I sincerely hope the writer is using English as a second language; if he/she grew up speaking English, he or she is functionally illiterate. If the writer doesn't speak English and is using a translation program, then allowances can be made. Still, this isn't much of a story - it is just an incident en route to a story.

The husband's reticence in questioning his wife about what she knows served your desire to create drama and suspense, but it was lame and unbelievable. It may have served one positive component of the story. It could be the telltale of why he was ready to divorce her without letting her explain, justify, or prostrate herself seeking forgiveness. That indication of a shallow tepid distant marriage helps explain the wife helping the whore by lying to her husband, and the husband looking toward an inevitable divorce. Added to the justification for divorce is that the good wife considered a cheating whore to be not just an acquaintance, but her best friend. What kind of woman stays close friends with a dishonest unethical selfish slut? There's a reason "Birds Of A Feather . . ." is a cliche'.

So it was a decent story. It is an insult to you to say your story was magnitudes better than the other LW stories of today. That would be like saying a cheese burger is better than a plate of shit.

One other thought. The most interesting and challenging component of a LW story is the Why. Why was the first wife cheating? Why was the second wife helping her? Its a common omission from many LW stories, but its the most interesting part of the best LW stories.

Anyway, thanks for the effort. Good luck with future work.

... someone said you end it too soon and someone else said you did not give details about their age and how long they were together nor if the guys stay friends or not.

I would had ended that friendship.

Not sure how many starts to give you although I like the story it left me with too many questions and I will not get answers.....

I guess *** will be ok...thank you...keep writing and learning...

Sure it was short, but there was enough meat and emotion to support throughout. Nice job!

This seams to be more of a story outline than a story. Lots of subsections left empty. Some writers fill in to much and make the story drag on to no avail, this needed a little more fill. What if John's didn't divorce his wife but Tom did. Or Tom's wife covered for John's wife because she was hoping for some quid pro quo down the line. Lots of what if's.

You desperately need an editor. You have awkward sentence structure, grammar errors, missing words, spelling issues and I’m sure many other problems. Aside from all the problems it was a good story, not terribly presented. You just need an editor help you over the rough spots.

and some of it was really powerful. But it's quite carelessly written, and needs editing desperately. Also, you deprive the reader of the confrontation between Tom and Emily; though, to be fair, there's not much there to be said. We clearly know how things are going to end, and why.

Looking forward to more of your stories--and hoping that you will edit them carefully.

Thanks, ohio

John would get a returned ass whooping, I mean a real beat down. I also wouldn't divorce my wife if I knew she wasn't cheating, pissed off and she'd be in the dog house but I wouldn't throw her away.

Does Tom really think his divorce will be "amicable" and that they'll remain on good terms? That's nuts. Both wives will hire attorneys and try to get as much as possible from their soon to be ex-husbands. Then they'll go their merry ways. Not a badly written story but the ridiculous ending ruined the story.

2 stars

A good effort. This could have been a fantastic story, almost flash or 750 word. But it missed the final confrontation between the husband and wife. Emily telling her friend she is worried about her marriage, is different then a final scene where Tom tells Emily he is done.

There is no scene of regret on her part, no scene of her begging counseling or imploring them to try and work together.

Thanks.

A nice start. We all struggle with proofreading: I know I do. So give reading your draft out loud and see if it helps to point out necessary fixes. I enjoyed how it played out.

Amanda for sure....Tom for being super stupid.....Emily for being wing dudette....John for being most trusting...lets wait for LIT Court of Appeals. and a fill in questionnaire. TK U MLJ LV NV

Only a complete moron would kill a marriage when the wife is remorseful and the friend doesn’t support it.

Without the final confrontation between Tom and his wife, this story remains incomplete. Tom explaining his thinking to John is fine, but if the reader doesn’t see Emily realize SHE is responsible for the destruction of her marriage, then the title should be changed to ”Implied Repercussion.”

Congratulations on having the balls to write a story for LW!

This is your only story I’ve read, but It’s NOT absolutely awful. It does, however need a lot of improvement. I agree with another, who suggested proof reading aloud. I find that really helps. Also, don’t get in a hurry to post—let it cool a week, then read it aloud again. When we don’t read aloud we have a tendency to read by complete sentences and even paragraphs, thus we miss the silly little mistakes just like you did.

Another big mistake was mixing up the character’s names—very “ungood” so be careful. Good luck with your writing! cd

A very talented writer here, blackrandi told me a couple of years ago something I think about when reading these LW's marriages that are destroyed by infidelity.

It's a no brainer when you think about it but many times when I am wrapped up in a story it's easy to forget.

She said, "You can't tell someone how they should feel about a situation."

That comes into play here when I read comments about how foolish the husband reaction is to this situation. But, then again, his actions were a result of how he felt.

That's what I find intriguing about these little dramas. Those kneejerk reactions are unpredictable. For one man, reconciliation is possible, for another it's impossible.

I understand how other readers may feel he was being too harsh.

BUT, it doesn't make the man a bad person because he refuses to remain married to someone he can no longer trust. It just makes him human.

You know the husband will miss his wife the rest of his life and that in the long run he is hurting himself more than he hurts her. *****

(BTW author, I believe this story still has legs for another chapter for them to reconcile. Just saying.)

Here is the truth, if I were a judge on this one (i am retired now) I would order 24 sessions of counseling. If he complied and still wanted out, I would order a 50/50 split, she gets the house, he would have to buy her out. Half his retirement, and alimony if and until she remarries or she dies. I would also hold him to paying for her health insurance whether he was employed or not. After all this is over he will be living in a 1 bedroom apartment or more likely as studio. I would also require him to write the checks out himself every month with the note in the memo, "For better or for worse." She did not cheat, his ego was his problem. By the way, I did order almost this exact decree when two sisters were involved. That was 17 years ago, she has a live in boyfriend for 15 years with 2 kids. Her ex lives in a studio downtown never remarried, and writes the checks ever single month. I know, because I check.

I liked your story but it needs an end. Why did Emily run interference for her friend? Did she secretly have a desire to cheat on Tom? Did she know her husband well enough to know what would happen if it came unraveled? I want to know about the confrontation and the aftermath. Did Tom and John work together to punish their spouses? Lots of ways this could go.

I don't agree. as the enabler, tom's wife was just as guilty as her friend. totally untrustworthy, utterly immoral, and completely guilty.

Tom needs to insert some control rods before he goes nuclear. John doesn't blame him but sure needs more information and Tom is the one to help him get to the bottom of his wife's actions and thinking.

You need a good prequel and a sequel to follow up this chapter to fill in some of the blanks of the opening and closing of this part.

This trust thing is just over the top. You can trust all that you want to, but that so called trust can be broken at any time. You can trust your spouse forever, and they can be screwing around on you during all of that trusted time. I guess that as long as you “trust” her, she can do anything as long as you don’t know about it.

The story needs more developing. What happened when they confronted their spouses? How did the divorces go? What happened to each of them over the next 5 - 10 years? Was any revenge taken? I can see John having a web page "TheTruthAboutAmanda... - contact me" - a simple web page with only truth ( i.e. my name is John X and I was married to Amanda Y from A to B. Contact me if you want the truth about her BEFORE you marry her!" Amanda needs to have her reputation dragged through the mud and made public. Maybe she will try to latch onto some guy(s) that have it all, but a simple background check determines that she has a history of being a cheater and she loses them (They may not even have sex with her considering she may be a Typhoid Mary). Emily should end her relationship with Amanda (hopefully in a violent confrontation) and regret her actions that cost her marriage. She may date, but is unhappy and unsatisfied with all the men she dates and wants to get back together with Tom. Of course a few years later she contacts Tom and finds out he is happily married, and has a kid on the way and wants nothing to do with someone who has such serious character flaws...

The writing is good but the philosophy behind it is, to me, so dam WRONG! And mostly unforgiving!

Do all LW husbands have a drinking problem?

If you need a alcohol to handle a problem, your a alcoholic.

Needs a proper ending and can't see why you'd end it's over something like that as she's know not to chat now plus even the friend sounds like he's rather he work at his marriage

Proofread. You even mixed up your characters' names at one point. That's disrespecting your reader. Potentially good story, but the potential was wasted.

You must be the lying slut type. Keep your legs closed for your next husband. It’s stupid to think he wants to go through life wondering what’s next. End it now and move on, you know like your virginity did.

Tom is a dumb fuck that loved John more than his wife so he'll be happy divorced because now he can go out and suck cock!

great read, enjoyed the story and i liked that it was told from a friend's perspective.

it's a bit open ended, I'm hoping that you'll write a part 2 with the fallout and recovery.

"best revenge is a life well lived" seems nice here, burning Emily seems over the top.

I would be angry yes, kill my marriage, no.

I would make her public ally explain what her and the slut did.

Plus her friendship with the slut is done permanently.

See her again, talk to her again divorce.

Needed closure with confrontation between Tom and Emily, but otherwise OK

Aesop, if you never lied or cheated in your life then please live in good health to an old age of 100.... HOWEVER:

If you fucked up sometimes in the past, then I hope you get hit by a bus and left disable for life (not killed).

You may think that above is harsh, but that is your standard, not my!

PS: in a hind side, do you think you were write?

Mixing John and Tom's names is distracting and diminishes a good story. Please proofread or ask any one of many editors to proofread.

The story was interesting and otherwise well-written, although I can see story continuing with many different outcomes.

Sorry, but the MC is an uptight prick. He knows his wife never cheated. He knows she feels remorse and learned her lesson. He knows she will no longer be friends with the slut. Yet, he throws her away because his pride is wounded. Grow up.

You need a proof reader. Spelling mistakes, mixing up the names. Just spoils the story.

I'm all for scorched earth stories, but Tom's reaction is beyond excessive.

And find a new hobby.

Say what you will, this is by far the best story posted in LW this week.

Again, it’s good to see our authors branch out into another view. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate a good Burn story as well as a Reconciliation but there are other people damaged when one cheats. Those stories are also waiting.... needing to be told

Once i bailed out my friend, and got to the bar. Would order a shot, do the fuck you cheers, then ask him to follow me to the parking lot. Would then ask him one question. That question would be head or gut. Then the story would continue, along the authors great end. Loved it...

Nice LW for a change. You didn't even have to throw the cheaters into a live volcano.

Yep, trust means a lot. Sounds more like Tom was looking to leave his marriage anyway, being so quick to dump it.

Perhaps the 2 guys have than just bromance going on, they should give each other a try.

Try using names that have zero similarities. Tom and John sound similar with the same 'o' sound. It obviously messed you up when writing.

Just for the record, if a weld is done properly it is stronger than the metal pieces.

Agreed, you do need a proof reader. Spelling mistakes, mixing up the names multiple times. Also, most importantly, read about active tense and convert every sentence to it: it would really make the story flow.

Also, Tom's reaction is beyond excessive: cutting off his nose because it had a blister.

You have potential, just need to go 20% further.

and if you have one, get rid of them and find one whose primary language is English.

Tom, what an overreaction. Really?

Apart from that it was an interesting story from a different view.

Enjoyed the story. 4*s. Ending was short-changed by not having the actual encounter with Tom and Emily.

Good story line but you really need a proofreader. Keep it up

Good story, but please proof read. It is easy to skip mistakes (I know) but there were too many to suggest you proof read it. Gave you a 4 for the theme however.

Would have been better with just a little more of what happened after the fact.

But, even without that it was clear and enjoyable. Just a few editing issues but only three that were obvious.

Thanks for the effort. You have talent. Look forward to future stories.

So she covered for her friend but that isn't any grounds for divorce,for him to say he wouldn't be able to trust after hearing the girls is just nonsense.

Grow the fuck up.

We have to make an assumption (because experience prepares you, and allows growth to take place) that you are a virgin and have never been in a relationship.

For a person to deceive their spouse by lying to their face and providing alibi's is Not only grounds for divorce, consequences for said action Don’t go far enough.

Marriage is a commitment between a couple based on trust, honesty and good will,

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

nitpic- why would you not think covering for a cheater would be grounds for divorce ? Cover for a thief, a bank robber, a vandal, a cheater... you must think cheating is ok and have probably covered for someone or had someone cover for you . Enabling someone to cheat - helping them to do so is so very wrong on so very many levels. Get a life.

Once again, Nitpic, the point of the story sailed right over your head.

Is divorce too drastic? Depends on so many factors we don't know. We assume no kids. That would make a huge difference. And then there is the state of their marriage before all this came down. Another huge factor. How happy? What kind of issues/problems? How loving was she? Their history matters. Before we can assess whether he should give up on the marriage, we need to understand what value he put on it.

The nature and extent of the deception -- How many lies? How egregious were the lies? How often? What was her attitude while she was doing all this? How much did she know about the details of the cheating? What kind of conversations with the cheater? Did she argue with her? Demand she stop? Rip her a new one? Or was she kind of enjoying the cloak and dagger fun? He feels betrayed. That matters. She didn't just help her friend cheat (that's real bad). She set him up to be a patsy in wrecking his best friend (that's really, really bad). Hard to believe she loved him. That ain't love. She betrayed her marriage by making it subservient to her friendship. He would and should view any declarations of love by her with suspicion.

I think he should talk with her and get as full an explanation as possible. And read her. Understand as much as possible. A big, big problem would be her failure to come clean while he was in the hospital. That was really stupid. It continued the deception. They should try counseling. But if he can't accept it, can't get past it, cut the cord.

I can see divorce. I can see trying to work it out. I think he needs to make sure she really understands how bad she screwed up. That is, she needs to feel it. Make it hurt.

Way over the top for divorce. But good story although needs chapter 2.

Agree with knoxhard to at least some extent.

Wife did not merely shut her eyes, but misused her husband as an active accomplice to facilitate the series of immoral actions. Emily should have tried to talk the slut out of committing adultery, and, having failed that, she should have stayed away. The concern is that Emily did not think that adultery was sufficiently wrong to keep her from being an accessory to the adultery.

Nevertheless, I do not think that divorce was only option, and, as by knoxhard points out, there are many other issues that remain unexplored that could perhaps have informed the consequences.

I think if Tom wanted to divorce his wife anyway, then this did give him the perfect excuse, though can't imagine he loved her all that much that his feelings could go south so abruptly.

Too much unknown to warrant jumping straight to divorce. As it stands she'd never do it again as agreed learn from that mistake and would be activity trying to repair there marriage needs a chapter 2 with more detail and not just a emotionless ahole response to a complex problem. I've never known anyone who actually lived someone to have so little of a response.

...mixing up the tom and John names. Also can't believe it would be easier to forgive Emily if she cheated??? I think this is something they can work through, as Emily is definitely remorseful. But cheating?? No way...thanx...

Loklie

This could have been a real good BTBs, with a good message,,,,, but for the numerous grammatical errors, i.e. "life your life" and so many more. It was a sucky read due to all the errors. Next time put the story down for two weeks then come back and read it to yourself OUT LOUD and those errors will just pop in your face.

/

3* due to grammar, hooyah, but no salutes.

Concise: All that really needed to be said was said.

Could have been a longer story, with more of the events leading up to it, and a confrontation at the end. But by leaving both bookends off, it was still balanced.

Great start this could go many ways. I could actually see a reconciliation here for the wife that did not cheat. Cheated on husband would likely try to help with that. Great story just wished it was longer.

.... and Tom arrives home.... changes his mind....

One of the few stories I have read where the relationship could be salvaged.