Rescued

The triage attendant informed me, not being immediate family, I could have a seat in the waiting room. I went in the indicated direction. It was Friday night. Not an empty chair to be had, except one next to an old guy who sounded as if he was going to hack up a lung at any moment. I picked a spot next to the vending machines and leaned against the wall.

I people watched for a while. No one stood out as particularly interesting. Finally, I pulled out my phone and checked the time. I'd been there about half an hour. A quick glance revealed Nikki hadn't sent me any messages. Hopefully nothing serious had happened to Donnie. Kids were flexible. With any luck, he'd just been scared and would recover completely.

Another fifteen minutes passed. My former mother-in-law came through a set of electrically controlled double doors. She gave the waiting room a once over before her eyes settled on me. I went to her side. "How is Donnie?"

She hung her purse on her elbow and ran her fingers through her graying, auburn hair. "He's fine. A little scratched up, but otherwise fine. Scared him more than anything. Thank God he was in a proper child's seat. He's being released. Nikki's signing some paperwork. Warren's with her. I'm sure they'll be along in a minute."

I nodded. "What happened?"

"No one is really sure at this point. Bill was mostly incoherent. Going in and out of consciousness, I guess. I think he's in surgery for internal injuries. His folks are in that waiting room. Thank God Donnie's okay."

I looked past her. Nikki, her father, and Donnie came through the doors. Donnie, wearing a plastic fireman's hat, rode on his grandpa's hip. They joined us. Warren set Donnie on his feet. Donnie threw his arms around my leg and hung on. I caught his hat before it hit the floor.

He had a gauze bandage on an arm and a cartoon-character-decorated band-aid on his forehead. I picked him up and held him in one arm, then placed his hat back on. "That's a great hat. Are you going to be a firefighter someday?"

He nodded, yawned, then snuggled against my neck, knocking the hat off again. This time Nikki caught it.

Nikki's eyes flicked between Donnie and me, her look quizzical. I was at a loss to understand what she might be thinking. At last she spoke, "Bill's in surgery. They say his injuries are life threatening."

I didn't care about Bill or his problems. "They'll take care of him. We should get this guy home and into bed. He's had a long day."

Nikki's eyes narrowed.

Warren stepped forward and hugged her. "It seems you guys have everything under control. We'll get going and leave you to it." My former in-laws said their goodbyes to me and Donnie.

Nikki hugged her mom, then watched them leave. After a moment she gave me a hard stare.

What's that look about? "We should get going too."

Nikki crossed her arms. "What about Bill?"

"What about him?"

"Are you suggesting we just leave him to face this alone?"

Bill? Bill was an abusive asshole. What was her problem? "He's not alone. Your mom said his parents are here. And there's nothing we can do for him. Not at present anyway. Getting Donnie back to normal and into bed is more important right now."

She mulled it for a moment. "Fine." Nikki turned on a heel and headed toward the exit.

When Rachel huffed "fine" at me, things were never fine. I hurried after Nikki. What had I done wrong? Maybe it was just stress from worrying about Donnie. It'd pass as we got closer to home.

During a silent, frosty ride home, Donnie fell asleep in his child's seat. I carried him in and put him on his bed, then untied one of his shoes. Nikki nudged me aside.

"I'll take care of him," she said.

"Okay." I stood nearby and watched. When she'd gotten him undressed and covered, she lingered, watching him sleep.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and leaned close. "Thank God he wasn't hurt."

Nikki shrugged away from my touch. "Not now, John."

I let my arms drop to my sides. "Okay. I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm just trying to be supportive."

"No. You're trying to get me into bed." She flashed a glare, then turned away. "We need to talk. In the kitchen." She went out the door.

What in hell? Who made her the boss of me? Regardless, I followed, closing Donnie's bedroom door behind me. When I got to the kitchen, Nikki faced me. Liquid green fire raged in her eyes. Thanks to Rachel, I knew that look. It wasn't good.

"What the hell are you thinking, blowing off Bill's condition like that? He's Donnie's dad for crying out loud," Nikki said, almost hissing.

So this was about Bill? Great. "I'm not blowing it off, but Donnie's more important to me than Bill."

"Donnie needs his dad. We both know that. What if Bill dies?"

I propped my butt against the sink and wrapped my fingers on the counter's edge on either side. I couldn't care less if Bill dropped dead. Probably better for all of us in the long run. "Bill is Donnie's biological father, but he isn't even close to being a dad. We both know that."

"That doesn't change the fact that Donnie needs Bill in his life," Nikki said. She crossed her arms and tapped a foot.

"Donnie needs him for what? So he can be ignored every other weekend? Hell, he spends more time with Bill's parents than he does with Bill."

Nikki's lower lip trembled for a moment, then the fire rekindled. "I had no idea you could be such a callous asshole." She fled to her bedroom and slammed the door.

So now I was an asshole. A callous asshole. I'd been called worse, but not by anyone I cared about. What if Bill did die? For my part I could say, 'good riddance.' Donnie was young enough to forget him over time. Nikki? Did she still have feelings for him? He was a real asshole and she knew it. She should know it. How was I going to repair this? Nothing would fix it that night. I went through the house, locked the doors, and turned off the lights.

In the morning I passed Nikki's room. I could almost feel the cold shoulder seeping under the closed door. I shook my head. This situation went to shit in a hurry. Fuckin' Bill. Probably wrecked his car on purpose. He always wanted to be the center of attention. Asshole.

I peeked into Donnie's room, he was still asleep. I tucked his covers back around him, then went to the kitchen. The coffee pot gurgled to life and I wondered what we'd do for the day.

I dug a tube of 'take-and-bake' cinnamon rolls, one of Nikki's favorites, out of the fridge and set the oven to preheat. While waiting for it to ding, I arranged the doughy treats on a cookie sheet and sipped coffee. As the pastries went into the oven, the toilet in Nikki's bathroom flushed.

She came into the kitchen, already dressed, accepted a cup of coffee, and said, "John, would you please make sure Donnie's seat is hooked into my car correctly? I took it out a couple days ago when I was looking for a coupon. I think one of the seatbelts slipped under the seat or something."

We'd both gotten tired of moving Donnie's seat from vehicle to vehicle, so I bought another one for my truck. I nodded. "Sure. When do you want to use it?"

She leaned near the oven door and inhaled. "Right after breakfast. If it isn't too much trouble."

"Can do." I glanced at the oven timer, we still had a few minutes. "Where are you guys heading?"

She pulled out a chair, then appeared to change her mind about sitting. "I'm taking Donnie to see his dad. Maybe if Bill sees his son, he'll pull through more quickly."

Marvelous, Bill again. That prick was going to milk Nikki's good heart for all the sympathy he could get. Not an issue worth falling on my sword over. Not at the moment anyway.

"You know you can take my truck," I said.

Nikki frowned and picked at one of her nails. "I don't want you stuck here or having to drive my wreck if you need to go someplace."

Translation, I'm upset with you and don't want your help. "Keep an eye on the rolls, I'll take care of that car seat right now."

I dressed, then went to Nikki's car. It was more a junk heap than a car. I'd offered to get her a new one, but she said it was the only thing other than Donnie she'd gotten from Bill and she meant to keep it. As fastidious as she was about the cleanliness of the house and our clothes, her car was a rolling garbage can. Fast food wrappers and empty pop bottles covered the backseat floor. No wonder she couldn't find a damn coupon.

After a couple minutes swearing under my breath and complaining about forgotten, fuzzy bits of hard candy sticking to my fingers, I got the seat strapped in. Just for the hell of it I popped the hood and checked all the fluid levels. It wasn't like she was heading cross country or something, but no need to tempt fate.

Back in the house, I stopped in the laundry room and washed my hands. I could hear Nikki arguing with Donnie about taking a bath. In the dining room the table was set for three. That's a good sign. The breakfast rolls sat on a cooling rack. After I spread icing on them, it sounded like Nikki won the battle in the bathroom.

"The rolls are getting cold. Maybe get him dressed after breakfast," I called into the hallway. Nikki answered, but I didn't hear exactly what she said.

Before a warm up of my coffee became necessary, Donnie rushed into the dining room. Wearing matching super hero underwear and tee shirt, with his fireman's hat, he hopped onto his designated chair. I greeted him and noted he seemed his usual happy self. Good. I poured apple juice, slid it, and a plate with a roll on it in front of him.

Nikki followed shortly thereafter. "I swear he'll give me gray hair before he's five."

I chuckled. "You'll wear it well."

She shot me a visual stab and wrinkled her lips, then turned to Donnie. "Eat your breakfast now. We have to go see your daddy."

As she sat and helped herself to breakfast, I took her look and comment to mean I was still off base. My hope she'd forget about it overnight had failed to come true. I still wasn't sure what exactly I'd done to earn her rebuke.

Taking my breakfast and eating while I leaned against the counter, I watched her. She seemed to make a point of not looking at me. This situation wasn't just bad. It was a horrible mystery. What could I do about it? Apologize of course, but I couldn't change how I felt about Bill. An apology wouldn't ring true. Might even make things worse.

When Donnie finished his meal, Nikki chased him into his room to dress him. A few minutes later they were headed to the door. I followed them out. Nikki paused to look at me. "We shouldn't be late. Around noonish, I think."

I rubbed my chin. She didn't have to keep me posted on her comings and goings. I took it as a good sign. "Do you want me to make something for you guys for lunch?"

She shook her head. "No. We'll grab something on the way home."

Nice, more crap for the backseat of her car. "Okay. Drive careful."

Donnie asked if I was coming too. I told him no, but I'd be there when he came home. He seemed satisfied with that. He and Nikki went to the car. I waved at them as they left the drive.

Puttering around the house, taking some chicken breasts out to thaw, and cutting the grass carried me to nearly noon. I started watching the clock, expecting them to return at any minute. I rationalized they probably left the hospital around noon and if they went inside at some fast food place, Donnie would certainly want to take a dip in the ball pit. That'd make them late.

When two o'clock came and went, I got concerned. Should I call her? No. If she was mad at me, she probably wouldn't answer anyway. Call her mom and see if she knew what was going on? Another no. Didn't want to drag the parents into it if Nikki hadn't and I didn't need to.

After pacing from the fireplace to the closet door a couple times, I paused at the coffee table and picked up my phone. I'd try calling her. A glance through the bay window showed her car rolling into the driveway.

Nikki summoned me to the car with a wave. As I approached it was evident Donnie was asleep in his seat. "Can you carry him in. He's getting so big now, I can barely lift him," she said. "I didn't realize it was nap time already."

After wrangling him out of the seat and laying him on his bed, I turned to Nikki. "Thought you were going to be back around noon. Car trouble?"

"No. We got delayed," Nikki said. She finished fussing with the bed clothes. "He won't sleep much longer. We need to talk." She left Donnie's room. I followed her into the living room. My guts rumbled, but I wasn't hungry. Nikki took a seat on the couch. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a tumbler, and put a few ice cubes in it. Nikki declined my offer of a drink. I glanced at the clock, half past three, then splashed a couple fingers of Irish in the glass.

Returning to the living room and standing near the fireplace I took a sip, then, even though I didn't care about him, asked, "How's Bill doing?"

"He's doing okay. They expect he'll be fully recovered in eight to ten weeks. Lucky really."

The butterflies in my stomach migrated to my limbs. I sat on the recliner hoping to disguise their shaking. "What do we need to talk about?"

Nikki found something fascinating to stare at on the carpet. "We need to talk about us. Us not becoming 'us' actually."

As I'd feared and hoped against all day. "What's changed?"

"Everything's changed." Nikki finally looked me in the eye. "Bill shared a new proposal with me. And I think maybe it's a good idea."

The whiskey couldn't keep my mouth from going dry or relieve the tightness growing in my chest. "What's this proposal of his?" I put my drink on a coaster on the coffee table.

She returned her eyes to the floor. "He said he's been offered a position in Richmond. He wants Donnie and me to go there with him. To make a new start. He promised he wouldn't go back to his old ways. The accident has changed him. Changed him for the better."

She looked at me. "I know I started something with you yesterday and it's unfair of me to renege now, but I think I'm going to agree to reconcile with Bill. It's best for Donnie."

I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself. I rose and faced the fireplace. The long wire forks Donnie, Nikki, and I used to roast hot dogs and marshmallows hung on their hook. I gripped the mantel until my knuckles blanched. "I treat Donnie like my own. Haven't I been good to him and you?"

She spoke with a catch in her throat. "You've been wonderful. Better than I had any right to expect. But you aren't Donnie's father. Bill is."

"I suppose you already told Bill you'll be going with him."

"No. I told him I'd think about it."

"But your mind's made up."

"I'm not sure." She rose, picked up my drink and finished it in a single throw. She grimaced and blinked a couple times, then placed a hand on my shoulder. "I thought maybe I'd talk to my parents about it first. But I wanted you to know, to understand, what's going on."

I allowed a sarcastic grunt. "Oh, I understand." I whirled to face her. Probably too aggressively. She took a halting step away from me. I reined in my anger and pain, then struggled to keep my voice calm. "I understand that for some reason I can't fathom, you think getting your brains beaten out every couple of months is better for Donnie."

"Bill's had a near-death experience." Nikki wrung her hands. "He said he's changed. He promised things won't go back to the way they were. Richmond will be a fresh start."

My voice rose more than I intended. "Richmond is a fantasy. Oh, he'll behave himself for a while, but eventually he'll go back to being the same old Bill. It's who he is. You know that." I patted the mantel. "This is real. This is now. Donnie's future is here. So is yours."

She squared her shoulders. "Donnie needs his dad."

I clenched my fists, then stretched my fingers wide. I had to go for broke. Throw it all out there and see what happened. "Donnie needs a dad, not that asshole. I was counting on being his dad, and your lover. Your partner. I want to build a future and a family here, in this house, with you and Donnie. Don't you see that? I love you. I love you both."

"I know. I'm sorry." She stared at the floor again. "I haven't made up my mind yet."

I wanted to hold her. I subdued the urge. She'd have the upper hand if I clung to her. "Really? I think that's bullshit. You've already told me you think it's a good idea."

She shook her head and sobbed. Tears welled in her eyes.

Crying? A low blow, considering she was dumping me. I grasped for something to say. I had nothing. "I'm going out. Don't wait up." I stomped to the door.

"John, I... I haven't made up my mind." She followed me to the door. "I have to do what's best for Donnie."

"Yeah, I know. Let me know what you think is better." I pulled my arm from her clutching fingers and went to my truck. A minute later I was driving away from my house without a clue where I was going. The perfect metaphor.

Saturday evening, at least it was early enough the bars wouldn't be packed yet. After driving around for a while I picked a tavern which looked to be in the 'mom and pop' category and went in. There were a few, mostly older, folks at the bar. Their collective curiosity at my entrance suggested they were the regulars.

A pretty, thirtyish brunette tended the bar. She smiled and asked me to pick my poison.

"Beer," I said, claiming a stool.

"Have a preference?"

"Whatever's on tap." I straightened the coaster she'd tossed in front of me and put a fiver next to it.

She brought my beer and asked the usual curious bartender questions as I took a sip. I answered her as vaguely as possible without being rude. Her eyes and smile were flirty. Whether serious or fishing for tips, I wasn't sure. I tried to keep my face neutral. If she was flirting, maybe we could get something going. That was a stupid idea. Rebound hook-ups never worked out.

One of the regulars slid an empty glass to the bar's edge. She moved off. Did she give me her name? I didn't think so. If I really wanted it, all I had to do was ask. Or listen. One of the regulars would call her by name eventually. My phone vibrated in my pocket.

I checked it. Nikki. My guts churned with guilt over the bartender, even though I hadn't done anything with her. Was Nikki calling to rub it in? I swiped ignore and put the phone in my pocket. Not Nikki's style, I was being an ass. A minute later my voicemail tone chimed. I grunted. Yup, a callous asshole. I took a swig of beer, left the glass half full and my change on the bar, then went to my truck. Where was I going to go?

***

Dusk found me parked by the river. It was a popular make-out spot for teenagers. At least it had been, when Rachel and I first got together. It was early enough there weren't any teens there. Just a guy fishing, but he seemed to be occupied with swatting mosquitoes more than wetting a line.

I watched the slow-moving water for a few minutes as the light faded. So, was I going to let Bill win or would I step up and fight for Nikki and Donnie? Was it even up to me? Running out of the house was a bad move. Chicken shit really. But now, how could I go back and have her not think I was weak? No woman wanted a weakling.

I'd fouled this up from the start. I shouldn't have gone on the offensive. I should've taken her in my arms and held her. Demonstrated that I understood. That I loved her. Let her come to me in her own time. Yeah, I'd screwed the pooch on this one.

But she wasn't blameless. She knew Bill better than I did. She had to know he was just trying to manipulate her. Playing on her sympathy to get what he wanted. She was smarter than that.

I dug out the phone and held it for a few minutes. I let out a sigh and tapped the voicemail's play icon. As I listened to what she said, the smile her voice brought me, faded.