All Comments on 'Rescuing the Fallen Ch. 01'

I am so excited to be telling this story. I'm deep into work on the second chapter, and I can't wait to share it.

AlectaShadow was INCREDIBLY helpful during the creation of this story, answering all of my questions so that I understood the payload better. And for that, I am so grateful.

(And for any fans of the Women's World series, I haven't abandoned that one. I've just hit a snag, and hopefully I can finish the 3rd installment of that story soon.

I absolutely love the original fall of women stories, and I love this one too. Alectashadow's originals focused more on a slow decent for one character, but your focusing on multiple perspectives. I like both styles of writing. I hope the next chapter is this good. (Btw, James is a real bastard lol 😂)

Hey Anon! Thanks! I the originals too, and I wrote this story for myself and the other fans. I agree that my writing style is different from AlectaShadow's, but I'm glad you liked mine as well. I think you'll like the next chapter as well.

(And yes, James is indeed an asshole. Lol)

God that last scene was hot af!

That said, I can't help but overthink a bit about the worldbuilding. Like, if the payload can do this to all women, what's it to stop every man becoming subservient to the payload's creators? Searching for a way to reverse just in case would be an absolute security essential.

As for the women in the FBI... the social engineering way of hacking exists. And so these women are a security liability. They'd need to avoid looking at any documents or computer monitors. So they'd have to crawl everywhere. That or be blindfolded and lead by a leash.

Oh, the women could overhear too. So they'd need headphones too.

Doortothe I'm so glad you liked the story!

To answer your question, "Why can't the payload's creators enslave everyone?" I'm afraid I can't answer that.

You see, I didn't create the payload. Heck, I don't even know what person(s) are responsible (within the FoW universe). I'm just telling the story of women who were already suffering its effects. I'm sure that's a disappointing answer, but it's the only one I have.

As for the blindfolding women in the workplace, there are certainly men within this story who share your viewpoint. But as James mused, "Appearances must be upheld in the workplace" (at least at the moment).

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Absolutely returning the favor, I’ve been meaning to… and wow, just speechless with this one—the entire world setting itself is grotesquely captivating, to the point it strikes me very much as a low-key horror story! That said, it is riveting, and the dynamics you apply here really make it pop between sexy scenes—both the hero striving for salvation, and his villainous coworkers seeking to thwart his efforts, all wonderfully well penned.

I’ll have to check out the source material, once I’ve finished the series. Five stars well earned!

Seraph_nocture: Thank you so much! ❤️This setting definitely is semi-horror. Even the original FoW creator said that the stories have a horror edge to them, and that's definitely present in this story as well.

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I'm still working on the 5th chapter, and hopefully I can get it done soon

Wow, Barbara's internal monologue was riveting. I obviously have no idea what it's like to be brainwashed into ecstatic slavery but I could believe it sounds just like that. Also, the eagerness with which her sister now tortures her for their master's pleasure---eek! What a way to twist the knife.

@Joy-of_cooking: I really love to read corrupted internal monologues! Writing that part was actually kind of hard for me, because I'm claustrophobic and I'm certain not a sadist at heart, but it was so harsh, I knew that it would highlight the evil of James and the danger of unchecked power that one human could exert over another if allowed to.

I gave this a five, not because I enjoyed it, it rings too many bells that I have heard in the past. Technically it's good, but then I re-checked the category mind control and it filled the bill for that. If this were a story that was intended to be unnerving then it filled the bill, but I pity anyone, man or woman, that thinks it's sexually hot. I agree with @seraph_nocturne the dynamics of the hero and his back stabbing co-workers, it sings of modern civilian organizations

@Duleigh: Honestly, I agree with your assessment for the most part. The men in this story are repellant and cruel, and the story is intended to highlight the depths of human depravity, and the horror of unchecked power. I'd be lying if I said that part of me didn't find parts of the thing sort of stimulating, but it certainly is terrible... no lie.

Jesus Christ! I feel like I need to go take a shower after reading this.

@djrip: Isn't it horrible? Far darker than any of the noncon I've written by a mile. The world is bleak, I won't lie. It's basically erotic horror. But you favorited the story, so it can't all be bad, huh? Lol

Before you downvote and comment about pee, continue reading a few more sentences and realize that it isn’t sexualized.

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Decent start in Part 1. Despite paragraphs 3-6 being entirely backstory, and a few odd word choices, I’m already anticipating the moment when the male FBI agent has sex. Great cliffhanger mid-chapter at the end of Part 2. BTW, the use of italics is perfect. No words are italicized that shouldn’t be, and all that should be, are. That’s really quite rare around here. I don’t know if I’ve seen bold used before, but it gave some italicized words an extra emphasis to indicate a euphemism to the reader without needing to state it explicitly.

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Really started to get into the story in Part 3. The insight into the mind of the female slave is beautifully conveyed, leading up to the final two sentences that tell the reader so much more than the words on the page; quite simply, the last two sentences add up to more than the sum of their parts.

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The final part of the first chapter closes the book on the personality possibilities that would exist in such a world: 1, a man that doesn’t like the new world order; 2, a man that does; 3, a woman that hasn’t been subjugated yet; 4, a woman that has been. These choices were not random; these were actions that were taken deliberately by an author that knew what she was doing, and the order wasn’t random either.

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“I didn't understand then, as I do now, that Sir prefers me in here” Through the next 11 paragraphs are literature, plain and simple. The narrator isn’t telling the story; she’s describing what she’s thinking and feeling, which effectively tells the reader what they need to know without doing so explicitly and objectively. Best of all, there are no wasted words. This section is the highlight of a well-crafted story.

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The rest of Part 4 is sublime, with too many good lines to quote, and I’ve already written enough.

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Five stars and a well-deserved follow. Really fantastic writing, truly. Can’t wait for Sir’s gun to get fired!

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dasgoodshit

@dasgoodshit: Thank you so kindly for the read and review! This is the first story I wrote that I still feel holds up completely. I really appreciate the positive encouragement!❤️

MediocreAuthor, you definitely need to change your username. Something like SuperAuthor would be more appropriate. :-) Although I did not find the story hot sexually (not into demeaning themes) but I don't think that's what you were shooting for. I thought it was very well written. Getting into Barbara's mind and what she was feeling was excellent! I liked how her old persona tried to break through occasionally. Keep up the good work!

@Codoc24: Thank you so much! You are correct that I wrote this story for more than just sexual titillation. The idea of the horrors that humans would impose upon one another if give the chance was at the forefront of my mind as I wrote this story, and I'm glad to see that it shone through. ❤️ Hopefully you enjoy the rest of the story!

This was great!

I love the contrast between the polished but distant prose for the men and the intimate first person arousal of the women. I did like how easy the almost sterile prose of the men was, but I absolutely loved the tight poetic first person. The latter was where the heart of the story was for me.

I especially liked the "the brain is a computer and someone figured out how to download the files." Excellent exposition! Quick, concise, very descriptive, and whether it's true or not, it seemed true enough that I could believe it.

To me, this read somewhere between a satire and a serious kink. It was satire enough where I could accept it even though I probably wouldn't be into it normally, but the serious kink explored by the women's POV is what really got me into it.

Wonderful job setting up the conflict-- especially starting with the moral guy to ease into the test-- and even better job with the smutty bits! There's a ton of conflict here that's very well interwoven.

@lustychimera: Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I really liked the idea of contrasting Thomas and his love for his wife again James and his complete disregard for the well-being of anyone except himself. I really appreciate the compliments, and I hope you like the rest of the story just as much