Responsibility Ch. 20

Rahela had been quiet, nearly dazed, all the way to her bedchamber, and even when she was receiving a gentle scrub down. When her hair was wrapped up and she was soaking in her bathing chamber, that was when her emotions burst out again. This time, she folded her arms over an edge, pressed her face against those arms, and wept.

She'd lost control of herself. She'd exposed her heart to the world and let her rage consume her. She'd likely killed a man! What if he hadn't been essentially marked for death by the Emperor?! What if, in the future, Rahela had caused a war because she'd lashed out against someone else?!

Violent childishness. A ridiculous thing.

Self-loathing. It slowly burned in her. An angry charcoal glowing in her belly. It even dried some of her tears, or that's how it felt. When she looked back up from her arms, she saw a meal on a wooden slab to her right. A cup of sweetened water. A little bowl of soup with pieces of cured pork jowl and some beans. Another little bowl of chopped melon and berries to refresh her. A plate of roasted vegetables drizzled with a light sauce. A little pastry filled with meat and gravy, and different one full of a sugary paste.

Rahela didn't reach out to it. Her stomach felt waxy. One of the chambermaids appeared and asked, "Madam, are you ill? Do you need medicine?"

Shaking her head, Rahela told her everything was fine. Then, almost grumbling, she moved through the water to get closer to the food. She bit into the savory pastry. Normally, it would be a comforting thing, but her taste-buds seemed to be less responsive. She had to make herself eat.

Gabi came after a time. She knelt down on the hard floor before Rahela, still at a higher angle. Her tiny hands layered over her lap. Her braids hung down and draped against her covered legs. She was frowning. "Rahela, what happened? Why did you attack that man?"

Of course. Gabi still didn't have all the vocabulary required to fully grasp everything.

After she took a calming sip of her water, Rahela said with a wavering tone, "Tashkila has attacked the islands near Testoa. Those islands are important to Yahsin. They decided to leave Prince Jalil to negotiate, since he'd already been invited to the wedding." She took another sip. Then she wiped her mouth with a folded handkerchief that had been placed for her. "Prince Jalil said that Tashkila will retreat from the islands if Yahsin gives you to him as a bride."

The girl's legs flexed and shuffled under her gown. Her fingers tensed. "I can't marry. I'm not old enough."

"That's the reason why I lost my presence of mind. To marry and bear children, a woman must be finished growing. Otherwise, to say it gently, her body would be damaged, her mind too. The thought of you being so abused ..." Rahela didn't finish that sentence. She stared down at her cup of water instead.

"I suppose ... hmmm." Rahela imagined one of Gabi's hands thoughtfully rose to her chin. "You could've started a war ... but the war had already begun ... so no."

Rahela put here eyes to her bowl of pork and bean soup. "According to the Emperor, I was free to have the prince killed if I wished. His Majesty didn't want to back down. However, my method was extremely reckless. What if I hadn't been given permission beforehand? Would I still have attacked the prince? Or would I have been able to cool my temper?" She picked up a spoon, but she didn't use it quite yet. "I don't know, and that's horrifying."

"Then ... then everything's fine now. The Emperor is still pleased with you. Hold onto your quiet nature and all will be well."

Rahela dipped her spoon into the soup. "Perhaps ... perhaps I could be forgiven? After all ... if there ever was a man I hate more than ..." Her eyes popped as she realized what she'd almost said. Her fingers twitched around the spoon's handle.

Gabi's voice was slightly interested. "Hm? You hate the prince? Is there someone else you hate?"

"Forget what I said," Rahela told her.

***

Princess Tuya asked Rahela to visit her in her weaving room. It truly was a request and not a demand. Rahela was above her in the hierarchy now. Inside the room, Princess Tuya met her with a little bow and a tender little smile. "I hope you're in a better condition now, Your Majesty."

Nodding, Rahela told her she was well.

"I have a new gift for you," the princess said as one of her ladies-in-waiting stepped forwards with a neatly folded stack of linen fabric. Yana went to take it and let Rahela test the fabric with her fingertips.

"Did you weave these?" Rahela asked.

"Certainly," the princess said with bright eyes. "You're the sort of woman that appreciates even the most mundane things as long as they're useful. I know you have countless linens, but I thought you'd love to have a set made by a relative."

"Love was put in every thread," Rahela said. She told Yana to go put the cloth in her bedchamber, then return as soon as possible. Then she looked back to the proud looking princess. "To have married into a caring family, I know I've been blessed by the gods."

Princess Tuya then approached and let her palm hover over Rahela's sleeve. Rahela had been wearing a plain, if well made gown. "Your clothing is excellent," the princess said, "but I want to give you a bolt of silk I've been weaving for a long time now."

Rahela followed the princess over to a certain loom loaded with white threads. The finished, weaved parts were carefully rolled and tucked out of the way. "I'll have to send it off to be dyed," Princess Tuya said. "What color would you like?"

"I already have so many colors," Rahela said. "I'll let you choose."

Shrugging, Princess Tuya led Rahela away from the loom and on a pleasant little walk all around the room. "I hope Your Majesty has been able to continue with your hobbies. Without our diversions, life would be too miserable."

"Even if I didn't have my diversions," Rahela said, "I shouldn't complain. Yahsin is at war, and it will certainly be much more miserable for soldiers."

Sighing, her smile fading, Princess Tuya looked away and said, "Yes. That's terribly miserable, and it could be miserable for everyone, not only the soldiers. If the war stretches too far, then even a farmer's swine could suffer."

Rahela agreed. "War is a threat to everything, including the economy. If the economy is weakened, then everyone suffers."

Halfway smiling again, looking back to Rahela once more, Princess Tuya said, "When you next discuss this matter with His Majesty, please be cautious. He might not be pleased to have his wife criticize him, but even with his experience he might have difficulty understanding everything at risk. He's had far too many victories in his life."

Rahela agreed again. "Thank you for your kind advice, Your Highness."

***

Later in the evening, the Emperor demanded to have his wife visit him in his bathing chamber.

Fine.

Rahela was escorted off to the Emperor's bedchamber, then the entrance to the bathing chamber. Her girls left her alone at that point.

According to what Rahela had heard, there was a big room somewhere where guests and some family members could have baths in tubs, not unlike what would be in a bathhouse. It seemed that only the Emperor and Empress Consort had their own private rooms for such a thing. When Rahela's palm touched the lovely door with intricate carvings, she wondered how opulent this place would be.

The door creaked only slightly as she pushed it in.

Rahela stepped inside.

Knitting her brows, she wondered if she'd gone into a courtyard. She could see the blending colors of the setting sun melting into the clouds. Orange and pink, purple and blue. She could also see trees and bushes. Flowers and insects. But when Rahela didn't feel the breeze that put motion in the air, she figured out that she'd been looking through the clearest glass she'd ever seen. Then she realized there were in fact frames holding the glass in place. She simply hadn't noticed them. They were unusually thin.

When she looked up, she saw there was indeed a ceiling, which only gave more evidence to her conclusion. It was another piece of art, a pretty mosaic. Flames. Flames in the air, with sparks and smoke, a black background. What was burning? Rahela couldn't say, but the mosaic was so highly detailed that she thought she could hear crackling and smell a hint of smoke.

There were true sounds for her to hear, though.

The rippling and splashing of water as the man in the bath moved.

His voice.

"Ah, you're here."

The tub was similar to the one in Rahela's bathing chamber. It was built into the floor and quite large. Rahela took a step closer to the edge. His Majesty was in the water, his arms folded on that edge. His hair was wrapped away. Droplets occasionally glided down his skin. Sometimes a flower petal or a leaf clung to him, which was understandable because there were a few kinds of favored plant material in the water.

Carefully, Rahela put herself down to the floor in a casual kneeling position. She didn't sit on her own feet. Her legs were put out from under herself and her backside stayed on the floor. One of her hands went to her thigh and she said, "My Lord, you called for me, and so I'm here. Did you expect a different outcome?"

He almost smiled. His eyes winced with it. "No. I didn't. Have you rested well?"

"Yes, My Lord." She moved one of her plaits behind her shoulder. "I'm in a much better state. Still, I regret my actions from before. My behavior was unacceptable."

One of his arms shifted up so he could put his fingers at his jaw. His eyes turned more thoughtful. "You certainly did remind me that you're a human. I hadn't known you were capable of such a thing."

She turned her face away, looking at a potted plant in a corner, and she said, "Your Majesty has forgotten that I had to kill a man when he assaulted me in the hunting grounds." Then she looked back.

His hand lowered to grip his own wrist. His head slightly tilted one way. "This time, your victim hadn't assaulted anyone."

Nearly hissing, Rahela only said, "Yes, My Lord."

"But it should be remembered," he said as he suddenly reached up to dip his fingertips a bit under his head-wrap and scratch a bit, "that to put it simply, the man was demanding to rape your sister."

Her breath moved back so sharply that she had to cough into her sleeve.

"Little Empress, have you been fretting over all the costs this war will bring?" He really smiled as he asked this. It was an oddly warm sight.

There was a short moment of panic in her heart, but she put a hand to her bosom and calmed herself before she replied, "How could I not?"

"You may sleep well," he said as he put his hand against the edge and pushed himself to spin around. Once his wet back was facing Rahela, he went on with, "We've fought them before. We'll fight them again."

"Even when basking in victory," Rahela said, "war is still so costly."

"Yes, yes." He sighed and wrapped an arm around to rub and scratch at a shoulder. "Has my sister been talking to you about it?"

She gasped.

He turned back to look at her. His crooked nose wiggled. "Both of you have every right to fret, but don't overtax yourself." He looked back ahead. "Massage my shoulders."

Very well.

Rahela rolled her sleeves back, shuffled just close enough, and she put her hands on the man's wet shoulders. She kneaded and tried to say something else, but the man interrupted her with a long groan. Then he said, "Something peculiar was reported to me not long ago."

Her middle finger sliding down an old scar, Rahela asked, "Would Your Majesty please share this information?"

"A man's toe was found in the hunting grounds," he said with the same interest one might have when talking about dust, "along some torn and bloody clothes and strange blood splatters."

Her fingers paused and lightened their pressure. Her eyes glazed over. It took her around two seconds to return to her normal state and continue with the massage. "The blood couldn't be from dressing an animal?"

"That's a possibility, but the scene had been described as, 'looking as if something had been chopped in half and flung around.'"

"Oh ... dear." Some of Rahela's fingernails lightly grazed the man's warm skin, but she hardly noticed that she'd done it. "Has anyone read through the hunting records?" That was supposed to be a record of non-members of the Imperial Family that would be let into the hunting grounds, at what time, and when they'd left. One didn't have to literally be hunting to be put on the record.

"Yes. One common hunter has gone missing."

Her fingers stilled again. "That ... that's extremely disturbing."

"For only a toe to be left behind," the Emperor said with a thick sigh, "hahhhhhh ... it has people wondering if it could be the work of a man."

Rahela tried to concentrate more on the massage. "An animal would've left more behind, perhaps a pile of bones that had been chewed clean. Such a lack of a body implies the intention to conceal." Well, that's what she told the Emperor, but she wasn't any kind of investigator. Her speculations couldn't be relied on, and she knew the Emperor knew that.

"If the culprit is discovered," His Majesty said, "he'll be brought to the court."

Even though she was certain he couldn't see her, Rahela nodded her head.

There was perhaps two minutes of silence after that conversation. Then, the Emperor abruptly said, "I'm finished here. Dry me off."

Rahela went off to a lonely looking stack of linens. She chose the biggest one and went to where splashing noises rang. When she was looking at her husband's nude body, she was oddly uninterested, or rather there was something more interesting to see.

The water on his body, branching and dribbling, it seemed to glitter in the sunset's fading yet seemingly multicolored light. The man seemed to be covered in little pieces of diamonds. For a moment, she was stunned, holding her cloth open and admiring the sight with no voice and large eyes.

She was certain she was meant to walk to him, but she didn't. She was too happy with the sight. The man paused when both of his feet were on the floor. Rahela thought he might have been giving her a confused look, but she wasn't giving his face any attention. She did, however, realize that she needed to move soon. Her shoes patted the floor then.

She wrapped the towel around the man's trim waist. She saw a line of hair that led from the navel to the pubic area. That area looked like a little dark bush with a a sleepy creature poking its head out, perhaps a rodent or a large worm. It was quickly hidden by the cloth. While the Emperor started drying his lower body, Rahela took a second cloth and used it to pat and wipe his upper body. She had to predict his arms' movements so she could avoid being jabbed or knocked down.

Once that was done, His Majesty indifferently unwrapped his hair and tossed his cloth aside, and Rahela imitated him. Then she followed him into his bedchamber. There weren't any servants around. He might've told them to go away.

He stopped with his feet on a rush mat. Rahela stopped not far at all behind him. His backside was tight, or it looked tight to her, firm too. She didn't know what to do with this information other than think, "Oh, he's still handsome." And that wasn't new to her.

He turned around to face her. Rahela was looking at an area roughly where his ribs would be. She could only see a line or so vaguely hinting their shape. This man wasn't thin. "Little Empress." One of his hands rose, palms up, fingers lightly curled. "Come here."

She complied. She moved in. Then she stopped again. She could smell water and flower petals mixing in with musk.

He reached out and took one of her plaits. An animal horn clasp was just under the heel of his hand. Then he brought the hair up towards his face. Rahela saw the plait's curve mostly straighten with the tension. She heard a tiny smack of his lips. It was a peculiar kiss. Rahela's belly fluttered and her womanhood clenched at it, but she didn't express these feelings.

A little tug. And another, right as he lowered his hand. Still holding onto her hair, he stepped away, which meant that Rahela needed to keep up with him. Otherwise, she'd be painfully dragged.

Over to the platform that held the bed. Up one of the sets of stairs. He pulled one of the curtains aside, let her hair go, and tied the curtain in place. Then he climbed in and reached out to grab her sleeve.

She had to go in with him.

Her belt and all its hanging accessories were removed and tossed out to clatter and clang on the steps. Then the man took her waist and held her up for a kiss on the lips. Rahela sighed onto those lips. Then it changed and she was sighing onto his tongue. At this point, she decided he probably didn't like how her mouth tasted, exactly. He must've liked the feeling instead.

That was fair.

The tiny whines in her throat, the happy little tensing in her thighs and lower belly, and the buzzing in her excited tongue all made it her own emotions so obvious that she couldn't deny it.

She liked the feeling too.

She knew she'd never admit such a thing.

They moved down. He was partially over her, running his hands up and down her body. Even through her clothes she felt the warm pressure. Soon, he wrapped his arms around her. More tight warmth.

His tongue curled around hers as he pulled his mouth back, and then the tongue was gone. He kissed her cheek and jaw. One of his arms moved down. He was grabbing at her skirts. He flopped them up.

He let her go. He wasn't even touching her waist anymore. He knelt for a moment and took one of her ankles. Her foot tensed, toes pressing together, as he almost clumsily peeled her shoe away. He went to her other ankle to do the same. Rahela flinched and jerked all the while. She wasn't sure if she liked having anyone touch her feet. Even when she had a chambermaid help her wash, she'd prefer to do it herself.

Her shoes went the way of her belt. Then the man put his fingers on her gown and chemise. Outside the bed they went. Then her stockings and little ties that kept them up. Then her veil, headdress, circlet, and pins. And then the clasps on her plaits. Her hair was loosened and combed through. Her ribbons were the last things to be taken away.

Some of her hair was taken by his hand. His other hand dug into the mattress. He kissed her again, another licking sort of kiss that made Rahela happy, even though she didn't like knowing that. She even put a hand on one of his arms, not squeezing, but feeling him instead.

His fingers slid away from her hair, but they were slow about it, as if he was relishing the soft texture. Then he took her breast. One of her fingernails made a light line in his skin when he kneaded her. All the fingernails rose when he pinched her nipple.

Her teeth tapped his tongue; she was glad she didn't bite him.

He gave her nipple a very light flick. Then he popped his mouth away and crawled down. Rahela wondered why he wanted to do that, but she didn't complain. Perhaps he wanted to put his tongue on her belly again.

He did. In fact, after putting a few swipes on her skin, he even traced an outline around her belly button. Rahela whimpered. His fingernails very lightly tapped on her hip. Then his palm slid around the inside of one of her thighs. That made her leg jump.

He kissed her knee. Then he let his lips graze the skin there as he murmured,

"You're soft and warm, Little Empress." Another kiss, a tiny one. His hair tickled her. "Just as a wife should be." His face moved past the knee, down the thigh, his cheek sliding against her. Rahela thought to move, and she even bent her free leg to try, but she reminded herself not to.