Responsibility Ch. 32

Author's Note: I don't understand equine biology very well. My degree was in English, not horse things. So... I'm so sorry if I made a mistake!

***

The first one of Rahela's retinue to notice there was something wrong was Gabi. Rahela had been miserably pouting at a dressing table, desperately combing her bare head as if she could somehow force the hair to grow faster. Not even dressing herself, Gabi woke up and padded on over to the still quietly panicking Rahela. That child lazily looked around at some jewelry and cosmetics on the table with a yawn.

"Dear Sister, My Empress," the child said with a stretched voice, "would you like for me to comb your hair this morning?"

Without an answer, Rahela continued to run a comb through what little hair there was.

"Hm?" Gabi's little brow wrinkled as she looked at her sister's torso, which lacked the normal long locks. Then she looked up at her sister's head. Her jaw fell. Her feet took her back some steps. Her hands went to her open mouth.

Finally having something else to occupy her mind, Rahela tightly gripped the whole comb in one hand and put the other on Gabi's cheek. She said to her sister, "I was assaulted in my sleep. My hair is gone." Or, most of it was gone, but honestly she might as well have been bald.

There were perhaps four complete seconds before Gabi lowered her hands and whispered up to her, "Who?"

"I have my suspicions," Rahela whispered back, "but I won't tell you a thing. Help me wrap my head and throat in a veil and wimple."

After a short nod, Gabi put a cap on her head, which was slightly difficult to pin into place because the hair was too thin for normal pinning techniques. The girl changed her mind and put the cap aside. Then she decided to wrap a small white cloth around Rahela's head with a few clever but small knots. Since this thin turban had a padding of sorts, and it was firm on the woman's head, it could take more pins once the veil and wimple could be applied. The turban was easily hidden, and Rahela simply looked as if she was feeling more modest than normal.

"How long will you hide this?" the girl asked.

"I'm not hiding it," Rahela gently explained as she picked up a small bowl of cool water. "However, I won't advertise it. If someone were to ask, I might give the truth, although rumors will likely begin after a time. I'll allow everyone else to discuss it, for I don't wish to."

As her older sister began lightly rinsing her face, trying to calm her burning skin and mind, Gabi said, "Maybe the people will assume you've finally given in to the Yahsin standards of wifely hair."

"I don't care what they'll assume," Rahela said, but she did care.

The rest of the morning continued as if not a single thing was out of place.

The afternoon was when something different happened.

Rahela kept only her little sister with her when she retreated, of all places, to the Emperor's beloved bathing chamber. It looked just as cold as it felt, since nobody was using the place. The sunken floor held no water. There were no pleasant scents in the air. Through the magnificent windows, the scenery itself could've made Rahela's breath fog her vision, or so she privately mused.

Her female bodyguard, along with her male counterpart, arrived next. They both bowed and stood to one side as they waited. Finally, Ammas appeared, quietly closing the door behind himself. After he bowed, there was a prickly, full moment with no talking. Then Rahela gave the first words.

"Ammas, I'm going to dismiss these other bodyguards."

Those two didn't look frightened, nor confused. Their faces were like stone.

Ammas' brow wrinkled as he asked, "Madam, why would you do that?"

"Because there's evidence to suggest the woman cut my hair in the night."

All three bodyguards turned from serious to astonished, especially the woman. Ammas even seemed to lean back a bit as his now wide eyes moved from her, to Rahela, and back to that bodyguard in question. "If that's true, then why will you dismiss the other one?"

"Because he's her partner," Rahela explained. "I hired them both at once, and they'll be dismissed both at once." She reached up to graze an edge of her veil and continued, "I'll do so very amiably. I'll send the highest recommendations. I have no desire to ruin them."

"But," Ammas took a gulp of something here, possibly saliva or mucus or both, "if she truly did cut your precious, beloved hair, then you should give a much stronger punishment than that."

Her lips only just smiling, Rahela asked, "Ah, do you have more experience in judgement? Do you have a finer mind?"

Ammas' first response was a very tight one. His face tightened. His hands tightened. Even his posture tightened. Yet, after a few seconds that were quite uncomfortable, Ammas seemed to loosen into something more normal. He calmly but reluctantly said, "I won't question Your Majesty."

Nodding and turning back to face the other two bodyguards, Rahela said, "I'm afraid I have no more use for the two of you. You'll have your recommendations within the hour. Go and pack your belongings."

On the way out of the bathing chamber, Gabi whispered up to her, "Will you try to hide this assault from the other maidens working under you?"

"That's a truly futile idea," Rahela whispered in return.

At night, when it was time for her hair to be combed, Rahela quietly showed the rest of the girls her new... style. The responses weren't too varied, mostly shock and pity. Everyone, from Yana and Oksana, from the oldest chambermaid to the lowest, all expressed themselves in the expected ways. Some even put their hands on their cheeks and turned their faces away as if they were ashamed.

It didn't take long at all for the news to be whispered all around. By the following afternoon, Rahela could already hear the shocked words. Ammas gave her what she didn't hear. The Empress' finest evidence of her beauty, her womanhood, it was all gone. Once the Emperor returned, he certainly wouldn't have the desire required to produce any legitimate heirs. Such a pitiable woman! Who knows how long it would take for her hair to grow back!

Rahela believed she shouldn't let such gossip corrode her sense of self. This was all to be expected. She walked around the estate with the posture of an august woman. Her voice, while generally quiet, was firm and assertive. She never cowered to anyone, not even the irritable Princess Tuya, not that she was particularly afraid of that woman.

She didn't even cower before the nobles, more than half of which must've been scheming against her in some way. If only she knew exactly which ones were proper culprits! It was even more likely that there were multiple groups, groups which could work together but more likely would work independently. Even if she could put down a single enemy more and more would slither up to take their place.

Even with her proud disposition, terrible thoughts clawed into her mind. She was not alone. She felt alone. She was richly dressed, with a full belly and and luxuries. She felt as if she was in a complex prison with rags strangling her peace and growth. Whenever her husband was gone, she essentially controlled maybe half the world, running a grand empire. She felt as if it would all collapse under her at any time, destroying her and everyone she ever cared for.

Rather quickly, her appetite decreased. When she ate, she ate little. Some meals were skipped because she only wanted to lie down and sleep. And yes, she slept often. At times, she didn't even have the desire to bathe, but her maidens were kind with their insistence. They often cared for her as if she were an invalid.

Gabi especially helped by scrubbing and rinsing her back with all the innocent love Rahela knew she had. One night, Gabi even put her personal studies aside just to spend time cleaning and grooming Rahela's fingernails.

On that night, Rahela wept into her pillow, which had Gabi reaching over to hold her hand.

A virtuous and pristine creature.

Too delicate for this parlous realm.

Too easy a victim.

In the morning, Rahela was cheered by something playful Oksana had said, and then even more so when Yana had a clumsy moment and spilled a box of cosmetics over a table. Thankfully, nothing had been too damaged and Yana had moved her body in such an awkward and amusing way, even though she clearly hadn't meant to. Then, Gabi made a pun in the Yahsin language, all seemingly without knowing she had done so.

Rahela was in such an energetic mood then that she decided to dress for the snow and go see that tender mule, Ureche. Her ladies and maid in waiting all tried to object in the politest ways, but Rahela merely told them to put on their warmest clothes, including their coziest cloaks. The walk to the stables was terribly cold, but not very slow. The paths were well groomed as they typically were.

Ureche the spotted mule was a little sluggish by the time they got there. Rahela assumed she'd been having a nap before, and she asked a stable boy if that was so.

The boy confirmed the mule had been sleeping for a time. Then she'd gotten up, had some water, and seemed to rest on some hay. Rahela thought it was too cold for a ride, well for her tastes, and the poor mule seemed still too tired. So, she decided to spend some time petting the animal, sweetly talking to her, even combing her tail a little.

At one point, Rahela noticed a bit of heaving in Ureche's belly. Then, the mule's throat bulged, and her eyelids drew back. She seemed to cough, and then she vomited a pungent mess right onto the snow. The contrast of the sickly contents against pure whiteness was almost as startling as the odor. One of the stable boys came right away to try to help the pathetic animal, but before he could even touch her she started vomiting blood.

And then Ureche collapsed, little clouds of snow rising from the contact.

The most disturbing fact of all was that under normal circumstances, mules don't vomit. The only reason one would normally think of for a mule or horse to vomit would be that the stomach was ruptured.

Eventually, Rahela found herself vomiting too, all while she heard Gabi crying and her ladies-in-waiting trying not to imitate their Madam.

Ureche was dead not long after that. The ordeal had Rahela feeling hollow and dry, and the energy from before had bled away. She was sitting on a wooden stool near one of the corral's fences, staring down at some of her own footprints in the snow, when Yana patted her shoulder and weakly said, "M-majesty? The mule... the mule isn't... she... she no longer aches. She's in... in no more pain."

Her inhale scratching at her empty interior, Rahela closed her eyes. Her exhale was warm, but that was all. She gave a very tired command. "Find Ammas. I do hope he's not too occupied with his sweets."

***

"The autopsy has provided some results," Ammas told her some hours later, as she was sitting on her private balcony and sadly gazing at a bowl of plain broth on a table.

"Is it as I'd feared?" Rahela asked.

She couldn't see any change in the man's posture, expression, nor his gestures, but she heard the frustration in his voice. "Without any authorization, your mule's diet seemed to have been altered, and there might have been some poison. It caused a rupture in her stomach."

Rahela's eyes closed. She took in a quaking inhale. The exhale was smoother. She thanked Ammas for his help. Then she dismissed him for the moment.

Opening her eyes and pushing herself up to her feet, Rahela called for her young sister to come to her, and she told everyone else to leave her. When only Gabi was at her side, the only one within earshot, she told the girl to take a seat near her.

Rahela didn't sit back down. Instead, she spent a good few moments with her arms wrapped around the child. Her long sleeves, headrail, and cloak all draped over the little girl, visually shielding her, but it was obviously not any form of true protection.

There was no true protection.

Rahela's face was on fire, but her tears could extinguish nothing. Her eyes closed again.

"My Littlest Love," she barely whispered. She sniffed and puled, and then she pulled her emotions back only enough to keep herself clearer. "There is not much benefit under me. I worry that I can no longer protect you, if I ever truly could. I want to send you away to some secret place, desperately hoping that you could find a new life as someone's adopted child, perhaps a weaver or a physician could take you."

The child knew better than to speak up, but Rahela felt her fear trembling out. One of Rahela's gloved hands went to the top of Gabi's head, under her little cloak's hood, where the fingers lightly caressed the pale hair and clean scalp.

"If I send you away at this moment, or any time that's too young," continued Rahela, "I will sink into much more suspicion. My enemies will know that I am far too aware of the brewing dangers, and you will be sought after with much more urgency. Then I will be captured and likely murdered in the most disgraceful of ways. Therefore, I will only hold you to my hip until I know for certain that my path to death is shortened. When that time comes, you must be clever and swift, or else you will certainly die violently."

That was the moment when the child could no longer keep herself calm. She wept. She wept so much that Rahela had to remind her not to moan nor sputter even half a word between each cry. When one was far too emotional, words were dangerous.

Rahela had to remind herself of that too.

Because a few days later, she had been expecting her menstruation cycle, and it didn't come.

She didn't even summon a midwife. She imagined someone would bribe one of her chambermaids to whisper out the lack of blood.

But Rahela did laugh.

She was nearly insane as she did it, folding her arms over a table, pressing her face against those arms, and laughing. Looking at her still small figure in a mirror and laughing. Gazing up at the cold, gray sky, and later on the night sky, and laughing. She coughed and held her sides.

She kept at it, making all the girls in her service either draw back in confused fear or try to comfort her because they'd assumed she was disturbed. Even Gabi was giving her the most vexed looks. Once Ammas heard about it, he checked in to ask if she needed a physician, and Rahela calmed herself long enough to insist that she was fine, only amusing herself with funny literature that was overloaded with jokes.

Well, it was all truly hilarious... in the darkest of ways.

This child would have little of a future, might not even be born.

And Rahela had wanted this child so dearly.

***

It had all seemed to happened during a time when Leran, the tall jester was juggling some colorful balls before the Imperial Court during the most brutal Imperial Court Meeting of the year so far. Certainly, it actually happened slowly, over time, even over months or more, but to an outsider it wouldn't appear that way.

Leran certainly considered himself to be an outsider. He originally thought this formal gathering of nobles and royalty at Yahsin to be brutal because of the vicious wind and snow. So many had traveled to this place quite unwillingly. Nobody liked to travel in snow. It was so dangerous. He'd even heard that many had sent Empress Rahela official apology letters claiming they knew it would be too dangerous in their area to travel at all, and so the Empress would require them to come to the next meeting.

Now, Leran had little interest in politics. He'd said so many times. He couldn't be bribed to try to spy on anyone, and many have tried. He didn't think he'd learn much anyway. The Empress was such a frigid creature. Still, there were certain circumstances in place that made him curious.

Everyone else at court was enjoying their moment of respite between serious cases and hearings. Their eyes were on Leran, appreciating his silly fun. His hands and arms were mechanically moving, his brain resting as boredom led his dark eyes about. Soon, he noticed a particular guard seemed to walk from a direction that made no sense to him, implying the origin point had an entrance but Leran knew of none that the guard in question should know of.

To some, that would mean nothing.

But Leran had never thought of himself to be the same as others.

Later on in the night, when the working ones were preparing for the next morning and the wealthy ones were beginning their rest, Leran decided to look outside a window in a hallway and examine the world that had small splotches of fire and starlight. When the sky wasn't enough, humans were always happy to make up the difference.

He noticed a few dark shapes seemingly appear from nowhere. From the direction of a statue's pedestal would have been the most accurate way to describe it, although it was so dark, and the lights weren't quite enough. Leran didn't know what to think, except that wasn't the normal secretive ways that the castle guards and other military men moved about. All of the typical secret passageways and whatnot, Leran had been able to figure it all out just by looking, or rather, looking much more than any person would normally be able to.

Oddly thrilled at seeing something a little interesting, Leran watched the figures seem to walk on to another statue's pedestal and disappear into it. To his surprise, an incredibly tall figure seemed to follow quite quickly, separate from the group. Clearly, the night's cover and the lack of attention had made these people bold, but they still moved well.

Leran considered his options for a good amount of time. Even when he thought he should rest, and he went off from his spot, he was thinking of what to do, even if he should do anything.

On the following morning, he looked out another window again, watching and waiting. When he saw a certain tall maiden with dark hair and an eerie aura walking across a lawn, he knew something interesting was happening. Servants and nobles all stared at the stranger. Some drew away or fled.

A few guards arrived and announced that the maiden was meant to be arrested, but the maiden moved far too swiftly. She ended up seated on a stone fence, and none of the people could explain how that happened.

The maiden was staring at one of the guards.

Leran sighed as she jumped off of the fence, her skirts somehow remaining peacefully resting about her ankles, and then she stood in place with her frightening eyes on that guard.

That specific guard apparently noticed the interest, because his face turned shocked and afraid, and then he abandoned his companions and ran off. That maiden seemed to pursue, of course so fast that nobody could keep up.

Leran decided to walk away from the window and seek out two particular people once night had fallen again.

Kolos and Robi were two men that were close physically and mentally. They were bundled up on a veranda with nobody else around. Robi, the apparently wild one, was looking at a list of something or other and explaining some convoluted method of killing someone he insisted was fictional. Leran had heard one of their tasks was to continue inventing murder methods for hypothetical situations. Kolos, the attractive blond, was apparently trying to hold onto his patience. His arms were folded and his eyes were tired.

Leran announced his presence with these calm words, "Good men, won't you listen to this jester's concerns?"

Both of them turned to look up at him with raised eyebrows.

Gently going on, Leran said, "You two might have to leave your cozy positions if something isn't done, so I think you should come with me."

Kolos' brow furrowed but he followed when his dear Robi eagerly obeyed. Leran led the couple off to a soft and quiet room, where they locked the door. Leran then felt around the walls, saying, "You both certainly understand the need to keep secrets. Please don't judge me harshly for understanding that need as well." The two men nodded, and Robi even smiled.