All Comments on 'Return to Paradise Ch. 01'

Talk about going off the rails!.

that was so badly written I hope english isn't your first language

I suggest you delete the story and pretend it never was written. The direction you took was way wrong.

out of courtesy to you, and because i think you have a knack for this, i won't rate it. but its a 1. it sucks. sorry - as someone else said - you went off the rails. i'd delete this chapter and start over. not marriage to a bitch, marry carol, no mom and daughter dying, please......... bring the 2 main protagonists back - you need them!!!!

sorry - but its not good

Your grammar sucks, followed by your spelling Your story was not interesting and jump around topics. Proof read your work otherwise give up writing

I liked the knew storyline and while it came out of fucking nowhere it’s a cool and good idea in my opinion

The world is a changing place. I just uploaded the next story, Terri and Michael will be back as will Jim and Chrissy. A lot of characters have been added. I could have just continued the line and have everyone paired up, but where is the challenge there, Stick with me on this one. The Zombies are a means to the end. I had good ideas for them, but I decided not to use them as a main story line, just more of a unifying theme.

but if its anything like this one, you've lost me. personally i think you are rushing out chapters without much thought. there seems to be no plot - just 2 redhead siblings on an island. you add individual characters to add some sex. but there is no story, no plotline, just a bunch of 1-off chapters after the first 3 or 4. you're can write whatever you want - but its not a good way to get readers interested or get high ratings. re-thinking sub-plots and editing are GREAT skills in a writer.

No one liked the turn of events here.. Maybe I will revisit it another time. I'll own this as a bad move, and work on the story line

True, that was a seriously acute left turn. I'd already figured you were going to blame the flu shot when 'mom' reanimated. Gimme a break, bit her tits off? Different from the mainstream "braaaiins!" though, so good on ya. Funny that his Sis is an author with a best - selling zombie book, good way to work in the family angle. Having read more than my fair share of zombie books, with a huge collection on my Kindle, I was ready to settle in and see how far you'd take it... Didn't expect a zombie erotica story, evidently no one else did either. But I guess that was it for this story - line!

I just sent the next part(s) in actually one long part as I took a day or so to work on it. Its a labor of Love... I think you will like it... Not the typical Zombies, and not huge players in the story. As long as people read them I will write. Keep up the comments they help. The next part and the island has lots to explore, We will have a mother son combo, Sister/sister, and who know.. It hasn't happened yet

Actually got me quite excited.

Good start but when you get into zombies and such you lost me.

There is no break between. Characters new lives and old lives.

You need to proof read for spelling. You need to separate, whom is stating what, from who is listening.

Not a fan of Zombie stories but this one is OK. Love all the family angles available. Look forward to more from this story.