Returning Home

Perhaps seeing her again would help him finally let her go, and if she was old, fat, and gray, maybe that would be possible. Maybe.

Hunter simply couldn't afford to take the entire morning off so he came to work wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie.

"Oh, my goodness! You look amazing!" Kelli told him. She still didn't know exactly where her boss was going, but she did offer to tag along.

"No. That's not necessary," he told her. "Thanks for offering, but this is something I have to do alone."

"I've just never seen you wear a suit unless it's for some after-hours dinner. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were attending a funeral," she said sweetly.

Hunter just smiled and got to work.

At 9:30 he stopped and told Kelli he'd back as soon as possible and headed straight to the church.

There was a long line of cars with a hearse in front and Hunter knew that was for the funeral procession to follow. He found a place to park then sat there just checking his watch as the minutes ticked off. He didn't want to go in early enough that she might see him and he was now hoping to perhaps be able to see her without even talking to her. At 9:59, he got out of his car and headed to the entrance where an usher handed him a program and quietly welcomed him.

Hunter took a seat near the back and began scanning those sitting upfront. Everyone was dressed in black making it hard to tell one person from another until he saw the blonde hair. It was shorter, but it was unmistakeable. Lana was wearing a black hat that covered most of her hair, but even though it was now only chin length rather than down to her shoulders, he knew.

He couldn't see her face, but he could see enough of her to know she was neither fat nor gray. He didn't know anyone else so it was impossible to tell who she was sitting with. He could see two men, three women, and four children of various ages sitting on the pew with Lana and assumed they were all related or possibly in-laws. One of the children was a boy sitting right beside her who wore black glasses and who gave Hunter the impression he was shy and possibly a little small for his age. Then again, he couldn't really see anyone clearly, so he decided to pay attention to the service and pay his respects even though he'd never met her late father.

Hunter had only been inside a church for weddings or funerals and there'd been only a couple of each. He'd never understood religion let alone the significance of various robes, hats, or other vestments. He simply accepted them as part of the entire ritual and assumed that this was somehow comforting for those who believed.

It certainly wasn't Roman Catholic, but there seemed to be similarities. He wasn't quite sure, but he thought he'd heard somewhere that the Episcopalian Church had a past connection with the Catholicism. Regardless, the priest was speaking and Hunter hadn't heard a word. Of course, he was only assuming the clergyman was a priest. For all he knew, the man may have well been called a pastor or bishop or some other title.

Although he really was trying to focus on the eulogy, Hunter found it impossible not to stare at the one and only person in the entire church who meant anything to him. Even though he believed all religion was a hocus-pocus invention of man, he found himself wondering if a lightning bolt might not strike him dead for thinking about all the times he'd made love to the beautiful woman sitting all the way in the front. Suddenly, the memories came flooding back with such clarity he could feel himself inside her. He could hear her cries of ecstasy and feel her soft, full lips around his shaft or the soft fullness of her breasts in his hand.

Hunter hoped that he wouldn't be asked to stand anytime soon as the priest recalled the life of the man Lana had known as 'Daddy'.

As the service was ending, Hunter decided to quietly slip out the back and avoid the potentially painful meeting he'd dreamed of for so many years; one in which Lana told him she'd never stopped loving him and how she longed to be with him. And yet as he looked upfront again, he saw a man about her age put his arm around her as she slid closer to him.

It hurt, even after all these years, to think she'd fallen in love with someone else. And yet she'd evidently done so while they were still together, and for the briefest of moments he felt the bile in his throat as he recalled the hurt and the anger he'd felt the day she told him she'd never really loved him as she implied having been with someone else. The feeling quickly faded, and in his heart of hearts he wished her well and hoped she was happy even as he wished he was happy, too.

But life, and Lana Carmichael, had had other plans and so far, at least, he'd been able to be happy or even move on. Sure, he'd had his fair share of trysts in college, but they were nothing but diversions from the endless work in the classroom or the lab. He could barely recall their faces or even their incredibly hard bodies. But even now at this very moment, he could recall every detail of both her face and her body from the way one breast was lower than the other to the small mole in middle of her right shoulder blade.

His 'problem' had gone away, and during a moment of silence he stood up and got ready to walk out. He took one last look at her before exiting the pew, and as he did, he kicked the wooden bench hard with the toe of his right shoe.

He put his head down and turned left toward the back of the church, but as he was turning, she turned, too. Had the priest not started speaking again, Hunter would have heard the audible gasp that came from her when she saw him. It was for but the briefest of moments; not even one second. And yet in that one quick glance, she knew. She knew and her heart raced so fast and so hard she thought she might hyperventilate as she forced herself to stay seated.

"You okay?" her older brother whispered, his arm still around her.

"Oh. Um...yes. I'm fine," she said knowing she was anything but okay.

By the time the service was over, Hunter was long gone, and Lana found herself sadder than she could remember; or at least since the day she told him it was over.

"Mom? Are you crying?" Brodie asked on the way to the cemetery.

"Oh, just a little," she admitted but wasn't about to tell her son the real reason why.

"Don't be sad. I'll take care of you," he assured his mother.

"Yes, you will," she replied with a smile. "My wonderful young man who's always looking out for me."

"Well, now that Grandpa's not alive anymore, you need a man to take care of you," he informed her.

She managed not smile knowing it would hurt his feelings even as another tear rolled down her cheek.

"Modern-day women might disagree with you, Bodie, but not me. I would love to have a man to take care of me. Besides you, of course."

Her son rested his head on her shoulder and felt like all was well in the world. For him, it was. For his mother, it was anything but.

When Hunter returned to work, it his was his turn to be asked if everything was all right.

"Yeah, sure. Everything's fine, Kelli," he told her with a fake smile. "I'm gonna be in my office for a while. Can you give me some privacy unless it's really important?"

Kelli was like a pit bull when it came to protecting her boss, on whom she had the biggest crush imaginable. She assured him no one would get by her.

Hunter had gone to the service hoping to see her, and yet after 'seeing' her, he was unable to face her. He'd become confident to the point of fearless when it came to business and other relationships, but just seeing her made him feel 18 again. And vulnerable—a feeling he wasn't used to.

Money had not only started coming in, it was pouring in. Money was flowing in like an avalanche. Hunter had no idea how much he'd made, but he knew he could buy almost anything his heart desired, and yet it was his heart that was aching beyond words. Yes, he could hire a private investigator to look into her life or he could even go on line and for around fifty bucks get access to her public records. But he couldn't make her love him.

He was sure she'd divorced the husband who'd neglected her so badly for so long, and he felt reasonably certain she'd remarried and had a child, something she'd always wanted. As much as he wanted to know about her, his need to respect her privacy won out, and he knew he'd never go poking around into her private life. If he really wanted to know, he'd have to meet with her face to face and find out—if she was willing to tell him.

After saying a final tearful goodbye to her father, Lana was on her way to her brother's house for a family get together. She was grateful he'd offered to do this, because she struggled financially. She received no child support for Bodie, and lived off of her teaching salary.

She'd been allowed to return to work after taking an entire year off only because her principal had had a 'thing' for her, and made sure the year was considered a sabbatical rather than her having quit. That allowed her to keep the years of teaching she had in place, but even so, the cost of living was so high, she'd had to sell their home within two years.

After splitting the profits with Abel, she used what was left to pay for the kinds of things every child needed until the money was gone. Every month was a juggling act until the next paycheck, but none of that mattered because she had the one thing that did—her son.

Bodie was indeed a bit small for his age. He wasn't really that much smaller, but because he also wore glasses, he tended to look a bit nerdish, and that caused other kids to tease him about being a geek or a wimp. None of it was vicious, but all of it fed into the narrative that the boy had internalized that he was weak, and although he hated the word, Bodie felt like he was a sissy.

Lana knew how he felt and did everything she could to build his confidence, but it seemed to her that only time would be able to do what her words and support couldn't. Perhaps a strong, male role model was the answer, but after Hunter, she'd never been able to love another man. There'd been more than a few men vying for her attention, to include her principal who'd finally moved on after taking a job at the county office. She'd dated here and there and yet found it next to impossible to give herself to anyone else. She'd had sex a grand total of three times in all those years, and although she often felt lonely, Bodie filled the gap in her life and she assumed she would very likely never marry again. And as long as her son was there for her, marriage was way down her list of priorities.

But having just gotten a glimpse of the only man she'd ever loved, she was now riding an emotional roller coaster of feelings and desire. It had only taken that brief glimpse to see that Hunter was even more handsome as a young man than he'd been as a boy, and Lana had always felt he was the most dashing man or boy she'd ever seen.

She'd tried just as hard after her divorce as she had while she was married to take care of herself, and judging by the way men and her female friends reacted to her, she felt fairly confident that she still looked reasonably pretty for a woman who was now 42. But she had no misgivings when it came to the way she knew she would look to this gorgeous, younger man who was even more attractive now than he'd been when she knew him.

In that sense, at least, she was grateful he hadn't stayed and talked to her. And yet, she couldn't stop wondering why he'd shown up if he hadn't at wanted to at least say hello.

As questions without answers swirled around inside her head, one of the most important was what would she tell him about the son he never knew he had were they ever to meet? Should she just let him assume Bodie was Abel's child? Would he buy that once he saw the boy? The similarities weren't profound, but they were readily apparent to anyone who knew Hunter Decker, and as smart as he was, she was certain he'd know immediately. And then the questions would come.

"How could you not tell me? How could you deny me the right to know my son?"

He'd been so hurt and so angry the day she set him free. She could only imagine the way he'd react when he learned he'd had a son for eight years and that she'd never so much as mentioned it or even tried to contact him.

Lana knew he'd gone to MIT, and there were many times she'd fought off the urge to track him down and either call him or even write to him. But each time, she knew he'd want to see her—and his son—and that doing so would jeopardize his future, a future she had no right to ruin.

Now, she wondered if he was married. She wondered what he did for a living. She didn't even know where he lived although she did know where the house he'd grown up in was located. She'd driven by it many times, casually glancing over just to try and see if she could somehow feel his presence just by looking.

The only good news to come out of all this was learning that she and her brother would inherit half of whatever their late father had in terms of assets. Their mother had passed away five years ago, and they were now the beneficiaries of his passing. Between his very modest home, his car, and what little he had in savings, they would each get half, money Lana desperately needed for her son who would need braces in two more years as well as all the other never-ending expenses associated with raising a child as a single mom. She couldn't even bring herself to think about saving for college. She only knew she'd find a way for him to go.

That Friday, Lana learned her share of the inheritance would be just under $50,000. Most of it came from the value of their father's house which was snapped up in one day at well over asking in a seller's market in an area of the country when a doghouse could um...fetch...a hundred grand.

Lana took the check and headed straight to the bank where she added it to the $817.42 she had in her savings account and breathed a sigh of relief before taking her son shopping for some much-needed new clothes. As a special treat, she surprised him by letting him buy the game system of his choice, and Bodie went home with a brand new PS4 along with several of his most-coveted games.

His mom knew it was a cheap way to show her love, but it was one of the only ways she knew how. Bodie wasn't interested in sports, and there just weren't a lot of things they could do together. Video games weren't her thing, but she'd learn to play them so her son would have a friend to enjoy the experience with. As to friends his own age, Bodie had just one of them, another shy, quiet boy named Alex, who also wore glasses and had a lazy eye which drew even more teasing than did Bodie's own shyness.

As they sat around on Sunday playing a game called 'Overwatch', Lana once again thought about the man she'd once loved. After losing several games in a row, she sat her controller down and said, "Come on. Let's go for a ride."

"Where are we going, Mom?" Bodie asked as they would their way through a residential neighborhood. "Can we go to Dairy Queen and get a Blizzard?"

"Um...sure," Lana said. "I just want to take a look at something real quick, okay?"

The only word Bodie heard was 'okay' and he no longer cared where else they were going or why. His mind was set on his favorite ice cream treat with the only question being whether he'd get Reese's Pieces or Reese's Peanut Butter cups put in it.

Lana saw the house up on her left and began slowing down. The Deckers had had a new roof put on within the last year, otherwise it looked pretty much the way it had since the first time she'd driven by maybe a month after Hunter left town in late August of 2008.

The curb across the street was open so she pulled over and stopped. She left the car running knowing she'd only be there a few seconds. As always, her heart ached as she looked at the house on 14th Street Southwest. She blinked several times and hoped Bodie didn't see her on the verge of crying again. When she glanced his way, he was busy playing with a Transformer and was making noises as though it was involved in mortal combat with an enemy.

She put the car in gear and just as she went to pull back into her lane, a car pulled up alongside hers just inches away and stopped. To say she was startled would be an understatement. Lana made a loud noise and froze 'knowing' she was going to hit it. She hadn't even looked over her shoulder, and this would be her fault for sure. Knowing her luck, she'd somehow end up getting sued and the money she'd just inherited would all be gone.

As she slammed on the brakes, the jar jerked to a stop and the Transformer flew out of Bodie's hands.

"Hey! What's going on?" he said as his body, caught by the shoulder harness of his seat belt returned to its upright position.

"Nothing. We're okay," she said as she waited for the car to move.

When it didn't, she began to get annoyed. She was thinking about trying to go around him on the right, but there was a car parked in front of her making it impossible. She put her hand on the horn and just before she hit it, the other car's passenger window rolled down, and so did Lana's jaw.

"Hi," she heard that still-familiar voice say.

She hadn't seen him in nine years, and yet that voice was seared into her brain. As were those beautiful eyes and that amazing smile.

"Lana? It's me," he said as though she hadn't recognized him.

"Um...yes. I...I know," she said not knowing what else to say.

"Mom? Who is that guy?" Bodie said is he craned his neck to look at him.

"I'm guessing you must have seen me at your dad's funeral," Hunter said. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Um...yes. I did. Thank you...Hunter," she said using his name for the first time in all those years.

"I went there to see you but chickened out. I kicked the pew pretty hard and saw you turning around. I'm sorry I was such a coward, Lana."

"No. It's...it's okay. Really. I wanted to talk to you, but, I...I was afraid, too."

She looked over at her son then back at Hunter.

"That's why we're out skulking around your old house," she said feeling downright embarrassed.

"What's does sculling mean?" Bodie asked having misheard the word.

"I'll explain later, honey," she said quickly.

"Is that your son?" Hunter asked as he looked across her to the passenger side.

"Yes, it is. His name is Bodie," she said feeling so nervous she thought she might throw up.

"Hey there!" Hunter called to him.

Bodie tried sitting up and when he did, he could just see the man's face.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"He's a little shy," Lana said finally smiling.

"How old is he?" Hunter asked as he checked the rearview mirror to make sure he wasn't blocking traffic.

"Oh, um...he's eight," she said.

Hunter's mathematically-minded brain started working even as he took a second, longer look at the boy.

"I don't suppose you'd like to come in for Sunday dinner with my folks, would you?" Hunter asked feeling ridiculous as soon as he asked.

"Oh, no. I don't think so," Lana said. "We really need to be going."

"I'm getting a Blizzard!" Bodie called out.

"What flavor?" Hunter asked.

"Peanut butter!"

"Pieces or cups?"

"I don't know. I like both of them."

"Maybe your mom will spring for both," Hunter said with a smile.

"Can I, Mom?" he asked knowing he only ever got one or the other.

"I guess," she said just wanting to make it go away.

"Thanks!" Bodie called out to the man.

"My pleasure," the man called back.

A car was coming so Hunter said, "Lana? May I please see you? I promise not to take up much of your time, but I would really like the opportunity to talk to you."

"Oh, I don't know, Hunter. We...."

"If your husband wouldn't approve I understand," he said not having seen her left hand yet.