Returning Home

"No, it's not that. I'm just not sure that's such a good idea," she said, her heart breaking yet again.

Yes, she'd aged, but to Hunter she still looked just as beautiful to him as he'd always remembered. The car was now getting close and Hunter had to move.

"I gotta pull into the driveway. Will you wait for just one more minute? Please?"

Without waiting he quickly turned into the driveway just as the car passed by.

Hunter walked back over to her car and knelt down to look in.

"You look good, Lana," he said with a smile.

"My mom is the prettiest girl in the whole world!" her son informed him.

"Bodie!" she said just before Hunter agreed with him.

"Yes, she is. She's just as beautiful as I remembered her," he said quietly.

"You know my mom?" he said.

"Oh, it was a long time ago, buddy," he told him.

"A very long time ago," his mother said.

"You do look amazing," he told her sincerely.

"Thank you. I know that's not true, but you always knew how to make me feel like it was."

"No, it is true, and I really would like to talk. Even if it's just for five minutes," he told her.

"I'm not sure what there is to talk about," Lana said as she grabbed the wheel with both hands.

Seeing no wedding ring, Hunter felt emboldened.

He glanced over at Bodie then said very quietly, "It seems to me we might have quite a bit to talk about. And before you tell me 'no' I just want you to know there hasn't been one single day that I haven't thought about you, Lana. And I can't say I'm sorry enough for the last things I said to you. I never meant them. I was just so young and so...hurt."

He saw tears welling up in her eyes and knew it was time to let her go. He grabbed his wallet and found a business card and handed it to her.

"I'll agree to meet you anytime and at any place of your choosing, Lana. Just please give me a chance to see you one more time. I promise not to interfere in your life. I...I just really need to talk to you."

She looked at him, blinked rapidly to try and clear her eyes then asked, "Are you really not married, Hunter?"

He shook his head and said, "No. Never. I've never been able to forgot the only woman I ever did love, and unless I can see her one more time, I may never be able to forget her."

She looked at the card then asked, "Is this your number?" pointing to the bottom phone number.

"Here," he said taking it back. He grabbed a pen from his pocket then scrawled his private cell phone number on it. "You can call me anytime. Day or night."

He handed it back to her and as she tried to take it he asked, "Will you?"

Lana looked at him then the card then back at him.

"Yes," she said very quietly.

"Then I'll look forward to hearing from you," he said with a smile as he let go of the card.

"Enjoy your Blizzard, young man," he said smiling at Bodie. "And hold out for both, okay?"

The boy smiled at him and flashed him a 'thumb's up' sign.

Hunter stood up then bent back over and said just as quietly, "You really do look beautiful, Lana."

She didn't speak, but she did try to smile before driving away.

"He's really nice," Bodie said to his mother as they headed down the narrow road.

"Yes, he is," she said unable to stop shaking from the chance encounter as she dropped Hunter's card into her purse.

"You've barely said two words," Hunter's mother said halfway through dinner.

"Yeah. I uh, I ran into someone today, and it kind of stirred up some old memories," he said.

"Was it that pretty blonde you were just talking to before you came in?" his dad asked.

"You don't miss a thing, do you, Dad?" Hunter said with a laugh.

"Nope," he replied.

"If it's wearing a skirt your father never misses," his mom said with a shake of her head.

"Lookin' ain't...."

"Oh, spare me, Ernest," Carol said not wanting to hear it for the thousandth time.

"God made men to look and women to be looked at," he said taking his chances.

"I swear!" she said before letting it go and saying to her son, "Would you like some dessert, honey?"

"You know, I think I'll pass, Mom. If you don't mind, I'm just gonna head home."

"She sure was a looker," his dad said throwing caution to the wind.

"Someone must really want to spend the night on the couch!" Carol said in a huff.

"Women!" Ernest said with a huff of his own.

"Women. Yes, indeed," Hunter said wistfully.

"Well, good luck with yours," his dad said.

"With mine?" Hunter asked.

"Your woman. It's obvious she's the one you're talking about. It's none of my business, but she looked to be around 40 or so."

Hunter smiled then said, "You're right, Dad," without saying which one he was right about—her age or what was his business.

Hunter didn't go back to work that afternoon surprising everyone. He went straight home and was having a second drink, something he just didn't do when his phone rang. It was almost always work and yet something told him it wasn't. Not this time.

"Hunter?" he heard her say.

"Lana. Hi! I'm glad you called."

"I wasn't sure I could," she told him. "Seeing you has really done a number on me."

"I hear you," he said agreeing with her.

"I only decided to call you because you're still single. I know people wait a lot longer to get married these days, but I just never dreamed you'd still be, you know...."

"Unattached?" he offered. "I am. No wife, no fiancé, no girlfriend."

"Then if you want to get together, I suppose that would be okay," she told him.

"I'd like that very much, Lana," he said with genuine sincerity.

"Bodie goes to bed around 8:30 and always goes right to sleep. If you'd like to come over around nine, that would work for me," she told him.

"Sure. Anytime," he said.

Lana gave him her address, and Hunter thanked her and let her know he'd be there right at nine.

It was a tossup as to whose heart was pounding harder when Hunter knocked on the door of Lana's apartment. He didn't want to risk waking her son up, so he knocked softly. Even so, it opened almost immediately and there, standing right in front of him, was the woman he'd loved for as long as he could remember.

"Wow, you really look great," he told her. She'd obviously changed clothes and was wearing a bit more makeup. "I like your hair like that."

"Oh, thank you. They say older women always cut their hair, right?" she said with a nervous smile. "Won't you please come in?"

Hunter walked in and let Lana show him where to sit before offering him a drink. He politely declined so Lana sat down across from him. She folded her hands in her lap, smiled, then waited for him to speak.

"I've thought about this a thousand times, and suddenly I don't know what to say," he began.

"I'm pretty sure I'm just as uncomfortable as you are, Hunter," she told him wondering fit that was even possible.

"I'm really not even sure where to begin so I feel like I have to start with where we left off."

"That seems reasonable," she said quietly.

"Lana, I know I was only 18, but looking back, I do know I was in love with you. And...I was sure you were in love with me, too."

He waited for her to look at him then without any emotion asked, "Were you?"

When he saw her tearing up again, he knew. When she looked away, he was certain.

"Yes," was all she could say.

"There wasn't anyone else, was there," he said as a statement rather than a question.

"No."

"Then...why? Why did you end things? Why did you tell me you never loved me? Was it just my age?" he said trying to remain calm and not sound like a whiny little boy even though that's exactly how he felt inside.

"Maybe?" she said very quietly.

"Lana, I'm not that young boy anymore. You can be direct. I don't mean to be rude, but nothing you can tell me now could hurt as much as they things you told me that day. So please, tell me the truth."

She grabbed a tissue and dried her eyes then finally looked right at him.

"You had your whole life in front of you. You were going to MIT, and I was so proud of you, Hunter. I knew it would challenging, and would require you to be able to focus all of your attention on your studies. You were the most exciting thing I'd ever experienced. You were so young and amazing, and you made me feel so alive. But I knew that I would just hold you back. I knew you'd divide your attention between me and your work and I couldn't live with that. I...I had to let you go, Hunter. I had no other choice."

He saw the sincerity and the desperation in her eyes as she fought back tears.

"But that wasn't your choice to make. It was ours, Lana. Ours...together. You...you robbed me.... No, you robbed us of the chance to be happy together. You made this huge decision unilaterally and just assumed I'd be happier without you when I haven't been happy since the day I walked away. No...the day you forced me out of your life. How could you do that? What gave you the right to decide something so important by yourself? Help me understand, Lana. Please."

"I'm sorry, Hunter. I truly am. But as mature as you were for your age, you were just 18. As an adult, I...I didn't think you could possibly see how different...and how difficult your future would be with me in it. And honestly? I was so afraid you'd grow tired of me and leave me for someone younger and prettier and...."

Tears streamed down her face as she sat there quietly trying to explain why she'd done what she'd done.

"That was selfish of you, Lana. And it was cruel," Hunter said without malice.

He waited for a moment then softened his tone.

"I really have thought of you ever day of my life. And now, seeing you again, I feel so...cheated. I'm sorry if my words are hurtful, but yours nearly killed me," he explained.

"I know. I deserve this. I was selfish. But I truly am sorry, Hunter. I honestly thought I was doing what was best for you. For...both of us," she said unable to look at him.

He waited again for a moment then said, "There's something else, isn't there? There's something else you're not telling me. Lana, please. Just tell me, okay? I have to know—everything. Until I do, I can't move on, and Lord knows I've tried. I've tried so hard to get over you. To stop...loving you. So if you ever did love me, please be honest with me, right here, right now."

"I know you hate me, Hunter, and I don't blame you. But if I tell you...if I tell you everything...you'll hate me even more," she said now crying openly.

"I deserve to know the truth, Lana," he told her quietly as he fought off the urge to move next to her and take her in his arms.

She tried to speak, but as she did, she lost it.

"I'm sorry. I can't!" she said as she began to sob.

Unable to sit there any longer, Hunter moved around the coffee table that separated them and sat beside the only woman he'd ever loved, and for the first time in nearly a decade, he put his arm around her.

When he did, she collapsed into his arms, buried her head in the crook of his neck, and sobbed as her body shook.

He held her for several minutes until she regained some amount of control.

"It's okay. I'm here," he said as he held her and smoothed her hair.

"I...don't...want...you...to...hate me!" she choked out one word at a time.

"Shhhh. I don't hate you," he said as he pulled her in tighter.

"You...will...when...I tell you...that...."

"I'm Bodie's father, aren't I?" he said very quietly, his mouth next to her ear.

She raised up and looked into his eyes, hers a red and black mess of blood vessels and mascara.

"You know?" she managed to ask.

"Yes," he said. "I wasn't absolutely certain, but as soon as I saw him, I knew. It was like looking at old photos of myself in one of my mom's albums. I didn't wear glasses, but other than that, Bodie is me."

Lana began sobbing again as she said, "I am so, so sorry! I...I just...couldn't...do that...to you...Hunter. I loved you...SO much," she said as her body heaved, racked with sobs.

He continued to hold her as she cried and then she raised her head slightly and told him, her voice still jagged with emotion, "I...never stopped...loving you...either."

She looked up at him, and with her face a distorted mess of anguish said, "I know you can't...ever...forgive me...but please...please...don't...hate me!" before burying her face in his neck again.

Hunter reached his breaking point, and although he hated himself for doing so, he cried, too.

"Lana. I don't hate you," he told her. "I could never hate you."

"But how? How...can you...not hate me for what I did? I...lied to you. I kept your...you son from you. I...."

Hunter sat back and grabbed Lana by the shoulders. He leaned his head down to let her know he wanted her to look at him.

"I...can't," she said. "I can't even look at you."

He gently pushed her back then with one hand reached out and softly raised her chin forcing her to look at him.

"Hunter...I am so sorry!" she said again when she saw him crying.

"Hey," he said quietly. "It's okay."

He knew she didn't want to make eye contact, but he wasn't moving until she did.

"Can you please look at me? Please?" he asked gently.

When she did he said, "Lana. I've never stopped loving you, and I still love you. I'm mad as hell you lied to me and stole eight years of my life with my son from me, but I still love you. And I always will."

She tried to speak but couldn't so Hunter spoke for her.

"And you still love me, don't you?" he said, his tears now dried.

He saw her nod then manage to say, "Yes."

"If...if there's no one else in your life, then...please let me back in," he told her.

"I can't believe you'd want anything to do with me after...after all this," she managed to say, her breathing coming in fits and starts.

"And yet I do," he said smiling for the first time. "I do want to be in your life, and I want to be a father to my son. Please don't keep Bodie from me any longer. Or yourself."

And that's when Lana saw her son standing behind Hunter in his pajamas.

"Mom? Is this my father?" he asked as he looked at the back of the man's head.

"Bodie! What are doing awake?" she asked as she desperately tried to clean up her face.

"I heard you crying and I was afraid to get up. But then I thought maybe someone was hurting you, and I remembered how I promised to protect you, so I had to get up."

"Come here, sweetheart," she said as she reached for him. "I never wanted this to happen like this, but...oh, my goodness. Where do I start?"

Without waiting, Bodie turned toward Hunter and asked, "Are you my father?"

He looked into the boy's eyes then looked at his mother who nodded and tried to smile.

"Yes, I am," he said trying not to cry again.

"I knew you would find me," he said as Hunter pulled him onto his lap.

"You did?" Lana asked.

"Yes. I asked Grandpa to send my dad to me when he got up to heaven and now he's here!" Bodie said as seriously as serious could be.

"Yes, he is," his mother said hoping she wouldn't start crying again.

"Is your name Woods, too?" Bodie asked his father.

"No. No it's not, buddy. It's Decker. My name is Hunter Decker."

"Hey, that's my middle name!" he said not quite putting the puzzle together.

"I wanted you to have your father's name, sweetheart," Lana told him. "I just never thought he'd ever be a part of your life."

"You mean our life, right, Mom?" Bodie asked.

He looked back and forth at them then said, "I saw you guys hugging. Does that mean you love each other?"

Lana looked at Hunter and it was his turn to nod and smile.

"Yes. Yes, it does," she told her son. "I do love your father."

"And I love your mother," he told him. "And even though I just met you today, I love you, too, Bodie Decker Woods."

"I love you too...Dad," he said as he hugged the big, strong man on whose lap he was sitting.

"Mom? Getting a PS4 was awesome, but this is the best present ever!" he announced happily.

"Yes, it is," she agreed. "Listen, you need to get back to sleep, okay? Your father and I have a lot to talk about."

"Okay," he said without arguing.

"May I tuck him in?" Hunter asked.

"Of course," Lana said. "Come on, I'll show you where his room is."

It was a small, two-bedroom apartment, and although he didn't need her to go with him, Hunter wanted her to.

He watched the boy slide in under the covers and pull them up high.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked.

Again, Hunter looked at Lana who smiled in a way that said, "That's up to you."

"Yes. I'll be here tomorrow," he promised.

He mussed the boys hair and got a laugh then said, "Bodie? Are you too big to kiss goodnight?"

The boy smiled then said, "Not...really."

"Oh, good, 'cause I was gonna kiss you goodnight anyway," Hunter said before giving him a first-ever kiss on the cheek then hugging him tight. "I love you, buddy."

"I love you, too...Dad," he said happier than he'd ever been.

Lana hugged her baby and kissed him, too.

"I love you so much, my brave little man," she said.

"Now I don't have to protect you anymore," he told her.

"Oh. No, I guess you don't," she said not sure whether or not that was true.

"I could always use a little help," Hunter told him.

"Okay. I can live with that," he said like a man.

His grownup response caused both of them to laugh as the little boy turned over and buried the side of his face into the pillow.

As the two adults returned to the couch where they'd been sitting, Hunter took her hands and said, "I really do still love you, Lana."

"Yeah, I'm a real catch," she said. "I'm sure I look just like your favorite fantasy of me with my bloodshot eyes, mascara streaks, and well, there's my hair, and the weight I've gained and...."

Hunter leaned down and kissed her not caring at all how she looked. All he cared about was being back in her life and knowing he had a son. A son who would also be a part of his life from that day on.

When the kiss ended, Lana quietly said, "So now what? Where do we go from here?"

Hunter smiled then said, "Is it too soon to say, 'To your bedroom'?"

"Hmmm. If you can stand to look at me like this then I suppose that would be all right," she said smiling at him through the mess on her face. "But you'll have to let me wash this face of mine first."

"I've waited nine years. I think I can wait nine more minutes," he told her.

"It won't take me that long. I promise," she said sweetly.

When Lana came out of the bathroom, her face was clean and streak free. Also gone was all of her makeup.

"Are you sure you want to get involved with me again?" she asked feeling a sudden total lack of self confidence.

"Oh, I'm sure," he told her with a smile.

"You may not feel that way once you see my body. It doesn't look like it used to," she warned him.

"Are you going to spend the rest of our first night back together trying to convince me you're not the most beautiful woman on earth?" Hunter said as he took her into her arms.

"It's not a matter of convincing," she said. "It's just a fact. But I can promise you I am now extremely motivated to lose the weight I've gained and look as good as I can for you."

Hunter stepped back a bit then said, "You're what? Forty-two now? And you've gained what? Maybe five pounds in all that time? Get serious!"

"It's closer to ten, but thank you for saying that," she said as she put her arms around him. "You, on the other hand, have gotten even more gorgeous and irresistible."

"First of all, you look perfect to me. Second, how about you stop resisting me, and let's make love, okay?"

She smiled then quietly said, "Okay. If I have to."

Both of them laughed and Lana nearly shrieked with happiness as he held her and then began to undress her while she did the same.

"Hmmm. I seem to remember this happening in that big old Ford truck of yours one cold winter day," she teased.