All Comments on 'Revenge Ch. 01'

looking forward to the dumb cunt getting nuked and her boyfriend getting killed

Kill the bastard and frame her for the murder.

But needs better editing. Even in the last paragraph of this chapter, "lawyer's" was written when it should have been "lawyers." Plural, not possessive. Moderate number of similar mistakes elsewhere. So I give four instead of five, as these errors were distracting.

The plot has some originality; Brad has become a "bull" in reaction to his wife's cuckolding of him. He has turned off most of his emotions in order to be able to do to others what was done unto him. In this case, Susan's husband did nothing to Brad; he is simply exposing another gold-digging, cheating cunt (presumably his revenge on cheating wives will be to expose Susan's cheating to her husband).

But now that he is successful and has money, why can't he find a good lawyer to permit him to gain some visitation rights with his daughter? He was a part of her life for eight years; surely, he can argue he was beset with grief over his wife's affair and signed the original divorce agreement under duress.

And why wasn't he smart enough to snap a few pics with his cell phone, at least in the restaurant? It would have proven intimacy rather than business as the reason for his wife's meeting with Witherspoon. Further, there were the TV pictures supporting the same truth.

And his "assault" was nothing more than his entering his wife's room to surprise her with a nice visit and protecting her from, who knew, maybe a rape? So he needs a lawyer to fix this. Undoubtedly he also needs therapy to move forward from endless revenge on those who never did him any wrong (though they are wronging their own spouses). Looking forward to chapter 02.

There are far to many wimp as husbands written here already. Where are the men with their junk still intact? Hopefully at the end of this story. One can only hope 5 star writing plot score still in the air

I agree with Vulcan about the errors being distracting, but still give it a five..

It does seem a bit strange that he did not work out the why of the affair even before "visiting" his wife. He really should have known his wife better after all those years.

good start but lets get to the revenge part. give him a good after marriage life

and don`t go crazy making him have millions like most writers do. keep it

close to real.

That's what this story sounds like so far.

Brad; having had his wife stolen by another man is now doing the same thing to other men? Having affairs with married women in attempts to steal them from their husbands?

It will be interesting to see where this story goes.

Am looking forward to the next installment. You've laid the groundwork out quite well. You're turning out to be an excellent writer.

.....one, that Nancy receives a just reward for treating her husband this way.

And two, no man, no matter how angry he is should force his way between another man and wife. I hope that Susan's husband finds out of her affairs and after Brad has extracted reasonable revenge on his own wife, then Susan's unsuspecting and trust husband extracts his own, by extracting Brads testicles.

A man who destroys other families in anger is no different than a mad dog. And what do we do with a mad dog? Or any other animal that can affect a herd?

Good plot, decent characters, nice potential, ....

I'm wondering why this chapter doesn't "grab" me...

Looking forward to chap 2

...and good writing too.

It isn't too often when we get a story with 4 bad guys and nary a good character in sight. We have two cheating wives and two guys banging cheating wives. That's a different plot, but it's hard to sympathize with any of them thus far. I wonder if the complacent husband will be a decent sort, or just another loser? How many losers can we handle in one story?

a sad, bitter, and shallow man is out to inflict his form of anger management on the wives of other men. Meanwhile he ignores the fact that he has become less of a man than Harold who has made a new family with the woman who was our protagonist's wife. He has no personal life of his own, his no relationship with his daughter, and he has a hotel room set up to use with willing married women. Does he not realize that he is using the women but causing the pain on the unwitting husbands?

Vulcan nailed it.

Continuation is not necessary.

instead of screwing up other people's lives, he should have used some of his new wealth to hire a hitman, kill the cheating bitch wife and then get his daughter back. At least there the victim would be the right one and he'd get something out of it.

weak male role models.

As always, be interested to see how this plays out. Like HDK says, no one really likable or who the reader wants to "root" for, but could change over time.

where's the revenge??? BTB, dude!

I hope things come around in the next chapter....

On the Brad character. For some men a wife's infidelity is like combat; it stregnthens some others it breaks. Clearly it broke Brad. Reserving voting to see if he can be repaired.

you have quite a few stories, or at least chapters of stories. Don't you think you took the time to learn to write? In the first couple of paragraphs, you mixed past and present tense about a dozen times. No, I'm not a grammar nazi but you should at least know the basics.

Take some on line courses or something. You should also re-check your work closer. The number of missing or wrong words is plentiful. I didn't comment on the story itself because I couldn't get past all the errors to read it.

I agree with most everyone's comments. It is starting out with 4 bad people albeit one with a very damaged heart. I look forward to seeing how you weave this story. Yes, some more editing would be good, but it is an excellent first chapter.

Whee is the REVENGE part?? Hope it"s coming up on your next Chapter???Please make Sure you give Harold&Nancy a Payback Punishment they both Needed & Deserve!!! Also Brad get's his daugter back!!!!

'nuff said.

too amateurish, not logic order

2 stars.

bye

But as a avid reader at this site and non contributer, how can i complain. I do like how you left us at a point where it begs us to want read the next installment.

I like the idea but you lost me at least 3-4 times. I even re-read parts and was still lost. Sorry. xoxo Annette

I'm a burn the bitch AND the slime ball togeather.

Great writing as usual

What am I supposed to think? You started the tale with a cheating prick screwing another man's wife. You end it with this same man recalling his life being betrayed by his cheating cunt wife. What the fuck?

No rating until I see where this is going.

For fucks sake that's hardly a deal breaker

I don't think he ever said he was a professional writer or had a professional editor.

Remember a 3 in loving wives without burning the bitch is worth a 5 in incest where those sick fucks fantasize about fucking their mother, The btb crowd are complaining already and its chapter one?

I liked it and take it where ever you want its your story,

Look his wife screwed him over, he accepted the shark lawyers demands and signed for the divorce. He losses his daughter without a fight? Why not go to court , so he assaulted the wife's lover, what charge could have been proved. And I doubt any jail time would have ever happened. He gave in to easily. She was a two timing slut who so far got away with her behavior. And I do not get his behavior with other slut wives. There are more good women out there waiting to be caught . He could have moved on with his life and remarried and had other loving children. Now that he has money why didn't he go back to court for visitation right to his child. It seems so weird to me.

A lot of potential here. As suggested by some there is no good guy yrt which is unusual but that makes it all the more interesting. I dont see why a good guy cant come out of this be it Brad or someone else. Many questions unanswered but thats a good thing. As someone pointed out its only chapter one, if they were all answered there would be no ch2. Have not heard a lot pn Brads wife's character before this took place.. Be interesting to find out the why of this.

Different approach no hero in sight as yet 5 stars

I was confused at the start if this was about Brad or Susan, but after it got into stride I enjoyed it. Another tale of a heartless, greedy money loving bi... err witch; does motherhood mean nothing to these idiots. Beginning apart this was well written especially for a newbie. Good work. 5*****

The chapter has many unanswered question's, however thst is not a bad thing as I suspect the next chapter will answer them.

A cold tale of a swallow wife who is willing to screw over her partner her husband, the father of their child, and then be prepared to lie on an assault chstge against him.

I msy not be a BTB supporter, however the character of the wife in this tale I feel deserves to burn after she has watch her boss / husband burn first

I am surprised that the husband did see his way to capture photos or video to incriminate the wonton lovers. As he had planned very carefully to fly, book into the ssme hotel and arrange the room near his wife. To tben over look the most important aspect of the trip. Surely his goal was to protect his daughter from his cheating wife snd rich lover.

I hope that the author writes into the following chapters that the husband gets hold of CCTV footage of the 2 lovers to use in a court against them.

Brad may have not been a great opportunist with career moves. Thst is still no reason to make him a bitter, twisted, and torn character. His goal should be to get his daughter back.

Grom personal experience a former GF left me for a man who had house. Recession came along and lost his job, then his house. I then bought a house that was a repossession at a cheaper price !

If only she was not swallow and had so faith as I had the ladt laugh ...he he !

Hi

Can someone please send me the link for story ' No Hero In Sight' as mentioned in one of comments.

Many thanks

they who don't get the upper hand. TK U MLJ LV NV

Very eloquently written, with a touch of badassery on the authors part.

Thanks for the offering.

That's pretty pathetic.

Salad-tossing cock-gobbler!

Long winded and there's 6 chapters in this?

3 stars for this chapter.

hope, for daughters sake, he doesn't hang himself, or slit his throat.

maybe he will man up and decide to continue life without the slut he married

***

Never so much as speak to one without one of your own. Regardless of what it costs. Protagonist is a pussy.

this read like you were confusing two (or more) stories together..........in the same story. Hard to follow -- no pun intended.

Schizophrenic writing?

So what does his wife's affair got to do with him screwing some OTHER guy's wife?

The storyline is well progressed but cannot digest the first pera itself; where Brad is fucking a married woman. For Him if this is right then it is obvious His wife Nancy;does have the same right. She betrayed Him but in here what is He doing ???? Taking advantage the situation the way his wife was being taken by Harold for money and job.

The reader has to have some empathy for the characters to make it worth reading. The so-called hero Brad is the worst type, taking his pathetic self-indulgent problems out on other people and other marriages. Asshole. Everyone else is also a cheater. Not interested any more, will stop reading. 1*

Brad is just as big a piece of shit as Harold. Two stars only. I'm hoping the playwrite discovers brad is fucking his wife and gets revenge. If this I'd going to be all about brad .............

I read all of the chapters and as I got deeper into the story you improved on the main character he became likable twisted but,likable. I enjoyed the read very much!

there are many hidden strings, try to cover some of them, TK U MLJ LV NV

"...trying to staunch the flow of blood from his broken nose."

That would be "Stanch" unless low brow dictionaries are used.

This is similar to all of the knuckle-draggers and their uncles using "complicit" nowadays instead of using the English language word, "complicitous". More and more crap dog "dictionaries" are signing off on that one.

Another goodie is "regiment" vs "regimine". Although, in that case I think in parts of Britain to use "...exercise regiment" is supposedly acceptable. It sounds low IQ to me.

By the way, Bravo for the great pussy pounding sex.

You know your going to be in trouble when you hit the guy so why stop at just busting his nose! Smash the fuckers balls and cock so he can never use them again! Then see if she still wants the ass-wipe!

If husband sitting home whole day go on writing only

Then naturally wife need a thick long 'leather pen' ,for her 'ink-pot' to dip in

Carry on

Dumb, zero moral prick.

What happened to, "for better, or for worse, in sickness and in health"?

These are statements and promises people make in good faith, allowing them to think they have chosen a person who will have their back in times of distress, with the promise that they will do the same in return. That is the very essence of a monogamous contract.

Vows do not include the addendum, "unless something better comes along".

Not only that, but the financial situation was at best, temporary. The company for which he worked, retained him with the intention of keeping him when things improved. Otherwise, they would have let him go if he was of little value... not have him waiting, on the books, for things to turn around.

That said, his history and experiences should NOT have led him to destroying other people's lives. If he gets what he deserves, too bad. His experiences, and his resultant choices, have made him every bit as despicable as the cheap, money grubbing, shallow, worthless whore who betrayed him in the first place. And made him every bit as despicable as you.

Your comment sits YOU square in the crowd in which Brad and his ex reside.

I can only hope this tale does not degenerate into excusing such behaviour.

Writing a MC that's doing the same thing that he has "scars" about is only going to make the readers think he's a hypocrite. I stopped reading when the writer had the MC fucking another man's wife while think about his ex-wife cheating on him. There's no way that I could have any compassion or support for the MC. He's just another sleazy cheater. 1 star

Nice job on the lover, now dump th bitch.

Fuck Brad. He is doing the exact same thing that was done to him. Hypocritical prick. Why is this nearly 5 stars?

He could clearly make out red rashes running down her creamy thighs, a clear indicator of their wild coupling.??

Was she menstrual then? Or was he a Martian, and it was his RED SPUNK that was running down her thighs?

I don't get it? If it were bruising, bruises don't run!

Long winded and hypocritical. No thanks.

The MC is a hypocritical piece of shit. I'm glad the author is dormant.

Inclined toward three stars at present, but too much of the story to go to settle on a rating. Will come back and rate all chapters after finishing the last.

After struggling, literally through Chapter Two, I rated it, and this Chapter ★ and skipped the rest of an apparently pathetic series.

The eventual revenge could prove interesting, let's hope so.