Rich Man, Poor Man

"I've decided that I'm going to give her an ultimatum Jason. Either she gets help or I'm leaving her." I didn't expect Rebecca's father to agree with my choice of action. Before he could protest I said, "I'm hoping it will make her realize how serious this is. But make no mistake about it, if she doesn't get help, I'll leave. I can't live like this."

Jason tried to get me to change my mind without success; I had made up my mind. I couldn't live with the drunken binges, the lying, and the schemes to deceive me. If a marriage didn't have trust it couldn't survive and I didn't trust Rebecca anymore. It wasn't that I was afraid that she would go to bed with some other guy or guys, I was afraid that I would get a phone call telling me that she had been killed in an accident or died from an over dose of alcohol or drugs.

After dinner that evening, I decided to give Rebecca a chance to admit that she didn't have a therapist lined up. I could have just confronted her but felt that if I did that she would get defensive and react badly. We were on the sofa enjoying being close to each other.

"Becky I wonder if the therapist you're gonna go to is covered by our insurance. What's her name and I'll check tomorrow and if she isn't we can find one that's acceptable to the insurance company?"

She acted a little startled and then got nervous. "Oh, I already checked and she's on the covered list, so we're good."

"Good, might as well use the insurance instead of paying out of pocket. You never did tell me her name, what is it?"

Rebecca hesitated for a few seconds and then answered, "Her name is Dr. Helen Thomas."

"And this is the one referred by Dr. Phillips?"

"Yeah, he gave me the name of three doctors and I picked this one because she's a woman. I thought I might feel more comfortable with another woman. Why all the questions?"

I had hoped that before I got this far in my test that Rebecca would have admitted to what she had done. "Because I talked to Dr. Phillips today; I hoped he could get you an appointment sooner than next month.

Rebecca's face went pale and I heard her mutter something like, "Oh no."

"Funny thing Becky, Dr. Phillips said he hadn't talked to you for almost a year. Why did you lie to me?"

She started crying softly and finally said, "I thought if I put it off you would leave me alone. I don't want or need therapy." Rebecca hung her head waiting for my reaction I guess.

I had to wait a little so I could control my anger at her lies and deception. Before I could say anything, I saw a change come over Rebecca. She sat up taller and the tears were gone.

"How dare you set me up like this? She was angry.

"I wouldn't have done it except you lied to me. You deliberately told me that you had taken steps to see a therapist. So don't get huffy with me, you're the one that's guilty of lying."

We went back and forth for the next ten minutes and finally I'd had enough. "Becky I'm begging you, please see a therapist if you can't talk to me."

"No damn it, I won't see some shrink. There's nothing wrong with me. Now shut the hell up about it," She yelled at me.

"There is something bothering you. Physically you may be fine but something is running around inside your head, causing you to act this way," I argued calmly. Or as calm as I could as I watched our relationship fall apart.

Are you accusing me of having an affair or just saying that I'm crazy?"

"No, I'm saying that you've changed from the happy, strong, loving woman that I married into someone else. The change is tied into your bike wreck somehow. You're always staring off into space, you work is suffering to the point that if Jason wasn't your father they would have let you go, that night at Jackson's when you let that asshole get too close to you, and this last drunken binge tell me that something or someone has caused you to change."

"I'm just a little off right now, that's all. I'm not having an affair nor am I crazy and I won't go to a shrink that will claim I am just to pad her fee. I'M NOT GOING, DO YOU HEAR? NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT," she yelled.

"Becky I love you but I can't take this anymore. I'm giving you two weeks to start therapy."

"That sounds like an ultimatum, it sounds like there's an or else in there. Or else what Jamie?" Rebecca was in total attack mode now.

"Please honey, just get some help," I dodged her question.

"Or else what dear?" She said dear so sarcastically it hurt me.

Speaking in a softer voice I said, "I've already told you that I'm worried about you, so is Jason by the way, and I've asked you several times to talk to me or get help. I'm getting to the point that I don't trust you anymore and I can't and won't live like this. If you don't start with a therapist I'm leaving you."

"You wouldn't dare," she said. Rebecca was in full attack mode now, "You like my money too much to leave; you couldn't give up all the perks of being married to the bosses' daughter. You won't leave because you enjoy this little apartment, the company car and all the other things you have because of me. And you won't leave because you like screwing me."

Sadly I shook my head. How had we gotten to this point? Maybe I should have told her that I knew she was lying instead of using her own words against her. Maybe I should have just accepted her mood swings, continued to watch over her and let things run their course. But then again that course was running into a deep hole for her.

"I've tried to help you and stayed with you because I love you, not because of money or prestige, or even because of the sex, which there hasn't been much of recently. And if you remember, I already had this apartment and the company car before you came back." I paused to push the anger I felt down after her tirade.

"Since you think the sex is one of the reasons I'm staying, I'll move into the guest room for the next two weeks. Tomorrow I'll give notice at work and begin gathering my personal possessions to take with me. The Becky I married would never have said the things you just said. You have a problem that you won't get help with or you've gone back to your "The Princess Colman" persona; in either case I'm not staying around."

I grabbed what I would need to go to work the next morning and moved into the guest room. The whole time Rebecca was harping at me that I didn't love her, only her money or that I was the one that was crazy or that I would be nothing without her and lastly that I was walking away from the best piece of ass that I would ever have. Finally I couldn't hold my temper any longer.

"You know maybe you're the one that's nuts Becky. You must be to say shit like that to me. I don't have to give you two weeks; I can leave right away if you like. Just say the word and I'm out of here." I started yelling and caught myself

"Go ahead and go. You want to go then go," She screamed back at me.

I should have just gone into the guest room and shut the door, I should have realized that Rebecca was mad and didn't really want me to go in spite of what she said; but I didn't, I let the emotional turmoil over ride my good sense.

Packing a small suitcase with the stuff I already had in the guest room I walked to the door as Rebecca watched me with the first signs of fear and maybe regret on her face. "Remember when this is all over, it was you that caused it. You have a problem that you refuse to deal with, you won't talk to me or get professional help, and you lied and deceived me; this is all on you. I'll come back and get the rest of my stuff when you're at work over the next few days."

It's impossible to slam a self closing door like the one on our apartment but I tried and then got madder when I couldn't slam it. In the lobby I saw Jacob, our concierge, was still on duty; I stopped to ask him to bring my car around. He looked at my face and at my suitcase, said he was sorry and called the garage for my car.

During the next week, I went back to the apartment and moved my clothes and other personal items to a hotel. I also had my friend George take me home so I could move my Harley to a secure storage facility. If I did have to leave I didn't want it left behind.

One week to the day after I left and moved into a hotel close to my office, I received a phone call from Jacob; it was surprising because he had never called me at my office before.

"I'm sorry to bother you at work but I think you should know what happened this last week, concerning Mrs. O'Connor," he said.

"It's okay Jacob, what's going on with Rebecca?"

"Well Jamie, three of the last seven evenings Mrs. O'Connor came home in a taxi; she had apparently had too much to drink. Twice I helped her up to your apartment. I know it's none of my business but I thought you should know," Jacob finished.

"Was she alone when she came home or was there a man with her?" Maybe it was an unfair question but I had to know.

"No sir, she was always alone," he answered.

I thanked him for his concern and hung up. The phone barely touched down and it rang again. "Storm warnings Jamie. You better prepare yourself for bad weather," Sylvia said.

"Storm warnings? What the hell are you tal......, oh I now I understand," I said as Rebecca stomped into my office. "Thanks Sylvia, I appreciate it." I hung up and looked up at Rebecca standing in front of my desk.

"Aren't you going to offer me a chair?"

"Have a seat Becky," I said pointing to a chair. "What can I do for you?"

"Are you ready to stop this nonsense and come back home? She asked.

"Are you ready to get some help?" I responded.

"I keep telling you that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not crazy and I don't need help."

"And I keep telling you that there is something bothering you. You've been drunk several times this last week; doesn't that show you something's wrong? I've never said you're crazy, just that you need help. Look, I'll make a deal with you. Go see a therapist and if he or she tells me that I'm wrong I'll move back home and forget about all this stuff. You say you're okay, well have a therapist slap me in the face with that fact."

Rebecca avoided an answer and said, "I was just talking to Daddy, he said that you told him that you might be leaving the company. Why?"

"If we can't solve our differences then I'm going to leave you. If I do that I can't keep working here or even keep living in this city."

"Why?'

"Everything here, from my job to all the places and things we love about this town, would just remind me of what we've lost. I couldn't face that day to day, so I'll move some place where I don't have those memories," I answered sadly.

"We can work all this out Jamie. You don't have to leave the city; you don't have to leave me." Rebecca said just as sadly. "Please stay, don't you love me anymore."

"If you think I want this then you're crazy, sorry bad choice of words, I mean you're wrong. And I love you more now than when we got married. But no we can't work it out. I think you need help, you say you don't and refuse to get help. I love you too much, or maybe it's that I'm not strong enough, to watch you destroy yourself," I told her with tears in my eyes.

She hung her head for a little while and said, "I'm sorry about what I said about the money and all that stuff. I know it isn't true, I was just mad."

"I know... that wasn't why I left. I was just tired of fighting with you."

"Can I kiss you before I go?" Rebecca asked.

I walked around the desk and as she stood up I took her in my arms. The kiss was tender and loving and very sad. Rebecca sobbed and ran out of my office. I wasn't in much better shape and sat down before my legs gave out.

The end of the two weeks came and on Friday I went up to say good bye to Jason. Rebecca and I hadn't spoken since that day in my office. Sylvia stood and gave me a hug before she waved me into his office. Jason looked up as I walked in and motioned me over to the seating area in front of his bar.

He poured us both a drink and said, "So it's that time, I guess."

I nodded and handed him some papers and keys. He looked at me puzzled and with a question in his eyes.

"That's the company stock you gave me as a wedding present; I've included a power of attorney transferring them back to you. The keys are for the company car and the apartment. Although I guess Rebecca will stay on there."

"Will it do any good to talk about this? Is there anything I can say or do to get you to stay?" Jason knew the answers but he was grasping at straws.

I shook my head no, "Thanks for everything Jason. You gave me a wonderful opportunity with JCOL and I appreciate it."

"Any idea where you're going?"

"Not really, west maybe. I've always wanted to spend some time by the ocean. Maybe the Rocky Mountains, I don't know. So long Jason," I said. I shook his hand, walked out of his office, and away from my life. As I passed through her office Sylvia gave me a hug and said she hoped I would find some peace now.

The next morning I packed a few necessities in the saddle bags and climbed on my Harley. The road I'm traveling on ends in a T intersection; I'm at a crossroads, both literally and figuratively. If I turn left and head west, I start a life on my own, and without my wife. If I turn right and head east, I can go back to my wife and to the problems we're having. There doesn't seem to be a viable solution to them so I don't see the upside to turning right.

I've been poor, and then became rich working for JCOL and now I'm poor again, well comparatively speaking. Rich is better believe me; but not at the cost of my peace of mind. It felt like I was running away and I didn't like the feeling but I've tried for almost a year to resolve the problem; apparently it can't be resolve. Time for me to head west to a new life, I decided. Maybe in time I can get over losing Rebecca; I don't think so but maybe.

I started my trek west toward the Pacific Ocean. San Diego was my final destination; I had a reason for traveling to that part of the California coast. I had a couple of friends from college who lived there and they had a small IT systems consulting firm. They might have room for another consultant and if not there were other firms I could work for.

*****************

Gary Simpson and Jake Adams were very surprised when I walked into their little store front office. What the hell are you doing here, where did you come from, what are you doing here, and how the hell are you, they said while greeting me. It was good to see my classmates again; we had loosely stayed in touch since graduation.

We went to a bar and grill called Tooley's. Over lunch I explained about my separation from Rebecca without going into a lot of detail and told them I was going to live the good life in San Diego. "Got room in your company for a broken down old IT dude?"

Jake looked at Gary and somewhat hesitantly said, "Sorry Jamie, we can't afford another consultant right now. I'm mean we're making a decent profit but it's just enough for the two of us. If it was just us we'd pull in our horns a little and hire you anyway, but we both have families to take care of. I wish ........"

"Hey Jake, I've got an idea that's a win-win for both of us. Hire me on a commission basis; don't pay me a salary but a percentage of the profit, say 20 percent for any work I do for your existing clients. When I bring in new customers and work give me 50 percent of the profit." I stopped as the waitress brought our drinks.

"The new business is all gravy for you guys anyway" I continued. "All I need is desk space and a workstation. Hell, I'll even pay for the workstation. Your guys get the talents of an IT specialist that can handle systems analysis and maintenance, software applications, and the hardware side too. You get this miracle man and only pay for the work done without the expense of a salary. What'd ya say boys?"

You could see the wheels turning as they thought about my offer. I told them to talk it over and excused myself to use the bathroom. I took my time and even got another round of drinks from the bar as I returned to the table. I had taken about15 minutes to give Gary and Jake a chance to discuss my proposal.

As I sat back down Jake said, "You've got a deal Jamie. Let's go have a steak and and celebrate this evening. "

"Are you sure your better halves will let you out tonight?" I ragged on them a little.

Jake answered, "Not a problem. We rule our houses with an iron fist, don't you know." He chuckled and continued, "Actually we married sisters and they're both visiting their folks up in Oregon. So we can live the bachelor life for two more days."

That evening I nursed had two small drinks and switched to coffee but the boys celebrated hard and were too drunk to drive. I drove us back to my hotel and Jake slept on the extra bed in my room and Gary got the couch. The next morning two bleary eyed techno geeks stumbled and staggered to their car and went home. I don't think much work got done at Simpson--Adams Consulting that day.

I had arrived in San Diego on Tuesday and I would start work on Monday. Between Wednesday and Monday I looked for a place to live that wouldn't take the gross national product of a small county to pay for; San Diego is an expensive place to live. I had some money put away and was getting an income from my software but it wasn't a fortune and I didn't want to spend everything on four walls and a roof.

The Harley had come a long way; so on Wednesday I took it to a nearby Harley dealer for service. While I waited for it I got to talking to one of the salesman about needing a place to stay. He gave me the name and number of a rental agent that could help.

I called while at the dealership, told the guy what I was looking for, and spent the afternoon looking at some possibilities. The fourth one hit the jackpot. It was a 31 foot Airstream travel trailer sitting on a hill overlooking the beach at Encinitas. The trailer was plugged into city water and electricity and was just like a small apartment. It was at least affordable and was only about 20 miles from to my new job. I signed a six month lease and moved in.

********************

Four months have passed and I'm doing good. Jake and Gary are very happy with our arrangement and congratulate themselves almost every week for getting me to work for them. I used some contacts that I had made while at JCOL and was able to bring in several new clients including some monthly service contracts that are very profitable. My guys suggested that I concentrate on the new clients and they'll take care of the rest of the business.

They offered to make me a partner but I declined, however I did sign a three year exclusive contract with them; renewable in two year increments after that. Another win-win situation, they continued to have my services and contacts and I didn't have to worry about the month to month expenses it takes to run a business.

I wasn't trying to hide but I never let anyone beside my parents know where I was. There was no contact with Rebecca, Jason or anyone from my old life; as far as anyone back in Missouri knew I had vanished. I hadn't started divorce proceedings and I guess neither had Rebecca; at least I didn't receive any papers to sign or a divorce degree.

I finally met Shelly and Karen, Jake and Gary's wives. Nice ladies but every two weeks or so they would try to set me up with some woman "that would be just perfect for me". I finally told them the partial truth that I wasn't divorced yet and wanted to wait until I was free. Actually I was still trying to come to terms with leaving Rebecca.

Jake and Gary were almost as bad and tried to get me to go out and mingle in the San Diego night life. I told them the same thing as I told their wives and that I just wasn't interested.