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Click hereCategory: Romance, Brother-Sister Incest, Loving Wife, Erotic Couplings,
Short Description: Brother and sister continue with their careers and their family.
Gotta agree with anon. The dialog just kills everything. It’s so inane and repetitive, people don’t talk that way. It makes it basically unreadable. I can only imagine that the author wishes people talked that way? In that case it’s even worse. Read some fiction books, pay attention to how they write people and dialog. Try and emulate what real authors do. I think that you, the author, think that you have developed some new kind of “style.” You have, it’s called “crappy style.”
Dialog is too formal, not relaxed and natural.
Reads like it was written by an engineer or perhaps someone whose native language is not English.
Examples:
"Rick have you brought any pictures of the twins for me and my wife, Calista, to see?"
They are old friends, he would not say who his wife is!
"Those are copies, Carlos. I brought those pictures for you and Calista, Carlos, since I knew that you both would want to see pictures of the twins."
Two old friends are talking, presumably alone...He would not keep saying his friend's name.
Great story but there was no mentioned of how the children were explained when people asked. With both having the last name it would of been easy to just say that they were husband and wife.
A bit hard to read, it appears English is definitely not your first language. Given that I rate this story 4/5