Right Through Me

*The Following Story Contains Heavy Subject Matter. Please Proceed With Caution.*

I never felt understood as a teenager. And that was before discovering my... gifts. The night I did was after having a nightmare. Every part of it felt like falling. Then, I woke up in the basement. The falling was real... My parents called me a freak. If I'm being honest, I hadn't felt more out of place than that moment. But it happened for a reason.

A week later, I was taken in by a man named Charles Xavier. He ran a school for gifted youngsters, convincing my parents that it was the best option in the long run. I think about those memories often. How I made friends, found purpose, learned to control my powers... find love. Both the first and one that crosses my mind.

If only they could see me now.

--

My name was Kitty Pryde. AKA Shadowcat.

Now, it's Keith Porter. AKA Overshadow.

The choice to become my true self came just as I turned 18. Everyone I told was taken back by it. Going on about how beautiful I was and how I didn't need to change to be loved. Their words came from a good place... But their reasons for them were pretty shit.

Some were greedy, like Bobby's. We broke up because he couldn't accept the choice I made.

Others were unexplainable, like Peter's. He just didn't know how to handle it. But we at least stood friends.

The last... he was a dream.

Draven was the least likely guy someone would think to accept a big change like your girlfriend transitioning into your boyfriend. It was a shock to him... But he accepted how much it meant for me to have his support. Over the next six years, he would see the best and worst of me. How different I looked, the emotions that changed, and the comfort I had in myself that wasn't there before. With how long we spent together... my heart told me he was the one.

Though like a lot of things in my life, we got into a fight. One that made us yell so much that we threw things around. Something Draven refused to do was hit me. All those villains I've faced had given me a slight fear of someone hitting me outside of crime work. He knew that as well being a vigilante. But I pushed the line by punching him as he shoved me back. The way his eyes looked... it sent a shiver down my spine. But I was too angry at the time to care.

My fight response kicked in, making me ready to fight back. The worst he did was shove me against the wall, screaming at me to stop and listen. He looped my arms in a way they couldn't move and his hands held my face, trying to reach me... Although when he broke through to me, someone in our building had called 911. The first thing they saw: Draven pinning me to the wall, apartment torn apart, holes in the wall with things broken.

How things unfolded replayed over and over when enough time passed alone.

The officers pulled him away, thrashed him to the floor and started kicking. As much as Draven wanted to fight back, he didn't. I was angry enough to press charges, tell our friends what he did, and make sure that he was hurt like I was. But by the end when I could see what really happened... I realized that I was the one who put him there.

We had our fights but never like this. Never to where he felt the need to defend himself or for me to attack him. It didn't erase the fact that he hit me. But that only happened after I attacked. It was all fucked up... And I couldn't take it back. After Draven was sent away, the guilt and reality set in.

He calmed the irrational anger I had at times.

When I felt unlike myself, he tried to make me feel right again.

I started to miss his good morning hugs, checking that I want to work.

Laughing, eating late dinner after missions, even stitching each other up.

Draven... made me a better man, hero, and person overall.

--

I was advised to go to therapy some months after Draven was sent away. I ended up stepping into bigger trouble in hero work. After not only stepping on Logan's toes but crossing a major line with Spider-Man and Tim Drake. That... was definitely a clusterfuck.

Logan was unscathed for the most part.

Spider-Man had cracked ribs and a bad wrist.

Tim Drake had his nose broken.

I ended up with a broken shoulder and concussion.

While in recovery, a counselor and psychologist came in to talk, which I promptly tried to brush off. But that wasn't possible when Peter Parker and Tim Drake wanted to charge me with assault. It was a slap in the face, considering they were colleagues. But an even bigger twist of the knife was that Logan told them to. When it sank in that I was in trouble, I bit my tongue and accepted to be evaluated.

Lucky for me, my sentence was for a year. What I didn't expect was to be housed with Draven... Believe me when I say my stomach did backflips. Mostly the thought he was gonna probably beat the shit out of me for what I did. It was worse that he simply smiled and ignored me... I deserved it but that was a bigger kick than I thought. That year went by slowly but it was a little better knowing that both of us would be out at the same time.

As the day got closer, I tried to figure out what I should say. Because I knew that words needed to be had... even if we played that nothing was wrong anymore. After lights out, he was shaving while I was reading on my side of the cell. With a sigh, I saved my page and put the book down. Now or never...

"Dray?"

No answer.

"Draven?"

Still nothing.

"Indigo."

He stopped mid blade stroke, finished and washed his face. No one knew his hero name... And I only used it when getting his attention. Grabbing a towel and a chair, he sat right in front of my bunk, eyes staring intensely. Four years... and he changed a lot. Aged, a bit of gray in his hair, that warm kindness he had faded to a faint version of before. I felt more intimidated by him. And I was responsible for it.

"Been a while Keith."

His voice was still sweet...

"It has..." I sighed.

"So... what is it that you need to get off your chest?"

"Well... just how has everything been in here?"

He chuckled a little, wiping his face. I admit it made me uneasy. "About as well as you would think. Cooped up in a tiny room with another person, doing the same thing over and over, thinking about what to do when you finally get to step foot outside."

"You have every right to be mad at me. I deserve it. Beat me up, just... do something to tell me that says we can let things go."

Draven gave me a confused look, leaning forward in his seat.

"Do something?"

"Fuck. That came out wrong-"

"The ONLY thing I did was think about what happens after here."

His voice dripped with a rage that hung from each word.

"Dray-"

"Six years Keith. We'd been through everything together. Fighting bad guys, your transition, getting closer and talking about the future. I wanted to marry you. I wanted kids."

The guilt sunk into my stomach again.

"I was angry. Both of us were. I made a fucking mistake by stabbing the one person that stuck up for me through hell with me in the back. I can't take that back. I've been going to therapy but that wasn't enough. I got myself into deep shit and ended up here with you. Life kicked my ass because of the buffer I had, the moral conscience I had. That wasn't there. And I did that to myself and you."

I was on my feet, frustrated and punching at something that wasn't there.

"Keith, the only one torturing themselves here is you. You need me to be angry at you because you're mad at yourself."

"How?! How in the fuck can you be so calm about all of this?"

Draven closed the gap between us, grabbing me up and pushing to the wall. The same anger from that night flashed on his face but I saw something else. He looked sad... As he was holding me, I felt him shaking, both furious and out of bad nerves. After tense silence, he sighed, shoulders dropping as he pulled me into his arms. Out of habit, my arms were around him, face in his neck. We didn't talk for a while, both of us moving to lay down and hold each other.

I didn't deserve this... Definitely not to be forgiven.

"Being bitter over the past wouldn't help me move on." He said to me quietly. "I spent the first two years angry at everything. But no matter how many guys I hit, I wasn't feeling any better. So I started writing in a log book and seeing the cell block therapist. Little by little, I understood why this all happened. It... probably was bound to.

We treated each other well, talked about everything, and eventually forgave each other. But when the cops saw us, it was just a bad wrap. You needed time and circumstance to kick your ass in a way I couldn't. And I needed to be far away from you, even being Indigo, to understand that both of us, somewhere, got kicked by life. Because even the good guys can't save themselves from everything."

"You shouldn't forgive me though. I fucked everything up because I was too stupid to calm down."

He chuckled, kissing my cheek. "Babe, even you know that when we get hot headed, we don't think straight."

"I'm serious, Dray. I got you sent to prison because the cops believed me. Court believed that you were bad to me. Even our friends." I went on. Kicking myself was the only way it felt right to pay him back in my eyes. But Draven wouldn't let me.

"You're right in the fact that nothing's gonna go back to normal. Once we get out of here, it's... gonna be a twisted up life. Technically, we can't be around each other. Two convicts need to be faaar away from each other."

"I'm sensing a but." I teased.

"Other than yours?"

We both had to laugh at that.

"Let's... wait a year. See where it takes us. We can talk over the phone and whatnot. But probably no visiting. Get to remember each other again..."

"Are you gonna be okay with that?"

"I have to be. Even if I wanna just go back to how things were. We both need space after this. Get readjusted to the world."

"I forget out of the two of us, you tend to be smart with this stuff."

"Comes with time."

We laid in bed, talking for way too long about things that didn't matter. I felt myself falling asleep in his arms, hearing him whisper I should get in my own bunk. Though as I moved, we shared a look. With a blush, I went closer to kiss him. How it felt sent me to Jupiter probably... Light, fuzzy, and like I needed him more than air. Understandably, I pulled away when he did. It was too soon... But we knew one thing at least.

We still loved each other.

The following weeks were quick. On release day, we walked out together. Though I didn't expect Logan to greet me out there. Draven took that as his moment to head for the nearest bus stop, smiling at me and tilting my chin up. He held up a finger. One year...

Watching him walk away made my stomach sink but I froze up a little when Logan walked and behind me and stood there.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"We were in the same cell."

"I'll kill 'em."

"Logan, you know that he didn't do anything."

He sighed, rubbing his face. "Force a' habit kid. Even though he didn't do anything once you told us, that default never goes away. "

"I know. I'm still learning to get over the guilt and anger about what I did."

"What did he say?"

"Well... he forgave me."

"Did you forgive yourself?"

"I'm not sure yet."

--

True to his word, Draven and I kept in contact. From settling into our temporary housing, getting a day job, picking up with hero work, and trying to stay out of trouble when out of persona. He got a job at a boxing gym. His parole officer tried to reject the idea but realized how bad it looked when trying to deny someone a job that has a hard time getting one. In the end it worked out, and so did he. Pretty much every day.

I got a job cleaning a gym. Well most of the time. Every so often, I got to clean another place. Nonetheless, we both had regular work and got to be heroes still. Before we knew it, a year was close to up. I wondered when we would meet. Or if it would be another year. Though after radio silence for a few days, I almost got the impression Draven might have lost interest in the idea...

Needing some space to think, I packed a bag with some spare clothes to head out camping. There was a spot in the woods nearby that was quiet and had little hiker traffic. We used to go there at the start of our relationship before we even knew what to call ourselves. With my earbuds in, I set on the long walk there, only stopping for a few groceries for the couple days I would likely hang around. After an hour or so of walking, I smelled smoke...

No one camped here. At least that I knew of. Coming up to the area, there was a huge tent, fire with a small cook pot on, and some hunting stuff. A lot of it looked well worn and I found out why once who was camped there came out of the tent...

Draven...

--

"Keith." He said softly, a slight smile on his face. "What're you doing here?"

"You haven't been answering my messages... So I thought to get away to deal with... well maybe you ditched me." I admitted, awkward and embarrassed.

He looked embarrassed himself, digging in his pocket and showing me his phone. "Got busted during one of my recent fights. Kept it so the store could transfer my pictures. Was gonna be ready in the morning."

"So... you haven't been ignoring me?" I asked.

"Of course not." He answered.

Draven moved closer to me. His smile was more visible in front of the fire, seeming relaxed. His hug once we were close enough told me that too. It was just right, tight enough and loose at the same time. I groaned happily as my feet were off the ground while hugging. God it felt nice to be held by him again... I didn't want to rush into thinking we would be a couple. But I at least wanted to hug him like this for a bit.

Letting me down, I set my bag beside the tent and tried to shake off the jitters I had.

"You hungry? I got some small steaks simmering."

"How the hell did you manage that?" I giggled, going over to the fire to look at the pot.

Lifting the lid, there were two small steaks cooking with seasoned potatoes around it. "With a lot of practice. Remember we tried to cook a lot down here when we snuck away."

"You were gonna eat all this?"

"I don't mind sharing. I'm glad you came... Though you kind of spoiled the surprise."

"Oh yeah?"

"I was gonna ask you to meet me here tomorrow. But tonight is fine."

Reaching into my bag, I showed him a couple of spiked lemonades. "Guess I bought the drinks."

"Heh that you did."

Handing Draven one, he popped the cap with his hunting knife, offering to do the same with mine. I insisted I was fine, phasing my fingers through and flicking the cap off. He chuckled at this, both of us clinking our drinks before taking a sip. It was weird. Even with what happened between us, we were still on the best terms...

I couldn't help but watch him as he took a couple of bowls, served the food, handing me a fork and a spoon for himself. I forgot he knows how to stab with a spoon... We ate in mostly silence, a nice change from the loud echo of the chow room and eating alone in our housing. Even in a small apartment, it was eerie to eat alone.

My eyes couldn't help falling back to him, seeing him smile when he caught me.

"It's nice to see you too." He laughed warmly. "Better than staring at the TV while eating."

"Feels..."

"...normal." His face was serious as he said that, eyes on me.

I was blushing but kept eating with a wide grin. "Yeah..."

Once we finished, I took the bowls and ran them in the freshwater nearby. Our drinks in hand, we took the walking path that went deeper into the trees. The nightly noise of creatures came alive around us, fireflies flying up and making the dark a bit brighter. It all felt brand new.

Holding Draven's hand.

Laughing and talking with him.

Dancing around like idiots.

Eventually, we stopped and sat between two wide trees that looked out over the water. The brush around was thick enough for no one to see us. Making this spot all our own as we took in the serenity.

"I remember when we found this place." I said thoughtfully. "Bad mission. We sat up all night, talking about how we could live down what happened."

"It's when we learned that no hero wins every mission. Sucked that we had to experience it so personally. But helped us grow to be stronger."

"Crazy to think that was over ten years ago."

"Damn. We met that long ago?"

I laughed a little, shoving his arm. "Yeah. I was 15 and you were 17. I was dating Bobby and you were dating..."

"I think Kurt."

"I forgot that it was Kurt."

"He hasn't dated a guy since then I don't think. Said that it was an experiment."

"That was before he realized what experimenting could mean if he said that to someone else."

"Heh. We were all outta sync at first. But now, we all have a better understanding of each other."

A comfortable silence lingered as we drank the last of our spiked lemonade, a second nature telling me to lay closer to Draven. I heard his heart speed up, but his sigh made me look up, a smile on his face. Leaning in more, his arm went around my side, hand resting on the outer thigh. My hand ran over his chest, fingers tingly as the softness of his shirt registered in my mind.

Sighing, his smell sank into every sense of me. His deodorant, the shaving cream he used, the smoky scent of burning wood. Those notes seemed to intensify as Draven squeezed me gently.

"I missed having you like this." He whispered. "Sorry if that's over the line... But I wanted to say it."

"No no... you're... you're good. I missed being here. Close with you I mean."

After a long pause, my fingers rubbed his chest through his shirt, listening to his heartbeat.

"Did... you think about us?"

"I didn't think it was right... But I did." He said this as his heartbeat went a little faster. "You said you had another boyfriend when Logan brought you to visit. So... it felt disrespectful to think about us."

Damn... I really was an asshole.

"There never was another boyfriend." I shyly looked up at him, locking eyes while biting my lip. "I said that to get back at you. Sometimes I wonder how you could forgive me at all."

Draven rubbed my back to calm me, making me feel less nervous.

"That's the crazy thing when you love somebody. You're willing to walk through fire for them. Or in your case, through walls and a jail sentence."

Even at the bad joke, I managed a smile. Draven making light of what I did showed he was too forgiving when it came to me. Then again... I was grateful that he stuck with me. Because anyone else would have beaten me to a pulp.

"You're too good to me."

"Because there's no rewind button. And I want to play on better memories you know?"

My eyes connected again with his, answering his question with a nod. Everything slowed as he leaned in, our foreheads resting on each other's. His lips were so close... A year of wanting to be with him again. Holding him and not thinking of anything. In those thoughts, my wish came through, making my insides melt. Gradually, his hands shifted to hold his face, beard scraping my palms.

That pressure made butterflies travel over me, more as we leaned back, my body crunching the grass underneath us. The fluttering made my body warm, skin burning after not having him by my own fault. The soft groans I made drew low, comforting growls from Draven. I couldn't explain how it comforted me, or how my stomach was shaking at the feeling of him shifting to be between me.

He pressed only a little, a hard length rubbing against me. I couldn't stand a year of not touching myself with no privacy. The thought of him being pent up and alone, feeling betrayed and angry... This might have been the first time he was close to another person since being away. As my legs tangled with his, they squeezed his waist a little, coaxing a soft moan of satisfaction as he kissed.