Riptide

The front door was unlocked when I opened it, of course, and the music was deafening. I called Ruby’s name futilely a handful of times, then pulled out my cell and called her. There was no answer.

I walked out to their deck, fearing the worst, and was surprised to see Nick and Ruby entwined and smoking pot. She didn’t look afraid of him, or upset, or even slightly battered. Then her bloodshot eyes swept up to mine and I saw the barest flicker of relief. She must’ve been humoring him until I arrived. Still, I would have preferred that she told me Nick was home before I stumbled in without any kind of protection. I could have brought Paul with me and dealt with the embarrassment.

Nick’s hazy blue eyes took me in calmly. He palmed my sister’s breast and smiled. “I had no idea you would be joining our party, Presley.”

“I called her,” Ruby said, pulling away from him. She stood on shaky legs and needed to grasp the railing for support. “You were out of control today.”

He stretched out on the chair. His smile set a wave of unease down my spine, and the flash in his deep blue eyes told me he knew it. “Do I look out of control to you, Presley?”

Something was different. Nick was always slightly intimidating when he was on one of his tears, but he was rarely, if ever, this tranquil. Normally I could push my way in and drag Ruby away with me after a few harsh curses and many thrown objects, but there was an unusual vibe humming in the salt-saturated air, a sharp dangerous undercurrent that made my pulse race.

“Sit, Pres. Want a puff?” Nick held out the joint and waited for me to take it. A primitive voice whispered into my ear that I had better take it and at least pretend to inhale. His eyes burned through my skin and melted my marrow. Something was different, for sure, and dead wrong. I tried to keep my hand still as I took the joint and faked dropping it.

“Shit, sorry,” I muttered. My heart pumped recklessly inside me.

Nick casually pulled out another and lit it, never taking his attention away from me. Ruby leaned against the railing and shook her head at me. If she was trying to communicate something, I couldn’t understand it.

“No problem,” Nick finally said. He stood and crossed the deck to me. The joint dangled carelessly against his bottom lip. He inhaled deeply and held it, then blew a cloud of smoke into my face. His coarse fingers rested against the side of my arm, skimming down until they clasped my wrist. “So, Ruby called you?”

“I think she just wanted my company.”

Nick laughed and placed the joint between my lips. “Breathe in, baby.” Reluctantly, I inhaled. “We fought today. Want to know why?” He hovered too close, but I didn’t move back. Again, a wise voice inside of me told me to stay put. His other hand pressed into my stomach. “Breathe out.” I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding in the drugged air. I exhaled with a cough. Nick was obviously amused.

“Leave her alone, Nick.”

The Moody Blues stopped singing, and “Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me)” oozed from the stereo. The song added a strange and unsettling haze to the evening.

“Where is Aedan?” I asked.

Ruby shut her eyes. “Asleep, thank God.”

“Don’t you want to know why Ruby called you?” Nick’s hand went to the back of the my skull and pressed me closer. I could feel the heat of his breath. “Have you ever met Bruno?”

“Nick, please. I’m begging you….” Ruby’s words were cut short when Nick abruptly turned and pushed her. I cried out, but Nick restrained me before I could hit him. “Bruno is here. Just went to the bathroom. He’s my good friend. You should ask Ruby about him, once she’s calmed down.”

I assessed Nick’s large pupils, the angry red marks on my sister’s forearms, the empty bottles of liquor strewn about, and started to get an accurate picture of what was going on. What the fuck had my sister involved me in?

Then a large man, even taller than Nick, stepped out onto the deck. He took in the scene with one slow and unsurprised sweep of his black eyes, and then he smiled. “Didn’t know you invited more pussy.”

I stiffened. Nick brushed my hair from my shoulder. “This is precious pussy here. Meet my sister-in-law, Presley.”

I tried to think of something to say, something to do. My fists tightened and for a brief moment, I envisioned punching Nick on his weak chin and smashing one of the bottles over Bruno’s head, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Whatever they had planned, it would have been way worse. Never before had I felt so terrified or powerless in Nick’s presence. In the past, he was too drugged out or dumb to threaten me. Now, he was invigorated by whatever happened before I’d arrived, and emboldened by the presence of his friend. Ruby’s streaks of tears informed me that we were both in tremendous danger.

My phone. I needed to pull my phone out of my bag and call 911. Or maybe I could text Paul. A phone call would be harder to manage; I could text something quickly to Paul, for sure.

Bruno walked over and sniffed me. My body locked with a fear I hadn’t felt since I was thirteen and drawn beneath dark, churning waves. A meaty paw clasped my elbow and brought my body close to him. The scalding, wet sensation of his vile tongue against the nape of my neck scared and disgusted me. I tried to move away, but Nick pushed me into Bruno’s arms. “Precious, huh?” Bruno asked in a gritty voice. “Too bad I gotta run. I would’ve liked a sample.”

Nick puffed on his joint and seemed very pleased with himself. “Maybe next time.”

Bruno pushed his hips against my ass. “Next time. Like the sound of that.”

No.

The dread that weighed heavily in my chest shifted into something else, something darker and firmer. I wouldn’t let Nick and his thuggish friend scare me. I would fight. They needed to know that.

“Get your filthy fucking hands off of me,” I said in a low voice. I didn’t even sound afraid, which sent a torrent of additional confidence into my nerves. “I’ll break your dick off.”

The men laughed and didn’t seem to be the least bit afraid of me, but saying the words made me feel better. I wouldn’t meekly capitulate; I refused to be a silent bystander. They had dark, distorted, evil thoughts in their minds, and I might not be able to resist them, but they wouldn’t get my fear.

“Again, I gotta say: next time.” Bruno reached around and cupped me between my legs. Thankfully I couldn't feel it through my jeans. “Sounds great.” Then he patted my ass and nodded at Nick. “Maybe I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Nick cracked up with sickening laughter. Bruno faded into the night like a receding nightmare, but his menacing presence was still felt by my body. Ruby looked sorry. I fought the urge to rush over and beat the shit out of her. If it would have helped the situation, I wouldn’t have hesitated.

“Don’t be afraid of Bruno, sweetheart,” Nick whispered against my hair. “You’ll like him. Ask Ruby. She loves to have him between her thighs. You’d probably like me more, though. ”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Maybe.” His hands tightened around my arms. “But I’m honest, which is more than I can say for you. I don’t fuck up your life, so why do you need to get involved in my personal shit?”

I snorted. “Honest? You’re despicable. And your loser friend didn’t scare me. I’m not afraid of you, either. You’re fucking pathetic. A pathetic loser who gets off on wielding artificial power.” My laughter grew louder in the chilly night. “So pathetic.”

He gave me a shove. “Shut up, bitch. For years, you’ve been prancing around like you’re superior to me. I’m going to show you tonight that you’re not.” Nick let me go with a push and then stalked over to the table to pour himself a glass of whiskey. “Get the boat ready,” he said to Ruby. Then he swallowed the glass, his gaze fixed on me. “We’re going to take a little ride. Maybe you’ll thank me by the end of tonight, and maybe I’ll get you over your phobia. Maybe I’ll show you that there are many, many things scarier than a little bit of water.”

*****

I could have fought harder, I told myself later. I could have hit him with something. Ruby might have helped, then. After all, it was two against one. It wasn’t like he had a gun, or even a knife. In the moment, however, Nick’s aggression and resolve to do something wicked was powerful. I don’t know how the night would have turned out if I’d fought back from the start, but I have to believe it would have been worse. I have to believe that.

We climbed into the rocking boat, named “So Fine”, and sailed out into the foggy night. The urge to vomit was very real, but somehow I managed to calm my stomach. I hadn’t been on a boat since I tested it out when I was twenty-one. One of my friends convinced me to take a cruise, assuring me that a little exposure therapy would help me conquer my fears. They had to turn the boat around once they were notified of my epic panic attack.

Nick had stripped me of my phone before I could stop him. “So there’s no distractions,” he said.

Even the moon didn’t want to be witness to that night. It stubbornly hid behind heavy clouds, deserting us. I could barely make out Nick’s features, but I could see Ruby’s expression. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t look angry or depressed. She just looked blank. Resigned. Defeated.

I eyed the floor of the boat for something, anything, I could use against Nick, but there was nothing and I was so, so cold. And so frightened. Everything was a frustrating blur around me due to the pot in my system.

The sea pitched us violently at one point and Nick laughed. “Don’t worry. You won’t fall. I’ll catch you.”

“Why are you doing this?”

Nick swigged whiskey and moved closer to me. “Ruby went to a divorce attorney. Did she tell you? Confide in you?”

“No.”

“No,” he repeated. “Didn’t think so. She hates you, you know.”

A little whimper came from Ruby, but her expression didn’t change.

“Hates you. But I don’t hate you.” He sat next to me and swayed against me, partly because of the sea’s coaxing, partly because of whatever cruel desire festering in his soul. “I don’t hate you at all. You know that.”

I couldn’t think of how to respond, so I stayed silent. When his hand attempted to slide under my blouse, I jumped back.

“I should probably tell you how tonight is going to go, Presley. I’m tired. I’m tired of all of this. I’m tired, and you’re going to make me feel better. I’m going to fuck you.” A sob broke from me, but he ignored it. “I’m going to fuck you, and you’re going to enjoy it. Don’t fight it, Presley. It’s been building and building for years now. You know that. And you keep coming back, and for your sister, who hates you.”

Ruby hunched over her knees and wrapped her arms around her waist. She took in the sight of her husband touching me, saying nothing. For a horrifying moment, I wondered if this wasn’t the plan all along, if she lured me out here for some sick and twisted game. As I sat there and felt ocean spray coat my skin, I knew with hollow certainty that Ruby hated me. She always had, and likely always would, no matter how often I tried to save her. In that moment, I hated her, too, more than I thought possible. Still, I didn’t believe she orchestrated the scene. She wouldn’t want Nick touching me like that.

“Please stop this,” I whispered. My entire body was locked with fear.

Nick just laughed. “Too late.” One of his large, bony hands cupped my breast. His broad thumb ran across my nipple. He shoved the bottle of whiskey under my nose and forced me to gulp some down. A sickening sound of amusement came from his throat when the liquor leaked down my chin and I choked. “Way too late for you.”

The fog pressed heavily against us. It occurred to me, somewhere beneath the surface of the high I felt, that it was dangerous to be out on the water. My head shook back and forth as I desperately sought escape. Nick nudged closer, his other hand pushing between my legs.

“Get off of me, you sick fuck.” I pushed against his heavy body as hard as I could, but he didn’t move. It was a game to him, so shoved back harder against me. I slid off the seat and he erupted with laughter.

The rest of it happened so fast, just like it does in the movies. In one movement, I lunged for Nick and ripped the whiskey bottle from his hand. He jumped to his feet and took a step to go after me, but slipped on the slick floor of the boat. His body rocked and forth stupidly as he tried to get his footing, and a visceral urge prompted my arm, which held his whiskey, to lift into the air. His eyes bulged and he opened his mouth to say something, but he never had the chance. I brought my arm down with as much force as I could, and the bottle shattered over his head. It collided with his skull, making a crunching noise that twisted my stomach. Shards of glass fell like a warped rain of diamonds, and droplets of dark blood blended in with the sea’s mist. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. A bold river of red flooded down from the crown of his head. He stumbled and raised his arms out, resembling Frankenstein. He fought hard to step towards me, but in the end, the severity of his wound and the unsteadiness of the boat won.

In one surprisingly smooth movement, his hulking body was flung over the edge of the boat. It didn’t even make a sound as it was absorbed into the ocean. I was stunned, and draped my body over the railing. I looked for him in a daze, watching for any splashing or movement. Ruby let out a distorted scream that sounded like a tea kettle whistling. I couldn’t spot him, and wouldn’t have been able to save him, even if I had wanted to. He had disappeared into the gurgling black water, deep beneath the surface where my 13 year old spirit still existed. Maybe if I wasn’t so terrified of the water, I could have saved him. I would have saved him.

That’s what I told myself, anyway.

*****

When Ruby finally stopped screaming, I brought her into my arms. We needed to call for help. What would happen to us when the police descended? Would they believe us? Me? I picked up her phone.

My sister snatched the phone from my hand. “Don’t. They’ll think we did it on purpose.”

“He was a monster.”

“A monster with friends in high places,” she muttered in a low, dead voice.

“We can’t…”

Ruby cut me off. “We can. We have to.”

“I can’t.”

Something sinister flashed in her eyes. There was something she wasn’t telling me. She hesitated, and then made a decision to trust me. “I drugged him. His glass of whiskey back at the house. I didn’t think it was working, but he could barely stand.”

“Ruby.”

“You don’t understand. You can’t. You don’t know what it’s been like for me. And Bruno…. Please, Presley. I’m begging you. They’ll take Aedan away from me. Maybe we’ll end up in jail. It’s too much to risk for Nick, of all people.”

“It’s not right.”

“Promise me, Presley. No police. Promise!”

I could envision the harsh flashing of blue and red, the incredulous and faux paternal expression of the cop taking my statement, the sensation of handcuffs around my wrists. Was Ruby right? Was he connected with crooked police? Nick’s professional life was murky, after all. He owned a restaurant, had a hand in various local businesses, was involved in numerous charities. To strangers, he was the handsome and convivial philanthropist. They had no idea what he was really like.

I did. Ruby did. My beautiful nephew certainly did. My flare of conscience faded. Maybe Ruby was right. Maybe it was better to just let him go.

“Okay. I promise. How do we do this?” I asked her, wiping away a few silent tears.

For years, I prided myself on being a good person who would always do the right thing. Even in death, Nick was taking that from me.

“We’ll think of something,” my sister said.

Then we both sat in silence, waiting for the nightmare to turn into a joke. That never happened.

The water calmed and the mist receded. Ruby brought us back to the dock and left the boat where we found it. I followed her as she made her way down to the beach. She sank into a mound of sand, and I collapsed beside her. It was freezing, but neither of us said a word.

Pale dawn slowly lit the sky. The thick sound of birds’ wings flapping came from somewhere overhead, like the pages of an old book being flipped rapidly. The sand was cool beneath my bloodied fingers, and the ocean crawled up and sank back from the shore.

Ruby’s teeth were chattering, and when I looked over at her sitting beside me, a tiny burst of fear flared in my stomach. Her lips were nearly blue and her large, vacant eyes looked nearly black. She peered out, staring at the horizon with resigned horror as if a vengeful Nick were about to rise from the ocean, his wounds completely healed.

I took her hand. “It’s over now.” The sound rumbled unpleasantly against my sore throat and I swallowed against it. It felt like the sand coated the thin, vulnerable satin of the back of my mouth.

“Over,” Ruby echoed.

I turned to her and made her face me. “It’s not too late. We can still call the police. We can still…”

Ruby shook her head so roughly that her wet hair smacked me in the face. I could see myself reflected in her dark eyes. “No. You p-promised. You swore.”

“Shh. Yes, I did. I’m just letting you know that there is still a chance.”

Ruby stood slowly and wiped the sand off her bare legs. “We need to be getting back. Aedan will be awake soon.”

I tried to bite my lip and prevent the words from being said aloud, because it made the situation more real, but they tumbled involuntarily from me. “What if he’s still alive out there? What if we just lost him in the fog?”

My sister stared down at me, and for the first time in ages, I was afraid of her. “He’s dead. Thank God.”

I looked back at the ocean. The sense that it was watching me, mocking me, turned my blood cold. It knew my fears, my heart and all of my secrets. It was far more powerful than me, nearly ripping my life from me for the second time. Now it was Nick’s coffin, absorbing his body into its ancient nothingness.

“Presley, we need to get back,” my sister insisted firmly. She never took her eyes from the churning blue waves.

*****
Aedan didn’t ask about his father until lunchtime, and the question was halfhearted. It occurred to me that Aedan wanted to know where Nick was more out of fear than anything else, which comforted me. We had done the right thing, I told myself.

“We don’t know where he is,” Ruby said. She cut the crusts off his sandwiches, and I was touched by the maternal side of her I was never sure existed. “Be grateful he’s not around, yelling and cursing.”

Aedan took his plate and obediently shut up regarding the topic of his father. I wondered if he would suffer psychologically because of what happened, and then I decided that whatever damage we inflicted, it would be far less than what Nick would have done to him had he been around.

Ruby and I sat in the kitchen for most of the day, trying to figure out some story. We figured she should call the police the next day and say Nick was missing. He frequently ventured off to party, she told me, and she thought it would be relatively convincing. Perhaps people would think he left her, or that he was escaping a bad deal he made, or that he’d met some unfortunate end because of his business. Ruby didn’t seem to care what people thought, and I told myself I didn’t, either.

I borrowed her phone to text Paul, letting him know I’d lost my phone but I was okay. I would be back home tomorrow, I assured him. Don’t text back, I said. He did anyway, but I couldn’t bring myself to read the words.

Around dinnertime, I broke.

“I killed a person,” I wept. “I killed him. I killed him!”

“Would you shut the fuck up?” Ruby rubbed her temples as she paced in front of me. “Shut up. Don’t ever say that again. He fell, first of all. Okay? He was drunk and high and he fell. Second of all, the bastard deserved it. Do you hear me? He deserved it.”