Riptide

“Nick was dead, Mom. I hit him so hard and he was bleeding and he fell. I killed him, Mom.”

“Shhh. I don’t know what’s going on, but we’ll figure it out together. Deal?”

I wiped my tears away. “He’s still out there. He wants to hurt me, obviously.”

She smoothed back my hair. “Oh, dear, kiddo. Dear, dear. What have you gotten yourself into?”

*****

I didn’t go back to sleep that night. Mom vowed to stay up with me, but she fell back asleep an hour later. I thought about texting Ruby, but I didn’t trust her anymore.

Still, if Nick was alive, she should know. He could come after Aedan and Ruby. I didn’t want that.

She didn’t answer my phone calls the next morning. I didn’t really expect her to, but the fear grew and grew until I could barely breathe. I decided to text her.

Nick is still alive.

She called me back immediately.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Presley?”

“I’ve been seeing him… everywhere.”

She was silent for a minute. Then she forced a laugh. “You’ve lost your damn mind.”

“I saw him last night. He wrote ‘murderer’ on my car. This is real. You need to watch out.” I heard the low rumble of a man’s voice in the background. “Is that Bruno?”

“Yeah,” she laughed. “Bruno will keep me safe from Nick’s ghost.”

“This is serious, Ruby.”

“Look, I appreciate all this but you really don’t need to be up my ass anymore. Nick is gone. Gone. Not haunting you, or me. We made sure of that, remember?”

“Yeah. You just exchanged one animal for another.” I let out a breath and tried not to scream. “I helped you with Nick to free you. Not to free you up for Bruno.”

“God! If I knew you were going to hold it over my head, I never would have involved you!”

The clarity I’d been seeking since that night zapped into my brain, and almost everything became obvious. “You planned it. Didn’t you? All of it.” My voice was expressionless, but firm. “Why? Was it all for Bruno?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed, but her voice was high and breathless. That was her tell.

“Oh, my God.” My hand went to my stomach. I thought I was going to be sick. “It was, wasn’t it? You planned it all along?”

“I’m not listening to this. Don’t call me again.” She hung up, but I kept the phone pressed against my ear, desperate for the confession I would never be given.

Mom found me in the kitchen, sitting at her table and staring into space.

“She set me up,” I said after a few minutes. “She wanted him gone. She drugged him. I don’t know if I told you that.”

“You didn’t,” Mom said softly.

“She drugged him, called me, and I played right into her hands. Oh, my God.”

Mom hugged me. “You need to go to the police.”

“But Ruby. What about her? And oh, God, what about Aedan?”

“You need to go. I don’t think you have a choice anymore. Ruby is a grown-up and she made her own decisions.”

I took her hand and resolved to go to the police by the end of the day.

*****

The detective checked his Apple watch for the fifth time in the three minutes we’d been sitting together. Harsh air conditioning blew into the room on full blast. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and watched him for a sign, any sign, that we were ready to start.

Then he opened his pad and tapped it with his pen. “Okay, so why don’t you start at the beginning?”

It wasn’t as hard as I expected it to be. I told him about what kind of person Nick was. I told him that it didn’t excuse what happened to him, but I needed him to understand why I did what I did.

“I used to pride myself on being a good person,” I told him. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

“And now you think your brother-in-law is stalking you?”

“I know this sounds crazy….”

The detective scribbled in his pad. He had zero affect, so I had no idea how it was going. “Sounds crazy, for sure,” he said a few minutes later. “Doesn’t mean I don’t believe you.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

He stood smoothly and left the room. He returned a minute later with a bottle of water and a blanket. “You might want to brace yourself.”

I tried not to shake too hard. “Okay.”

“Nick came to us before that night, ranting about how he thought his wife tried to kill him, that she was going to try it again. Turns out the poor fucker wasn’t wrong. We dug a little into your sister’s secret activities. She was having a raging affair with Bruno and approached one of our contacts with an offer she said he couldn’t refuse: $25,000 to kill her husband. She didn’t realize who she was talking to, obviously.”

“Oh, my God. You… You’re sure?”

His unforgiving eyes stared back at me. He didn’t need to answer.

“She really did plan it all along?”

He wrote something else in his pad, then closed it. He put the cap back on his pen deliberately, then leaned closer to me. “Between you and me, I couldn’t stand the man. I totally get the impulse to smash a bottle over his head, especially when you think you’re saving your nephew from him. I get it, truly I do. Doesn’t mean it’s not against the law. Doesn’t mean you can sway the men he has in his pocket here. And as for you thinking he stalking you, the information I have is that he’s really and truly dead.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

He sat back in his chair and crossed his ankles. “I’m going to propose a deal for you. Unfortunately, the evidence we have regarding her involvement is circumstantial, at best. Way circumstantial. There is a way you can avoid serving time on this, you know.”

Cold dread filled my heart. “What do you want me to do?”

The detective smiled. It didn’t suit him. “I’m going to need you to get a confession.”

“I can’t. I can’t do that to her.”

He shrugged. “Your choice.”

I closed my eyes and thought of my fragile sister, cutting the crust off the bread for Aedan. We rarely, if ever, got along, but I couldn’t do this. It went against what I’d been trying to do for years: saving her.

But how could I save her and save myself? I didn’t have an answer to that question, and so with a tremendously heavy heart and dirty conscience, I went home.

*****

When I got back to my apartment, Paul was standing outside looking grim. “I’ve been calling you all day. You have been ignoring me.”

I kept my eyes averted as I unlocked the door. “I stayed at my mom’s last night. Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to tell you.”

He followed me inside the apartment and watched me fidget. “You’re not telling me something. What’s going on?”

I slipped off my shoes and curled up on the couch. “Nothing. Do you want to get dinner?”

Paul ran his hands through his hair with frustration. “You need to open up to me, Presley. You hardly ever tell me anything about you. Nothing about what you’re going through, or what you need from me, or even really how you feel about me. Do you realize that?”

My head was pounding with an unforgiving headache. I didn’t want to mess this up, but my mind was elsewhere. “Paul, I can’t have this conversation now.”

“Why not? You’ve been distant ever since we got back from vacation. Actually, even before then, ever since you went to help your sister out.” He sat next to me and looked so goddamn vulnerable and in love with me that I wanted to tell him every single thing that had happened. But I couldn’t. How could he continue loving me after knowing what I’d done, what I’d hid from him all this time?

I reached over and smoothed down his hair. “I love you. I don’t mean to be distant. I’m trying to be better. This is just new for me.”

Paul relaxed minutely and put his warm palm on my thigh. “It’s new for me, too. That’s why I want to make sure we are completely honest with one another. I don’t want any misunderstandings between us.”

“Neither do I.” My traitorous heartbeat quickened and seemed to chant 'liar, liar, liar,' over and over again. “I have to go see my sister in a few minutes.”

Paul’s eyebrows rose. “Really? Why?”

I shrugged a shoulder. “Just a visit.”

“Presley, seriously. Nothing is going on that I should be worried about?”

I nuzzled up against his shoulder and shook my head. “No. Everything is under control.”

He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. The protection I felt in that moment was so strong that I didn’t want to ever move again. I knew that I had to go, of course, but I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to be the kind of woman deserving of Paul’s love, someone without a blemished soul.

Nick deserved to die, a dark part of me whispered. Even still, I never wanted to be the force that brought him down. Killing someone changes you, I realized too late. I would never think of myself the same way. Knowing that, I was assured that I could never let Paul find out, otherwise he would definitely leave me. I couldn’t let that happen.

*****

They were preparing to take Nick’s boat out when I arrived. Aedan was happy to see me, and noticeably shifted further away from Bruno.

“Aunt Presley!” Aedan hugged me hard. “You haven’t come to see me in forever.”

“What are you doing here?” Ruby asked with displeasure.

I shrugged, feigning a nonchalance I didn’t feel. “You don’t answer your phone.”

“She has you blocked,” Bruno said. He looked me up and down, then pulled Aedan from me. “Go get a life jacket on.”

“You need to leave,” Ruby said.

I decided it was best to just get it out. “ I think Nick is alive.”

Bruno and Ruby stared at me for a beat. Then their heads slowly turned so that they could look at each other. I knew then that everything I suspected, everything I’d been told, had been true. It was devastating.

“That’s impossible,” Ruby finally said.

“He went to his friends at the police station, it seems. They found out you approached someone to kill him.”

Ruby snapped her head towards Bruno. Bruno stared back at her calmly. Then he looked over at me.

“We were just going for a little trip. You should come.”

It wasn’t a request. I stepped back. “I can’t…”

Ruby grabbed my arm and pulled me close. “We need to talk, obviously. Bruno can help.”

I laughed, in spite of the overwhelming fear and rage I felt. “Really? How can Bruno help?”

“You’d be surprised,” he said. The heat in his eyes repulsed me.

Against every self-preserving instinct in my body, I took a step onto the boat. It went against my very nature to voluntary go onto the water, but then I figured it wasn’t truly voluntary. A flash of struggling underwater came back to me. I told myself I’d be okay.

Ruby watched me carefully with an unpleasant smile. “You really never got over it, huh?”

“Excuse me?”

“When you were a kid. Drowning. I always just thought you were being a baby about it.”

“I’m fine.”

Her smile grew. “No, you’re not. You’re petrified.”

“Aunt Presley is petrified?” Aedan asked, mimicking the word his mother used without understanding it.

“Yup. Your aunt is afraid of the water.”

Aedan looked at me. “Why?”

“I’m not afraid,” I lied.

Ruby laughed and snuggled closer to Bruno. “She almost drowned when she was a teenager.”

Bruno watched me closely, then lit a cigar. “Tell us why you are certain Nick is alive."

“He came to see me. Wrote “murderer” on my car. I’m sure he’s furious about what Ruby and I did.”

“I didn’t do anything,” she protested. She didn’t sound incredibly convincing.

I shook my head. “Come on, Ruby. We all know what you did.”

She stood and grabbed a beer from Bruno’s cooler. “Okay, so what if I did want him dead? Don’t tell me you didn’t wish for the same. You saw what kind of man he was. And he’s dead, by the way. He’s not fucking haunting you.”

“There were many other ways to get out of the relationship. You didn’t have to kill him!”

“Excuse me?” Her face was red with anger. “Who smashed the bottle over his head? I seem to remember you doing that!”

Aedan made a whimpering noise. I couldn’t look at him. “You set the whole thing up. I know it.”

Bruno blew out smoke and squinted at me. “And if she did? How can you ever prove it? Why would you want to prove it?”

“I want her to take some accountability, for once.”

Ruby came closer. “Accountability? You want me to take some accountability? Fine. Yes, I hoped that the night would go the way it did. You want to know something else? I gladly used you, and it’s been fun taunting you. Because if the law ever gets involved, it’ll be your ass that goes down. You are a murderer, just like Bruno painted on your car. The guilt that is eating you up should tell you that! You walk around like you’re so perfect and good. I guess we all know the truth now.”

I swallowed against the rush of emotion her words caused and stood up. “So, that was Bruno? What was your grand plan? Use me to get rid of your husband so that you and your loser boyfriend could be together? Try to drive me insane? What about your role in all of this, you bitch?”

My sister pushed me and I nearly fell.

Bruno stood and got between us. “Enough.” Then I noticed the gun in his hand. He pointed it at me, and I met his eyes. “You obviously won’t just go away and leave this. I don’t have a choice.”

“You’re going to shoot me now?” A small laugh bubbled from my chest. It was surreal.

Bruno just stared back. Aedan started crying. “Close your eyes, Aedan. Bruno, don’t do this. I’ll give you anything you want. Anything.”

A disturbing glint appeared in Bruno’s eyes. “Really? Anything?” He looked me over from head to toe, and a dimple appeared in his cheek as his lips lifted with pleasure. “Thanks for the offer, but no. It’s time to end this.”

Ruby put her hand over his and lowered the gun. “Wait. We don’t have to do this.” She glanced at me. Hope came back to me, until she said, “Let’s put her in the water.”

Bruno grinned at her, then put away his gun. “Good idea.”

“Ruby…,” I began, but I didn’t have the words. I thought back to Nick saying Ruby hated me, and I realized how true that statement was. She never had any feeling for me, except hatred. She used me to get what she wanted, and I had let her. She gazed at me like I was a somewhat interesting stranger she’d never met, not like the sister who had sacrificed everything to save her.

Bruno’s big hand squeezed my arm and dragged me. He ignored my pleading and fighting as he picked me up and pitched me over.

Then I was submerged in the water and I couldn’t find the surface. My arms desperately reached above me, but I kept sinking, sinking, sinking. I felt the familiar sensation of my muscles giving up, of my cowardly inability to fight against the water.

Then I heard the muffled engine of a boat. It came whizzing over to us, and I knew it was the police. I forced myself to calm down and then I began to float. I refused to drown when help was on the way. My head popped up and I heaved in a deep breath. Bruno and Ruby stared at the approaching boat with astonishment. Aedan looked horrified. I needed to protect him.

“Aedan! Jump in the water.”

His big eyes took me in, and he seemed paralyzed. I continued to coax him, hoping he wasn’t terrified of me after learning about my involvement. Then he ran and dove into the water. He swam over to me, ignoring Ruby’s cries. Bruno whipped out his gun, but it was too late. The cops were there, drawing bigger weapons and screaming at Bruno to drop his.

We were pulled out of the water by police on a separate boat I hadn’t noticed. Blankets were wrapped around us, and one cop started asking Aedan questions. I looked back over my shoulder, looking for Ruby.

I spotted her, still on Nick’s boat. There was so much I wanted to say to her, so much I wanted to understand. She glared at me with an unfathomable rage as I thought about what I would say to her, given the chance. I didn’t have to imagine what she would say to me. If she could have killed me then, she would have. Instead, she let the officer pull her along with him until she was out of sight.

*****

The room they put me in was too bright. One of the florescent lights dimmed every few minutes, only to revive itself with a harsh flash. My hair was still damp, and the room was beyond freezing. I was wrapped in a blanket that smelled like musty basement. The detectives told me they would be back soon, but it had to have been close to two hours since I saw another human being. I was mostly okay with that. They had let me make a call before they vanished, and I had chosen my mom. She listened to my story in silence, only interrupting me with a sob here and there. I asked her to notify Paul so he wouldn’t be worried. It killed me that he would learn all about it from my mother and not me.

And I worried about Aedan. Where was he? What were they telling him? Were they comforting him, or was he, too, abandoned in a room like mine?

The door opened and there was Paul. I thought perhaps I was hallucinating, but he was very real. He crossed the room and sat in the other chair. He looked eerily calm. Then he opened his mouth. “You have a bad cut on your forehead. Did anyone take care of that?”

I lifted my hand to my forehead and felt a rather large gash above my left eyebrow. “No, I don’t think so. I didn’t even know I had it.”

He just nodded. His attention was on the flickering light.

It was time to lay it all out. “Mom told you everything?”

His gaze shifted toward me. “Pretty much. I imagine you have a lot more to say.”

Hot, embarrassing tears fell down my cheeks. “Do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you,” he said with a firmness that made me believe him. “I can’t believe you’ve been holding all of this in. Why didn’t you tell me? Did you not trust me?”

I wiped my cheeks and shook my head. “I was afraid you wouldn’t love me anymore. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, knowing what I’ve done. I couldn’t bear it if you couldn’t look at me, either.”

He leaned over and put his elbows on his legs. “I could have helped you.”

“I know. I’m an idiot. I know.”

He noticed I was shivering. “How long are they going to keep you for?”

“I have no idea. I don’t know what comes next.”

A detective poked his head in and motioned to Paul that he had to leave. Paul stood and shifted on his feet. “I’m really pissed at you, Presley.”

“I know.”

“You didn’t trust me. You might think you did, but you didn’t, and now I don’t know where this leaves us. I realize that right now, you have bigger things to deal with than you and me, but you should know that I’m not going anywhere. We’ll deal with this after you get everything figured out. You’re going to have to start trusting me. You’re not alone, okay?”

I started sobbing, really sobbing. I was inconsolable. Paul patted my back and murmured that he loved me. “Even if you’re an idiot,” he added, before he left the room.

*****

Nicholas Gallagher’s body was never found. I still felt like he was out there, stalking me, but the rational part of my brain accepted he was gone, and that I was partly responsible for taking him out of this world.

I received two years of probation and community service due to my role in his death. The police used the audio I recorded from the wire I wore when confronting Bruno and Ruby to put them away for conspiracy to commit murder, not just in Nick’s case, but in mine, as well. Because of my assistance, I was given a much lighter sentence. Bruno and Ruby were sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole.

The newspapers, as well as New York City, were heavily divided about how lenient my sentence was. Some said I was a victim; others said I was being given a second chance that I didn’t deserve. Most days, I agreed with the latter.

The reality was, however, that I was free and I refused to squander the second chance I had been given.

My mom was given custody of Aedan, once she could prove that he would have a secure place with her. I visited when I could, and was happy to see how well he adjusted to everything. He missed his mother, that was clear, but he also relished the security he felt for probably the first time in his life. I vowed to get custody of him in the future, once my own legal issues cleared up.