Risk Management

She was actually interested in the work we had done in the first two bedrooms and complimented us on how clean and fresh they looked, ready for this summer's guests. In my bedroom, however, the shower was of little interest, for an hour or so at least, while Céline and I got to know each other better. Céline was softer and curvier than her friend, her breasts at least a generous D Cup, if not more. Instead of Celeste's flat belly, toned by the continuous housework involved in running her B&B, Céline, who worked on reception in a local clinic, had a soft, Rubenesque belly; not to everyone's taste but, naked and ready to be kissed, I was more than happy to oblige.

While Celeste was an animal in bed, her friend was passionate too, but less urgent, less demanding. At the risk of demeaning them, Celeste was an all-you-can-eat buffet, pile it high and dive in: Céline was more fine dining, each course perfectly prepared and beautifully presented. I could not fault either approach; I was just grateful I got to dine at both tables.

As we lay there that first time, having sampled and tasted each other, Céline turned to me. "She is vulnerable, you know."

I nodded. "I know. We both know I can't stay, but I won't just abandon her." I leaned across for a kiss. "Or you, if you want to continue with this... arrangement."

"I think that I should like that," she replied. This time she kissed me. "And just so you know, I am every bit as wicked as Celeste. Don't ever be afraid to share your fantasies; with either of us." And with that she got up to try the shower after all. I took her at her word and joined her and indulged a personal favourite fantasy. She seemed to enjoy the reality as much as I did.

And so my stay continued, working on the B&B with Celeste each morning, entertaining Céline after lunch, taking a stroll with Celeste in the evening followed by her attempting to work our way through the Kama Sutra in bed each night. Even though her vagina was off limits for a few days, It. Was. Idyllic!

Over the next week I spoke to my brother and my dad and asked them to do some errands for me and I had to give some thought to planning my trip to Barcelona.

Anyway, the Thursday before I was due to travel, Alan emailed me,

"Hi bro

Rang the Uni today like you asked, and asked to speak to Tracey. Her colleague answered the phone and when I insisted that I would only speak to Tracey I was told she was on leave until Tuesday.

I rang Dad, as you suggested, and he called them an hour later and asked if Tracey had left for Barcelona yet. The woman who answered said she'd left yesterday.

Sorry man. Looks like they are planning an ambush!

Alan"

I was disappointed, but my intuition about Sue's reply had been right. I asked my lovers for their opinion as we ate lunch that day. Remarkably, they both shared the same point of view. Céline phrased it best in English.

"When you arrived here, you were putting space between yourself and a woman who hurt you." She paused to see if Celeste was following and the continued. "Your wife mocked you, claimed that sex with you was a chore, ignored your concerns about your employment and threatened to take a lover. Everything that she did and said made you doubt yourself as a man." She looked steadily at me. "This is true, no?"

I had to agree. "Yes."

She went on. "So you decided to remove yourself from her poison. You escaped, you came here, you found Celeste, you helped her, you made love to her. Does she think that you are less of a man?"

I turned from Céline to Celeste. She answered for herself in her halting but sexy English, "You were strong, willing and caring in my bed and in my home. The fault is not with you."

Céline took over again. "You pleasured and satisfied two confident, experienced women. You are a kind and generous lover. You give your time, not for sex but because you want to help. You are a good man. Perhaps it is time to face your wife, not in anger but calmly and take away her power to hurt you."

I thought about what she'd said. Then she took me to bed and used her body to prove the truth of her words. The sex I had with her and Celeste reflected the two women's personalities, wild and exciting with one, intimate and caring with the other. So, if that were the case, then the dull uninspired sex with Tracey reflected on her at least as much as on me.

Celeste had wanted me to sleep with her friend. She didn't play games, she just asked. Surely that's how relationships should work. That wasn't Tracey's style though. I thought about what Céline had said. The me from six weeks ago would have just cancelled my trip and left my wife and daughter hanging, but now, I felt, I don't know, fixed? Yes, that was it. Somehow being productive, being appreciated, being loved and seeing my lovers come underneath and above me had me feeling whole again. They were right. I'd separated myself from the risk to my self-esteem. Now it was time to eliminate it. And no, that doesn't mean I was intending to kill the bitch, but her happiness was certainly not going to be foremost in my mind.

I caught the 07:27 the next morning and sat enjoying the countryside flashing by while I considered how to respond to my soon to be ex-wife's more obvious arguments. I also needed to decide how to deal with my daughter's treachery. However well intentioned, if Tracey knew that I was visiting Suzanne but I didn't know about her visit, then Sue was playing favourites and that wasn't on!

I had to change trains twice but the first direct train wasn't until after lunch; even so, we arrived right on time at 12:38. I'd emailed Sue to tell her to book a table for 13:00 (that's 1 pm for those that prefer the 12 hour clock) at any decent restaurant close to the station and I'd meet her there. She sent me the name while I was on the train. I found their number and called. The guy that answered was charming and confirmed that, yes, my daughter had booked a table; for three.

That annoyed me so I made my decision; If I made the return journey that day, the 14:32 would take about two and a half hours back to Agde but the next train, the 15:16, over six hours. I'd made my mind up, they'd hijacked my weekend with my daughter but I wasn't going to waste more time than was necessary to listen to their pitch. I was going to be out of that restaurant in time for the early train and bollocks to the pair of them if they didn't like it.

Sue was waiting outside the restaurant, Triki Trac, at quarter to one; she gave me a hug and I think she realised how unenthusiastically I returned it.

"Hi Dad, it's lovely to see you again."

"Hello Suzanne," I replied, watching her flinch at my use of her full, 'you've really fucked up this time', name. "Is she waiting at the table or hiding in the toilets? "

"At the table, Dad," she said, unwilling to look me in the eye.

"Well, lets get this over with. My train home leaves at half past two and I have no intention of missing it."

"But Dad! I thought you were staying for the weekend," she protested.

"And I thought my daughter's only plan was showing me round Barcelona. Seems we are both intending to disappoint each other today. Sucks to be us, doesn't it?" I said, possibly more harshly than I intended.

She dropped her head and led me into the restaurant and to our table. Tracey stood as I we approached. She opened her arms to hug me so I sat down. Pathetic really, but I was pissed off and determined not to let her dictate the proceedings.

*Hello Tracey, fancy seeing you here." Yup, still being pathetic; so sue me.

"Hello Dennis. You're looking well." She ignored my comment about her being there.

I supposed that since she'd complimented me, I should do the same. "You too. Have you dyed your hair?. Didn't Leo like the grey?" Alright, I admit that was low. I resolved to be less vindictive.

The awkward silence was broken by our waiter. I ordered a glass of white wine, a portion of Pimientos del padrón, a portion of Gambas a la plancha, a portion of Calamares a la andaluza and a helping of Patatas bravas. Well, I'd browsed the menu on-line on the train. I also made it clear that I had a train to catch and he assured me of prompt service. I was impressed. I might go back, if I was ever invited to visit Barcelona again.

Sue and Tracey seemed a little surprised at my relaxed attitude, but they managed to stammer out their orders and he left.

"So why am I here?" I asked, before they could regroup.

"I want you to stop the divorce and come home," announced my wife.

I looked at Sue. "I want you and mum back together," she said, holding back her tears as well as she could.

I waited, and waited, until the silence was more than uncomfortable, but neither spoke. "And there's my problem," I explained. They looked blankly at me and then at each other, not understanding. I continued. "I asked you both why I was here and you both told me what you wanted, but neither of you thought to ask what I wanted. So I'll answer my own question. I'm here because I wanted to see my daughter, to spend the weekend with her. But that didn't fit with your plans, did it?"

I was proud of myself. I wasn't shouting, raging, I was just showing them, calmly, how their behaviour looked to me. "So you, both of you, decided, 'No. Fuck his plans. This is what we want and therefore this is what he'll have to do'. So, here I am. You've screwed my weekend but I'll sit and listen quietly for the next hour, then I'm off home."

Sue wiped her eyes as her mother glared at me for upsetting our daughter. I empathised with Suzanne but there are consequences when you try to play with other people's feelings. They decided to ambush me, so they had no cause to complain when I wasn't grateful.

Tracey cleared her throat and began. "Dennis. I apologise for the stupid charade I played with you and my sister. I'm not going to make excuses but I'll try to explain at least." She took a deep breath. "I'd convinced myself that our marriage was less than exciting. In hindsight that was probably true, but I see now that you had neither the time nor the incentive to do anything about it. And it certainly wasn't your sole responsibility to fix it; even though I now realise that I expected you to fix everything else."

She turned to our daughter. "I'm sorry Sue, but when I told you that your Dad had left me, I didn't explain why. I should have realised that he would have contacted you too, but even then he didn't share the details." She went on to explain about 'allowing' me to overhear her plans to take a lover, ignoring my concerns about my job and her revelation on that Friday morning that she had a date with another man that would probably involve spending the night with him. As she finished she had to look down at the table, unable to face either of us.

Of course at that moment, our drinks arrived. We paused, thanked the waiter and then, once he'd left, she continued, this time addressing her comments to me. "The women at work had been talking about ways to spice up relationships and we had joked that even the implied threat of a wife just thinking of taking a lover would motivate her husband to." She did the air quotes thing with her fingers. "you know 'raise his game'. That was what I was trying to do. It was stupid, manipulative and disrespectful. Probably the most horrible thing I've ever done; and the worst thing is that I didn't even realise that until I read your note the following Monday."

I said nothing.

She watched me for a moment to see if I intended to comment, and then carried on. "So there I was. I'd led my husband to believe that I was betraying him and by the time I realised that I'd gone too far, it was too late; you'd gone. And no-one knew, or would tell me anyway, where you were."

I still didn't feel the need to contribute. She realised that and kept going. "So you'd left. I finally realised that you would be hurt or angry, or both. I knew that I had to try to make things right; at the very least to apologise, so when Sue said that you were going to visit her, I persuaded her to let me come, to let you know how sorry I am and to ask you to come home."

She couldn't look at me now. "But I've done it again, haven't I? I needed to do this for me but I never thought to ask if this is what you wanted, did I?"

That demanded an answer. "No, you didn't. If you had told Suzanne that you wanted to speak to me, to apologise, then she could have passed on the message and perhaps even pleaded on your behalf. But you didn't. You decided what you needed, and our daughter decided that was more important than spending her time with me so she deceived me too. I'll be honest, that hurt."

I looked from one to the other. "I didn't apply for a divorce in a fit of temper. I applied because the woman who had promised to love, honour and keep herself only to me, made it clear that she didn't love me, she didn't respect me and she told me she intended to have sex with another man."

Tracey made to speak but I held up my hand to forestall her. "Whether you did or did not sleep with Leo, you left the house to meet him, didn't you?"

She nodded, reluctantly. I knew already because I had called on our landline at eight thirty that evening and got no reply.

"So from my perspective, on Monday you told your sister that you intended to have sex with another man, on Friday morning you told me you intended to spend the night with him and on Friday evening you left the house to meet him. As far as I'm concerned, you did exactly what you'd intended to do and screwed Leo, and there's nothing that you can do or say that will take that image out of my mind."

I went on. "You let me hear you tell June that sex with me was a chore. I cannot unhear those words any more than you can unsay them. As far as I'm concerned, you decided that you needed another man to fulfil you in a way that I didn't because I was inadequate. Well now you can, because I won't be coming back 'home' to a house I hate and a woman who has proven that she despises me. Now you're at liberty to explore to your heart's content. You're as free as I am."

Conversation paused then, conveniently, because our food started to arrive. I invited the women to help themselves to the charred peppers and the squid and, as we tried to eat, I asked Suzanne about her studies and Barcelona. In her chastened mood, she was much less enthusiastic in her replies than when we'd spoken on the phone before her parents' marriage imploded.

After we'd eaten and the staff had cleared our table, I ordered another round of drinks. "Okay, You have me here for another thirty minutes if you want; or I can leave now. You've made this your get-together and set the agenda, so you decide."

Sue spoke first. "I don't want you to go like this, Dad, but I understand. Please will you come back when you're ready to talk to me again? I'm sorry, I realise now that we shouldn't have tried to trap you like that. It was stupid of me to take sides and I'm sorry."

Tracey made one last pitch. "Dennis. I am so sorry too. I played a fucking stupid game, and worse, I didn't stop when you told me about your job worries. I was horrible and callous."

She took a deep breath and spoke earnestly. "You made it clear you don't want to come back to the house you hate: then we'll sell it. You won't live with a woman who despises you. No. Nor should you. Let me show you that I've learnt my lesson. I do love you. I always have, but I took you for granted; I stopped caring about what you wanted and only thought of what you could do for me. I can change though; and I will."

Then she came up with her most compelling argument. "Dennis. Since we've married, I've never been unfaithful, not even with Leo. I was home, chaste, by ten thirty that night. You might not believe me but it's true. I've missed making love; you must miss it too. Come back to me and let's learn again how to please each other."

I swear I said nothing; I swear my expression didn't change, but somehow, she knew. In that moment she saw something that gave me away. "Who?" She choked out. "Do I know her?"

Sue was looking between the pair of us, confused. "Dad? What does she mean? Dad?"

There was no point in lying. "It's no-one you know. We only met a couple of weeks ago. She's a widow and I was humiliated, hurt and alone and she comforted me. That's all you need to know."

Tracey was devastated. "I imagine that a lonely widow is going to be more gratefully enthusiastic between the sheets than I was. I suppose she's happy to give you more than, how did you describe our love making? A half-hearted duty fuck?" Tears trickled down her cheeks and Sue's too as she came to terms with hearing how her parents' sex life was a disaster.

Celeste was certainly more than that, but there was no profit in telling Tracey how she paled in comparison. Perhaps I had forgiven her after all.

The conversation stalled after that. Tracey had no more cards to play. Suzanne was still trying to comprehend the extent of her mother's thoughtlessness towards me at the same time as she came to terms with me taking a lover before our divorce completed. And me? No. I had nothing to add either. I'd already been clear that I'd take Tracey at her word and just accept that she'd cheated. I'd told her that her behaviour had set me free. She just wasn't listening. Again, she just assumed I'd follow her script.

I stood, dropped €100 on the table, wished them goodbye and left. Sue seemed torn, should she follow me? Walk with me to the station? I shook my head and indicated her mother. Just now they needed each other. For all the trauma Tracey and then Suzanne had dumped on me, I had already come to terms with my new reality. They were the ones playing catch-up.

I caught my train with time to spare and called Celeste to say that I would be home by six. Then it struck me; I thought of Agde, with Celeste and Céline, as home.

---------------------------

Tracey

It seemed so simple when Sue told me that her Dad was visiting her in Barcelona. I would meet him, apologise sincerely, because I had really excelled myself at being a bitch; even more than usual, and promise to be the wife he deserved if he would drop the divorce and come back home with me. It was obvious from the outset that I'd misjudged, in so many ways!

But it didn't work of course. How could it? Yet again I'd been caught trying to blindside him. Of course he was angry; he'd travelled from who knows where to see Sue, only to find the cow who betrayed him sitting, uninvited, at his table. Christ! Why can't I just face problems honestly? Why do I default to manipulating people?

It was not a warm conciliatory meal. And when I presumed that he was missing sex as much as I was, well, his expression froze. He tried to hide his response, whether it would have been guilt or compassion for me, but his neutral gaze spoke volumes.

When I asked who, he answered with the honesty I should have practiced. She was no-one I knew and, in effect, she had rescued him from the effects of my betrayal. In just a few weeks he had not only found another woman, but one who was better than his own wife.

I tried to keep an appearance of calm but inside I shattered. He left, Sue stayed at the table with me, and we talked. I told her everything. She was obviously disappointed with me but she took me back to her apartment and cared for me until my flight home. She was justifiably angry with me because my initial lack of honesty with her had led to her deceit that had alienated her Dad. Now my husband AND my daughter hated me.

When I arrived back home... No! It wasn't home; it was my house. Our home ceased to exist when I drove my husband away. So. When I got back to my house the afternoon I returned to England, I emailed my manager to apologise becauseI had a family emergency that needed me to take a few days leave. That much was true.