Risk Management

I called to make an appointment with an estate agent to put the house on the market and I rang the university's HR Department to ask if their counselling team was available to help admin staff as well as students. I didn't need couples counselling; I knew that I wasn't part of a couple any more. I recognised, though, that I needed help to cope with my loss, even though it was my fault. I also needed to fix whatever made me behave the way I did. I mean, I'm forty five. I can't carry on like this for perhaps another twenty years or more. I knew that it was too late to repair my marriage. Maybe though, I could still redeem myself as a mother.

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Dennis

It was May. Celeste and I had completed her list of urgent repairs as well as a second list of general improvements. The B&B was actually ready for guests and I was killing time doing some little jobs at Céline's house. I knew that in a couple of weeks I would have to decide on my next move. Celeste needed my room for paying guests. Yes, I was already spending my nights in her bed but our frantic and extremely vocal bouts of sex would have to be reined in once she had guests trying to sleep.

We could hardly continue to invite Céline over every lunchtime for sex either; I know we're in France but there are limits when there's guests and their kids about. In addition, Celeste would be fully occupied running the place so I'd either have to pitch in and help or clear off and let her focus on her business. And remember, I was a non-tax paying, non-EU tourist, still employed by a pharmaceutical company in the UK. The reality was, we all knew that it would be time for me to leave soon. None of us was happy about it, but that was where we were.

That was when Suzanne contacted me.

Hi Dad

I have left you alone this long after the farce in the restaurant because you needed time to cool down and I needed time to think too. Mum and I had a long chat after you left. I think that she has finally told me the truth about why you left her.

When I agreed to let her surprise you, (or would ambush be a better word?) it was because she had told me that you had over-reacted to something you had overheard and taken out of context.

And you had already told me that you had separated because Mum was unhappy in your marriage. Both explanations could have been true, at least if Mum had been honest with me, so I wanted to help you hear her explanation so that you could reconcile. I truly wasn't trying to take sides. I genuinely thought you had misunderstood.

Now I know what really happened, I can't begin to understand how you must have felt. I don't think that I could ever trust a man again if he had done that to me. In fact, I think the way you behaved so calmly when we met that afternoon was amazing under the circumstances.

I would love to for you to forgive me and come and meet me, and only me, in Barcelona one day, hopefully soon, but I want to ask you a favour first. I know! Cheeky bitch aren't I?

I would like to visit you at the place you called 'home' when I met you outside the restaurant. It didn't register at the time but when I finally realised what it was that Mum had sensed when she begged you to go home with her, that you had found someone else already, it only then became clear.

I would really like to meet the woman who is so special that she can make my Dad call somewhere new 'home' in only a few short weeks. Yes, if Mum finds out, she will ask all sorts of questions. I will tell her everything or nothing, it's up to you. I just will not lie.

I don't even know where you are, but if I could visit and meet your new significant other, I promise to try to be the woman you raised me to be, and not the manipulative cow you must have thought me that Friday.

Please let me know either way. And in case this note does not make it clear: I am so, so, very sorry for letting you down the way I did. Even believing what I did, there was no excuse.

Love you XXX

Suzanne (who hopes that one day you will be able to call her Sue again.)

I received her email as we, as in the three of us, were eating lunch. Celeste had prepared a lovely salad, garnished with anchovies and hard boiled egg when my phone pinged. I would never interrupt one of her delicious meals for something as mundane as an email but I got so few, having dropped off the grid as it were, that I was intrigued enough to read it before taking Céline to bed for some gentle love-making.

They both realised from my expression that this wasn't just some meaningless spam and waited, patiently, while I tried to process Sue's request. I looked up and realised that my next move was obvious. I gave my phone to Céline, her command of English being so much better, and she read the message and translated it for Celeste's benefit.

Celeste spoke first. "If you want her to visit, she can stay here as our guest. I think that I would like to meet her too. But it must be soon."

I looked at Céline. She understood and smiled at my dilemma. "If you go to Barcelona, you can hide the truth behind silence. If you let her come here, though, you have to choose. Honesty or deceit. Will you admit to Celeste but deny me? Is that who you are? How will your daughter feel if she discovers the truth, that her father is deceitful too?" She shook her head. "But her father sharing himself with two women? Will that change the way she feels about you? But it is the truth. If it changes her feelings, then perhaps her feelings were false."

Celeste took over. "We will not tell you what to do. We all know what is best, but you must choose for yourself."

"You are both absolutely correct," I told them, standing and holding my hand out to Céline. "But before I do what we all know I have to do, Céline and I need to test my shower again. Just to be certain it still works properly." She giggled and took my hand. "And, Celeste?"

"Yes?"

"When we are done, will you help me prepare my bedroom for a guest? I'd like you both to meet my daughter."

It was mid afternoon that same day when I replied to Sue.

Hi Sue

First, I accept your apology. I hope that you will be more careful in future before interfering in other people's relationships, but I believe you when you say that your intentions were good.

I am staying with a woman called Celeste in Agde in France. I have shown her your message and she would love to meet you. If you are free this weekend or next, you are welcome to stay with us.

This next line is very difficult to write but, given my obvious anger at the surprise you and your mother sprang on me, I can hardly do the same to you. If you still want to visit, you will also get to meet Celeste's friend, Céline. She and I are in an intimate relationship too.

I thought that knowing I was with two women would have been needlessly hurtful to your mother but I will not insult Céline by hiding her from you when you visit. If that is an issue for you then I can come to Barcelona instead.

Let me know what you decide to do. If you are coming here then I will collect you from the station.

Love you

Dad

I wasn't sure how long it would take Sue to come to terms with my admission, or whether she would still want to visit, or even see me at all. Her reply came back within an hour.

Dad!

You dark horse you! More than ever now, I want to meet both of the special women in your life. But I will have to think carefully about what I say to Mum. I still can't believe that she thought you would not react badly to her stupid mind games. Even in Barcelona she assumed you would just calm down eventually and obediently follow her home. Finding out that you had already 'moved on' really shook her. Finding out how much you have moved on may be more than she can handle.

Oddly enough, she seems offended that you appear to have paid her back for something she only pretended to do. The fact that her pretence is what started the chain of events still seems to have passed her by.

Still, she is my mum so I think it best not to tell her that I'm visiting you to meet Celeste and Céline and, if she asks, I will tell her that I will no longer discuss your business with her or hers with you. I've been caught in the crossfire once. I have no desire to repeat the experience.

So yes, I still want to see you if you have room for me. The ten thirty train on Friday will get me into Agde about ten past one. Is that okay with you and your ladies, lovers, girlfriends? You'll have to guide me through this situation. It's new to me and I don't want to offend anyone.

Love you

Sue

I said kissing Celeste that first time made my life more complicated; I wasn't wrong. Now I had to introduce my daughter to my two lovers who I had to leave in a few short weeks. Complicated? Yes. Did I regret it? No, though I would be sad to leave. Anyway, at least this time I was reasonably sure that Tracey wouldn't crash the party.

Sue's train arrived on time and I was at the station in my Clio to collect her. She kissed me and threw her bag in the back seat. "I'm really sorry about Barcelona, Dad. Are you sure you've forgiven me?"

I had to smile. "Yes, SUE," I told her, stressing her 'not still in trouble' name.

She gave me a cautious smile and asked, "So now, I'm going to meet...?"

"We're going to Celeste's. She runs a B&B, that's how we met. Her friend, Céline works nearby. She usually joins us for lunch and she's looking forward to meeting you. She said to tell you that she'd understand if that was awkward for you and she would change her plans." I looked at Sue. "I told her that wasn't an option."

Sue understood. Our last meeting was on her terms. This time it was me putting my foot down.

Celeste met us at her door and greeted Sue like an old friend. After exchanging cheek kisses, she led us inside to introduce Céline. Celeste had prepared a light lunch of salad, charcuterie and bread with a pleasant red wine, and we sat and chatted as the three women got to know each other. Sue spoke near fluent French so parts of their conversation were beyond me.

Once we had all finished eating, Celeste invited Sue to join her for a walk along the sea front. Sue looked enquiringly at Céline and me. "Non,' Celeste told her. "Just you and me. It is their habit to retire for an hour after lunch." Her matter of fact tone seemed to surprise my daughter.

So, after showing Sue to her room and giving her a few minutes to use the bathroom, they left for their stroll, leaving Céline and I alone. This time, she was the one to lead me to Celeste's room. "She is making a statement," Céline told me. We will make love now and then put fresh bedding on for you and Celeste. She will want you tonight. Your daughter needs to understand that you are still a man. Even if she says nothing to her mother, Suzanne's attitude towards you will make it clear that you do not regret leaving your wife."

As we started to undress each other I wondered, briefly, if I was being manipulated yet again. But, no. Céline and I would have been doing this anyway; the difference today was that we were treating Sue like an adult who needed to recognise that her father was a grown up in his own right.

Our love-making was as delightful as ever. I had begun to realise that there was little that I had done with Celeste that Céline and I had not also done. It was just that Celeste revelled in cramming multiple experiences into one evening while Céline tended to tease each moment out, to savour each touch. And, to be fair, neither of them had ever refused me anything. In fact, according to them, both would do anything, yes anything, I asked of them.

It was probably that afternoon when I also realised that however fond I was of Celeste, I was actually beginning to fall for Celine. Don't get me wrong, I had needed Celeste to reassure me that I wasn't the abject failure as a man that Tracey seemed determined to convince me I was. But, while sex with Celeste was great fun, sex with Céline was... Meaningful. Yes; that's the word. Shit! My life just got even more complicated.

Céline left for work, promising to return later for our evening meal. I tried to think of a solution to my quandary as I changed the bedding. I liked both women; I was coming to realise that I loved one but wasn't prepared to hurt the other; I wanted to stay with both of them but I had to leave; I was still married and I had my job to resolve in the UK. Fuck! That was a tangled web.

When Sue arrived back with Celeste, they seemed comfortable in each other's company. But then, Sue knew Celeste wasn't responsible for my marriage breaking up: in fact she should be grateful that Celeste found and mended me.

Sue joined us in the kitchen to help prepare our evening meal. Celeste had planned for a confit duck cassoulet with a side salad from the garden and bread from the nearby boulangerie. Once everything was done Celeste excused herself to check on some new reservations for July while Sue and I retired to sit in the garden and chat.

"You've changed," Sue observed.

"Shall I just let that lie, or should I explain why?" I asked.

"I think I understand, in part at least. But I'd like to hear you say it," she replied.

"With your mother, that last week was the culmination of a descent into an abusive relationship." Sue gasped as she realised the depth of my hurt.

I continued, "Her apparent contempt for me had become so routine by then that I interpreted every comment as a slight. I even examined compliments for hidden sarcasm or implied criticism." I looked at her. "I realised, eventually, that if you had been in that situation, then I would have done everything in my power to persuade you to save yourself and leave. Separate yourself from your abuser. Why shouldn't I do the same? No matter how much your mother may claim she loved me, it just couldn't be true. Not to treat me the way she did. At one point, even smiling at the pain she'd caused me." Sue flinched at my words.

"But here," I waved my hands to indicate my new, if temporary, home. "I trust my lovers. Yes, they tell me what they think but my choices are mine. Even when I suspected your ambush in Barcelona they advised me to go anyway, while my instinct was to just let you sit there and wonder where I was."

Sue teared up at that. I think she realised that would have put her in the same 'abandoned manipulative bitch' category as her mother.

"But they advised me to go and explained why they thought it would help me. If I'd disagreed, then they would have accepted it and moved on. So I went. Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes, here you are, contrite, wiser and forgiven. Would you be here otherwise? Probably not."

"And now Mum knows that her marriage is really over and she can move on too," Sue continued my thoughts. "And when I asked to come?"

"They both wanted to meet you but realised I had to choose whether to admit to Céline or not. They, we, knew that there was only one honest answer, but it had to be my choice. No manipulation required."

She nodded. "And will you stay? Here? With both of them?"

"I can't," I said, sadly. "This is Celeste's business. She can't run it during the summer and entertain an unemployed Brit who still has to resolve his life in the UK. Her first guests start to arrive in a couple of weeks."

"What about Céline?"

"She works too. Honestly? I'd love to stay here, or in Agde at least, but I can't see how it could work; and it's killing me."

Then Sue surprised me. "Dad," she said gently. "Don't try to deal with this alone. Tell them how you feel. Everything! And ask them how they feel. That's important too. I've only known Celeste a couple of hours but she talks to me as another woman, not like Mum would. Instead of trying to fix things on your own, do it together."

"Your daughter is a clever young woman," observed Celeste, joining us in the garden. "You should listen to her."

"Thank you. I think I probably will be asking you all for advice this weekend. But for now, Celeste, do you think Simone might have a table free tomorrow evening? Sue's birthday is in a few weeks and I'd like to invite you and Céline to join us to celebrate it while she's here. Anyway, I think that it's time someone else cooked for you."

"Oh, so the good looking Englishman wants to flaunt his three beautiful women, no? I shall ask her." And she disappeared back into the house.

"Dad!" Exclaimed an exasperated daughter. "I packed a weekend bag. I've nothing to wear."

"We can go shopping now or ask the ladies to join us tomorrow," I responded airily. Sue sat fuming at my inability to grasp how not-trivial the situation was. After a couple of minutes of studied silence, Celeste returned, noticed the atmosphere and looked enquiringly at me. I shrugged and in a stage whisper told her, "Sue is annoyed that I've invited two attractive and elegant Frenchwomen to dine with us without warning her to bring a dress."

Celeste nodded seriously. Apparently she also thought that this was actually a significant social faux-pas on my part. "Come!" She said to Sue. "You have the same figure as my daughter. We will find something."

They abandoned me to my own devices for nearly an hour but it was a very happy Sue and a rather smug Celeste who finally returned, in a much better mood. When I asked Sue if she'd found anything, she gave me a malicious grin and told me to wait and see.

Celeste went to the kitchen to ensure our meal was on track and returned with her bag and my car keys and wallet from our bedroom. "The car, Dennis. We're going shopping. Shoes for Suzanne and something more suitable for you. You will have three attractive and elegant women with you and we insist that you are smart too."

Sue just stood there grinning. So I drove to the car park close to where the boutiques were located and watched as Sue tried on a wider variety of shoes than I thought could possibly be necessary, in a range of shades of blue. In the end we left with a pair of strappy shoes with insanely high heels in a peacock blue. The price made my eyes water but not, I thought, as much as Sue's would when she had to try to walk in them. Oh, yes. We were in France, so she had to buy a matching clutch-bag too.

My shopping was simpler. Black tailored trousers, dark blue shirt and a lightweight cream linen collarless jacket as well as smart new shoes in grey leather. Again, eye wateringly expensive but at least my shoes were comfortable. Even when I tried to insist, Celeste was adamant that there was nothing that she needed.

We were back home in time to put the finishing touches to dinner ready for Céline's arrival. We sat down around the table as Celeste served out the cassoulet and Céline poured the red wine she'd brought and opened earlier to breathe. The meal was delicious, the wine spectacular and the company delightful. This was what family life should be like, this was what I'd missed. Sue saw my expression and mouthed, "Don't forget. Ask them." I nodded. I'd ask.

Our day out together on Saturday was a huge success. The three women bonded as my French lovers proudly showed us around their countryside. We walked along the side of the Canal du Midi, we visited a couple of wineries and we laughed and enjoyed each other's company. I dropped Céline off at her own home to get ready for dinner, promising to collect her at seven thirty. Unusually, she was spending the night at Celeste's.

It took me no time to shave, shower and change but Sue and Celeste were still wrapped in towels when I left to fetch Céline at seven fifteen. She looked amazing when she greeted me at the door. She was wearing a gorgeous red dress, the hem falling to mid calf but with a slit at the front to mid thigh. The top though was a masterpiece that enhanced her magnificent breasts without looking slutty. I was entranced, but she looked different somehow. She saw me inspecting her closely and smiled. "Yes. I wondered if you would notice. Eating properly with you and Celeste, and," she smiled almost coyly, "my new exercise class afterwards, there is a little less of me to love. Am I still enough for you?"