Risking Love

Ally and I have been best friends for years, certainly since our freshman year in college. After graduation, we both took jobs in Charleston, South Carolina, and moved into a downtown flat overlooking the harbor. She became a nurse and works for one of the hospitals in town. I became an editor and now work for a small, hometown publishing company that is steadily making its name known across the region.

Anyway, my roommate Ally was driving me crazy. By that, I mean that I was madly in love with her and desired her with every fiber of my being. I don't even know when or even how it happened. Like I said, we'd been best friends since college and we graduated only last year...so about five years or a little longer. I didn't like girls in that way. I never have. She didn't...well at least as far as I knew. We've never discussed such matters. As far as sex and relationships go, we've only ever talked about our respective boyfriends, hers more than mine. I'm not a serial dater like she is. I hardly ever date, to tell the truth. My mother always tells her friends that I'm picky. I'm not picky...well ok...maybe a little. I just want someone to move me on the deepest level, and to actually want me for me, for who I am and not someone they imagine me to be... if that even makes sense.

I say that because my last three boyfriends, mistakes as I now call them, wanted me to be someone that I wasn't. Tom wanted me to be the traditional kind of girl...you know the classic girl that every mother wants her son to marry and to raise a family with. The whole housewife thing. That's not me. I'm a career girl, and I'm far too independent for such a life. John wanted a party girl, meaning a girl who enjoyed only long nights of partying and mixing it up with friends, and by friends I mean his friends. They were people I didn't even like. In addition, I'm not that sociable. I'm an introvert who reads books for a living. Paul...well I'm not sure I ever knew exactly what he really wanted. He sure as hell didn't know either. He was more of the drifter type and loved life as such, meaning that he went through life without a plan or goals for himself, just wherever the currents of everyday events took him. It was all fine with him. Not me. I love my plans. I love structure.

After these three mistakes, I quit dating. I tried the online options, per Ally's relentless prodding. However, nothing ever came of it. None of the profiles peeked my interests. After that, even Ally began with the picky mantra too, much to my mother's delight. And yet, I ended up falling in love with her, regardless of this annoying turn. Like I said, I'd never felt this way about other girls, women I should say now that I'm old enough to not call females withing my age bracket girls anymore. I'd never been attracted to them, and yet this feeling grew over time. I didn't even realize it, or even sense it...not till recently anyway.

A few months ago, I began to think about Ally more and more, and not in a way that I expected either. I began to think of her carnally. I began to fantasize about seeing her naked, about touching her, kissing her, tasting her...hell in my mind I began to live a life that would heat up the pages of an erotic novel, if it'd been written down and published. Who knows, I might do that at some point. I began to dream of her too. Up and until a week ago, I was so in love and in heat that I had problems hiding it from her. She'd sensed my turmoil in spite of these efforts and frequently asked if I was ok. She knew something was bothering me. I'd grown distant, cold even. We used to hug a lot and to cuddle while watching television. We'd even lie together in bed, talking about our day and our problems. I'd pulled away from even that and I knew I was worrying her to no end. I suspected that she probably thought that I didn't want to be her friend anymore.

I was in hell. I simply feared that I'd do or say something that would betray my true feelings and she'd hate me. I feared losing her. I feared losing our friendship, and yet...I was sabotaging the very thing I was trying to secure with my actions. I just couldn't bring myself to confess my love. I knew it was the only way. It was the right way. I just didn't have the courage. Besides, by then she'd met Bryan and had falling in love. I didn't believe it at first, for she'd always been the serial dater, as I mentioned. She's never let a guy get close. To me, it had always seemed like she feared commitment, and I'd long assumed it had to do with the fact that her parents divorced when she was about ten. From what she'd said, he'd left them for another woman, a woman he'd known for years and had fallen in love with. He ultimately married her and eventually started a new family with her. I knew I could have been wrong and apparently I was. Her relationship with Bryan appeared to be genuine and quite stable.

Anyway, I'd used that assumption about her as just another excuse. I told myself she wouldn't date me for that very reason, fearing that I'd end up hurting her too by leaving, by settling with another at some point.

This brings me to last night when everything changed. Her world fell apart and I found my courage in her pain.

I'd chosen to work from home yesterday. I had several manuscripts that I had to read through before beginning my editing process. The founding partners had chosen three that they were interested in, all written by people here in South Carolina. It was about five that evening when I finished up reading the through the first two, for they'd been thankfully short, only about three hundred pages a piece. I'm a fast reader. I had to learn to be. I was going to rest before picking up the last one. I'd just boiled the water for my tea when Ally came bursting through the door, looking distressed and crying her eyes out. I sat aside my tea and opened my arms as she fell into me and began sobbing.

"What happened?"

"I found Bryan in bed with his ex-girlfriend." She managed to say.

"Oh, baby." I whispered as I tightened my grip around her and began messaging her back.

My heart was racing at this point. My instinct was to pull away, to not allow myself to get this close. I knew I risked doing something bold. Her pain was fueling my desire for her. I wanted to comfort her and yet doing so would cause me pain too, pain of unrequited love and lust. I wanted her so badly, but she was so vulnerable at that moment... I simply couldn't risk it. I didn't dare to. That is what I remember telling myself at that moment.

"Grace." She whispered as I leaned back and looked at her tear-stained face. I brushed her blond hair back and kissed her face, tasting the saltiness of each tear.

"He wasn't the right one." I told her. "He's not worthy of your beautiful tears." I croaked, fighting back my own.

"You're trembling." She said.

"I know." I whispered.

"I shouldn't have allowed him..."

"He wasn't the right one." I repeated.

"Who is?" She whispered before unleashing more tears.

"I am." I said it before I even realized that the words had formed and had passed my lips.

"Grace?" She looked hard at me through her tears, clearly confused.

Scared, I knew I'd done what I had long feared I'd do. I'd said something I shouldn't have said and now there was no taking it back. She looked at me with searching eyes and I knew she'd pressure me till I explained what I'd meant by saying those words.

"What do you mean?"

She didn't pull away from me. That much was a good sign. At least that was what I told myself. "Grace, talk to me." She all but pleaded.

"I love you." I whispered. "I'm in love with you."

"How..." She began but I didn't let her finish. I kissed her. I kissed her hard, which I knew shocked us both.

"I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to do that." I cried and broke from her.

I fled into my room. I couldn't think straight. I certainly didn't think or even consider locking the door. I'd pushed a boundary and I was now facing the unforeseen consequences. I was facing the possible end of our friendship. I was facing the possibility of losing her forever, not only as a friend, but as a roommate, as a companion. I was facing the possibility of very lonely future ahead of me. I didn't make friends easily. It was hard in fact. Ally was that one break in my life, a blessing really. She'd come to me. She'd made the first move towards acquaintanceship, which had then led to a friendship, one that has proven to be as strong and true as any bond between familial siblings. She was and continues to be my sister in many ways, and now I'd thrown a grenade into the middle of it.

I didn't hear her come in. I didn't hear her footsteps towards me. I was crying too hard. My mind was in chaos. I didn't even flinch when she embraced me from behind.

"Grace." She whispered. "Why didn't you tell me how you felt?"

I barely registered her words, but I managed a response. "I was afraid...afraid I'd lose you, of you not feeling the same way, of you hating me..."

"Grace." She breathed. "I could never hate you." She said. "I love you too much to ever hate you."

I felt her hands brush past my sides and come to rest upon my trembling stomach. I wore a simple sweater, but it was thin enough to feel the warmth of her hands through it. They were agonizingly sensuous against my charged skin. It only got worse after that, for she moved her left hand to my hip. It lingered there only briefly before moving slowly towards the front of my jeans.

"You do." I said, savoring the heat of her breath against my cheek, and then enticingly against my neck.

"Yes, I do...you silly girl." She laughed and then kissed me on the neck as her hands pressed hard into me, pulling me against her body. "Please don't leave me." She pleaded as she dug under my sweater, seemingly desperate to find my bare skin. With the other, she miraculously unbuttoned my jeans and then slide inside, forcing them open.

"Please, don't...unless you mean it." I begged her.

"Grace, I'll never hurt you." She said while pressing her hand beneath my panties, as if desperately seeking my feminine warmth. "I don't understand much of what happened today, but I do know that I need you. I need you like I've never needed anyone before."

I quaked under her relentless exploration and then gasped as her fingers found my swollen and now moist lips, eliciting a wave of unanticipated pleasure that surged through me. "Please make love to me." She whispered.

"You sure?" I felt the tears falling again.

"Make love to me." She voiced huskily. "Let's see where this leads us."

"If you promise to not break my heart." I returned.

"Never in a million years." She pushed forward and kissed me, heatedly, hungrily.

She sealed the promise with an intrusion. By that, I mean she slid her fingers into me with such swiftness and force that it stunned me, so much so that I ended up lurching into her. However, she proved surprisingly strong and held firm against me. Once our lips parted, she smiled and said, "Surprised you, didn't I?"

"Yes." It was all I could muster as we kissed again, this time much more intensely. Once we parted, she began pulling me towards my bed.

"I can't believe we're doing this." I said.

"Do you want to stop?" She caste me a tearful look.

"No, not if you don't."

"I don't." Her voice trembled. "I want this as much as you do."

"Good." I said and pushed her onto her back.

She wore a white blouse and jeans. I slowly unbuttoned her shirt, kissing her exposed skin as I made my way down her body. She quaked and contorted with each kiss. I peered up at her. She was in agony. I was too. I pushed the shirt open, exposing her white bra. I didn't even bother going for it. I was impatient. I had to have her, to truly have her. I unbuttoned her jeans. The brief contact of my fingers upon her skin caused her to inhale and her body to shudder even more intently the minor tremors my kisses had elicited. That was how on edge she was. Grinning, I leaned down and kissed her flat stomach, letting my tongue settle upon the warm, salty skin. Each shudder of her body fed my desire as I kissed and licked my way to her jeans, which I quickly pulled open and began to work down her legs. She quite willingly lifted her hips to make the task easier. Only her white panties were left. She already had a moist spot between her legs and her feminine excretions smelled divine. I'd always wondered how a woman might smell and taste. I now knew the first. I was about the discover the answer to the second. I resumed kissing her. I let my tongue linger over her skin before sliding down to the waistband of her panties, and then over them, all the while peering up at her and seeing the agony and the ecstasy burning in her soft, blue eyes.

"Give yourself to me." I said.

"Ok." She said.

"No, I want to hear you say it."

"I give myself to you."

"Say it again, please." I told her as I pulled on her panties.

"I'm yours." She said a she raised her hips once more.

To my surprise, I saw that she was almost completely shaven, save for only a small mound of soft, blond hair. It was a small island in the middle of a sea of baby smooth skin. I kissed every inch of that sea, working my way down to her warm and now moist thighs, coated with her desire. She tasted so good, salty and sweet all at once. She was my first woman. I was hers. I looked up at her.

"Are you sure?" I asked with a trembling voice. "My heart won't take rejection later."

"No rejection." She said. "I'm yours now." She told me with tears in her eyes.

"Forget guys. Forget anybody else. I want you to be mine, and only mine." I said letting the tears stream down my face and onto her gorgeous vagina.

"I promise. I'm yours now and forever. Please, make love to me."

"I love you." I said.

I didn't wait for any response. I lowered my mouth to her swollen, pink lips and delicate folds. Her taste exploded upon my tongue and I had to have it all. I had to devour her, making her mine in every way imaginable. With each moan and with each tortuous spasm of her body, she gave her all to me. I ate her as if I were starving and had been for a very long time. It wasn't long, minutes probably, till she exploded, coating my face with her climax, her delicious orgasm. I still wasn't satiated. I continue eating her, feeding off her need and mine. I gripped her legs firmly as I rode out her withering body till she exploded a second time, and with an even louder scream.

I sat beside her, examining her beautiful body, one I was far from dominating. It would be mine, truly mine before long I knew. Even my comforter hadn't escaped her eruption, for it was now soiled by her secretions, her feminine fluids.

"Please." She begged, motioning to my body, which was still clothed.

Looking down, I noticed that I'd moistened my jeans. Laughing, I slowly took them off, along with my soiled panties. She marveled at my neatly, trimmed mound. I've got brown hair, so it was the same color, although a little darker. By the time I crawled onto the bed, we were both nude. Our bras had been discarded much like our clothes had been, haphazardly onto the floor. She kissed me across my body, returning the tantalizing favor. She stopped at my tattoo, a blue dolphin that adorned my skin, just above my pubes.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." She smiled. "I love it." With that, she kissed it, letting her tongue glide over my charged skin. The contact elicited a wave of pleasure that I knew was coming but with an intensity I was unprepared for, and because of that I moaned a little too loudly. She giggled, relishing in the torture she was putting me through, the same torture that I'd rocked her body with just minutes before. "Now you're going to get a taste of your own medicine." She smiled wickedly.

The pleasure was intense as she began kissing my body all over again, inch by agonizing inch. Of course, she started at my breasts. She took special delight with my nipples while her hands caressed my thighs, especially my inner thighs where she allowed her fingers to roam quite freely, often mere inches from my sex. From my breasts, she worked her mouth slowly down to my navel, and then over my tattoo again before stopping at my small dark mound. It was moist now with sweat and she ran her fingers through it. Then, to my surprise, she pressed her nose into it, inhaling as she did.

"You smell good." She said.

"Oh, God!" I breathe as she then began kissing and licking the equally smooth skin of my pubes and thighs, keeping away from the lips and folds of my sex. "I'm so going to make you mine." She whispered with a heated voice. "Mine forever."

She didn't wait for a response. She forced my legs apart, griping my left one with her right hand and used her left to press against my stomach. She then began licking me, running her tongue over my swollen lips and tender folds.

"You taste good." She voiced softly before sliding her tongue inside me, much as I'd done her.

My body erupted in response and I began bucking against her mouth, my body arching with each wave that her tongue unleashed. She devoured me as I'd devoured her, long after I'd reached climax and had exploded upon her face. She still pressed on, demanding my heart and my soul.

"Say it." She demanded. "Say the words."

"I'm yours."

"Louder." She said as she then slammed her fingers inside me, pushing them in deep. I nearly passed out from the intensity of her intrusion. "I want to hear it."

"I'm yours!' I cried out as she brought me to orgasm with just her fingers alone. "I'm yours forever and always!"

"Good." She said as the waves passed and she withdrew. She then moved to hover over me. "I didn't expect to find love tonight. I've found it in most unexpected place, in the embers of loss and betrayal. You've given me hope, hope that soul mates do exist. That love is forever and endures all."

"We're soul mates." I began to cry again, and she leaned and kissed me.

"Soul mates." She whispered.

This brings me to the present, which is the morning after. She didn't regret what happened last night. She said as much. I told her that I didn't regret it either. As if to reinforce her commitment to me, she took me all over again and brought me to orgasm twice before we fell into each other's arms, exhausted, yet longing for more. Once I regained my strength, I made love to her again, devouring her as I'd done last night, perhaps with even more need than before, if that's even possible. In the afterglow, we talked everything out. We have decided to date for a time, to see if what we feel for each other is true. If it endures, then we'll come out to our friends and families. I have a feeling it'll endure. Deep down, I truly feel as if I've found what I've long sought, my one true love, my soul mate. However, what frightens me the most is not what the future holds for us both, but that it almost didn't happen at all. Life without risk is...well life isn't worth living without risking it all. That is the greatest lesson I've learned from this. Love is worth the risk.