All Comments on 'Rivals Pt. 03'

Loving the way this story is coming along.

You really have a nice, sweet story here, great job! I personally think that this chapter improves on the first two in an important aspect: It has some actual, believable conflict (which we knew was going to be resolved, but that goes with the genre). My problem previously was, I think, that the whole "rivals that become friends" thing never felt like an accurate description of how your protagonists were interacting; on the contrary, while they were telling us that this was what we were witnessing, it felt like they at best started as "competitive friends", with the focus probably on "friends" from the get-go. Commiting to the conflict in this chapter works really well for you: You aren't afraid to draw it out a couple of pages, create tension and give us something to root for on the way. Really well done, I'm looking forward to how you develop the story!

this story is fantastic ,every episode the story gets better I cannot wait to see next episode. BRILLANT..MORE PLEASE

What I thought was going to happen, again because of the depression Marcella was feeling, was have Kennedy run into the dorm and see Marcella either starting to, or just already having, tried to cut her wrist deep. That would've made for an even darker twist if she finally revealed to Kennedy that she used to be tortured in high school and resorted to basketball as an outlet, but if basketball wasn't available then cutting was her only other option for comfort and relief. Then have Kennedy clean Marcella up, give her that pep talk, and send her to Sarah to talk. It is also one that would've made more sense, and one that wouldn't feel as forced as the one you gave us. Also, shame on Sarah for doing that to Marcella, she said on page 4 herself that she thought Marcella had at least some feelings for her, so that must mean that she slept with Cassie to get Marcella's jealousy and she knew what she was doing, but instead she got a different reaction. One in which she didn't know how to handle. So, she didn't deal with it and instead blamed it on Cassie.

What is coming out most strongly in this part (for me) is that you have a very nice touch with human interactions. The sibling bantering and sniping, the awful small town homophobia (which I've never encountered here although I'm sure it must exist), the difficulties and minor heartbreaks as Sarah and Marcela tip-toe around one another, it all feels so right. So keep it going, Scarlet, because you're really on the ball with this story (no pun intended).

This is so well written! You are so talented,reading your work makes me feel like i am there watching it all take place.

I've been checking daily to see if you've submitted,thank you for sharing your talent with us.

Will there be a chapter 4? I hope so.

Thank you for NOT showing us sex between Sarah and Cassie. Hate when you love the main characters so much and they sleep with others. Loved all the characters in this story. You made them so real. Will there be a part four? If so, will it show if Cat and Kennedy work out? If not, can we have a follow up story with Cat and Kennedy? I want them to love "happily ever after" too. Brilliant story. Brilliant writing. Defo one of my favourites.

I love your characters, though I’m struggling to keep them clear in my mind. This is ALMOST enough for me to wish I cared about basketball.😎

"God, these new neighbors," my uncle sighs as we sit at the dinner table. "I can't stand them. Their deviants. Just straight up sycophants."

I assume their rather than they're is a typo, but I'm not sure what was intended by sycophant. Psychopath? Though I suppose it could have been an intentional second level of ignorance from Uncle Dipshit.

I like how the story is shaping. Looking forward to next part.

Another great chapter. Your characters are so real. I can't wait for the next chapter.

I’m loving the real life build to your story. You've done a wonderful job in continuing to develop your characters, maintaining the suspense of who will make the team, and how the relationship will evolve. You’re writing has me really feeling for Marcela with the pressures of school, the team, and her bigoted family. Let’s hope it all works out for her and Sarah. In these times I need a happy ending. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️!

You seemed to pulll back from a lovemaking and climax, and that's a pity because my panties were wet already. Just two fingers in me, please!

I love the easy going nature of your story, it's truely my type but, as you mentioned that you want a true evaluation, I think it's better to share my concerns with you

1. It's not that easy to score on each and every single opportunity as a point guard, point guards are mostly for defending, grabbing the loose balls and set up a move not scoring, if someone who's this good in dribbling and shooting as Danielle, she should be starting as either a shooting guard or small forward, but, there's also a part where Usha simply stopped her advances, so, she isn't that good, huh? But she dominated Marcella during all the training sessions, so, how do u evaluate Marcella? Hard working? I give her that, but being dominated by another PG constantly, lol, I'm really condemned about her future.

2. You need to be absolute nuts to go ahead and confess your love to someone just after the night you found her having sex with someone else maybe five feet away from you. I'm not sure what Kenedy is to Marcella but, I wouldn't have done it if even Jesus told me to do so. Now come on that's the craziest thing I have ever read on literotica

The basketball part can be ignored, it's a story after all and you don't need to be always too practical about all the aspects, but, I personally think you really need to work on the second point maybe rethink or rewrite that part.

I'm only writing this because I loved your story and I want it to be a good one from a reader's POV, but it's your story and totally upto you to agree or disagree with whatever I thought about it. If you want suggestions or ideas, I will be happy to help.

I don't sportball and just barely understand some of the school descriptions, but I'm enthralled by the character development. A very enjoyable story series!

Scarletrose 69 this story you have written all 3 chapters is brilliant and hope you will write more about these two ladies Sarah and Marcele as they now found each other need to know how they do in the future whether they get married and love and be happy forever thank you scarletrose69 fantastic please write again soon . xxx

I love your style of writing. Across all three parts of this story, you have developed the characters brilliantly. It helps to know them and learn about their families, upbringing, values, beliefs, etc.

Also I have no problem with the sports explanation, the only point I'm confused is Danielle's skill set. If she's away from self practice sessions so much, how she's this good? Don't she ever require any practice to polish her skills? How does she know the ways to beat Marcella, if she doesn't see her slogging to better herself? Danielle's betterment takes away Marcella's credibility and promises about her future in this sport. She has to develop more confidence if she works so hard.

Now this part has ended at a crucial point. The next part will be more important as their relationship has a new meaning. So how their interactions and thoughts transforms, keeping the college backdrop and other characters in view, is something to be explored.

I must say you're doing a great job and continue developing this story into beautiful, optimistic, romantic, promising and eventful chapters. Shall wait for the next one!

OK, so I love this story and your writing style. Across all the chapters, you've developed the characters nicely. It helps to know about their families, interactions, beliefs, thoughts, etc. So good job in this chapter.

Now I don't have any problem with the sport part, in fact even if I don't understand basketball, I don't mind reading and learning through your story. I just have one note: Danielle. How she can be this good with her skillset, when we don't find her doing any solid practice sessions? Don't she need some time to prepare her game strategy and moves? How she knows Marcella's weak points if she never watched her slogging during self trainings? Danielle's spotlight shows up Marcella's weakness. Marcella needs to be more confident if she works so hard.

Other points I found a bit hurried are Sarah and Cassie's relationship, Kennedy and Marcella's trust level developing so quick, Cat and Kennedy's not so clear relationship. May be you can help adding more depths into these backdrops to make it convincing for all readers.

Now this chapter ends at a crucial point and I hope you're planning to continue further. Coz it remains to be seen how Sarah's and Marcella's newly found relationship influence their sport, college life, studies, interactions with other characters, etc. I hope you continue developing this story in beautiful, romantic, realistic and eventful chapters. Shall wait to read the next one :) Well done once again.

Just gonna say, though I agree in real life most people probably wouldn't do it (again, I know people who have done), but I don't think you having Marcella tell Sarah how she felt was self-destructive at all. The timings of these things always seems skewed by the inherent window of perspective the reader gets, but though it may be less realistic, having a character be brave and up front about their feelings is not implausible, shows courage can be rewarded and is refreshing to the reader given how much fiction draws out this stage way way too much. I think you got the balance of internal angst Vs actual action by a character just right and it was good writing and I certainly personally wouldn't edit it or advise you to edit it

I don't think the realism of the basketball scoring stuff matters at all, much as it doesn't in a show like One Tree Hill for example. Readers know that you are getting a small snippet of the scrimmage action that sticks in the mind of the viewpoint character, so given that it's always gonna seem like Danielle scores 100% of the time against Marcella. It's a story thing not a realism thing, and the assumption that we are getting to see everything that happens is always a fallacy by the reader rather than a mistake by the author. We know that it's tone rather than exhaustive reporting of everything that happens. Keep doing exactly what you are doing

OK, so I love this story and your writing style. Across all the chapters, you've developed the characters well. It helps to know about their families, interactions, beliefs, thoughts, expressions, etc. So good job in this chapter.

Now I don't have any problem with the sport part, in fact even if I don't understand basketball, I don't mind reading and learning through your story. I just have one note: Danielle. How she is this good with her skillset, when we don't read her doing any solid practice sessions? Don't she need some sessions to prepare her game strategy and moves? How she knows Marcella's weak points if she never saw her slogging during self trainings? Danielle's spotlight shows Marcella's weakness. Marcella needs to be more confident if she works so hard.

Other points I found a bit hurried are Sarah and Cassie's relationship, Kennedy and Marcella's trust level developing so quick, Cat and Kennedy's not so clear relationship. May be you can help adding more depths into these backdrops to make it convincing for all readers.

Now this chapter ends at a crucial point and I hope you're planning to continue further. Coz it remains to be seen how Sarah's and Marcella's newly found relationship impacts their sport, college life, studies, interactions with other characters, etc. I hope you continue developing this story in beautiful, romantic, realistic and eventful chapters. Shall wait to read the next one :) Well done once again.

Great job on the story. It is refreshing to come on the site just to read a story because it connects with you. You have made me quickly fall in with the characters and I look forward to reading more.

That was super cute, I loved it.

I’m really enjoying reading this story. You’ve done an excellent job building the characters and grounding them in this basketball backdrop. I did have some similar critiques as some of the other commenters regarding this chapter though. I loved the attention you paid to building tension, emotion and conflict, but then I did find it disappointing how quickly the conflict was resolved. There was all this coiled-up emotion we were feeling for Marcela, but no cathartic release. The story seemed to skip from her being deeply lost and down to everything is right in the world again without her and Sarah addressing out loud (or even via internal monologue awareness from Sarah) what had her down in the first place. I can’t imagine Sarah wouldn’t have asked Marcela if her and Cassie were the reason she had been so upset, or at least pondered it once she found out Marcela liked her. I think most people would’ve felt sick knowing they slept with someone literally in front of the person they supposedly love and finding out that person cared for them too and that this action gravely hurt them. But none of this was addressed between them. Sarah and Cassie just agreed to be friends again and the story jumps right into love confessions and seemingly happily ever after. So bottom line for me is that you did an awesome job portraying Marcela’s turmoil and angst, but more attention needs to be focused on realistically working through and resolving the created conflict so that it feels like it wasn’t just glossed over but the characters actually had to work to get to the good place. All that being said, can’t wait to read your next chapter.

I love this story, and can't wait to read more. I am enjoying it, and it's amazing reading a love story, rather than just simple erotica. This is, by far, the best story I've read on this site so far. Well done, can't wait for the next chapter.

Great story i like the pace. It gives them and us a chance to know them better and understand them. Looking forward to more.

Loving these two together hopefully in the final chapter they're still together till the end

You gotta finish this, and I hope it's headed for a happy ending. It's right up there with BrokenSpokes and careythomas's stuff. It's very nice not having to wade through a lot of explicit sex, and I hope the sex flows from the story and isn't just inserted because "sex, amirite?" But I'm not really worried, I think you're gonna handle romantically and sweetly. Can't wait!

I wouldn't be surprised if she made the team over Dandi. Dandi made a comment about Danielle getting in because of her family's money but idk. She easily one of the most talented woman on the team and she barely tries. I'm excited to see what's next.

Keep going! Very good. Can’t wait to read the last chapter. Really good

im having fun thanks ill check more stories out be well shayne

I am loving this whole story.

the scene where marcelana was all sad and stuff was really emotional but the confession of love to sarah felt really weird to me like how sarah didnt even apologize for makin her feel like shit and having sex in the same room

What a truly beautiful story so far. You are a very talented writer!