All Comments on 'Rivals Pt. 04'

Beautiful! I love how this is working out between Marcela and Sarah. Don't take too long for the next chapter. Thumbs up!

I think this is a really good story. The pacing is good and the characters are developed well. The only thing is have to suggest is when you're at an emotional part of the story describe the physiological effects of the emotion. For example, when Sarah saw Marcella holding Usha, how did she physically react? Were her hands trembling? Were her teeth clinching or did her jaw drop? I think describing the thoughts they were having plus how they reacted physically could bring more depth to the emotions.

Somebody should do something about Ethan---he's the kind of immature half-wit who gives arseholes a bad name. And you've certainly worked poor Marcela into an awkward situation with her homophobic family, especially when idiots prove my long-held feeling that mobile phones with cameras are a curse rather than a boon. You've got the tensions nicely wound up here---makes the chapter worth another five stars.

Have been following Rivals since the opening Post, and am enjoying it quite immensely. There are several sub-plots in Rivals, although the primary focus is on Dandi's / Peach's emerging relationship, along with Cat / Kennedy.

Most of the characters in Rivals exhibit delightful personalities, excepting Ethan / Danielle, whom everyone wishes would just disappear. That said, antagonists often allow us the freedom of really appreciating the other wonderful characters comprising a nice "Lesbian Romance" story.

I have rated all 4-Parts of Rivals 5*-Stars and am waiting for Pt. 05, especially on whom is cut from the team!!!

Excellent continuation of the story. I love the way you're shaping this love story. Please hurry with the next part. Would love to know what happens with the team selection and their relationship.

I could definitely feel the realistic and believable relationship developing between these two with their insecurities, and while wanting to take the journey of a romantic relationship together, they also have their limitations and insecurities from past events. Marcela with her shitty family (Pisses me off cause I've met the type before) and Sarah with her ex problems (also pisses me off cause seen that happen firsthand with a few friends of mine) and of course there is still Cassie looming over the two of them. Maybe they just get together and take things slowly, but hell, maybe they should have a straight-up orgy with Cat and Kennedy. Ge them in an all-girl, four-girl daisy chain. Lol, I am kidding about that. Seriously, maybe get some more sexual scenes between Cat and Kennedy in this as well as Marcela and Sarah.

I love this story, and can’t wait for more chapters.

And the wonderful writing. I hope you have the time and inclination to finish the story...say msybe ten more chapters? :D Don't let covid and DC kidnap your Muse!

I hope this story hasn’t died an early death. I was really enjoying it.

I really hope this goes on for a long time

This story feels so incomplete. Please go on.....

Please finish this! Its a great story

Please complete this story. I was also enjoying reading your other series.

I hope the next part comes soon!! I truly enjoy your stories!! Thank you

you have some very high rated stories, i'm not reading any of them, nor will I seek out the gr8 stuff. I feel the worst thing a writer on this site can do is finish not a story that they started here. It was a good story, but you've lost me. no more of you for me. I don't understand what you were trying to accomplish, but goodbye.

I'll second anonymous above. Hook 'em and cook 'em? Disgusting. There are better was to make money off your writing than betraying your readers. You get neither my coin nor my eyeballs, no matter how good your writing is.

Captivated by your storyline and the two protagonists, if you will. Tense, romantic, even poignant at times. Well written. Yes, annoyed by no follow up/closure one way or another, so get the negative comments. That said, you told everyone in your Biography that readers would have to visit your personal site to see ending. Maybe naive, but do not understand why you do so (I did not sign up). Had hoped you would post more and finish “Rivals” tale on this site. Alas. Good luck.

its been eight months i really hope you would posted the rest as i really like it be well shayne

Don’t bother clicking the link to sign up. There is no closure to this story, it’s just a feeble grab at followers. Note to author, your mission would be easier if you would have captivated the audience with the whole story, then wait for people to follow you willingly.

Please tell me that you have lots more of this story. Being a former basketball player in college I appreciate your knowledge of the game. Thank you for writing this incredible story. You had me nearly in tears at times as well as an ear to ear grin at others. You are an incredible storyteller and I look forward to reading your other works

Youu plsss write the rest plasssssssssssss😭😭😭gawd!!

Bummed that when I subscribed via the link there was still no ending. :( it was such a great story. Much potential.

I guess the writer fouled out !