Rivkah's Awakening

The door slammed behind me as I walked into my new apartment. I had just moved into my first adult apartment two weeks ago and finally finished setting it up last night. It had been a long week, and at this point, all I wanted was to have a drink, put my feet up, and watch some TV.

I went to the fridge, poured myself a glass of white wine, and plopped onto my couch. As I began channel surfing, I heard the bedroom door creak open. I looked behind me, and a smile grew across my face.

"Welcome home, Rivkah," Brianna said as she reached her arm out and pulled me in for a gentle kiss.

"I didn't realize you were home," I said as I returned her kiss.

"I got home a little while ago. Mind if I join you?" Brianna asked.

I pulled her down on top of me and giggled like a little schoolgirl as I wrapped my legs around her. I loved being silly with my girlfriend, and I always sought excuses to touch her.

Brianna crawled out from under me and settled down next to me on the couch. The feeling of her next to me made my heart flutter. We cuddled in close and began to flip through the channels together, finally settling on watching a movie neither of us had seen.

As the movie began, my mind started to drift away. I felt at peace in a way I never thought I would, and it was hard not to look back and think about how I got here.

Growing up as an "Ultra-Orthodox" Jewish woman in the insular community of Lakewood, NJ, I never imagined I would be living in New York City with a lesbian lover. Yet, here I was on a Friday night, Shabbat, cuddling with Brianna on our couch, watching TV, and beginning our new post-college life together.

Meeting Brianna changed my life in a way I never thought would happen, and in some ways, it all happened because I took a chance and went to college.

I had always loved learning, so my parents gladly allowed me to take college courses from the local Jesuit university when I finally graduated high school. While many of my friends took online correspondence courses to get a degree, I knew I wanted to experience the world outside of my little bubble. At least as much of the world, as I could experience while still living at home and attending school in the same town I grew up in.

My first week of class was a bit overwhelming. While there were other girls from my community I would see around campus, this was my first time interacting with the secular world. I grew up without a TV in the house, had never seen a movie, and the Internet in the house was only there for my father's work. My connection to the secular world was basically nil.

Walking around the college campus for the first time was quite a culture shock. Despite being a Catholic university, there wasn't a dress code. I grew up always having to wear long skirts and long or quarter length sleeve shirts that were loose fitting, even in the warmer weather. The girls on campus didn't feel that restrained.

The hot September weather meant most of my classmates wore shorts and belly shirts. I had never experienced anything like that before in my life. I was shocked by how comfortably all my classmates showed off their bodies. Growing up, I was taught that valuing yourself meant being modest in dress as well as in behavior. Yet, all the women in my class seemed happy and confident in a way I had never experienced. Every exposure to my new classmates made me rethink my family's teachings. I wanted to be around them more.

While I lived at home, I made every excuse to visit campus. I loved the feel and energy the university had. That first week, though, I got lost more than I would like to admit. It turns out that being lost was the best thing that ever happened to me.

"You look a little lost," I heard a voice say. I turned around and saw the girl with the kindest eyes I had ever seen.

"A little. It is my first week here. I was just walking around trying to get a feel of the place. I'm Rivkah, by the way," I said to this beautiful stranger right in front of me.

"I'm Brianna. Nice to meet you. It's my first week here too. I just got here from Florida," she continued, "I hope this doesn't come off rude but are you a local?"

I blushed. "It's that obvious, huh? It's the clothes that give it away, isn't it?" I said, feeling slightly self-conscious about how I was dressed.

"Oh no, no. Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just heard that the locals don't mix much with the university community. I didn't mean to imply... let me try this again. Hi, I'm Brianna. It is so nice to meet you, Rivkah," Brianna said, trying to make me feel better.

"It is really nice to meet you too, Brianna," I replied, trying to alleviate her guilt about the whole situation.

"You know I was about to go to the field over there, get some sun, and eat my lunch. Any chance you want to keep me company? It'd be nice to make a friend," Briana asked.

"Sure. That sounds nice," I said as I followed Brianna to a patch of grass where some students were lying out tanning.

I watched as Brianna pulled off her shirt, revealing the bikini top she wore underneath. I sat next to her, uncertain of what to say or where to look.

"I love the feeling of the sun on my skin. Growing up in south Florida, I went to the beach almost daily. I am going to soak up as much warmth as possible before it starts to get cold here," Brianna explained.

"You look uncomfortable again, "Brianna said, "I can put my shirt back on if...."

I quickly cut her off. "No, no. I am just not used to people showing so much skin. Heck, in my community, women aren't supposed to show skin below their collarbone or above their knees. It's nice seeing someone so comfortable with their body that they don't care about what others think. If I wore that, my family would blow a gasket!"

As we continued talking and eating, I couldn't help but take in Brianna's body. She was blonde, blue-eyed, and very in shape. It was a stark contrast to the typical brunette, brown-eyed girl I grew up with. Eventually, Brianna caught me looking.

"I can't help but notice the stares," Brianna said to my surprise. I wasn't used to the girls I was friends with being so forward.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. I didn't know what to say. I felt embarrassed and lowered my head in shame.

Brianna reached out and put her hand on mine. "It's okay to look. I was just shocked," she explained.

"It is just that...well...you are totally different from the girls I know. And I can't get over how in shape you are and how willing you are to show your body. I know I sound crazy. I want to make the most out of college, but it has been so overwhelming, and we just got here. Everything here is so different. Good. Just different," I tried explaining without sounding too crazy.

Brianna's hand continued to rest on mine. She looked at me with those kind blue eyes and simply said, "I get it."

We continued to talk and lay on the grass for the next half hour. Strangely Brianna's hand never left mine, and I never moved my hand away.

I finally noticed the time and explained that I had to get home to watch my younger siblings.

"I liked talking to you. Would it be okay if I got your number? It would be nice having someone to hang out with when I am on campus," I asked nervously. I wasn't sure why I felt so nervous asking. It was just a girl from school. I had all my friends from high school's phone numbers. Something about this felt different, though. I chalked it up to us being from disparate worlds and pushed the thought out of my mind.

Brianna grabbed my phone from my hands and programmed her number in. Before handing it back to me, she pulled me close to her and snapped a selfie of us together. My heart started pounding in my chest as Brianna held me close to her body. I touched her bare skin for a moment as she snapped a few pictures.

She pulled away moments later. "Here you go. I hope you don't mind that I took a picture. I just felt like we should memorialize us meeting," Brianna said with a smile.

"I'll talk to you soon," she called out as I walked towards the campus parking lot.

As soon as I got into my car, I pulled out my phone and looked at the picture. She really is beautiful, I thought to myself. I put my phone down and drove back to my parent's home. As I entered the front door, I was transported back into the world of my people.

"Rivkah, thank god you're home. Can you help your sisters with their homework? I have to go to the store. We need to start cooking for Shabbat." My mom yelled as she stormed out the door.

Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, was a big deal to my family and my community in general. It was a family tradition for me to help my mom cook up a storm on Thursday night in preparation for the upcoming celebration. It was something I looked forward to every week. It was my favorite time of the week since it was when my mom and I got to catch up with each other. For some reason, I felt nervous about spending time with her tonight.

"How was your first week in school?" my mom asked as we began cooking.

I could tell she was genuinely interested in hearing about my new experience, so I went into great detail about my classes, how beautiful the campus was, and even about some of the girls I met from the Jewish community who were in my classes. For some reason, I found myself leaving out that I met Brianna.

Despite that, I found that Brianna was never far from my mind. While I enjoyed the weekend with my family and friends, I couldn't wait to return to campus and reconnect with her.

When Monday rolled around, I took my car and drove to school. I only had a few classes scheduled for Mondays, so I had plenty of time to take in the sights and sounds of my new surroundings.

As the day went on, I kept thinking about texting Brianna. "It wouldn't be weird if I texted her, right?" I kept thinking to myself.

I finally decided to text her after my morning classes to see if she wanted to eat lunch together. Yet, before I knew it, I heard a ping from my phone. It was Brianna!

"Hey, Gorgeous! It is so nice out. I was planning on lying out again and eating some lunch. Any chance you want to meet me?" her text read.

My heart jumped as I read her message. I quickly replied, "Yes!!!"

I hoped my excitement was palpable through the screen. Brianna replied immediately, "Okay, meet me where we hung out last week. See you soon!"

When class ended, I rushed out the door and headed to the field where Brianna and I hung out last week. I felt nervous yet excited. The overwhelming feelings were confusing to me. Brianna was just some new girl I met at school. Why is going to meet her for lunch giving me such butterflies?

Approaching the field, I saw Brianna lying on a blanket. As I got closer I couldn't help but take her in. She was lying in a pair of tiny, frayed jean shorts and a white bikini top that contrasted perfectly with her tan body. She looked so peaceful and without a care in the world.

She must have noticed me coming towards her because I saw her sit up suddenly and yell to me. "Hey Rivkah, I'm here. Sit on my blanket with me. There is plenty of room," I heard her say.

"So, how was your weekend?" she asked me.

"Oh, nothing special. I'm not allowed to do much Friday night and Saturday except spend time with friends and family. Then on Sunday, I was busy doing my reading for class. What about you?" I asked, hoping to know more about her and her world.

"Well, Friday night, my roommate and I went to this party off campus at this girl's house. It was kind of loud and crazy but a ton of fun. I haven't danced my ass off like that in a while," she explained, chuckling a little.

"Then, Saturday and Sunday, I took it pretty easy. I did some school work and ran around the lake," she continued.

"Wow, that sounds like a blast. I can't imagine what a party like that looks like. Nothing like that happens in my community," I explained.

"Then how do you meet guys?" Brianna asked, completely confused by my way of life.

"Well, we only date for marriage," I said matter of factly.

Brianna had a very quizzical look on her face. "So, like it is an arranged marriage?" she asked, trying to understand.

"Not in my family. Matchmakers will set up most of my friends and me. We will date for a little while to see if we share the same goals and values and then get married," I said, hoping she wasn't judging me.

"Wow, that is so interesting. I guess that means you've never had sex. I can't imagine going without it!" Brianna said with a huge smile across her face.

I paused for a moment, uncertain how to respond. Sex was a topic we never discussed in my community. I knew sex was how a baby was made, but that was about it. I looked down at the ground while trying to find the right words.

I soon felt Brianna's hand on my forearm. I looked up at her as she began to speak. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable again. I guess talking about sex has always been easy for me. I've always been a sexual person that I sometimes forget that not everyone is," Brianna explained with deep empathy in her voice.

I felt calm as I felt her hand move down to mine. We looked at each other and smiled.

"I guess you've had a lot of boyfriends, huh?" I asked, trying to take some of the attention off of me.

"Let's just say I've never been wanting in the guy department," she said coyly.

"I've never even touched a guy before. According to Jewish law, I can only touch my husband and my closest male relatives. It must be so freeing to be able to touch and be touched by whoever you want," I said.

"It is so interesting how different our lives are. Yet, for some reason, I feel really connected to you," Brianna admitted.

Over the next several months, Brianna and I would spend every free moment with each other. With each day, I felt closer to her. We each shared parts of ourselves that we didn't share with others.

I was always surprised to see how interested she was in hearing about my life and community. She would ask me all these questions about how I was raised, and the holidays I observed. Yet, it never felt like she was judging me or fetishizing my life. It always felt like she was genuinely curious about who I was and where I came from.

I wanted to give her a glimpse into my life outside of school. It was a big step, and I wasn't sure how she would feel about me once she met my family, but I decided to invite her to my house for a Shabbat lunch.

I decided that asking her in person was the best way to go about it. My classes had never gone as slowly as it did that day.

"What if she says no?" I found myself wondering to myself. I had never been so nervous in my life.

Maybe she wouldn't want to enter my world as much as I have entered hers. I knew I needed to take the risk. Not having her near me drove me crazy on the weekends.

It was finally time to meet her for lunch. I fumbled with the sandwich wrapping as I tried to find the courage to ask her. I felt sweat drip down my body, and I could barely look her in the eyes.

"What's going on?" Brianna said, "I can tell you want to say something."

I looked up at her as her eyes met mine. Her eyes, face, lips, and whole body, were so inviting. Calmness emanated from her, giving me the confidence to finally ask.

"I wanted to know if you would come to my house for a Shabbat meal this weekend? It's okay if..." I asked her before she quickly cut me off.

"I would love to! It means the world to me that you want me to join you," she exclaimed as she reached over the table and hugged me.

It was such a relief knowing how excited she was to meet my family and to get a glimpse into the world I grew up in.

The week went by without much excitement. As usual, I helped my mother prepare Shabbat meals on Thursday night. I made sure the food for Shabbat lunch would be something that Brianna liked, but beyond that, we went through the typical preparations.

Saturday afternoon came, and I anxiously awaited Brianna's arrival. "Where is she? What is she going to think of my family? Maybe I shouldn't have invited her. No, no, I am glad she is coming. It meant a lot to her that I invited her and it means a lot to me that she wanted to come. I just really want this to go well," I thought to myself. My mind was racing!

I continued to pace in my room until I heard my mother calling my name.

"Rivkah! Get the door. I think your friend is here," my mother yelled.

I ran down the stairs, excited to let Brianna into this side of my life. Before opening the door, I quickly looked in the hallway mirror, fixed my hair, and took a deep breath to calm myself down.

When I opened the door, I was taken aback by the image that lay before me. Brianna stood in the doorway looking radiant. She wore a flowy dress with a floral print that was super modest yet demonstrated her feminine charms.

I stood by the doorway, frozen in time as I continued to take Brianna in. It was as if I knew that her coming in would change everything.

"Are you going to invite your friend to come in?" I heard my mother say as I was brought back to reality.

"Yes. Sorry. Brianna, please come in. Welcome. Shabbat Shalom," I said while hugging her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg, thank you so much for having me over. I've heard so much about your legendary Shabbat meals that I couldn't wait to attend one." Brianna said.

"We are glad you came. Rivkah has told me so much about you. I'm glad that I finally get to meet you," my mom said as she showed Brianna to the dining room table.

Throughout the meal, Brianna and I kept catching the other stealing glances at each other. As the lunch wrapped up, I told my mother that Brianna and I were going to my room to talk.

"Your family was lovely," Brianna said. "I'll be honest; I was pretty nervous about coming. I didn't know what to wear, and all I wanted was for your parents to like me. I know it was a big deal for you to have me over. It just meant so much to me. I hope I looked okay," Brianna admitted.

I reached for Brianna's hand to reassure her like she had done to me many times. I had never initiated such contact, and it was clear that Brianna noticed. I moved closer to her as if to bring her in.

"You look amazing. I'm glad you came. It means a lot to me that you wanted to meet my family," I said to her, trying to reassure her.

The energy between us felt like a spark that was about to ignite. Our eyes met as I saw Brianna's face moving towards mine. Here I was, a nice Jewish girl who had never even dated a boy, about to be kissed by the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. My mind was awash with thoughts and feelings. I knew what was about to happen, yet I couldn't believe it.

Feeling her lips on mine that first time sent shivers down my spine. It was a gentle, sweet kiss. It was more than a peck but not much more. We pulled away from each other slightly and looked deeply at each other. Slowly our lips came together again. I felt her hand on my back as we leaned into each other. The feeling was incredible. Soon I felt her tongue massage the outside of my lips; before I knew it, our tongues were rubbing against each other.

I could feel my pussy throbbing more than ever before. I wanted to make Brianna feel good, but this was my first sexual experience, and I had no idea what to do. Brianna could tell I was nervous and took the lead. She had one hand rubbing my arm while her other gently cupped my face.

Brianna slowly pulled away from me as my body yearned to be touched more by her.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time," she said while maintaining perfect eye contact.

I didn't know what to say, so I reached over and kissed Brianna again. For the next 45 minutes, the two of us lay on my bed, talking, laughing, and kissing. Every time our lips met, my body felt like it was on fire, yet it was a fire I hoped would never be extinguished.