Road Boys

When I was twelve, I watched a contestant audition for American Idol on TV, and within twenty seconds of them making a fool of themselves before the judges, I had to leave the family living room to escape the pain of embarrassment. It was the first time I recognised my great fear: being humiliated. Seeing a person being mocked or ridiculed causes me mental distress and physical discomfort, and these symptoms are supercharged when I am the subject of attention.

To cope with public humiliation, I respond in three ways. In the case of second-hand embarrassment, like watching an audition go south, I flee. When I embarrass myself, like saying something stupid, I shrink. But when someone else tries to humiliate me, I fight, like the boys at school who teased me about my red hair will confess. I cannot abide being humiliated.

It shocked me, then, to learn that the exact opposite is true in a sexual context. My third boyfriend, who was five years older than me, gave me this revelation the very first time he fucked me. I can pinpoint the moment of realisation to the instant he grabbed my hair, pulled my head back, and called me a dirty college whore. The orgasm I experienced that night put all others before to shame.

Fast-forward to today and I can report that I love humiliation, degradation, and CNC play in the bedroom. Even rape fantasies turn me on. Not only do I love these fetishes, I believe I need it, which is a problem, because I am in love with a man who is thoroughly vanilla.

Dan is kind, loving, and funny. He's charismatic, smart, good-looking, charming, and above all, he is sensible.

Earlier today, while Dan walked me home, I was catcalled by three road workers in my neighbourhood. Without thinking, I crossed the street, faced up to these hard hat assholes, and gave them a piece of my mind. They did not expect petite little me up in their grill, and by the time Dan arrived by my side, they looked chastised and apologised, 'No offence meant, luv.'

Poor Dan looked exasperated and angry as he led me away.

Later that night, as we cuddled naked in bed, Dan said, 'You really shouldn't have confronted those guys.'

We had just made love. Sex with Dan is good, you know? He's a giver, an attentive lover, the kind of selfless man who wants to fulfil all your womanly needs. But Dan could never degrade me. It's just not in his make-up to do so, and honestly, I don't want him fulfilling my darker needs as it would violate his character and change what we have. Cuddling after sex is our love language, and chatting with him while I rest in his arms is my favourite thing in the world. This precious time would be under threat if Dan had to mistreat me in bed.

'They can't just get away with it,' I replied.

'It's dangerous, Sarah,' he said. 'Best to just ignore them.'

'Then they never learn, never change.'

'Maybe,' Dan said, 'But I'd rather you play it safe. Confronting assholes only increases your chances of getting in trouble. God forbid, you get hurt or raped.'

'Mmm,' I said, 'I bet they'd rape the fuck out of me.'

It was a slip. I was sleepy and spoke thoughtlessly. Fuck.

Dan was horrified.

'It's a joke,' I said quickly. 'A bad joke. Sorry.' I kissed him. 'Forget I said it.'

We cuddled in silence. Dan stroked my hair and I gently caressed his arm.

It had been a joke, but I can tell you that the thought persisted. I fantasised in great detail about the three road workers abusing me in the nearby alleyway. I went to the bathroom when Dan fell asleep, sat on the toilet, and masturbated furiously.

Dan is curious by nature, and having said what I said, he raised it over breakfast the next day. 'Why would you say that?'

I have to tell him, don't I?

I was scared shitless that my revelations would ruin everything, which is why I hadn't revealed them before. But really, I should have. Over and above being sensible, Dan is also unflappable. I knew this, and I knew he loved me, like I loved him, I was sure of it. Of all people, he deserved to know me, warts and all. I wanted to grow old with him after all.

'Dan,' I said, 'There's something you don't know about me, and I'm sorry I've kept it from you.'

'Okay,' he said, concerned.

'I have a few fetishes. Some really out there kinks.'

'Okay.'

'I... uh... I like to be degraded. During sex.'

'What?'

'Degraded. Like, I need to be humiliated. Mentally, physically, verbally...'

'Need?' Dan said.

'Well,' I said, contemplatively, 'Yes, if I'm honest.'

Dan and I had been together for over a year, and the truth was that I increasingly yearned for a man to use me as his fuckdoll. I was desperate, every day, more and more, to the point where I seriously considered cheating on Dan to numb the ache.

'I could never,' he said, crestfallen.

His conflict was hard to witness. 'I know. I know, hun. I wouldn't ask you to. I don't want you to.'

'But,' Dan said, then paused. 'I thought our sex was great.'

'It is!'

'But you're not satisfied?'

I wanted to reassure him that I was, but that would have been a lie.

'I love you,' I said. 'You give me so much. You make me happy, and I really do enjoy and need our love-making. It's just that I also have this other side of me.'

I held Dan's hand as he processed.

'And last night's comment?' he asked.

'I have rape fantasies,' I said.

'You want to be raped?'

'No, not for real, obviously,' I said. 'Have you heard of consensual non-consent?'

'Can't say that I have.'

'Well, it's a type of roleplay for a forced activity, like rape, where consent is waived, but everyone involved actually gives upfront consent that it's all okay. You just play like it's not.'

'Sounds dangerous.'

'That's kind of the point.'

We spent the morning talking more about my kinks and experiences. To my profound relief, he was taking it remarkably well. I mean, I revealed things that could shock John Waters, but Dan listened calmly and asked a ton of questions. You have to admire how secure he is in himself. Unflappable.

That's not to say it was easy for him. It must have been very hard, but to Dan's massive credit, he immediately accepted this part of me and took my words at face value. I said I loved him and wanted to be with him. He believed me. I said I needed my dark urges satisfied to be happy. He believed me. I was relieved that we both agreed that he couldn't and shouldn't be the one to try to fulfil these needs directly.

Sensible. Unflappable. Dan is something else too. He's a problem-solver. That evening I found him on his laptop researching my fetishes. What a man.

The following Saturday, we spent the day in the back garden barbecuing and drinking beer in the sun. When we took our plates to the kitchen in the front of the house, Dan happened to notice three men through the window. Three men working in the street.

'Babe, look.'

'That's hilarious,' I said. 'Can't believe it's them.'

'You should go say hi,' Dan said.

I looked at him, and said, 'Really?'

He nodded and I squealed in delight.

I opened the fridge, grabbed three beers, and made a beeline outside to meet the Road Boys.

Their expressions as I approached were priceless. They obviously recognised me from last week's incident, but I was also wearing a bikini top and hot pants. What to make of me?

'Hello boys,' I said, holding out the beers. 'Looks like you could use refreshment.'

The younger two looked at the older, incredulous.

'C'mon,' I said, 'It's late and it's hot.'

The older gent looked at his watch, and said, 'Fuck it.'

They accepted the beer, grateful, and started gulping it down.

'We're sorry about last week.'

'Don't worry about it...'

'Mike,' he replied.

'Don't worry about it, Mike. Just don't do it again, to anyone. It's rude.'

Mike nodded. He was a big chunk of a man, mid-fifties, bushy brown hair and unkept beard, now mostly grey.

'I'm Tony.'

Tony was a blonde fuckboy type, gym rat with piercing blue eyes, tattooed body, and dangerous smile.

'And what's your name?' I asked the reed-thin young man with close-set eyes and immaculate buzz cut.

'Lukas,' he whispered.

'I'm pleased to meet you all,' I said, and they raised their beers. 'So, how long are you going to be out here making a noise?'

'I reckon we're done for the day,' Mike said. 'Can't be drinking on the job. Back tomorrow, and the whole of next week.'

'Mmm, good to know', I said mischievously.

They exchanged glances.

'Sucks you have to work on a Sunday.'

'Pay is good,' Tony said.

'I'd hope so,' I said. 'Listen, I have an idea. Why don't you come over for a quick lunch tomorrow with my boyfriend and I? When's your lunch break?'

More glances.

'At one,' Mike said, 'But I'm not sure you want us in your house.' He gestured to their yellow and orange workwear.

'Oh, don't worry,' I reassured them, 'I like filthy boys.'

With this, I turned and walked home.

At exactly one o'clock the next day, our doorbell rang.

Mike, Tony, and Lukas turned out to be good company, and the lunch was a resounding success. The first few minutes were awkward, as you'd expect, but Dan and I are excellent hosts, and we won them over.

When they left, Dan said, 'They couldn't stop looking at your crop top.'

'Why do you think I'm not wearing a bra?'

'I think they know what we're doing.'

'Oh, they think they know,' I said. 'They'll learn more tomorrow. Who knows if they'll be up for it? But I've got a good feeling.'

On Monday, I had to stay late at work, and by the time I got home, the Road Boys were gone. But I found them on Tuesday afternoon.

'Hey Sarah,' Tony greeted me.

'Hello boys.'

I figured being direct was the best policy.

'You know that I've been flirting with you. You're probably wondering, "What's she after?", "Does she want to fuck one of us?", "Does she want to fuck all three of us?", "What's going on?"'

My neighbour walked by and I stopped talking until she was out of earshot. The men waited expectantly.

'I'll put you out of your misery,' I said. 'Yes, I want all three of you to fuck me. Like a gangbang.'

Mike coughed. Lukas whistled. Tony just grinned like an idiot.

'That's not all,' I said, and then proceeded to tell them exactly what I wanted.

My request was met with silence, which lasted for several seconds.

'You're fucking with us,' Mike said finally.

'I'm dead serious,' I said. 'Think about it. Dan will work out the details with you if you're keen. Just know that I want this, and I give you the permission to do whatever Dan negotiates with you.'

I walked away, buzzing.

Dan spoke to them on Wednesday. And on Thursday. On Friday, he spoke to them again, and when he got home, he said, 'They're in.'

I hugged him and said, 'Are you sure?'

'Yes, dear. This is crazy, but I trust you and weirdly, I trust them. And it's too late to back out. I've already given them the key.'

I waited for a week. Nothing. Second week, nothing. After the third week, I figured they flaked out.

And then, I woke up with a start. I couldn't breathe. It took me a second to register something covering my face..

Panic. What's going on?

A hand. A hand was smothering me.

The bedroom light flashed on.

The man removed his meaty hand from my face and made a catcall. It's the shrill whistle that brought me to full consciousness.

Mike loomed over me. 'Hey there, pretty darlin',' he said with a wicked grin.

Scanning the room, I saw Tony standing on one side of the bed and Lucas on the other. All three of them wore their high-vis workwear.

Dan stood against the wall at the foot of the bed as if held there at gunpoint. Seeing the fear and panic on my face, he could not resist taking a step forward.

I gave him a quick shake of the head.

'You think you can tell us what to do, bitch?' Mike growled in my face. 'Think you can wave your finger at us and parade your tits like a whore without consequence? News flash, you can't. And you're going to pay for trying.'

Mike gestured to the others. 'Hold her down.'

'No,' I whimpered.

I struggled against Tony and Lucas's strong hands gripping my arms. 'No!' I shouted.

Mike slapped me in the face, so hard my ears rang. 'Shut the fuck up, or I'll have to really hit you.'

I shut the fuck up.

I resisted, physically pulling against their grip and kicking my legs. For all the good it did. Tony and Lukas are strong motherfuckers, and heavy Mike sat over my thighs, pinning me down.

With both hands, the old man grabbed the bottoms of my collar and ripped my brushed cotton pyjamas open, buttons flying violently across the room.

The hunger and lust in the eyes of my would-be rapists were unmistakable. They had been dreaming about this moment, as I have, and now they finally got to see my exposed tits, not just my nipples pushing through a tank top.

Mike grabbed both my breasts in his hands and jiggled them, laughing. 'Look, boys.'

'Squeeze them, Mike,' said Tony.

'Oh, I'll do more than that.'

The old man pinched both my protruding nipples, squeezed hard, and then shook my breasts forcibly.

'Stop,' I begged. 'Please stop.'

Mike knew not to stop, but still, he hesitated. I had tears in my eyes, after all, and my pleading sounded desperate and convincing. And then he slapped me again.

'Try me again, slut. I dare you.'

He proceeded to clutch my left breast, lean forward, and lick my smarting nipple. His beard scratched my skin with each taste.

My body was on high alert, pumped full with adrenaline, awash with sensation. It is also true that my nipples are a direct gateway to my pussy. As Mike licked, sucked, and bit my nipple, my cunt became wetter and wetter. There was nothing I could do. My defiance ceased and my body went limp, surrendering.

As if on cue, Mike lifted his weight off me. He yanked my pyjama shorts off and threw them to the side. I offered no resistance. Next, he ripped my cute little unicorn panties from my body.

'As above, so below,' Mike said.

'I knew she had a fire-crotch,' Tony said excitedly.

No shit, Sherlock, I thought. I'm a ginger Irish girl with pale skin, of course I have a red bush.

'Nicely trimmed,' Mike said, as drew his index and middle fingers through my wet slit. 'Oooh, she wants it, boys.' He smelled his fingers. 'Bitch wants it.'

Mike lifted my legs up, and with one hand he pulled his trousers down. I couldn't see his cock from my position, but I sure felt it. Big man Mike had a fat fucking cock that stretched my pussy to its limit.

'Yeah, fuck her, Mike,' Tony said. 'Fuck this slag.'

Despite myself, I moaned.

'Shut. Her. Up,' Mike said to Tony in between thrusting.

Tony undressed quickly. He may not be the brightest, but I could not deny that this tattooed fuckboy had a phenomenal, ripped body. Of course he had a Prince Albert piercing in his dick head. He crouched onto the bed, turned my head down to him, and shoved his cock into my mouth.

'Suck it, bitch,' he said as he started to fuck my mouth.

How to describe the feeling of being degraded and used? It's frightening. Painful. Humiliating. It's also exhilarating. Weirdly empowering. And cathartic. It's a very peculiar non-pleasurable pleasure. At least, that's my experience. I'm weird for needing it, I know. But I can't deny that I do. I probably have my strict parents to thank for that. They seemed to delight in humiliating me as a child. And here I am.

I orgasmed twice before Mike emptied his balls in me. I felt his cum leak out of me as he withdrew.

'My turn,' Tony declared. He pulled me up, turned me over, and set me down on all fours on the edge of the bed. Mike's gleaming cock was suddenly in my face. No words needed to be spoken. I sucked and cleaned my cum off his cock. Even semi-erect, he was a mouthful.

Tony smacked my arse a few times, then spread my cheeks and licked my arsehole. His cock was in my arse in short order, and I heard him spit every so often as he defiled me.

I looked up at Lukas. He watched silently with an expression I couldn't decipher.

Then Tony grunted loudly as he came in my arse. He slapped my thigh one last time and pulled out.

'She's all yours, buddy,' Tony said to Lukas.

Lukas looked reluctant all of a sudden.

'You can do it,' Mike encouraged.

'Bust a load down her fucking throat, Lukas.'

The Road Boys understood the brief, and they had exceeded my wildest imagination. I rolled off the bed, crouched against the side of it, spread my legs, and opened my mouth wide, sticking my tongue out.

Mike shoved Lucas forward. 'C'mon. Do it!'

Lukas looked helpless for a second, but then he found his courage. He pulled his trousers down.

Staring at his bulge, I knew I was in big trouble.

'Jesus, Mary and Joseph,' Tony swore when Lukas lifted his cock out of his undies.

I couldn't have said it better. Lukas's big black cock was intimidating as fuck.

I opened my mouth wider.

Lukas grabbed a fistful of my hair and fucked my face.

It's always the quiet ones, I thought.

It was brutal. I gagged, choking on his dick, nearly vomiting several times. Tears ran down my face, mixing with my thick drool, which Lukas would gather occasionally with his hand and smear across my face. The noise of my gargling dominated the room.

'Fuck, yeah!' Tony shouted his admiration.

I was not ready when Lukas came. I tried to swallow his cum, but choked. How could one man produce so much? I coughed and spat when Lukas finished. Cum dripped down on my chest and flowed down into my pubic hair. Before stepping away, Lukas lifted my chin and spat in my face.

I lay down on the floor in a foetal position, breathing hard.

Eventually, I became aware of Mike and Tony standing over me, stroking their dicks as I lay there, helpless. The show had gotten them excited again. It wasn't long before both covered me in even more hot lines of cum.

Mike didn't miss a beat. He walked up to Dan and said, 'Look at your filthy slut. Come. Come, clean her.'

Dan shook his head, shell-shocked.

'No?' Mike said. 'Okay, I'll do it. Tony, Lukas, help me. Let's clean this bitch.'

The Road Boys towered over me. Mike was the first to piss on me. Right on my face, then back and forth between my hair and mouth. Lukas followed and then Tony. Three streams of hot piss drenching my entire body.

And then they left.

The next thing I knew, Dan knelt in the piss next to me. 'My God, Sarah, are you alright?'

'Thank you,' I said. It was all I could muster. 'Thank you.'

Dan washed me in the bath and left me to soak while he cleaned our room as best he could. By 3 am we were in bed again. He held me tight and I fell asleep in his arms.

The next day Dan proposed to me.

I said, 'Yes!'