All Comments on 'Roadtrip'

Congratulations you accomplished what you set out to do.

Well done

Wow, just wow.

Nice start!

Son of a bitch, that was depressing! Where did her money come from? What did she die from - guessing brain tumor? 4.8*

Great first story!

5

Enjoyable read. You chose a path that saw two troubled people souls find happiness, no matter how short lived.

This is a great story! I usually need a happy ending to be satisfied, but this one feels right the way it is. Your characters are fantastic, realistic, compelling, and likable. The story is sweet and poignant, and you write very well.

Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing your work.

heart breaking

Wonderful story reminding us for some people life is very hard. Five stars, and thank you for it.

Good start for an author new to the site. Read and gave encourgment!

The Hoary Cleric

Excellent story.

Not bad, would like to understand her ailment just to close out the niggling question. Being someone that lives with an incurable cancer, I always wonder what others do leading up to the time of peace.

Top Notch!

Hey thanks folks! I'm really excited by the ratings and comments so far. I mentioned this story was inspired by another here, but had lost the link. I'm happy to report that https://www.literotica.com/s/the-rehab is the story I referenced and strongly recommend anyone read it, it's incredible!

It did.

Thanks. :)

Not the happily-ever-after story I was expecting which made it all the more impressive. Excellent story.

I second Seeker's Wow! This is a beautiful story! I kept reading thinking their life together would gone and on, but that wasn't meant to be.. Instead they had passion in short order!

most "writers"don't do nearly as well/

Well done. Not everything has to be explained. What you have here is great.

A very lovely story. Thank you.

Hi Demosthenes, I approached this like she had an inoperable brain tumor. As for the money, well I suppose we can just scratch our heads and wonder. Truthfully, my intent was for Shannon to finally have a bit of what she had missed out on during her troubled life, while she wasn't looking for someone, sometimes life has other plans.

Definitely a tear junker but what was her ailment if I can ask

Oh bugger. You made me fall in love with Shannon and feel the pain of losing her.

I’d like to give this story 5 stars, but I can only do 4.

The prose is good, the characters introduction is good. We can understand why the characters like each other. That’s good, because so many stories that are labeled romance fail to do that.

Unfortunately about the middle of the story, the plot is less well realized. Shanon and Tyler stop learning new things about each other. The story becomes more of an outline than a full story.

Where did Shanon get the resources to start her trip? A child aging out of the foster system frequently faces significant financial difficulties. Did Shanon commit suicide, or die of natural causes? Either alternative is likely to have different effects on Tyler. Why doesn’t Tyler have any clues that Shanon is about to die? Tyler is so perceptive and empathetic at the beginning that it seems inconsistent that he would not have a clue a the end.

Unfortunately for the story, even with the will, I suspect that Tyler doesn’t drive away in Shanon’s car. The will has to go through probate. They are not married, so joint survivorship isn’t going to apply. Shanon could have added Tyler as an owner of the car, but that probably requires a trip to the state motor vehicles department where the car is registered.

All of my questions, and issues would not be hard to address by writing a slightly different story, or supplying more details. I hope that you will keep writing. This is a good first story.

First of all great story which I enjoyed very much 5*

Secondly, welcome to Literotica.. Ignore Anonymous who posted 4 hrs ago and magnanimously gave you a four because he had a list of shortcomings in a story he probably could never write himself. There are two tribes on this site. Authors and Readers. Some of the latter don't seem to understand that anything less than a 5 for a story you enjoyed is just plain wrong.

I look forward to your next story

Wonderful story.......

Excellent first story. I gave it 5 even though I much prefer happy endings. There’s enough sadness in the real world without reading sad fiction also. However, it’s still a tender gentle but sad story. Keep writing.

Great Story!! Thank you for sharing.

Hey TheDok, Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, Anonymous made some good points, and I should have been more clear about some things in the story, but I like the idea of the reader finding their own colors to paint certain details. I had thought that the headaches that kept happening would be enough detail so that whatever her medical condition was, the headaches would be the 'understood' connection. Also, as far as where her money came from? I'm not sure how that matters. She was 22 years old and had been out of foster care for years, how much money does it take to drive across the country? It's not a stretch. As far as things going into probate, and DMV and so on, do you REALLY want to read a romantic short-story that includes such things at the ending?

I know I don't.

A fine job, not just for a first-timer but for any writer. Good back stories, simple but effective plot, great scenery and a powerful ending with an unexpected if unwelcome twist. Sad but real life sometimes is. Even the anonymous nut picker was wrong - with a signed over title and an envelope of cash left in their room there was no “estate” elsewhere to deal with. All he had to do was register the car somewhere within some stated length of time and it was all a legal done deal. She gave away everything she owned BEFORE she died so there was nothing to probate. And, really, who cares? Everything that mattered was what happened and to whom and how they felt. Everything else is just details. Thanks for your time and effort, and don’t stop writing. You are good at it.

Thanks reader1000 I appreciate the kind words, and will definitely keep writing.

To the author; you mother fucker! I dislike the fact that you've got me dropping teardrops on my desktop after reading this.....fucking beautiful work. I wish I could say that I would love to see more just like this, emotionally I couldn't take it. Phenomenally good work and I hate you for making a hardass like myself loose it at work.

Hey there Anonymous :)

I know them feels! I promise the next story won't involve any tears.