Robbie 01

Robbie 01

"I'm not being rude to you, Stanley."

[Tap, tap, dial, ringtone]

"Oh, well, who are you calling then, Robbie, huh?"

"I mean, Stanley, I'm calling the local news, the national news and the world news because not only are you talking to me, you brought me a Red Raspberry Frosty Freeze, so the aliens must have landed. And then I'm going to call an expert who can give me a few tips and pointers on exactly what is involved in giving someone the girlfriend experience, not that you have successfully schmoozed me with what you just asked for, but it at least sounds like something worth knowing about, so?"

"Oh, that sounds in my favor then, Robbie, so, I'll be seeing you around, Robbie."

"[Gulp]"

So, hey there my peeps, I'm Robbie, sometimes confused as Robby and the only reason that I swallow "gulped" as Stanley left me with his final words as he walked away and headed back to hang out on the Strip was more out of fear of the Frosty Freeze that he bought me more than his request for a girlfriend experience date. I mean, I work part time at the Frosty Icy Shop and if my boss caught me enjoying a delightful Frosty Freeze from the competition, I mean, that could spell trouble, right?

Well, a girlfriend experience date might spell trouble in all caps too, but Stanley is pretty nice and he has his charms about, so, who knows, right?

Anyways, I'm 19, right in the middle of 19, even though I barely look it, I have a few different looks, but to even my surprise, I've figured out a frizzy bun look for my hair that shouldn't make anyone think of a manbun, my words, of course, not that I wear it that way all the time, but I like it, I apparently fall for a tasty red Frosty Freeze, maybe and I just now enrolled in an online college course titled the girlfriend experience 101.

And so far, huh, it doesn't sound so different from how my old gaming buddies used to, um, treat me as time went on. LOL, maybe I should have stuck with the gaming days then and saved myself some cash, LOL, not!

Anyways, my fifth dream, a dream, mind you, involves a very large sheet of plastic and two bottles of baby oil, but don't read too much into those tea leaves.

And I keep my time stamped birth certificate in my home safe. I promise you, that I was 18 years, 9 days and 32 minutes old when I took that bedroom archway selfie, which obviously isn't a selfie and it's none of anyone's business who took that photo, but, tee he, that photo, right? Once in a lifetime. Besides, I was wearing a top and a bottom anyways, so, shut it and stop asking questions.

Anyways, moving on, my story today, other than trying to graduate as a certified girlfriend experience date, as I said, I work part time at the Frosty Icy Shop on the Strip and that was actually by invitation from the owner, Mr. Danvers because he wanted to beef up his staff in advance of a competitive, yet friendly pub crawl sort of event along the Strip as sponsored by the City of Middleton, only the pub crawl was that of a delightful cold beverage shop crawl between the Frosty Icy Shop, the Frosty Freeze Shop, the Smoothie Shop, the Creamy Frosty Shop, the Frosty Creamy Shop and the Icy, Icy Baby Shop.

And I have no idea why they would sponsor such an event, but the people liked it and they signed up and registered for it and I got to meet extra people during my short employment at the Frosty Icy Shop, so, whatever, I guess.

Oh, and I learned very quickly that the boss leaves early and taking the trash out to the bins in the alley, no matter how full or half full the trash bags were, was a great way to experience the alley that is behind the Strip. Which, SOB, is exactly the same as my online girlfriend experience online courses! So, SOB, hey there, I'm Robbie I waste money!

Anyways, I may or may not take 20 minutes to take the trash out to alley, 2 or 3 times a shift and it doesn't matter that the trash bins are literally right there when you open the back door. Oh, and it's worse for the guys from the Strip who have figured out my schedule. I'm innocent and they are horny for me, so.

So, on to my Frosty Icy work uniform then, right?

Oops, hold please, I just heard back via text from my Ninja friend, Lil Mei Mie Maa and huh, I thought there would be more steps involved with the perfect girlfriend experience, so, huh.

Anyways, my work uniform, right? Modest. I like that its base color is black, but I like my Denim shorts that fit a little tighter around my thighs, tight like a rubber band, but my black work shorts have a looser fit and flare to them, which is okay and the boss allows me wear capri tights under them of my choice, LOL, as long as my choice is black. And I almost actually like the shop's logo black t-shirt, tucked in, of course.

And I like my boss and my co-workers and the customers and my sneaky little rendezvous in the alley. And thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you guys who meet me in the alley to flirt forward and back with me and for telling me that I do not have a light up a cigarette so you could find me from the little red glow! That was killing me!

"Robbie, Liz has a family issue going on right now, so, if she's on her phone a lot tonight, she's not slacking off, so cut her some slack, okay? And just so that you know, Robbie, I know that you roll up the cuffs of your work shorts after I leave early, so, watch how many rolls you roll them! Also, did I say that correctly?"

"Oh, Mr. Danvers, you have fashion lingo down! However, since I keep my tights on, there's still nothing to see, although I will give into to how that old fag keeps straining his neck to double, double check that, but I'm legit, Mr. Danvers! And I'm still waiting on your response for my request to wear exercise under my work shorts for the evening of tasty beverage shop crawl. It's seriously not that bad and it's just for one night, but I'll wait for your third final, final, final response, so?"

"Alright, Robbie, good talk, um, is there anything else you want to confess then, huh?"

"OMG, Mr. Danvers, I only accepted a Frosty Freeze while on my break from a guy that I know because he actually talked to me and that just doesn't happen a lot to me! Besides, people buy and use other competitor's products all the time, so?"

"Oh, ahem, I meant about this habit of yours where you take like a bazillion, what are called, selfies at work, in the Ladies Room! Use the Men's Room, Robbie! Not that multiple comment cards have said the same thing or anything, so?

"Work selfies, Mr. Danvers, but fine, but Maude needs to clean the mirror in the Men's Room then! A clean mirror is instrumental in taking a good work selfie!"

"Oh, um, ooh, one comment card requested that you prop up on your tippy toes and take your time cleaning the Men's Room mirror, but I'll talk to Maude. Also, Maude scares the bejesus out of me, so, take care of that conversation then, Robbie, so, good talk?"

"Ugh, good talk, Mr. Danvers!"

Maude is not that bad, she's just spirited, let's say. Also, I'm not sure what Maude does in the back room because she scares the bejesus out of me and I stay upfront and I have a small hallway to use for my escape into the alley to take out the trash.

"Liz, I can see on your face that you have one, two three problems going on, so I hope everything is okay and Liz, later when you've taken care of your one, two, three issues at home, I mean, Liz, what does it mean when someone says they want to have sideways sex with me, for another time of discussion, of course since you have issues to do deal with, so?"

"Oh, my home issues will still be issues later tonight, so let's start with that then, Robbie! So, I'm not an expert in that area, but my best guess would be that these men you're tapping toes with in the alley, after you twisted your cigarette out, of course, I mean, I suppose these guys want to have a variety of sex with you, you know, on the side and quiet and that's not the same as secret sex on the side, so?"

"Oh, I don't think that I like that then, but I like tapping toes with a couple of, well, they are not exactly men, Liz, so?"

"Oh, men, guys, boys, they all have a cock and they all want to stick in one of your places, you know, like the girlfriend experience, so, call them whatever you want to then, Robbie. I mean, it's not like they are going to care five minutes later, so?"

Well, that was disheartening to hear! But the truth I suppose. Also, huh, that's now three of three with the exact same definition of the girlfriend experience!

"Anyways, Robbie, I don't blame you for being apprehensive about going further then kissing, embracing and tapping your toes with some of your alley boyfriends, but all people make sexual mistakes and nobody gets a "do over" once the deed is done, so, the choices are tough, but life is short, tee he, short like you!"

Well, I don't know where her statements of embracing and kissing came from! Other than, SOB, the security cameras! But at least Liz didn't mention the body grinding and humping, tee he, not that I would do that since I was busy twist stomping out my un-used cigarette!

"Anyways, here's what is going on with me then, Robbie. First, your old friend, my idiot step brother, Chad, Chad the nerd, thought it would be a good idea to, you know, go outside and all, sheesh, and then his idiot nerd friends thought it would be cool to also go outside and then the nerd crew thought it would be a good idea to pick up a basketball, after they searched on the internet what a basketball is and then there was some scuffling action under the basketball hoop and then nobody on the planet thought it was good that a ankle should be bent at such an angle, so Chad's off of his feet for a few weeks, so, yay, nerd athletes and poor mom for the next few weeks!"

Well, anyone could have seen that coming since Chad gets paper cuts from chewing gum wrappers. Also, did Liza really have to show me a photo of his foot pointing sideways from her phone? But I quickly agreed that was not a pretty sight. And a terrible shade of purple.

"And then, um, Linda and myself are having a little disagreement right now, um, nothing huge, but something to deal with, I suppose, but's it's not so huge like Mrs. Bentley, so, we'll manage it."

"(Giggles)"

"And thirdly, if you want, tonight might be perfect for a fresh round of work selfies in the bathroom and if you want, I will help you with that and if you want, we can go as far as dropping your work shorts and pushing your tights just less than half down your butt cheeks and if you want, we can sneak in a little something with the front too. I mean, if you want any of that, Robbie."

Well hells belles! That was a first! And exciting! And risky??? But exciting!

And then we went back about our work duties at the Frosty Icy Shop for the next couple of hours.

And then, after two trash takeouts, seven kisses, twenty-five toe taps and a countless number of body bumps and grinds, which I like, by the way, it was almost closing time. Also, it's now my third dream to have an accident of sorts during said enjoyable body bumping and grinding, not that I know exactly what I mean by that. A survey can be found on my Chang homepage.

[Snap, snap, snap]

"Lift you work shirt up more, Robbie, show that boyish smooth chest to the camera."

"You're awfully comfortable with this, Liz."

"Oh, I'm not afraid of a guy's body and yours is kind of all that, tee he, in terms of fem, so, smile!"

[Snap, snap, snap]

"And speaking of not being afraid of your body or booty, drop and push, Ronnie."

For the record, wow, I was pretty comfortable with it myself!

"Well, five fingers of butt crack are almost the same as three fingers of butt crack, so tilt back towards the mirror, smile, prop your butt out and hold please!"

[Snap, snap, snap]

I mean, maybe I have practiced that pose at home a few times, but so has every other Trap on the planet, so.

"Almost finished, Robbie, so, since you use the Ladies Room so much, I mean, maybe I have peeked you a couple of times through the crack in the stall door and I think your button is adorable, so, a front photo or two, huh? Also, I didn't peg you for a thong wearer all the time, but now I can see why your alley boyfriends want to peg you so hard with their hard pegs! Smile!"

Well, I don't have a downward bulge and that's that, so. But even I think, well, adorable isn't the right word, but I deal with what I have. So, well, I pushed my tights and thong down, but just a tad.

[Twang, bounce, twang, bounce, snap, snap, snap]

"Hmm, if we weren't friends from before, Robbie, I wouldn't mind knowing what that experience is like with my mouth, oops, ahem, all done, tee he."

Oh, that shiny glaze in her eyes was another first for me! And I forgot to review and approve all of the photos that Liz took, that were in her phone because I got distracted with what happened next.

"Well, I'm impressed that you were not bothered by that, Liz, so, cool."

"Nope, not at all, but the truth is that I maybe wanted to see what all the fuss was about with your butt. The front was just a, tee he, a little something extra. Also, I have two more issues and they are both more than confessions than issues, Robbie, so?"

Never good, that's never good to hear, right? Two confessions? Two like my two? I mean, three.

"Okay, I'm locking up the shop now, Robbie, so bye!"

Well, I was a little taken back and stunned, so I let those two extra confessions wait, I guess, since I had just heard someone on my TV say "the things with problems are that they will still be problems later", so I tested that theory statement and kept my trash rendezvous with this guy named Andrew, who might be considered my number one alley boyfriend based on the number of times and his participation. His participation back, I should probably say.

[Mwah, grind, ummah, bump, smack]

"Tell me what I want to hear, Robbie!"

[Mwah, grind, ummah, bump, smack]

"Oh, Andrew, you want to hear me say that you will get a good girlfriend experience from me or with me soon because you're growing tired of just kissing, bumping and grinding with me, especially when your dick grows and grows bigger with every sneaky rendezvous that we have, so?"

[Mwah, grind, ummah, bump, smack]

"Keep talking, Robbie."

"Well, Andrew, you are going to win or should I say we are both going to win soon enough and I know that you're leaving it to me to make I happen, so, I have a 3-step plan and it's not a weak ass plan, so?"

[Mwah, grind, ummah, bump, smack]

"Are we naked? I mean, keep talking, Robbie."

"Step one, oh, we're naked, Andrew! Totally naked everywhere! Unless you're one of those guy's who leave their socks on, but other than that, we're naked! So, step one, we're in a place of privacy, you're naked on your back and I'm going crazy on your hard peg with my hand, but not as a cheap ass sex act, but more so I can how high your stuff flies! Since I only ooze and drizzle. Also, so I can judge if I need a movie prop neck brace for step two when I put my mouth on you!"

[Mwah, grind, ummah, bump, smack]

"Aha, aha, aha!"

"Well, I've read on Chang that some blasts can be very powerful, so I already have an appointment with the Movie Prop Shop on the Strip for a neck brace fitting!"

[Mwah, grind, ummah, bump, smack]

"Oh, it's getting good now, Robbie! Keep talking! And keep us naked! Except for my socks."

"Oh, step three, while still wearing my neck brace because it's cool, of course, tell me how you want me or put me where you want and have your boy butt girlfriend experience way with me then! Bring the condoms because I have absolutely no idea how that sizing works, so."

Well, that was easier than my 3-step plan to quit smoking! As a plan! Only as a plan. So far. Also, I saw a flying high video on Chang and it looked cool. Messy, but cool. Hey, a large sheet of plastic would help with that flying high mess! Ahem. Also, I will have a high-speed camera set up. I'll blur the faces, but that video was cool.

[Door chime jingle, jangle]

"OMG, what happened to you, Robbie?"

"[Cough, choke, cough, choke]"

Well, Nancy from the Movie Prop Shop on the Strip tightened the straps of my neck brace a little too tight! I don't think that she cared that her step brother, Hank, helped me take out the trash in the alley behind the Frosty Icy Shop, so. A couple of times.

[Frantic fiddling with Velcro straps]

"[Inhales, whew] well [inhales], Liz, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make one those sexual mistakes pretty soon, so?"

"OMFG. Men are not that powerful when they blast off! Well, maybe Tre, Tre from the south side is since he has a horse cock, tee he, I mean, so I've heard anyways, so, tee he."

"[Inhales] I'm picking up an extra shift tonight and wearing this neck brace, so, well, also, you still owe me two confesses, Liz, so, loosen the straps just a tad more and confess!"

[Slight adjustments, Liz checks Robbie's neck for hickey's]

"Alright, Robbie, you asked for it, so here it is. Actually, you tell me, Robbie, what exactly used to go on during your nerd days of gaming, hmm?"

"Tee he, tee he, tee he, nothing, Liz! We played video, that's all, tee he."

"Oh, please, Robbie, the second movie that they showed all of us girls back in school was what all gamer boys do half way through an afternoon of gaming! Well, Linda had captured a video on her phone and plugged it into the projector as soon as Mrs. Parker stepped out of the classroom, but we all saw it and we all know what gamer boys do half way through the tournament!"

Um, so, tee he, right, folks? Tee he? Anyone?

"I mean, I mean, Liz, I mean..."

"It's fine, Robbie and since Linda sneezed and sent all of you gamer boys scrambling, so there was really not much harm and only a small foul, so, your current babbling is my evidence that you just confessed that all gamer boys just like to have fun and that's all I wanted."

"I mean, I mean, Liz, I mean..."

"Enough, Robbie, you're not exactly back page news anyways, so?"

"I mean, I mean, Liz, I mean..."

"Robbie, I just want to know that things never went any further than for you to prance around and allow those faggot nerds, well, you were there, so you know what happened or didn't happen, but I think I know what happened too since I have a copy of Linda's secret video! Confess back, Robbie!"

"Ahem!"

[Hits play]

Okay, okay, so the guys needed, well, I already said way, way above that I skedaddled from my old nerd crew and I never, never ever showed anything! And they never touched me! And that's my story and I'm sticking to it, but, tee he, even in those real guy shorts, right? I've always had it going on back there!

"It's okay, Robbie, we already covered how people make mistakes, so, a little jerking off isn't the end of the world. I mean, you didn't have to help them out by taking so long bending over to power down the game console, but I believe you that nothing inappropriate happened, so?"

"I mean, I mean, Liz, I mean, there is no other secret video, right?"

"Ahem, the swimming pond adventure two months after your 18th, ahem! Also, I already know that Linda was the source of your undies back then, so? And I also know that thankfully, Linda foiled the swimming pond plans too! Oh, also, you little nerds must have hated Linda for always being in the wrong place at the time!"

Well, I needed a source for undies, right? And there is no secret video!

[Clicks play]

"[Glitch] well, Robbie, let's just see [glitch] what's in your swimming pond date backpack then [glitch], shall we? Sun lotion, check, baby oil, check, another bottle of baby oil, questionable check [glitch], a tube of Electro-Slide, opened, a seriously questionable check [glitch], a tube of Big Momma Grease, a what the fuck, check, wash cloth, wash cloth, wash cloth, hand towel, check [glitch], a box of condoms, thank you, check, undies, undies, undies, check [glitch], makeup, check, one..."