All Comments on 'Rockhoppers Ch. 02'

But your tenses need standardizing.

yeah, they do (did). i wrote this a couple of years ago, and had only the vaguest notion of tensing and sentence structure. i've learned more since, and i probably should have gone back and done another draft (i'd have gone with past tense, for one), but i'm lazy, terrible at self-editing, and pathologically defensive.

enjoy the rest of the story!

Present tense still throws me off, but for this story I'm willing to let it slid. I just love all these characters and situations. It's everything and nothing, but I have such a *feel* for the place and the time.

I'm also in love with relative and objective time differentials. You ever read Forever War? SciFi doesn't play with that nearly as often as it should. It's so cool and tragic.

I would suggest better tags.

I'm really enjoying this series so far. You wrote this a while ago? So, we don't have to wait months between updates? Fantastic! Out of curiosity, how many chapters is it?

10 chapters, all submitted to literotica. I imagine they'll approve them at a rate of 1 a day.

kizkiz: just to be clear, none of the objective/subjective time stuff in Rockhoppers has to do with dilation, the solar system is too small for ship velocities approaching lightspeed to offer the sense of scope I wanted to for the Rockhopper's journey (e.g. hours instead of weeks or months).

instead, the time differential has to with stasis technology that is described in fetishistic detail in a later chapter.

I find the constant relying on present tense to reduce greatly the enjoyment of a good story.

EDIT

I won't edit. Rockhoppers is something like 50k words, and has a lot of flaws, only one of which is inconsistent present tense. I learned a lot about SF (and some things about science proper) back when I wrote it. I don't intend to try and sell it (or any of the other stuff I put on lit).

The things it taught me about writing (and storytelling in general) will inform any effort I make to write a real SF novel, but I'm content to let it stand with its issues. It's hardly the worst thing on literotica.

The story is wonderful the way it is. 5 stars. Nicely done.

The issue with present tense is just personal preference. It's great, even unedited. Thank you for sharing.

nthusiastic

The use of the present tense seems to be more important than actual story content to some people. I suggest that your story content is the most important thing! I give you another 5*****.

Tried to read this but even though the story seems good the lack of editing and poor grammar just annoys me to much.

I won't read further.