Roderick and Gorlana Pt. 04

"Another answer you have no right to!" the chieftain growled.

Roderick shrugged, "I thought you might want my help in figuring out what I'm worth."

"It will be up to THEM to decide what you are worth."

"Who?" Roderick asked, testing their knowledge.

"The king of course. After you failed to keep his daughter alive."

Roderick kept as still as he could. Darganya and her clan HAD kept the secret that Valessa was still alive. He was impressed.

Carthala spoke close to him, "He stinks of surprise."

Shit. He was going to have to get better at controlling his feelings. As if that should be a surprise to him, he thought bitterly at himself.

Torvrul laughed, "You hoped we had not heard of her death? We are better informed than you know. Perhaps he stays silent because he has little knowledge to offer us."

Gorlana spoke up, sounding calm again, "How long before your soldiers bring word to Andralia of your capture?"

"Do they know I'm captured?"

She gave out a frustrated sigh, "They would be fools not to presume."

Roderick shrugged, "Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I deserted. I've been getting fed up with the idiocy of war for a while now. Perhaps I found a secluded valley and decided to build a lodge there and live a quiet life away from it all."

There was a single quiet orcish laugh from one of the chiefs. Then a longer than natural silence.

"High-chieftain?" one of them asked.

Gorlana shook herself out the troubled thoughtful stare she had been caught in, she cleared her throat. "Your improbable suggestions are no help." She gulped and stood taller, "How long until your army returns to Andralia? And by what route?"

He frowned. "South of course."

"Tell the truth," one of the orc chiefs said sternly.

Roderick paused in confusion, "They... could only have gone south, through Southern Orthalia. There's no other practical way. The Roancliff pass is blocked and they couldn't reach the northern screes without going through both you and Faringoll-..." He stopped his train of thought from being verbalized, deciding he should not help them to talk through strategy even if it was facts they certainly knew. He remained stuck in thought, remembering Valessa's odd comments during those last couple of days.

"Then why have they not been spotted to the south, and where have Darganya's forces gone?"

"We were breaking our forces apart, my smaller force was to head south, they would have done so with discretion."

"You broke up?" Gorlana asked, oddly.

"...Yes," Roderick replied, even more oddly.

Carthala spoke in amusement, "Darganya tired of you then, once the novelty wore off?"

Gorlana almost growled, "Or he came to his senses and saw he was being used!"

Roderick cleared his throat, "It was mutual."

Gorlana raised an eyebrow at Carthala, who sniffed and squinted, then shrugged and said, "He believes it, anyway."

Roderick's face fell, in a long-suffering expression.

"Did she confide in you her plans?" Gorlana asked.

Roderick was silent.

Torvrul gave a grunt of satisfaction, "NOW we come to it. ANSWER her! Where has Darganya gone?"

Roderick frowned again in surprise. How could they not know? Darganya hadn't planned on skulking her way secretly to Iringoll in the west. She was to petition openly.

"Tell us!" Gorlana demanded.

Roderick clenched his jaw, then finally replied, "You wish to know who she planned to support after you so unfairly rejected her?"

"I had every RIGHT to reject her, the way she gloated at having you-..." Gorlana cut off at a warning glance and a frown from Carthala.

Roderick spoke more softly and honestly, "Did it occur to you that perhaps Darganya was a means to an end? That perhaps something... far more important, was ultimately the goal I wanted to reach? That she meant little to me compared to... that?"

Gorlana opened her mouth angrily, "I-..." realization struck her and she clamped her lips shut, furrowing her brow in sudden remorse and taking a deep shaking breath, glad the other chiefs stood behind her so they couldn't see her face.

Carthala stepped close to her with a sudden frantic whisper. "Gorlana, step back from him. Take a breath. Let me do the talking for a bit."

Gorlana whispered back hoarsely. "It's fine."

"No it isn't," Carthala sniffed and then coughed, and whispered back, "Ugh, your starting to reek. They may be less attuned to his ongoing hints, but they will smell this on you any moment. Either you need to leave or they do."

"I can't, it wouldn't be-..." Gorlana's troubled whisper broke in helplessness.

Roderick suddenly spoke up louder, "I will tell you."

The others grunted in approval and were silent in anticipation.

Roderick cleared his throat again and stood straight, "I will tell you, if you grant me what I asked for. A private counsel, with you, Gorlana. Leader to leader, general to general, as has been done with honour by others for generations. I simply ask you to grant me that."

He was fairly sure he could smell relief from Gorlana, and perhaps from Carthala as well, both standing close to him.

"Very well," Gorlana said, looking back briefly at the other chiefs who all were nodding. "Tell us then."

Roderick stated plainly, "She was to join Iringoll, or to petition at least, and make her way west towards her in expectation of her approval."

There was an awkward silence, then mumblings before Carthala spoke close to him, "He... believes he tells the truth," she said, sounding as confused as the rest.

"Useless!" Torvrul spat. "What other plans did she speak of?"

Roderick frowned in confusion, "That was it. That was her plan. She moves west. If she didn't... Faringoll was the next option but there was no way for her to reach her directly without going through you, or at least close enough to be seen. Unless she plans to join her when she reaches Orthanhall, if she can even do so unallied..." Roderick rambled in off-put confusion.

"She very likely cannot. Lightbrew, Darganya has not gone west," Carthala spoke to him, almost apologetically.

"Perhaps your scouts are mistaken,"

"You INSULT us!" one of the chiefs bellowed.

"Leave him to me!" Gorlana shouted and the noise of their voices was reduced to quiet mutters. "Leave the tent, I will speak to him alone and find out what I will."

"But he did not give us what we asked!"

"He spoke honestly, even if he is mistaken. He gave us the answer we asked for. I am a leader of my word. Leave us. The guards too," Gorlana demanded.

Carthala gave her one last worried glance and left with the rest.

Roderick listened, waiting for the noise of them leaving to fade, and tried to use his sense as well, but her scent in his nostrils made it difficult to discern much else. She stayed silent in front of him. He wished so badly he could see her.

"Are we alone?" he asked.

She finally replied, "Yes. The guards wait outside the tent. The rain should be loud enough for them not to hear us."

They both stood in silence, almost in awe that they finally were alone and able to talk, besides those few whispers in the night.

Roderick finally spoke with a cautious smile, "I've waited so many years to be able to speak with you, I'm finding myself somehow at a loss of what to say first."

Gorlana simply stood in front of him, just close enough to hear her breath, he struggled to pick out specific feelings from the miasma that swirled from her, and swirled in his mind, but he thought he felt fear from her within it. Caution.

After waiting another long moment for her, he asked, "Did you know it was me? When our armies fought?"

She responded quietly, and delicately, "Not at first. Near the end I had heard what your human name was though, and suspected enough. I thought you had died in that rocksl-..." her voice broke, then silence and a shaky breath.

Roderick nodded, feeling a mix of pain and pride that she might have mourned for him, "I had no idea it was you. I didn't know until a few weeks ago when Darganya explained who you were."

Gorlana let out an angry breath at the name. "Did you actually mate with her?"

"THAT's the first thing you want to know?" Roderick scoffed, "Are you actually fucking this Traulch they keep talking about?"

"I do what I do for the good of Orthalia! I do what I must!" She stated in bitter defence.

"Then we're alike I suppose," he said, trying to stifle his jealousy as well. "We each did what we had to do."

Gorlana paused, then asked "If she has truly changed sides for you now instead of going to Iringoll, and defected into Southern Orthalia, will you become mates again when you return? Will you... marry her, as they say?"

"No," Roderick said honestly.

"Why not?" Gorlana said with a soft but flat tone. "She would help to solidify your chiefdom there."

Roderick simply said, "Because I don't want to. Tell me why it matters so much to you."

"It should NOT matter." Gorlana growled in frustration. "We should be nothing to each other. I should cast you aside or kill you."

Roderick sighed, "I know it's been 10 years, but Gorlana, I've never stopped thinking about you. Have you not thought of me?"

"Of COURSE I have! Every fucking day!" she lamented.

Roderick smiled, but suddenly her clawed hands dug into his shoulders and shook him.

"Don't you fucking smile! You arrogant ass! I think of you because of the pain you caused me. The ruin you left my life in!"

"What?" Roderick frowned in disbelief, "Gorlana I saved your life."

Gorlana sighed and let out a bitter sob, "You have no idea," she said, in quiet realization. "I thought perhaps you'd hear the rumour about me and put it together, but you're as clueless as any typical human. I had half hoped you had gone through the same pain, but of course you didn't. You're no orc."

"Gorlana what are you talking about?"

"I RUTTED!" she rasped, then looked over her shoulder at the tent entrance in paranoia. The rain was loud but she was still cautious.

"What? In the meadow? From what I've heard it's a lot diff-"

"No! You fool. After you freed me from the camp. I was able to flee several miles into the woods that night, though even then it felt like every step took effort. Then, when I awoke the next morning, I knew. It felt it, that pure and unmistakable..."

"Love," Roderick muttered, remembering it himself, and remembering how his grandmother had explained what that meant.

Gorlana didn't speak the word back, but the long heavy breath she let out contained a faint helpless whimper, and the air that engulfed his face seemed to fill him with that unmistakable feeling.

He shook his head in wonder, "I had thought that a Rutt would happen in an instant."

"No," Gorlana said, "When it takes hold the changes in the person accelerate over a day or so. By that afternoon I was clawing my way across the ground trying to keep myself moving away from your army rather than towards it. I finally admitted to myself that my body would not be able to resist running back to you and getting killed trying to find you. So, I found a secluded gully and tied myself to a tree. I don't know how I wasn't found, with how loud I wailed and sobbed. For three days I lived through torture. Both my mind and my pulsing overheated body. I somehow willed my fingers to resist untying the knots in my thoughtless, animal madness, but nearly broke my arms trying to pull the tree out by its roots. I finally came down from it, without your scent to maintain it. It was little relief though. All I could think of was wanting to die. I somehow made it back to the nearest stronghold without throwing myself off a cliff, and was taken in by their healer. It took me weeks to recover. I never truly have. Many do not survive a failed Rutt, and some families consider it less of a dishonour if they don't. At least they didn't know it was from you. They assumed it must have happened from Durrog just before the battle where you killed him, but it has still tainted my life ever since."

Roderick felt a tear drip down from his blindfold as he imagined her suffering. "I'm so sorry Gorlana. I didn't know."

"Why would you? Perhaps you say you felt love for me. I suppose you must have if our scents triggered it so quickly, but that's all you would have felt. You simply mated with me and left with the memories of the pleasure, leaving me with the pain." She shoved his shoulders and moved away from him.

"No, Gorlana. I admit what I went through doesn't compare to you, but it wasn't... nothing. I remember wanting to die. I remember forcing myself to stay in the tent at night and not run off to find you. On the second night I actually did pack a bag and try to sneak off. One of the sentries saw me and stopped me. He was a friend thankfully, so he didn't report me, and played it off like he believed my idiotic excuse of going off to hunt, but firmly pulled me back to the tents. I almost fought him. He was a good man but I wanted to kill him so I could run, to go find you. I forced my body to stay in the camp but it took constant effort. For about 3 days, now that I think of it, I was full of this frustrating insatiable lust. I was popular after that battle and one of the female soldiers took me into her tent the next night, and then there was a whore in the first town we came to a couple days later. I made myself do it, thinking it would solve the problem, but it didn't. Both of them felt so... wrong. I chalked it up to simply being deeply in love, and I suppose I was, but... I always wondered what would have happened if I had seen and smelled you again. What that feeling would have grown into. If I had left with you."

"Don't! I've worked for years to convince myself it's useless to wonder that," she said, "Maybe it happened for a reason, maybe it didn't, but if overcoming the shame of a failed Rutt has made me what I am today, and Orthalia may be stronger for it, then so be it. You were simply a test that I had to overcome and leave behind to be who I am."

Roderick frowned, "Maybe. Maybe I could say I'm stronger for it too, but everything I've gained. My title, my successes, for Andralia or for myself. I feel like I'd give it all up if I could go back in time and do it differently. To be with you, to spare you of that pain, to spare myself, and to actually be happy-"

"To have not met you!" She interrupted in a bitter sob, "To have not tried to avenge Durrog! For you to have never thrown that spear, and died with your army like you should have!"

"I remember you said you hated him," Roderick argued.

"I did. But not nearly as much as I've found myself hating you." she said, but with a tinge of doubt. "Durrog did not leave me without the prospect of having anyone else as a life-mate, without ever raising children in a homestead."

"So what's Traulch then?"

"A necessity! A fool who thinks me a challenging oddity and a route to more power! ...and the only one I'm any good to."

"Bullshit! You're BETTER than that! You're a brilliant general, an honourable orc, more than deserving of the power you hold. I know first hand that being a mix doesn't turn off everyone. Is every male orc that you've ever met a complete fool, to think you're 'damaged goods'? I remember how beautiful you were, like it was yesterday. You must still be. Unless you want to take off this blindfold and try to prove me otherwise!"

"Stop it!" She cried and suddenly her short claws were on his shoulders digging sharply, and her chest was on his, pressing softly. Shuddered breaths mixed between them and his loins suddenly throbbed like a battle horn had sounded to rally them.

"No," he panted back to her, feeling the size of her breasts against his pecs and her nose and it's addicting air tickling his. "I've travelled both realms for ten years and you're still the best woman I've ever met. Without compare. So if Rutting gets triggered by true love shared then you should be able to make a life-mate of almost any orc with sense, or with the courage to break whatever rule keeps them from you. How could there be no one? To hell with your honour-codes if they all try to tell you that you're less of a woman now! If that's why you suffer then it's not your fault or mine, it's theirs!"

"No! You fool! It's not just about honour," she shook his shoulders but then leaned against him in despair, her forehead touching his, and sighed. "I can't! Because of you!"

Roderick sucked in a breath and furrowed his brow.

"It's... rare, and extremely difficult to Rutt with someone else after you already have. Failed or no. Even if you want to. If the mate has died, it's... more possible but it still takes much longer, and few are willing to devote the time and effort. And now... especially now that I know you're still alive..."

"I'm sorry," he whispered in realization, feeling a deep sympathy through the deeper affection that her breath and body were building quickly inside him.

"I am too," she whispered back with a sniffle and her breath shuddered with his in a rising lust as her hands slid over his skin, one on his neck and other in his hair now.

"Would we Rutt again? If we were together again?" he asked in a stiff whisper of intense desire as his cock strained within his pants.

She nodded, her short tusks brushing delicately over his lips as she did. "Yes, almost certainly. It's just a question of how long it would take."

He almost growled as he gritted his teeth and pressed his chest out against her soft wide bosom, his mind getting lost, and sucking in her scent like it was life itself, then whispering, "I think not long."

She nodded again, her lips brushing his now, and they nearly hyperventilated into each other's mouths.

"Oh Gorlana-... ah!" he moaned her name and moved his head forward to kiss her but she held her claws in his hair and pulled hard to hold him back.

The teeth of his open mouth scraped along her tusk as he groaned in denial, but she gave a straining sorrowful reply, "And that is why we can't do this. Why we are so dangerous to each other."

"Please..." he begged, pressing his loins against her and feeling for a blessed moment her body rolling against him in response, and her leg brushing against his.

She panted against his face and then suddenly pressed him hard against the pole as his eyes rolled back not caring at the pain of his head striking the wood, or her claws pulling his hair tightly. Her thick lips tickled his ear as she whispered hoarsely, "In my girlish fantasies I imagine finally Rutting with you. The pleasure and the fulfillment it would bring. To finally give my body the ecstasy, the life-mate, the seed, the children in my womb that it was promised."

"Yes..." Roderick rasped, helpless in her control and lost in her scent.

"To finally look into your beautiful eyes again," she said, her voice almost breaking.

He pulled on the hand-restraints in reckless denial that he could break them, and pulled hard against her claws within his hair, holding him back from tasting her delicious mouth.

"Let me see you too," he pleaded, and almost thought her hand moved to take off his blindfold.

"But, that's what they are. Fantasies. Selfish fantasies," she said, and finally released him.

His head and body lurched forward as she came off him and he reached desperately with his mouth into the open air. "No..." he groaned.

"I have come too far, and grown too much to fall back to that," she said, her voice straining as she tried to hold back tears. "I will not let us destroy everything in my life and yours, possibly in my realm and yours, for our selfish desires."

"Gorlana..."

"You know I'm right. We have spoken, and shared our scent honestly, but now that must be it. We can both sense how risky this is. How deadly this is. Now we must put it behind us, and suppress these bygone desires, or end up in disaster and ruin."