All Comments on 'Romping on Winter Break - Day 01'

....have to admit this was well written. Actually looking forward to part 2!

Well written! This is a fun story with several possibilities. One small grammatical issue. Sometimes it is "Brooke and ME" not "Brooke and I." Take away the " Brooke and" part and see if you want "I" or "me." I loved the story and will read all the rest.

*****

Actually, there are no instances of "Brooke and me" in this story! If it did appear in the text, it would only be as dialogue, since the characters probably wouldn't be as concerned with correct grammar. ID

Logical error:

I turned on my side to face him. "Rylan, you were amazing. You felt so good." I smirked at him. "How did you like fucking a girl?"

The way this question is formulated does not fit the information Beth has of Dylan's sexual history at this point in the story. The question would likely be: "How do you like having sex?" Current phrasing suggests a comparison to sex with something other than a girl as reference.

Architectural remark:

Engraving the floor with lettering is quite uncommon, to maintain an even floor one would usually go with inlays of either different color tiles or metal.

Other than these two pedantic remarks it's an excellent story.

I love this story! It is so rare to find a well written bi free for all. I can’t wait to read more of your writing.

On piece of feedback. I’ve been bi for most of my life, and I’ve never seen anyone go so fast to anal. Every guy I’ve been with wanted to suck cock as foreplay. From reading most of the story, i have a hard time believing Mark and Rylan wouldn’t feel the same.

Verry. Good. From. Peter.lowe. Skype. 561. Age. 65. Of. Surrey

I rated this 5 stars, but giving you the benefit of the doubt.

You and your work would benefit very much from an editor. You could use help with distinguishing intransitive verbs from transitive verbs, as, for instance, in "lie" vs "lay" and "rise" vs "raise." The criticism of an earlier commentator is well placed: you repeatedly have written "Brooke and I" as the object of a preposition, and objects of prepositions require the objective case -- thus "Brooke and me." "Between you and I" sounds highfalutin' but the rules of grammar and usage cry out for "between you and me."

Where has this been all this time? This is awesome!! Just the sort of thing I've been wanting but never found. So nice to see M+M in a group sex situation. So many other times the story is either just a bunch of girls and a guy (fun,) or if there are multiple guys there isn't any M+M. So glad to have found this.