by Trionyx
Thank You for sharing a really fun story! I suspected there would be a twist in the story and you handled it very nicely.
Sex scenes can be really useful in a story, but they need to be believeable in terms of how experienced you expect the characters to be. These young people are not adults and I wouldn't expect them to engage in all that is included in this story. There inclusion takes away more than it adds.
I liked the theme, there was a need for editing to remove extra words and improve sentence structure; still better than a great many submissions. Great effort. Good luck on your entry!
Well thought out story. The twist was fabulous. Now I'll look for more of your writing.
Nicely done!
I enjoyed the story, particularly the twist at the end. In this case, I'd say the treater was tricked.
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Saw the switch coming but I was thinking it would be intentional, even better. Loved the ending. Full bucket. HH
A lovely sweet Halloween romance story. Thought there might have been a bit more confusion and soul searching before the end but a nice ending nevertheless. Very good. Have to read a few more of yours now.
YAY! I was hoping it was Zach. Andy was too full of himself for Lindsey.
A couple of comments:
When I was a college sophomore and junior in the 70’s, I partook in all the activities described in this story. Blow jobs, face sitting and cowgirl are fairly common and practically vanilla forms of sexual activity nowadays.
If you are going to criticize sentence structure, your own sentences should be well written. Your first sentence of the second paragraph was simply awful. And you also need to learn the differences among “there,” “their” and “they’re.”
This story was a fun and the twist was sweet. To the author: Keep up the good work.
Well written and effective...sweet.
and for once the ass doesn't get the girl.